we don't have to think like that anymore
Life right now is -- um -- really hard. I have been getting progressively sicker since August, to the point where, for the first time ever, I didn't even try to register for classes this term. In addition to my fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and chronic back pain, I am ALSO dealing with pelvic floor dysfunction, some weird undiagnosed stomach stuff (my entire GI tract is totally fucked after three courses of antibiotics), and major fibro-related pain in my lower body thanks to complications from the pelvic floor muscles.
Sex hurts (and that makes me furious). Eating hurts. Not eating hurts. (I've spent a lot of the past few weeks curled up in bed -- guys, I had no idea stomachs could HURT like that.) Walking hurts. I can't walk for more than 20 minutes at a time without flaring up so badly I need to lie down. It's ... kind of inconvenient, and really crippling, because I need aerobic exercise to keep my fibro under control, and everything is just getting -- really out of control.
I'm doing okay. I've realised this year that I'm doing both a lot better and a lot worse than I thought I was. Better, in that I have a couple of coping skills now, as opposed to the zero I had before. I react to new health issues by doing fucktons of research and then coming up with ACTION PLANS for getting better. I make sure to keep going through the motions -- you know, going to class*, making plans, seeing friends, getting out, doing things I usually enjoy -- because I find it helps if you maintain momentum. Go through the motions, keep pretending, until things become meaningful and real again; I feel like I am misquoting from East of Eden here, but I can't remember where in the book it is. Worse, in that -- well, I've realised that depression involves more than absolute, 24/7 existential despair (which I how I've always -- hilariously -- experienced it before). I assumed that once I kicked that feeling I was clear; not so much. Depression actually leaves hundreds of little fractures in your personality that, together, will fuck you up unless you determinedly go about dealing with them, and then dealing with them again when they relapse, which they will. I have promised myself that I will work on this.
* I'm auditing one course this fall! We'll see how it goes health-wise. I'm excited, because it's about doing literary readings of things/objects (semiotics!), and because -- happy coincidence -- one of my best friends is also taking it.
Okay, that's enough about my life for now. Have a bunch of music.
FEIST: metals
If I were Leslie Feist, I would be scared shitless right now. (The pressure! The public scrutiny!)
I haven't listened to it yet, so I can't say much, but I hope I like it. I hope it ends up being this year's perfect autumn album, because I need one; any suggestions?
DEB OH: cold glory
glass_icarus told me to listen to Deb Oh, and I'm glad I did. ♥ I think every single one of you would like this! It's only an EP, but it really displays Deb's range, from the grim, sultry "Vesper" (one of my favourite songs of 2011) to the wistful "Crescendo." On the whole I would call it evocative piano pop, sort of a "Vienna Teng with more percussion" sound.
JAMIE WOON: mirrorwriting
Is it dubstep? Is it r&b? Has it got traces of gospel, soul, '90s boyband pop, and singer/songwriter-with-a-guitar? Yes, yes, and yes. This album fucking ENTRANCES me. Lyrically, it's sometimes affective, sometimes opaque, which produces really pure, overwhelming strains of emotion. Sonically, it sounds like it has ghosts and spirits caught up in its basslines. Representative track: "Spirits." Please note that you MUST listen to this album in the dark. MUST.
JAMES BLAKE: james blake
If you like this kind of stuff, you've probably already listened to this album, but if you don't, give it a try! It sounds completely unlike anything else, and you might fall in love with it. James Blake would make a good winter album: it's full of stillness and expectation, a perfect contradiction of stripped-down electronic sounds and cut-up bits of James Blake's (gorgeous, warm, rich) voice. Teaser: a cover of Feist's "Limit to Your Love."
LATE NIGHT ALUMNI: of birds, bees, butterflies, etc.
For anyone who's not into all of the weird shit I've been uploading, you might like this a little more. It's warm, melodic electronic pop, textured with beautiful vocals, and each song's lyrics are like articulate little stories. There's also a strange, composed aloofness to it, which I like. When I have a headache and need to calm down by listening to something that's just really pretty, I put this on. Representative track: "What's in a Name."
ROSE ELINOR DOUGALL: without why
I've been listening to this album for about a year now, and it just keeps growing on me. I don't know if it's the lyrics, the layers of shimmering guitars, or the percussion, which is basically just addictive. (Ex. "Start Stop Synchro.") Rose used to be a member of The Pipettes, but she's taken things in a very different direction here; the album is impenetrable rather than catchy, and though it has a lot of energy, it also has a lot of understated elegance. There is also something incredibly British about it, which, bonus points!
Let me know what you take! I need to have long discussions with someone about Jamie Woon. And I have two more Late Night Alumni albums, for anyone who likes them.
Sex hurts (and that makes me furious). Eating hurts. Not eating hurts. (I've spent a lot of the past few weeks curled up in bed -- guys, I had no idea stomachs could HURT like that.) Walking hurts. I can't walk for more than 20 minutes at a time without flaring up so badly I need to lie down. It's ... kind of inconvenient, and really crippling, because I need aerobic exercise to keep my fibro under control, and everything is just getting -- really out of control.
I'm doing okay. I've realised this year that I'm doing both a lot better and a lot worse than I thought I was. Better, in that I have a couple of coping skills now, as opposed to the zero I had before. I react to new health issues by doing fucktons of research and then coming up with ACTION PLANS for getting better. I make sure to keep going through the motions -- you know, going to class*, making plans, seeing friends, getting out, doing things I usually enjoy -- because I find it helps if you maintain momentum. Go through the motions, keep pretending, until things become meaningful and real again; I feel like I am misquoting from East of Eden here, but I can't remember where in the book it is. Worse, in that -- well, I've realised that depression involves more than absolute, 24/7 existential despair (which I how I've always -- hilariously -- experienced it before). I assumed that once I kicked that feeling I was clear; not so much. Depression actually leaves hundreds of little fractures in your personality that, together, will fuck you up unless you determinedly go about dealing with them, and then dealing with them again when they relapse, which they will. I have promised myself that I will work on this.
* I'm auditing one course this fall! We'll see how it goes health-wise. I'm excited, because it's about doing literary readings of things/objects (semiotics!), and because -- happy coincidence -- one of my best friends is also taking it.
Okay, that's enough about my life for now. Have a bunch of music.
FEIST: metals
If I were Leslie Feist, I would be scared shitless right now. (The pressure! The public scrutiny!)
I haven't listened to it yet, so I can't say much, but I hope I like it. I hope it ends up being this year's perfect autumn album, because I need one; any suggestions?
DEB OH: cold glory
glass_icarus told me to listen to Deb Oh, and I'm glad I did. ♥ I think every single one of you would like this! It's only an EP, but it really displays Deb's range, from the grim, sultry "Vesper" (one of my favourite songs of 2011) to the wistful "Crescendo." On the whole I would call it evocative piano pop, sort of a "Vienna Teng with more percussion" sound.
JAMIE WOON: mirrorwriting
Is it dubstep? Is it r&b? Has it got traces of gospel, soul, '90s boyband pop, and singer/songwriter-with-a-guitar? Yes, yes, and yes. This album fucking ENTRANCES me. Lyrically, it's sometimes affective, sometimes opaque, which produces really pure, overwhelming strains of emotion. Sonically, it sounds like it has ghosts and spirits caught up in its basslines. Representative track: "Spirits." Please note that you MUST listen to this album in the dark. MUST.
JAMES BLAKE: james blake
If you like this kind of stuff, you've probably already listened to this album, but if you don't, give it a try! It sounds completely unlike anything else, and you might fall in love with it. James Blake would make a good winter album: it's full of stillness and expectation, a perfect contradiction of stripped-down electronic sounds and cut-up bits of James Blake's (gorgeous, warm, rich) voice. Teaser: a cover of Feist's "Limit to Your Love."
LATE NIGHT ALUMNI: of birds, bees, butterflies, etc.
For anyone who's not into all of the weird shit I've been uploading, you might like this a little more. It's warm, melodic electronic pop, textured with beautiful vocals, and each song's lyrics are like articulate little stories. There's also a strange, composed aloofness to it, which I like. When I have a headache and need to calm down by listening to something that's just really pretty, I put this on. Representative track: "What's in a Name."
ROSE ELINOR DOUGALL: without why
I've been listening to this album for about a year now, and it just keeps growing on me. I don't know if it's the lyrics, the layers of shimmering guitars, or the percussion, which is basically just addictive. (Ex. "Start Stop Synchro.") Rose used to be a member of The Pipettes, but she's taken things in a very different direction here; the album is impenetrable rather than catchy, and though it has a lot of energy, it also has a lot of understated elegance. There is also something incredibly British about it, which, bonus points!
Let me know what you take! I need to have long discussions with someone about Jamie Woon. And I have two more Late Night Alumni albums, for anyone who likes them.