Financial News.

[wardytron]

You're probably like me, and far too busy to spend your valuable time visiting Independent Financial Advisors. But you still need to know how best to invest your pocket money, don't you - I suppose one solution might be to consult the Money section of your Sunday newspaper, but in my case that's always the first section I throw away. When I get

Comments

[whizzerandchips]

a gentleman always allows a lady to sleep in the top bunk

Not me. We have matching beds in the shape of racing cars, set at a jaunty angle, as if careering round a sharp bend. Oh the laughs we have as we make car noises long into the night, with Yello's 'The Race' blaring from the radiogram.

[wardytron]

And when you and Mrs Whizzer are having an "intimate" moment you can get that Formuala One commentator guy in to describe the action. Muddy Waters, I think his name is.

[whizzerandchips]

If Muddy Water's was the man who sang Rollin' an' Tumblin' then yes, it is he we shall employ. However, what with me being extremely old, carnal pleasures in a car are a dim and distant memory.

[whizzerandchips]

I'll have that spare apostrophy back thanks.

[fille_a_paris]

Oh so you'll wish everybody else a Happy Valentine's Day but not me??? Prepare for ADMIN Mr Ward (and finding a new top bunk buddy).

[mirrorblue]

In the highly to be desired event that you live for another 75 years, at that rate of growth you'd have £655.36 to put towards your funeral expenses. Or maybe your wife could just use it to buy herself a small glass of celebratory Asti.

[wardytron]

Alternatively she could buy this lovely beige Vauxhall Nova on eBay - assuming it hasn't been sold by then, and have change left over to treat herself to 36 Blackjacks, assuming they're still 1p in 2083. I think those are two pretty safe assumptions though.

[syberghost]

Ironically, that's a HIGHER rate of return than you'd expect from five years in the stock market. Lower, however, than just dropping it down the back of the couch cushions.

[syberghost]

Yeah - I call bullshit. Even assuming they round up and keep count of fractional pence values, that's the equivalent of 11.9% APR. I don't know of any bank that will give a rate like that on 2p.

[wardytron]

You've got me banged to rights. I never really did invest tuppence in a bank account five years ago, and I don't wear Superman pyjamas and I don't sleep in a bunkbed. Well done for realising that this isn't a genuine account of real events.

[ingenious76]

Your theorising on marriage...its nice to see there are still some romantics about...

[wardytron]

Just to prove that the art of Romance isn't dead, tonight I'm cooking fille_a_paris a special Valentine's Dinner of two scotch eggs and a saveloy, to put her In The Mood For Love.

[dawnage]

Can I have a picture of those on the plate, please?

[wardytron]

If only Fi hadn't broken our digital camera by leaving it in a puddle of beer. You'll just have to imagine them. More tartare sauce, anyone?