Fic: Fits and Starts 2/4 (State Within, Mark/Nicholas NC-17)
After a while-how long Nicholas couldn’t gauge- he felt a warm palm come to rest on his shoulder. The body under his remained pliant, but Nicholas still felt a lurch of apprehension when the grip on his shoulder became firmer and he was gently pushed back. This was exactly how considerate Mark would be about rejecting him.
“I’ve no idea what I’m doing,” Mark mumbled when their lips parted.
Nicholas was about to offer a half-amused neither have I, but he checked himself. One of them had to be confident if Mark was to be reassured. Nicholas was usually able to fake that, but he found it strangely difficult now.
Mark let out a sniff, looking puzzled and shaking his head; he was all too rapidly coming to his senses now that the initial surprise was no longer stunning him.
Look at you, thinking ahead, estimating consequences. There’s a time for sagacity and a time for letting your hair down, for Christ’s sake, Mark.
Nicholas didn’t voice his frustration, and if he was worth his salt he could manage not to let it show. If only he could keep the man relaxed and in the here and now. For once there was no government conspiracy to expose (or cover up, as the case may be), no international incidents demanding their immediate attention; they were just there, on the terrace floor in the dusk, ties loosened.
But he could sense Mark faltering. Nicholas knew that he was putting the brakes on now.
“Look…” Mark stirred without exactly pushing Nicholas off him. “I think this is a mistake.”
Trust Mark to be too sensible for his own good. It was hardly appropriate to nag him, though. He retreated, sitting next to Mark, who raised himself up on his elbows. Mark was looking at him in a strange way. Not like anything was settled, but inquiringly, as though it was Nicholas’ call. Of course, at that moment Nicholas’ mind was a blank. If he wasn’t being crass, he knew that carrying on probably was a mistake.
“Because of Jane?” The words were out before he could bite off his tongue. Damn it, Nicholas, this isn’t like you! What was he doing raising the one subject that was sure to make Mark think twice?
“No.” Mark sat up, looking miserable. “Jane’s very important to me.”
“I know,” Nicholas acceded. That was one of the things he liked about Mark, actually: the fact that he was a good judge of character.
“But that’s not… We’re not a couple, as such.” And that was another point in Mark’s favour. He had never done the whole pairing off thing. As someone who had always been disinclined towards established relationships, Nicholas found the same trait attractive in others. Attractive and obviously practical, too, if one wanted to seduce someone. And one wanted.
“Then what?” Nicholas spoke in a subdued voice and tried to get eye contact. Mark met his gaze, he wasn’t one to shy away from that. But for all his usual eloquence, he was unable (or unwilling?) to articulate whatever it was that was troubling him.
Nicholas thought it must be an identity issue. If Mark had always thought of himself as straight, it stood to reason, yada yada-Nicholas was so frustrated he could groan.
There was a chance that Mark would forget his misgivings if only he could get him kissing again. He gambled.
With a slightly raised pulse, Nicholas grabbed Mark’s face with both hands and pressed their lips together. He deftly parted Mark’s lips with his own and felt, seconds after, the faint green-apple taste of Mark’s tongue in his mouth.
Finally. Oh, yes, finally.
Nicholas could feel that same pulse as a throbbing in his abdomen now, pooling lower, quickly becoming more insistent. This was not the time to act on it, though. Nicholas mustn’t scare him off now.
Yet, to his utter exasperation, Mark pulled away again, holding him at arm’s length.
“Nicholas-”
“You’re right.” He gave up. He could take no more. “We should stop. This is too-”
“Confusing,” Mark offered, short of breath.
“Arousing,” Nicholas corrected him with a dark glare.
“I’ve no idea what I’m doing,” Mark mumbled when their lips parted.
Nicholas was about to offer a half-amused neither have I, but he checked himself. One of them had to be confident if Mark was to be reassured. Nicholas was usually able to fake that, but he found it strangely difficult now.
Mark let out a sniff, looking puzzled and shaking his head; he was all too rapidly coming to his senses now that the initial surprise was no longer stunning him.
Look at you, thinking ahead, estimating consequences. There’s a time for sagacity and a time for letting your hair down, for Christ’s sake, Mark.
Nicholas didn’t voice his frustration, and if he was worth his salt he could manage not to let it show. If only he could keep the man relaxed and in the here and now. For once there was no government conspiracy to expose (or cover up, as the case may be), no international incidents demanding their immediate attention; they were just there, on the terrace floor in the dusk, ties loosened.
But he could sense Mark faltering. Nicholas knew that he was putting the brakes on now.
“Look…” Mark stirred without exactly pushing Nicholas off him. “I think this is a mistake.”
Trust Mark to be too sensible for his own good. It was hardly appropriate to nag him, though. He retreated, sitting next to Mark, who raised himself up on his elbows. Mark was looking at him in a strange way. Not like anything was settled, but inquiringly, as though it was Nicholas’ call. Of course, at that moment Nicholas’ mind was a blank. If he wasn’t being crass, he knew that carrying on probably was a mistake.
“Because of Jane?” The words were out before he could bite off his tongue. Damn it, Nicholas, this isn’t like you! What was he doing raising the one subject that was sure to make Mark think twice?
“No.” Mark sat up, looking miserable. “Jane’s very important to me.”
“I know,” Nicholas acceded. That was one of the things he liked about Mark, actually: the fact that he was a good judge of character.
“But that’s not… We’re not a couple, as such.” And that was another point in Mark’s favour. He had never done the whole pairing off thing. As someone who had always been disinclined towards established relationships, Nicholas found the same trait attractive in others. Attractive and obviously practical, too, if one wanted to seduce someone. And one wanted.
“Then what?” Nicholas spoke in a subdued voice and tried to get eye contact. Mark met his gaze, he wasn’t one to shy away from that. But for all his usual eloquence, he was unable (or unwilling?) to articulate whatever it was that was troubling him.
Nicholas thought it must be an identity issue. If Mark had always thought of himself as straight, it stood to reason, yada yada-Nicholas was so frustrated he could groan.
There was a chance that Mark would forget his misgivings if only he could get him kissing again. He gambled.
With a slightly raised pulse, Nicholas grabbed Mark’s face with both hands and pressed their lips together. He deftly parted Mark’s lips with his own and felt, seconds after, the faint green-apple taste of Mark’s tongue in his mouth.
Finally. Oh, yes, finally.
Nicholas could feel that same pulse as a throbbing in his abdomen now, pooling lower, quickly becoming more insistent. This was not the time to act on it, though. Nicholas mustn’t scare him off now.
Yet, to his utter exasperation, Mark pulled away again, holding him at arm’s length.
“Nicholas-”
“You’re right.” He gave up. He could take no more. “We should stop. This is too-”
“Confusing,” Mark offered, short of breath.
“Arousing,” Nicholas corrected him with a dark glare.