on this, the first day of spring, i made my way to the airport at five in the morning. i felt anxious and the stars were pressing themselves up against the windshield as we drove. i would have rolled down the window to embrace them all, let them fall into my lap, but once the sun broke open on the eastern horizon they began their slow retreat into
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I live almost literally down the road from the tenth busiest airport in the US (nineteenth busiest of the world). All day I could sit and watch airplanes coming and going, low to the ground, passing each other. I always imagine someone up there as lonely as I am is looking down at me pensively.
I couldn't begin to imagine why you think you're meant to be alone. all humans will spend portions of their lives alone, sure...it takes on a different meaning when someone implies they think that's how it's supposed to be. Though, I could name why I'm meant to be alone, and often curse my heart for letting people in so quickly ( ... )
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i live right underneath the flight pattern for both a major military base and an international airport. i love the rumble of the engines and i too think about the passengers aboard.
*why am i meant to be alone? because i repeatedly mess up relationships on purpose when i feel that i'm getting too close to someone. i pull back and close up. i distance myself from people as soon as we reach a level of intimacy. even when the person is wonderful, i just... i don't know why. i lie to get out of social get-togethers, i insist on doing things by myself... i keep thinking maybe it's because i just haven't found the right group of friends, but i'm not sure.
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it's been a while since I've come to read livejournal and I am still always impressed with you.
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you were the first person to add me at this account.
somehow i think that means something :]
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