(Untitled)

[countertopmagic]

ATTENTION DENIZENS OF THIS LAND.

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE SPENDING NEEDLESS HOURS IN THE KITCHEN WITH BULKY APPLIANCES. I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR DAYS OF SLAVERY ARE AT AN END.

BEHOLD! I AM THE MAGIC BULLET AND I WILL ACCOMPLISH ANY CULINARY TASK IN TEN SECONDS OR LESS!

GIVE ME ALL YOUR INGREDIENTS! GIVE THEM TO ME. NOW!!

Comments

[theoncomingears]

TEN SECONDS OR LESS? JACK'LL BE PISSED SOMEONE'S FASTER THAN HIM.

[tiemcockagent]

IT'S ALL LIES, NINE. LIES AND FALSEHOODS

[theoncomingears]

WHAT? I WAS TRYING TO COMPLIMENT YOU, LAD.

[tiemcockagent]

NO ONE IS FASTER THAN ME.

AND WTF LAD?

[tiemcockagent]

BLASPHEMY.

[countertopmagic]

TRY ME, PRETTY BOY.

[tiemcockagent]

NTY.

[iwearafeznow]

[countertopmagic]

...WOULD YOU LIKE THAT CHOPPED OR PURÉED?

[iwearafeznow]

CAN YOU MAKE IT INTO A SMOOTHIE?

[countertopmagic]

I CAN DO ANYTHING, FOR I AM THE ~*MAGIC BULLET™*~!

[WHIRRRRRR]

YOUR SMOOTHIE IS READY!

[suitedforcoffee]

YOU CAN'T MAKE COFFEE. AND IF YOU CAN, IT ISN'T AS GOOD AS MINE.

[countertopmagic]

I CAN GRIND COFFEE IN THREE SECONDS! PERHAPS I CAN ASSIST YOU IN MAKING BETTER COFFEE.

[suitedforcoffee]

...CAN YOU ADJUST HOW FINELY YOU GRIND IT?

[countertopmagic]

IF YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF TIMING, YES.

[spikesprincess]

CAN YOU PUREE BODY PARTS?

[theoncomingears]

THAT'S DISTURBINGLY SPECIFIC.

[spikesprincess]

IT MAY BE NICE FOR EYEBALLS AND TOES, AS THEY SOMETIMES GET STUCK IN THE BOTTOM OF MY LARGE BLENDER.

[goddamnrivertam]

AN INTERESTING QUERY.