oh my god why did I write this, nothing will ever be okay again
She takes his hands again - she's so gentle, the both of them had always been so gentle - and presses them to her neck. He remembers how it felt last time, under his fingers; he hasn't been able to forget, no matter how much he tries. He knows he won't be able to forget this, either.
She's in so much pain, and he can't, he can't keep seeing her like this. She falls and he pulls her up, and then she throws herself back down twice as hard. He can't even look at hills anymore without seeing her still body at the bottom in his mind's eye.
There's nothing else he can do for her, anymore. There's nothing else that he's good for.
She's still waiting. Her face is expectant, almost hopeful. There's a silent entreaty in her eyes, but she doesn't say anything, she just looks at him, and that's worse. None of it is right. This isn't how it's supposed to be.
"...No." he says, finally. "Like this."
It takes a bit of coaxing, but in the end she holds him. She's warm, and he can still only barely feel the shape of her against him, but it's the same. It's the same, and for a moment... for just a moment he can believe he's doing something else. That he's somewhere else, and that she's someone else, sunny and cheerful and just as beautiful with his name on her lips-
I just wanted you to be happy, he whispers, and wraps his arms around her.
This time, she's smiling when her breathing stops.
She's in so much pain, and he can't, he can't keep seeing her like this. She falls and he pulls her up, and then she throws herself back down twice as hard. He can't even look at hills anymore without seeing her still body at the bottom in his mind's eye.
There's nothing else he can do for her, anymore. There's nothing else that he's good for.
She's still waiting. Her face is expectant, almost hopeful. There's a silent entreaty in her eyes, but she doesn't say anything, she just looks at him, and that's worse. None of it is right. This isn't how it's supposed to be.
"...No." he says, finally. "Like this."
It takes a bit of coaxing, but in the end she holds him. She's warm, and he can still only barely feel the shape of her against him, but it's the same. It's the same, and for a moment... for just a moment he can believe he's doing something else. That he's somewhere else, and that she's someone else, sunny and cheerful and just as beautiful with his name on her lips-
I just wanted you to be happy, he whispers, and wraps his arms around her.
This time, she's smiling when her breathing stops.