059) Calendar Eeteuk/Eeteuk
Just few days before was Lunar New Year. I cannot believe that 2 months of year 2011 has been already passed.
Time just flows without me recognize it and I am already 29 years old. My past classmates have already been married with their lovely wives or husbands but what am I doing here? I am still the same Jungsoo who is wearing the mask of Eeteuk, laughing and chattering like I am lack of proper knowledge just to entertain people I do not know or saw the faces.
Behind this mask I am wearing, I am eager to love the person I might meet in a small cafe, library or even a park, just anywhere where lots of people gather around. I do not want to talk as if I am still younger than my age. I want to behave like everyone at my age, working at company for 8 hours and get back home where someone precious would be waiting for me, either my mom or my wife if I was married.
I look at the calendar, February. There is only 10 months left for 2011 to pass just like last year, or two years ago. The calendar is always messy due to Eeteuk's work. Not Jungsoo's schedule but it's merely Eeteuk's schedule all over Jungsoo's calendar.
When did Jungsoo's time have been spent by Eeteuk?
What about Jungsoo's precious time that cannot be recovered?
But it’s you who selected this life.
There was a voice telling me that I am the one who chose this life over what I am dreaming. It’s probably Eeteuk. Who was my mask to confront the camera but became another figure.
No! I didn’t want this life! Who would like a life of losing own time for the fakeness?
However, you wanted to be popular when you entered SM entertainment. Remember? It was you. No one forced you to choose this career.
No, I didn’t want this freaking life! I might want to appear on TV, but not this!
Did you think that you could have both the life of average person and fame at the same time? Then you are such a selfish one.
I know that if I want both average person’s life and fame, I’m such a selfish person. I know that what Eeteuk is saying from my head is true. I wanted this kind of life, being on TV, recognized by lots of people around the world, being loved by people. It was my young-self wished to fulfil.
It really was me who wanted all this. Also, I still like to appear on TV and get recognized. After all, Eeteuk is me as well. Eeteuk is Park Jungsoo. I am just neglecting the fact. If I really didn’t like my current situation, I could have similar action as Geng. Well, I guess I’m not that strong-hearted to get into action like Geng, our formal band-mate. He has strong heart… And he is willing to give up on lots of things to fulfil what he is willing.
I am not.
Also, I am not that determined that I do not like my current situation. I love my current situation. I just wish more. I know that this is enough for me. I am loved by lots of fans, lots of people around the world know my name; can meet my parents once in a while, and appearing on broadcasts.
Do you think that I can get married to a nice girl?
I ask Eeteuk who is my other self. I can hear him chuckling.
Of course! Why not? You will! Just make sure that you fully understand that I am also you. Then the life would be much more joyful for you.
I feel relieved. Sometimes, I think that Eeteuk knows better than me. He had lots of experiences of life. He got applause from different individuals, accused by others. He is the smart one, just pretending to lack in knowledge.
I look at the calendar again. It no more makes me anxious about time passing so fast. The life would be good for me when I believe it. The numbers in calendar no more bothers me as before. I’m still 29 years old, after all. There is still lots of years for me to live.
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Wha------------------- It was strange.......
My first post for 100 fics challenge!!
Comments please-
Time just flows without me recognize it and I am already 29 years old. My past classmates have already been married with their lovely wives or husbands but what am I doing here? I am still the same Jungsoo who is wearing the mask of Eeteuk, laughing and chattering like I am lack of proper knowledge just to entertain people I do not know or saw the faces.
Behind this mask I am wearing, I am eager to love the person I might meet in a small cafe, library or even a park, just anywhere where lots of people gather around. I do not want to talk as if I am still younger than my age. I want to behave like everyone at my age, working at company for 8 hours and get back home where someone precious would be waiting for me, either my mom or my wife if I was married.
I look at the calendar, February. There is only 10 months left for 2011 to pass just like last year, or two years ago. The calendar is always messy due to Eeteuk's work. Not Jungsoo's schedule but it's merely Eeteuk's schedule all over Jungsoo's calendar.
When did Jungsoo's time have been spent by Eeteuk?
What about Jungsoo's precious time that cannot be recovered?
But it’s you who selected this life.
There was a voice telling me that I am the one who chose this life over what I am dreaming. It’s probably Eeteuk. Who was my mask to confront the camera but became another figure.
No! I didn’t want this life! Who would like a life of losing own time for the fakeness?
However, you wanted to be popular when you entered SM entertainment. Remember? It was you. No one forced you to choose this career.
No, I didn’t want this freaking life! I might want to appear on TV, but not this!
Did you think that you could have both the life of average person and fame at the same time? Then you are such a selfish one.
I know that if I want both average person’s life and fame, I’m such a selfish person. I know that what Eeteuk is saying from my head is true. I wanted this kind of life, being on TV, recognized by lots of people around the world, being loved by people. It was my young-self wished to fulfil.
It really was me who wanted all this. Also, I still like to appear on TV and get recognized. After all, Eeteuk is me as well. Eeteuk is Park Jungsoo. I am just neglecting the fact. If I really didn’t like my current situation, I could have similar action as Geng. Well, I guess I’m not that strong-hearted to get into action like Geng, our formal band-mate. He has strong heart… And he is willing to give up on lots of things to fulfil what he is willing.
I am not.
Also, I am not that determined that I do not like my current situation. I love my current situation. I just wish more. I know that this is enough for me. I am loved by lots of fans, lots of people around the world know my name; can meet my parents once in a while, and appearing on broadcasts.
Do you think that I can get married to a nice girl?
I ask Eeteuk who is my other self. I can hear him chuckling.
Of course! Why not? You will! Just make sure that you fully understand that I am also you. Then the life would be much more joyful for you.
I feel relieved. Sometimes, I think that Eeteuk knows better than me. He had lots of experiences of life. He got applause from different individuals, accused by others. He is the smart one, just pretending to lack in knowledge.
I look at the calendar again. It no more makes me anxious about time passing so fast. The life would be good for me when I believe it. The numbers in calendar no more bothers me as before. I’m still 29 years old, after all. There is still lots of years for me to live.
------------------------------------------
Wha------------------- It was strange.......
My first post for 100 fics challenge!!
Comments please-