I put your name on the ballot, thought you should run.
Q: So, what books have you been reading lately?
A: In an effort to while away the hours and induce sweet, merciful sleep, I have been inching my way through both Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky and Joyce's Ulysses. While each of these novels are confusing on their own, they are simply wild overlapped. I can't form sentences for hours after diving into either novel.
Q: Wow, those are some tough books.
A: Yeah, I'm mostly doing it to look smart.
Q: So tell me something about someone you're close to.
A: Close is a very relative term. I feel close to a lot of people, especially people I don't know very well. However, Dylan is getting a tattoo for his 18th birthday on Monday. I guess that's something. We're going to Jade Dragon tomorrow to price it out.
Q: How do you feel about tattoos?
A: I think I discussed this in an earlier interview--they're nice as long as they mean something. I am sick of hearts with barbed wire twined around them and stupid crap like that. I am going to get a tattoo of a fermata when I turn 18. I can only assume that if I stick some kind of life lesson under my skin, I'll remember it forever.
Q: How's the boy front?
A: Oh, shut the fuck up.
Q: No, come on. Don't pretend it's nothing and that you're alright with things. You can't possibly expect anyone to believe that. You put on this obnoxiously false optimistic front, and--
A: I have loved, I have lost, I can only assume it was for a really great reason. He is out of town currently. I can only assume that, since this is real life, things will never work out. The prom picture frame is still empty, all the pictures and lovely little things I found when I was cleaning my room are lying untouched.
Q: Do you still miss him, sometimes?
A: Of course I do. You know? He is one of the only truly good people I know, and I made him feel bad about himself and about a relationship and about me. He does not miss me because I am a blip on his moral radar. I am not worth missing, and you can tell me, he can tell me until the day I die that what I'm saying isn't true, but everyone knows it. I wasn't worth any more of his time--God help me if I know how he lasted six months. I love him, okay, but you have to take into consideration the fact that he can only feel guilty about me because I am a piece of shit as a person/Christian/whatever. Guilt. He said it was "his fault" that things turned out like this, but that's just him being guilty for feeling guilty. I can't express to you how horrible this realization is. All his friends were right about me being wrong, I suppose. He's going to have to work it all out for himself and decide where things are going from here. But I miss him. I really, really do.
Q: I suppose you're assuming that this outburst of sentimentality will endear you to your embarrassed LiveJournal audience, causing some kind of sea change in your popularity, and further, making what is a hopeless rally a bit stronger?
A: Next question.
Q: Well, what about the future?
A: I'm happy about where it's going. I am almost there, and I really think--I know--that things will go well for me. I will go to a school I like, I will do things that I enjoy, I will learn everything.
Q: How do you feel about your friends all going away to college?
A: I think things will work out just fine. I'm going to try and see Dylan, Christy, and Krista a lot. Christy and Krista are apartment shopping in the city right now, and I am basically going to show up and sleep on their couch a lot next year--they have something nice lined up right now, I've heard. Everyone else, well. Who knows?
Q: Yeah, things have been sticky between everyone, haven't they?
A: Very.
Q: Are you going to get a job?
A: Not if I can help it.
Q: What made you laugh the hardest today?
A: Oh my God, okay. Dylan's four-year-old cousin David learned the old disappearing-arm trick from Mr. Jones. In retaliation for having been tricked one too many times, David ran in the other room and hid both his arms in his shirt. When he came out to show everyone that he had no arms, Mrs. Jones flipped out and covered her face with her hands, and said, "Oh my gosh, this is so morbid!"
Q: Anything fun happening the next few days?
A: Well, I'm going to the city tomorrow, like I said. Dyl's graduation party is on Saturday. Beyond that, I don't know. Probably something.
Q: Well, thank you.
A: It's nothing. I just hope I didn't depress or bore anyone.
Q: Probably both, but that's interviews for you.
A: Yeah.