A strongly-worded letter to Sir Terry Leahy, Chief Executive, Tesco Plc.
I was out in Richmond out last Thursday - Richmond, Surrey I mean, not Richmond, North Yorkshire, parliamentary seat of bald former Conservative leader William Hague - meeting some friends for a drink. Well I say meeting some friends; what actually happened was I got the date wrong and they'd all gone out on the Wednesday. Apparently they'd had to
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I stumbled across your site as a result of a Re-Tweet by Dave Gorman on your excellently spotted Kent Kustard Krisis story. Actually, that's rubbish. Clearly I didn't stumble. Clearly I made a conscious decision to click and surf. I apologise for any confusion. What I WANTED to say was thank you, your letter to Sir Terry made me roar with laughter to the extent that my young daughter who's lying in her sickbed suffering with chickenpox leapt up and sprinted through to find out what was so amusing.
Sadly she's only three and the knight of the realm buttock picture the scene thing was lost on her...
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It is Tesco's official policy to suggest to you that you are a sad middle class alkie. CCTV footage reveals that on the occasion of your "purchase" of the South African pinotage and the cave-aged Swiss gruyere - contrary to your artfully elaborate version of events - you in fact staggered out of the store without even attempting to pay and then spent twenty minutes trying to swipe your Oyster card on the kiddies' ride Fire Engine outside the store.
May I thank you for your idiocy in coming forward and ask you to settle your outstanding account of £7.44 by return.
Yours sincerely La
Terry xx
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