Sam and her boys, 5c: Learning, PG13, Sam/Jack/Siler
Back to Chapter 5b: More baby steps
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Summary: Siler's turn to learn
Chapter 5c: Learning (PG13)
Siler woke up slowly, still exhausted, mind as zoned out as his energy. The blanket tucked around him felt unfamiliar and there was a presence besides him and he frowned in confusion, starting to turn over; but as soon as he shifted, his back and chest screamed pain at him and he stiffened with a groan. Oh fuck. This was *not* going to be one of the good days.
A warm hand landed on his shoulder and a familiar voice soothed him before he made himself get up, "Don't move, Si'."
In no hurry to hurt more if it was avoidable, Siler stayed on his side, half-remembering now being helped to bed last night, and realizing with a queer mental stutter that he'd slept over. In Sam and Jack's bed...
He felt Jack shift besides him, and then an arm came carefully over his ribs as the warmth of Jack's body appeared along his back and he opened his eyes to see a familiar open hand offering him a pill.
He hesitated, mumbling, "I have to work tonight-"
"It's just Tylenol 3. You've got 12 hours to get over the high."
He rolled his eyes at the ironic comment, taking the offered pain-killer with slow movements and seeing a bottle of water on the table by the bed. He could just reach it without moving his torso and swallowed his meds before laying his head back down in relief. He blinked at the clock, surprised he'd slept so long. Turning himself onto his back, slowly and with clenched teeth, he stared in confusion at the fully-dressed man who'd gone back to sitting besides him, wearing rarely-seen glasses as he read a book.
Between the time and the quiet of the house, he unconsciously sighed, "Sam already gone?"
Jack answered quietly without even looking up, seemingly relaxed in the early morning sun, "Yeah. She didn't want to wake you up, you were wiped out."
*Still* too tired to deny it, Siler sniffed as he got a whiff of Jack's coffee when he lifted it to sip. "Why are you still in bed?" The general was not only wide awake but looked like he'd been up for a while...
He couldn't interpret the quick look Jack threw him, but the hunching shoulders and mumbling he read as abashed; which still didn't make sense.
"Can't a retired guy laze in his own bed?"
Looking at his way too uncomfortable-looking to be lazy position, Siler kept frowning. But too many years' experience with a defencive O'Neill told him to drop it. Instead, he closed his eyes and relaxed, waiting for the drugs to work so he could get up. Or at least sit up and steal some of that coffee.
The luxurious idea of having coffee served to him while he sat in bed, and the connected concept of a night in a fancy hotel, 'with someone', finally made his brain click.
He could feel heat start to burn at his cheekbones and had no idea how to take back the words that had put Jack on the spot. He couldn't remember anyone ever.. just keeping him company. How the hell was he supposed to have guessed that? Sam might have stayed in bed and snoozed with him -he thought she might, not that he had much experience at spending the night with anyone- but to get dressed and awake and come back... seemed an entirely different proposition, even to him.
And he had not the least idea how to damn well respond.
Unable to deal with the silence that seemed to him to be stiffening, he clenched his teeth to keep quiet through the pain, rolled over and swung his legs over the side of the bed, wordlessly and sightlessly making his way to the bathroom.
Standing under the hot shower, still stiff but at least *starting* to loosen up, he held his weight on his hands against the wall, swearing lowly. What the hell are you doing here, Siler? You should have found yourself a *casual* fuck-buddy. Whether you hurt them or just piss them off you'll still lose two *friends*, damn it.
The thought hurt more than he'd thought it could and he almost wished he could go back to the uncomplicated fun of Atlantis. Not quite though. He wasn't so far gone that he didn't remember choosing this with open eyes. Didn't remember the heart-lightening joy of playing with them. But he couldn't do this if he was going to hurt them. He *couldn't*.
As he straightened and started soaping his hair, aware that the shampoo's smell was already too heart-familiar for words, he concentrated on the comfort memories instead, looking for strength. Hot, sweet sex, cuddling on the couch, watching TV and laughing together; above everything, care and belonging that he barely understood and had no defence against. Simply surviving was not going to be easy anymore, but he had to believe he would.
Unfortunately, he had no idea how he was supposed to end this without an argument. And the last thing he wanted to do was argue with them.
Damn it. His marriage had been simple; now he remembered why he'd fixed it that way. This was just too complicated; how was he supposed to learn all this relationship magic at his age?
He wasn't aware of the slump in his posture as he stepped out of the shower until Jack spoke from the doorway and he had to straighten to meet his eyes.
"What's going on, sergeant?"
The narrow-eyed look and sharp tone were as familiar as the gate klaxon and he was about to salute when water slipping from his hair into his eyes brought him back to reality and he cut off the move, well aware that Jack had seen and recognized it; and clenched his jaw even further in response. "Sir-"
"Ah ah ahh," the general's hand waved off the formality, his expression opening up after a wince, showing embarrassment and worry and annoyance, jumbled together into a mess Siler only recognized for having seen it in other circumstances over the years. "Don't start. Damn it, Siler. I was sooo not mothering."
Siler frowned, wondering where he'd lost the thread *this* time, "Didn't say you were."
"So why the shutting me out? Thought *I* was the one with reaction problems?"
What the hell.. "Sleeping with a man is not bothering me."
The narrow-eyed look came back, but this time the tone was soft, ".. Then what is?"
Siler didn't know what he was supposed to answer to that. Where the hell had mothering come from? Hadn't he just rebuffed the general's simple *company*? Why was Jack *worried* about him?
And wasn't that complete confusion even more proof that he shouldn't be here?
The draft that came through the open door to make his bare, wet skin shiver gave him the excuse to look away, reaching for his- He froze for a second as he really became emotionally aware of the fact that he had his own towel; in their house. He snapped out of it and grabbed the thick cotton, towelling himself off. Yes it was cowardly to not face Jack, but he had no knowledge of how to deal with relationships, taking a breather from the gut-twisting confrontation hadn't seemed like something to refuse. Facing another of the threads they had settled on him on the other hand, was its own risk to his ability to end this.
"..Siler-" He heard the general take a deep breath and felt guilty for causing him problems, "Look. I just didn't want you waking up alone when I knew you'd be in agony. Making sure you got some pain-killers in you seemed the least of things a friend would do. I realize you're not used to company-"
Siler had made himself look up halfway through the stilted speech and finally interrupted, "General- *Jack*, I know why; now. But I didn't even *think* of it at the time. I'm not..." He shook his head, unable to quite stop a bittersweet smile when the action threw water over the general's face and he playfully threw up a hand as though it was poison -damn it, he *didn't* want to let them go-, "I'm no use at relationships, Jack. Not at anything more than.. casual sex."
The quirk of a grin that that produced wasn't what Siler expected, nor the man suddenly closing the distance between them to lay familiar hands on his still-damp shoulders and lean their foreheads together, still smiling and looking right at him, his voice soft, "I hate to break it to you, Si', but Sam and me? Didn't start this with any kind of relationship skills. We wanted- hell, we *needed* each other by then. That was it. It literally took us months to figure out how to spend any real time together without ending up in some kind of fight. You don't go into a relationship being good at it; if you are very, very lucky, you *get* good."
He was quiet for a minute and Siler kept watching, wondering at the faith in him he saw, torn between wonder and terror. "Me and Sam had eight years to get used to each other's sometimes-clingy company and each other's snarly responses to it. So. if you still can't take us in eight years, sergeant, we'll see about releasing you. Until then... we're soft officers instead of prickly drill-sergeants, and we enjoy the rewards for good behaviour too much to be tough on you while you learn."
The fingers on his shoulders were stroking as he spoke, calloused skin soothing back and forth on his. But the eyes were as stubborn as they'd ever been and Siler knew better than to ask to be let go right then. Anyway, the idea that they really wanted him was enough to overrule the instinct to ease away from the fear of hurting people. Was enough to put him back besides their bed; touched and cared for. Back in front of the fireplace; accepted as he was. Enough to remind him of those rewards for taking this risk.
He straightened, locking up the fear, hoping he could learn faster than they ran out of patience.
Jack lifted his head, stress Siler hadn't noticed was there now easing out of his features. "For the record, it takes a lot more than not noticing that I cut my hair to hurt my feelings, Siler. And Sam doesn't notice half the time either so she's not allowed to complain."
As he laughed at the half-non-sequitur, reaching out to drive his still-wet fingers through Jack's for-once neatly combed hair, Siler shied away from the possessive feeling that rose, trying to hold onto the casual by leaning in to kiss Jack quickly.
It was okay to let them make him laugh.
####
"Dammit Carter, you said he'd bite my head off; you *didn't* say he'd run!!"
"Run? What are you talking about? What's wrong Jack?"
He took a deep breath, listening to the reassuring sounds of cooking through the open patio door and Sam breathing in his ear. "I did not mother. I just.. took my coffee upstairs. He didn't.. it didn't occur to him that I was just keeping him company at first, and when it did he freaked out. Started saying things like he couldn't do relationships and dammit Sam I'm no good at this reassuring stuff! *You* know that!"
He frowned at the silence on the line, "Sam?"
She sighed before answering quietly, "Sorry. Remembering.. last time. I was so careful to keep us on a casual footing that I didn't even notice that he was avoiding any kind of.. real intimacy too," she huffed quietly and he could imagine her sitting back in the big chair, rubbing between her closed eyes, "Guess I wasn't the only fucked-up one."
It was his turn to be quiet and rub his eyes, watching the man moving stiffly through his kitchen and recognizing how he was starting to feel with bittersweet irony. Again? He was really going to dive into this deep end *again*?
"Yeah. We all have a hell of a knack at choosing people, don't we? Just do me a favour and at least say hi to him before you leave. I still want him coming over at some point and I don't suppose there's any chance at all he'll do it without a *reminder*..."
####
Having finally escaped her paperwork, albeit with a guilty avoidance of a drawer that used to be empty, Sam was happily up to her ears in electronic parts in Lee's lab, trying out one of Siler's ideas for why harmonics had interfered with the telsystem when they were travelling at lower- "Ouch!" she sucked her thumb, glaring at the source of the electric arc that had bitten her. That was *not*-
"Are you alright??"
She looked up guiltily as the scientist whose lab she was 'borrowing' hurried into the room, "I'm fine Bill. I'm sorry to make a mess in your lab, I just had to try this idea for the harmonics we were getting on the spacephone."
He tilted his head in confusion, frowning, "Spacephone?"
Sam's head, already on its way back into the guts of the machine, jerked up, eyes wide, "Shit!" she snarled under her breath, her shoulders hunching defensively, trying to avoid his eyes, "I am so going to make him pay for that..."
Lee obviously overheard her and grinned, gently amused, "The general's pet name, uh?"
Sam's mouth dropped, a blush searing her cheeks, her mind flashing images she *could* NOT believe she was picturing here of all places. Good god.. what had she done to deserve *two* men who made up embarrassing names for her equipment??
"Y-yes.. pet name. Y-you know, I'll.. I'd better get back to those requisitions. I'll-" she waved jerkily at the device in pieces over his bench, already halfway out the door, "I'll clean up later, I promise."
Growling at her slip, Sam looked at her watch and realized Siler should be in by now; speaking of the devil. She narrowed her eyes, torn between worry about whatever had happened this afternoon, the reality of not being able to 'talk' to him and her embarrassed annoyance at his renaming the telsystem.
It didn't really matter for her actions which feeling was ascendant. Their presence just made the change her life had taken, again, stand out rather strongly. As she made her way to the MALP room where she knew his first assignment was, Sam tried to think of some nicely double-meaning-ed things she could use to get through to him.
Miraculously enough, he was on his own in the room, crawled under a unit that looked like it dated back to the start of the SGC. Thinking of all the times she'd guided the heavy machines across the horizon to and from another planet, she stepped into the room, closing the door but aware of the surveillance camera in the corner of the ceiling. Watching Siler, she saw the slight stiffening of his legs as soon as she took a few steps in the room and remembered the years of working side by side, scrambling against a clock or calmly installing improvements.
She had to consciously bite the inside of her lip to keep from smiling; there was something very.. primitively reassuring to having someone, or two someones, who recognized her so easily. With the door closed and no witnesses to hear, Sam kept her eyes away from the camera while analyzing its sight vector, then walked over to crouch besides the sergeant. The MALP was just enough shield that she could rest her hand on his thigh unseen; and if she bent her head, for all anyone knew, she was giving him orders or getting a job update.
She could hear him unscrewing the panel on the underbelly and feel the shift of his body as he reached up to do whatever maintenance this particular machine needed. That he didn't bother speaking as she breathed quietly, hardly shifting her thumb on him, was very much like her silent Si'. Words weren't always needed, he'd always known that. He just needed to learn that it applied to relationships too. That he didn't need to change for them to care for him.
Her inner chrono only gave her a couple minutes to be so still before it would be suspicious and she sighed, telling herself that one day of this week was already done.
With a last squeeze of his muscled thigh, Sam grumbled tiredly, "Don't even think about not going home in the morning." Even if he worked late, she knew she couldn't keep tracking him down without arousing suspicion, so she had to lay the warning down now.
She shifted back when he rolled the trolley he was laying on out from under the robot to meet her eyes. Aware that she was on the edge of being visible to that damned camera, Sam kept her face calm as her pulse speeded up. So she wasn't the only one aware that they wouldn't be able to touch for a week. And he *was* planning to stay away from Jack; idiot.
She only had time to narrow her eyes warningly at him before he replied softly, "I'm just going to sleep all day, why-"
Sam kept her head bent, speaking in a mutter just because she knew they shouldn't be having this discussion here, "Because you both enjoy company. When you wake up, and even while you're sleeping; it's.. nice to know there's someone in the house with you. *Even* if they're snoring in another room."
The uncertainty still tensing his eyes wasn't going to just disappear; he needed time and convincing. Just getting seasoned at closeness. And spending a week with Jack, getting used to him coming and going and having a life of his own where Siler could undemandingly fit in, would be a good first step to that. She doubted it would happen, but maybe he'd sleep over once or twice, and hopefully Jack would come up with an acceptable reason, or commanding tone, to get him to show up for supper before he went to work. Otherwise she and Jack were both going to be grouchy all week again. Though come Saturday morning if Siler thought he was sleeping anywhere but within her reach...
####
Thursday morning was bright, a mind-waking chill in the air that would burn off in another hour of sun.
Siler stared at the quiet, unassuming house. Sam had crossed his path in front of the coffee urn an hour ago and she'd glared at him accusingly, unable to say anything with the ears all around them. As much as he wanted to play dumb, he had a feeling he was already pushing his luck.
He'd actually come over that first morning; had slept through the day, waking up to a quiet house and found Jack reading a file he'd put away with an honestly happy smile when Siler had walked into the living room.
A gentle pat at his still-sore shoulder and Jack had made him sit while he made coffee and small-talk about the condition of his favourite riffle range after the night's rain.
It had been surreal. He'd had breakfast and then a few hours later watched Jack have supper. In between, he'd actually snoozed on the couch while Jack went back to his very official-looking file. And he *had* enjoyed the company.
But not enough to be willing to take advantage of the hospitality every damned day. And with the disjointed schedule of his breakfast and Jack's supper, there was really no reason for him to go over in the afternoons.
But though his phone hadn't rung, he'd had a twitchy feeling at the back of his neck that he was asking for trouble. Sam hadn't said or done anything when she'd joined him to troubleshoot a problem with the gate Tuesday night and he guessed that he was allowed to want a day to himself.. but two without a reason was too obviously trying to keep his respectful distance.
Now, having obeyed her glare, he realized he was either going to have to ring the bell and wake Jack up, break in.. or drive home and fish out that key he still didn't really want to touch. Before he could decide to see how rusty his B&E skills were, the door opened and Jack stared right at him, sipping his coffee in the doorway in nothing but wrinkled slacks.
Giving in, Siler opened his truck door and stepped out, slamming it and walking impassively to the house. He refused to let himself feel like he was reporting to the commanding general. Half-naked Jack was his lover, not his damned commander and he'd said he wouldn't get insulted at Siler's stumbling through this.
It just made no sense to invade his house only to sleep. Never mind that showing up with a spare uniform made him feel ridiculous in the first place. On the other hand, he *had* decided to keep trying; not that Jack had left much choice open. He could do this. He had helped defend Earth against un-killable robotic spiders, for crying out loud, how hard could this really be...
So. No fresh uniform with him, which meant he had a reason to go home when he woke up rather than spend the evening sleeping on Jack's couch. In the meantime, the general stepped back with an unreadable expression and let him into the house without a word, closing the door behind him.
Taking the initiative and incidentally getting what he was wanting, he turned and slid his hands to the sides of Jack's neck, leaning in to cover his lips. His tongue slid into Jack's mouth, entirely aware that he'd missed this. Missed *them*. Aware that Jack had responded without hesitation, meeting and returning the invasion with a grunt, his free hand coming up to grip Siler's head. Stepping closer, Siler slid his hands down, over the hair on Jack's chest, tugging gently before moving on to the waistband of his pants, arousal waking through him at the touch of warm skin and the taste of his lover.
He finally pulled back very slightly, pulse a little too hard and feeling Jack's breath quick against his lips. His voice was all too obviously raspy when he teased, "Going to join me this time?"
He grinned when Jack rocked his hips against his thigh, lips trailing to his ear to nibble and whisper, "That can be arranged."
He still wasn't sure about just showing up here without invitation, but maybe he wouldn't wait for specific ones. At least until the day he got a different reaction. He didn't think he would mistake this for anything but welcome. Or that Jack or Sam would really lie to him if they wanted to be alone.
He didn't *think*...
Goto Chapter 5c1: Attachment (PG13)
or to Chapter 1 for info
To read it all the chapters on one page, click here
Summary: Siler's turn to learn
Chapter 5c: Learning (PG13)
Siler woke up slowly, still exhausted, mind as zoned out as his energy. The blanket tucked around him felt unfamiliar and there was a presence besides him and he frowned in confusion, starting to turn over; but as soon as he shifted, his back and chest screamed pain at him and he stiffened with a groan. Oh fuck. This was *not* going to be one of the good days.
A warm hand landed on his shoulder and a familiar voice soothed him before he made himself get up, "Don't move, Si'."
In no hurry to hurt more if it was avoidable, Siler stayed on his side, half-remembering now being helped to bed last night, and realizing with a queer mental stutter that he'd slept over. In Sam and Jack's bed...
He felt Jack shift besides him, and then an arm came carefully over his ribs as the warmth of Jack's body appeared along his back and he opened his eyes to see a familiar open hand offering him a pill.
He hesitated, mumbling, "I have to work tonight-"
"It's just Tylenol 3. You've got 12 hours to get over the high."
He rolled his eyes at the ironic comment, taking the offered pain-killer with slow movements and seeing a bottle of water on the table by the bed. He could just reach it without moving his torso and swallowed his meds before laying his head back down in relief. He blinked at the clock, surprised he'd slept so long. Turning himself onto his back, slowly and with clenched teeth, he stared in confusion at the fully-dressed man who'd gone back to sitting besides him, wearing rarely-seen glasses as he read a book.
Between the time and the quiet of the house, he unconsciously sighed, "Sam already gone?"
Jack answered quietly without even looking up, seemingly relaxed in the early morning sun, "Yeah. She didn't want to wake you up, you were wiped out."
*Still* too tired to deny it, Siler sniffed as he got a whiff of Jack's coffee when he lifted it to sip. "Why are you still in bed?" The general was not only wide awake but looked like he'd been up for a while...
He couldn't interpret the quick look Jack threw him, but the hunching shoulders and mumbling he read as abashed; which still didn't make sense.
"Can't a retired guy laze in his own bed?"
Looking at his way too uncomfortable-looking to be lazy position, Siler kept frowning. But too many years' experience with a defencive O'Neill told him to drop it. Instead, he closed his eyes and relaxed, waiting for the drugs to work so he could get up. Or at least sit up and steal some of that coffee.
The luxurious idea of having coffee served to him while he sat in bed, and the connected concept of a night in a fancy hotel, 'with someone', finally made his brain click.
He could feel heat start to burn at his cheekbones and had no idea how to take back the words that had put Jack on the spot. He couldn't remember anyone ever.. just keeping him company. How the hell was he supposed to have guessed that? Sam might have stayed in bed and snoozed with him -he thought she might, not that he had much experience at spending the night with anyone- but to get dressed and awake and come back... seemed an entirely different proposition, even to him.
And he had not the least idea how to damn well respond.
Unable to deal with the silence that seemed to him to be stiffening, he clenched his teeth to keep quiet through the pain, rolled over and swung his legs over the side of the bed, wordlessly and sightlessly making his way to the bathroom.
Standing under the hot shower, still stiff but at least *starting* to loosen up, he held his weight on his hands against the wall, swearing lowly. What the hell are you doing here, Siler? You should have found yourself a *casual* fuck-buddy. Whether you hurt them or just piss them off you'll still lose two *friends*, damn it.
The thought hurt more than he'd thought it could and he almost wished he could go back to the uncomplicated fun of Atlantis. Not quite though. He wasn't so far gone that he didn't remember choosing this with open eyes. Didn't remember the heart-lightening joy of playing with them. But he couldn't do this if he was going to hurt them. He *couldn't*.
As he straightened and started soaping his hair, aware that the shampoo's smell was already too heart-familiar for words, he concentrated on the comfort memories instead, looking for strength. Hot, sweet sex, cuddling on the couch, watching TV and laughing together; above everything, care and belonging that he barely understood and had no defence against. Simply surviving was not going to be easy anymore, but he had to believe he would.
Unfortunately, he had no idea how he was supposed to end this without an argument. And the last thing he wanted to do was argue with them.
Damn it. His marriage had been simple; now he remembered why he'd fixed it that way. This was just too complicated; how was he supposed to learn all this relationship magic at his age?
He wasn't aware of the slump in his posture as he stepped out of the shower until Jack spoke from the doorway and he had to straighten to meet his eyes.
"What's going on, sergeant?"
The narrow-eyed look and sharp tone were as familiar as the gate klaxon and he was about to salute when water slipping from his hair into his eyes brought him back to reality and he cut off the move, well aware that Jack had seen and recognized it; and clenched his jaw even further in response. "Sir-"
"Ah ah ahh," the general's hand waved off the formality, his expression opening up after a wince, showing embarrassment and worry and annoyance, jumbled together into a mess Siler only recognized for having seen it in other circumstances over the years. "Don't start. Damn it, Siler. I was sooo not mothering."
Siler frowned, wondering where he'd lost the thread *this* time, "Didn't say you were."
"So why the shutting me out? Thought *I* was the one with reaction problems?"
What the hell.. "Sleeping with a man is not bothering me."
The narrow-eyed look came back, but this time the tone was soft, ".. Then what is?"
Siler didn't know what he was supposed to answer to that. Where the hell had mothering come from? Hadn't he just rebuffed the general's simple *company*? Why was Jack *worried* about him?
And wasn't that complete confusion even more proof that he shouldn't be here?
The draft that came through the open door to make his bare, wet skin shiver gave him the excuse to look away, reaching for his- He froze for a second as he really became emotionally aware of the fact that he had his own towel; in their house. He snapped out of it and grabbed the thick cotton, towelling himself off. Yes it was cowardly to not face Jack, but he had no knowledge of how to deal with relationships, taking a breather from the gut-twisting confrontation hadn't seemed like something to refuse. Facing another of the threads they had settled on him on the other hand, was its own risk to his ability to end this.
"..Siler-" He heard the general take a deep breath and felt guilty for causing him problems, "Look. I just didn't want you waking up alone when I knew you'd be in agony. Making sure you got some pain-killers in you seemed the least of things a friend would do. I realize you're not used to company-"
Siler had made himself look up halfway through the stilted speech and finally interrupted, "General- *Jack*, I know why; now. But I didn't even *think* of it at the time. I'm not..." He shook his head, unable to quite stop a bittersweet smile when the action threw water over the general's face and he playfully threw up a hand as though it was poison -damn it, he *didn't* want to let them go-, "I'm no use at relationships, Jack. Not at anything more than.. casual sex."
The quirk of a grin that that produced wasn't what Siler expected, nor the man suddenly closing the distance between them to lay familiar hands on his still-damp shoulders and lean their foreheads together, still smiling and looking right at him, his voice soft, "I hate to break it to you, Si', but Sam and me? Didn't start this with any kind of relationship skills. We wanted- hell, we *needed* each other by then. That was it. It literally took us months to figure out how to spend any real time together without ending up in some kind of fight. You don't go into a relationship being good at it; if you are very, very lucky, you *get* good."
He was quiet for a minute and Siler kept watching, wondering at the faith in him he saw, torn between wonder and terror. "Me and Sam had eight years to get used to each other's sometimes-clingy company and each other's snarly responses to it. So. if you still can't take us in eight years, sergeant, we'll see about releasing you. Until then... we're soft officers instead of prickly drill-sergeants, and we enjoy the rewards for good behaviour too much to be tough on you while you learn."
The fingers on his shoulders were stroking as he spoke, calloused skin soothing back and forth on his. But the eyes were as stubborn as they'd ever been and Siler knew better than to ask to be let go right then. Anyway, the idea that they really wanted him was enough to overrule the instinct to ease away from the fear of hurting people. Was enough to put him back besides their bed; touched and cared for. Back in front of the fireplace; accepted as he was. Enough to remind him of those rewards for taking this risk.
He straightened, locking up the fear, hoping he could learn faster than they ran out of patience.
Jack lifted his head, stress Siler hadn't noticed was there now easing out of his features. "For the record, it takes a lot more than not noticing that I cut my hair to hurt my feelings, Siler. And Sam doesn't notice half the time either so she's not allowed to complain."
As he laughed at the half-non-sequitur, reaching out to drive his still-wet fingers through Jack's for-once neatly combed hair, Siler shied away from the possessive feeling that rose, trying to hold onto the casual by leaning in to kiss Jack quickly.
It was okay to let them make him laugh.
####
"Dammit Carter, you said he'd bite my head off; you *didn't* say he'd run!!"
"Run? What are you talking about? What's wrong Jack?"
He took a deep breath, listening to the reassuring sounds of cooking through the open patio door and Sam breathing in his ear. "I did not mother. I just.. took my coffee upstairs. He didn't.. it didn't occur to him that I was just keeping him company at first, and when it did he freaked out. Started saying things like he couldn't do relationships and dammit Sam I'm no good at this reassuring stuff! *You* know that!"
He frowned at the silence on the line, "Sam?"
She sighed before answering quietly, "Sorry. Remembering.. last time. I was so careful to keep us on a casual footing that I didn't even notice that he was avoiding any kind of.. real intimacy too," she huffed quietly and he could imagine her sitting back in the big chair, rubbing between her closed eyes, "Guess I wasn't the only fucked-up one."
It was his turn to be quiet and rub his eyes, watching the man moving stiffly through his kitchen and recognizing how he was starting to feel with bittersweet irony. Again? He was really going to dive into this deep end *again*?
"Yeah. We all have a hell of a knack at choosing people, don't we? Just do me a favour and at least say hi to him before you leave. I still want him coming over at some point and I don't suppose there's any chance at all he'll do it without a *reminder*..."
####
Having finally escaped her paperwork, albeit with a guilty avoidance of a drawer that used to be empty, Sam was happily up to her ears in electronic parts in Lee's lab, trying out one of Siler's ideas for why harmonics had interfered with the telsystem when they were travelling at lower- "Ouch!" she sucked her thumb, glaring at the source of the electric arc that had bitten her. That was *not*-
"Are you alright??"
She looked up guiltily as the scientist whose lab she was 'borrowing' hurried into the room, "I'm fine Bill. I'm sorry to make a mess in your lab, I just had to try this idea for the harmonics we were getting on the spacephone."
He tilted his head in confusion, frowning, "Spacephone?"
Sam's head, already on its way back into the guts of the machine, jerked up, eyes wide, "Shit!" she snarled under her breath, her shoulders hunching defensively, trying to avoid his eyes, "I am so going to make him pay for that..."
Lee obviously overheard her and grinned, gently amused, "The general's pet name, uh?"
Sam's mouth dropped, a blush searing her cheeks, her mind flashing images she *could* NOT believe she was picturing here of all places. Good god.. what had she done to deserve *two* men who made up embarrassing names for her equipment??
"Y-yes.. pet name. Y-you know, I'll.. I'd better get back to those requisitions. I'll-" she waved jerkily at the device in pieces over his bench, already halfway out the door, "I'll clean up later, I promise."
Growling at her slip, Sam looked at her watch and realized Siler should be in by now; speaking of the devil. She narrowed her eyes, torn between worry about whatever had happened this afternoon, the reality of not being able to 'talk' to him and her embarrassed annoyance at his renaming the telsystem.
It didn't really matter for her actions which feeling was ascendant. Their presence just made the change her life had taken, again, stand out rather strongly. As she made her way to the MALP room where she knew his first assignment was, Sam tried to think of some nicely double-meaning-ed things she could use to get through to him.
Miraculously enough, he was on his own in the room, crawled under a unit that looked like it dated back to the start of the SGC. Thinking of all the times she'd guided the heavy machines across the horizon to and from another planet, she stepped into the room, closing the door but aware of the surveillance camera in the corner of the ceiling. Watching Siler, she saw the slight stiffening of his legs as soon as she took a few steps in the room and remembered the years of working side by side, scrambling against a clock or calmly installing improvements.
She had to consciously bite the inside of her lip to keep from smiling; there was something very.. primitively reassuring to having someone, or two someones, who recognized her so easily. With the door closed and no witnesses to hear, Sam kept her eyes away from the camera while analyzing its sight vector, then walked over to crouch besides the sergeant. The MALP was just enough shield that she could rest her hand on his thigh unseen; and if she bent her head, for all anyone knew, she was giving him orders or getting a job update.
She could hear him unscrewing the panel on the underbelly and feel the shift of his body as he reached up to do whatever maintenance this particular machine needed. That he didn't bother speaking as she breathed quietly, hardly shifting her thumb on him, was very much like her silent Si'. Words weren't always needed, he'd always known that. He just needed to learn that it applied to relationships too. That he didn't need to change for them to care for him.
Her inner chrono only gave her a couple minutes to be so still before it would be suspicious and she sighed, telling herself that one day of this week was already done.
With a last squeeze of his muscled thigh, Sam grumbled tiredly, "Don't even think about not going home in the morning." Even if he worked late, she knew she couldn't keep tracking him down without arousing suspicion, so she had to lay the warning down now.
She shifted back when he rolled the trolley he was laying on out from under the robot to meet her eyes. Aware that she was on the edge of being visible to that damned camera, Sam kept her face calm as her pulse speeded up. So she wasn't the only one aware that they wouldn't be able to touch for a week. And he *was* planning to stay away from Jack; idiot.
She only had time to narrow her eyes warningly at him before he replied softly, "I'm just going to sleep all day, why-"
Sam kept her head bent, speaking in a mutter just because she knew they shouldn't be having this discussion here, "Because you both enjoy company. When you wake up, and even while you're sleeping; it's.. nice to know there's someone in the house with you. *Even* if they're snoring in another room."
The uncertainty still tensing his eyes wasn't going to just disappear; he needed time and convincing. Just getting seasoned at closeness. And spending a week with Jack, getting used to him coming and going and having a life of his own where Siler could undemandingly fit in, would be a good first step to that. She doubted it would happen, but maybe he'd sleep over once or twice, and hopefully Jack would come up with an acceptable reason, or commanding tone, to get him to show up for supper before he went to work. Otherwise she and Jack were both going to be grouchy all week again. Though come Saturday morning if Siler thought he was sleeping anywhere but within her reach...
####
Thursday morning was bright, a mind-waking chill in the air that would burn off in another hour of sun.
Siler stared at the quiet, unassuming house. Sam had crossed his path in front of the coffee urn an hour ago and she'd glared at him accusingly, unable to say anything with the ears all around them. As much as he wanted to play dumb, he had a feeling he was already pushing his luck.
He'd actually come over that first morning; had slept through the day, waking up to a quiet house and found Jack reading a file he'd put away with an honestly happy smile when Siler had walked into the living room.
A gentle pat at his still-sore shoulder and Jack had made him sit while he made coffee and small-talk about the condition of his favourite riffle range after the night's rain.
It had been surreal. He'd had breakfast and then a few hours later watched Jack have supper. In between, he'd actually snoozed on the couch while Jack went back to his very official-looking file. And he *had* enjoyed the company.
But not enough to be willing to take advantage of the hospitality every damned day. And with the disjointed schedule of his breakfast and Jack's supper, there was really no reason for him to go over in the afternoons.
But though his phone hadn't rung, he'd had a twitchy feeling at the back of his neck that he was asking for trouble. Sam hadn't said or done anything when she'd joined him to troubleshoot a problem with the gate Tuesday night and he guessed that he was allowed to want a day to himself.. but two without a reason was too obviously trying to keep his respectful distance.
Now, having obeyed her glare, he realized he was either going to have to ring the bell and wake Jack up, break in.. or drive home and fish out that key he still didn't really want to touch. Before he could decide to see how rusty his B&E skills were, the door opened and Jack stared right at him, sipping his coffee in the doorway in nothing but wrinkled slacks.
Giving in, Siler opened his truck door and stepped out, slamming it and walking impassively to the house. He refused to let himself feel like he was reporting to the commanding general. Half-naked Jack was his lover, not his damned commander and he'd said he wouldn't get insulted at Siler's stumbling through this.
It just made no sense to invade his house only to sleep. Never mind that showing up with a spare uniform made him feel ridiculous in the first place. On the other hand, he *had* decided to keep trying; not that Jack had left much choice open. He could do this. He had helped defend Earth against un-killable robotic spiders, for crying out loud, how hard could this really be...
So. No fresh uniform with him, which meant he had a reason to go home when he woke up rather than spend the evening sleeping on Jack's couch. In the meantime, the general stepped back with an unreadable expression and let him into the house without a word, closing the door behind him.
Taking the initiative and incidentally getting what he was wanting, he turned and slid his hands to the sides of Jack's neck, leaning in to cover his lips. His tongue slid into Jack's mouth, entirely aware that he'd missed this. Missed *them*. Aware that Jack had responded without hesitation, meeting and returning the invasion with a grunt, his free hand coming up to grip Siler's head. Stepping closer, Siler slid his hands down, over the hair on Jack's chest, tugging gently before moving on to the waistband of his pants, arousal waking through him at the touch of warm skin and the taste of his lover.
He finally pulled back very slightly, pulse a little too hard and feeling Jack's breath quick against his lips. His voice was all too obviously raspy when he teased, "Going to join me this time?"
He grinned when Jack rocked his hips against his thigh, lips trailing to his ear to nibble and whisper, "That can be arranged."
He still wasn't sure about just showing up here without invitation, but maybe he wouldn't wait for specific ones. At least until the day he got a different reaction. He didn't think he would mistake this for anything but welcome. Or that Jack or Sam would really lie to him if they wanted to be alone.
He didn't *think*...
Goto Chapter 5c1: Attachment (PG13)