hell ain't nothin' if you're not in it (mostly shindong-centric)

Jul 30, 2010 16:57

Pairing: Shindong/Sungmin, Eunhyuk/Donghae
Word Count: ~1360
Rating: PG-13 for some dirty allusions keke
Summary: Shindong is convinced that Donghae is evil. He heard it from Heechul, and then he saw it with his own eyes.
A/N: I can use this icon now! Wrote this at work just now orz I miss and want ShinMin ;_______;

edit: I forgot to mention that ky_rin is the reason for this entire fic. Because she is Heechul and I am Shindong (aka she told me Donghae was evil, and I realized she was correct. More details below XD)

Hell ain't nothin' if you're not in it


    The truth of the matter is, Donghae is evil. Heechul and I have discussed the affair in great detail and come to this unanimous agreement--there is no doubt about it. Lee Donghae is evil.

    You’re around long enough, and you start to notice little things. How food magically burns itself when he’s around. It’s a gift. All those years ago when people were still rubbing sticks together for warmth, if he’d walked by they would’ve gone BAM. Instant fire.

    And knowing him, he would’ve just waddled off--“Oh my, did I do that? Teehee!”--leaving everyone mouths agape. And then there would’ve been a whole Donghae-worshipping cult, which Heechul would’ve led, of course. Siwon would’ve been the puppet leader, because he is tall and muscular and people like that in authority figures.

    I would’ve been the manager. We could’ve been a great team.

    The one who has it the roughest of all of us is Hyukjae. This was originally Heechul’s opinion, but I borrowed it, and now it is both of ours. See, Hyukjae is a very nice kid. But he’s terribly nearsighted when it comes to the people he cares about. He can’t seem to see that Donghae is evil. And although we are clever and observant, we aren’t cruel, so we don’t tell him.

    Hyukjae tells Sungmin, who then tells me--because for some reason Sungmin tells me everything and then adds, “But don’t tell anyone!” so I am just this bottomless well bursting with Sungmin-secrets, none of which I am allowed to disclose. But I figure you’re only skimming right now, so I should be safe--in any case, Hyukjae tells Sungmin, “I think I was too mean to Donghae today. He was clinging on to me the entire day--it was practically a hundred degrees, hyung--so I told him to get off, and then he actually disappeared.”

    “I think I saw him crying earlier,” Sungmin says, that little bitch. Excuse my language, as it is more of a term of endearment than anything else, and one that (he has told me before for reasons I do not comprehend) he quite enjoys in bed. Sungmin and I are very close, and unfortunately that’s how I know he is evil, too.

    “What?” Hyukjae says, alarmed, and spends the rest of the night massaging Donghae’s feet and giving him a bubble bath. He borrowed my rubber ducky, but I am not sure I want it back, after the horrors it might have witnessed.

    Let me take this moment to announce that I am not getting married. That whole CD booklet drama was an elaborate hoax for publicity. As I am not satanically adorable like Donghae--see what I did there? Hurhur--I have to rely on these lowly methods for garnering attention. It is really Heechul’s fault, though. He came up with the idea in the first place.

    But please stop asking me about the wedding. Sungmin is getting very upset.

    So Donghae just came up to me and asked what I was doing writing in my little black notebook. I don’t understand why he had to specify “little,” as though a day can’t go by without someone making a crude reference to my weight. Is this really so much to ask for? It’s not like this body of mine hasn’t provided pleasure to countless lovers before. Donghae simply doesn’t know. He will never know, because he is evil, and evil is not my type.

    “I am coming up with funny jokes for my radio show,” I said.

    “Oh,” he said. “You’ve been writing in it a lot lately.”

    He peeked over my shoulder and I tore out the sheet of paper and stuffed it into my mouth.

    “Uh,” he said.

    “This is my new routine,” I said, but my tongue was currently obstructed by the paper.

    He nodded absentmindedly. “Is Hyukjae around? I need to tell him something.”

    I swallowed with difficulty. “No,” I lied, because occasionally I am a good hyung and want to protect my dongsaengs. Actually it is because Hyukjae treated me to scallion pancakes the other day and in return I shall keep him from an evil he may never understand.

    Heechul was watching from the kitchen table. He is always watching. We exchanged a knowing look.

    (I had more to say, but I ate it all.)

    “He kissed me,” Hyukjae gasps. Or rather, he gasps to Sungmin, and Sungmin then imitates to me. “He told me he’d had these unsettling feelings for a while now, and he didn’t know what to do, but . . .”

    “Unsettling feelings like the desire to corrupt innocent children?” I ask at this point in the story and Sungmin gives me a look like Don’t interrupt, I’m just getting to the good part.

    “No,” Sungmin says. “But it’s weird, isn’t it?” He looks at me expectantly.

    I am not sure what to say, because I am not revising my previous hypothesis that Donghae is evil. Now I think he may be a harmless vampire.

    “They’re bandmates, and they’re both guys. It’s weird, right?” Sungmin says again. His face is pink and shiny and waiting, but I am not sure for what.

    “Did he kiss him on the neck?” I wonder aloud.

    When I tell Heechul, he laughs up a tornado and goes, “What? You believed me?”

    Heechul is no longer invited to my fake wedding.

    Hyukjae and Donghae are holding hands under the table, Sungmin tells me right before I leave for my radio show. They exchange awkward flirty glances and are generally disgusting and make Sungmin feel very uncomfortable, Sungmin says, but he doesn’t look uncomfortable at all. In fact he looks very eager and excited, although I do not know why.

    “Okay,” I say with a heavy heart, wondering how many days are left before Hyukjae joins leagues with the undead.

    “That doesn’t bother you?” Sungmin asks curiously.

    “Have you noticed any funny marks on Hyukjae’s neck?” I ask back.

    He gasps. “You horny bastard!”

    It takes me a while to realize what he thinks I meant. “No, no,” I begin, but he’s laughing so hard I don’t have the heart to finish. Sungmin doesn’t laugh enough, and it worries me. I mean, I am worried because this makes me think my jokes are losing their touch. I am not at all worried for his sake, because he would kill me if I said that. (If you are reading this right now, I am not worried for you at all. Not even for that week you didn’t crack a single smile, not even during our performances or for our fans. I am not at all worried that you are trying so hard to change your image that you are hardly sleeping and I am most definitely not worried for those bags under your eyes which may now earn you the place of Korea’s #1 Raccoon in Kangin’s absence.)

    When I get back to the dorms the sun’s already risen and Sungmin is still on the couch where I left him. There is some drool on his cheek, but he wakes up at the sound of my footsteps, despite my painstaking attempts at being quiet--damn floorboards--and rubs his eyes and says, “You’re back?”

    “Go back to sleep,” I say, pulling the blanket over his chin, but he shrugs it off and tells me that Donghae and Hyukjae were being too noisy and he couldn’t sleep so he came up instead.

    “So they’re really,” I start, but words fail me at inappropriate times, so it ends there.

    But Sungmin understands. “Yeah. They really are.”

    “Oh,” I say, and sit down accidentally on his lap.

    That’s when I feel it.

    “Oh,” I say again, and Sungmin blushes and excuses himself to the bathroom.

    We mimic our dongsaengs and take advantage of the space under tables. Sungmin’s hands are very small for things that could pummel any opponent into submission. I am not afraid of breaking them when we touch, because I am positive he would break me first.

    Heechul is being creepy again. “I see you,” he says.

    It’s only then that I realize he is the evil one. I am not safe.

    “It’s okay,” Sungmin says, grinning. “I’ll protect you.”

---
a month ago, with ky_rin:

hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
man
donghae
is fucking epic
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
haha
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
he's such a huge bitch
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
͝͝o_____o͝
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
he has just been hiding it since korea bitched him out for cussing at fangirls in china
im some predebut pic i saw donghae was all t(^__)t

hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
im so pleased they are letting donghae be a bitch more on tv these days
because he's totally smartalec
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
haha
where was he a bitch
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
idk, i find his comments all super snarky
on come to play
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
oh haha
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
and on that fantasy couple thing
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
its like
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
SGB too
his comebacks are all damn fast
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
so hard to reconcile the little clingy thing he is when hyuk is around
to him being a bitch
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
i swear he clings to mindfuck with eunhyuk
LOL
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
LOL
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
cos when he's out of sight
donghae ͝͝o_____o͝
ERGH
hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
eunhyuk goes WHERES DONGHAE
and im like HAH HE'S BRAINWASHED YOU

hydeist; ψ(*`∀´*)ψ 字不醉人, 人自醉
i see the devil in donghae

sj: c: donghae, sj: p: shindong/sungmin, sj: p: heechul/shindong, sj: c: sungmin, sj: c: heechul, sj: p: donghae/eunhyuk, sj: c: eunhyuk, fandom: super junior, sj: c: shindong

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