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[wasteofpaint31]

this is gonna sound so lame, i'm sure. but i'm nervous for tomorrow. tomorrow we have to submit our poetry anthologies for collaborative editing (read: random people in the class read your stuff and fix it). i'm scared to have anyone besides like the circle of people who sit around me to read my stuff. so i'm gonna test drive this idea. below,

Comments

[rollercoaster96]

I fucking love the first one!! it's awesome... free verse yet it ryhmes, it has good flow...I'm impressed... very well put together! and the message... so very true.

the second, again... very well worded. I wish I could write rhyming poetry as well, and sophisticated as you. I promise I'm not blowing sunshine up your ass... it really is good.

Tangled web gave me chills. but the line Now this is what lover is for. read awkwardly to me. I think you need another beat or syllable.

Death in Disguise could very well be the next AFI song or next Alexisonfire song... or some other band of the similar genre. Beautiful words and hardcore depth and meaning. SO LONG though!

For Ana... good title! The play with words... well done! But the line With you a secret war I’ll fight seems to need some punctuation. a comma after "with you" perhaps?

overall... I'm impressed, as always, with your poetic ability. =)

[wasteofpaint31]

thanks for all the very helpful comments, my friend :) I'm actually glad you found that one line awkward in tangled web, because I thought it was too but thought maybe no one would notice ;)

the sonnet's been reworked to fit the rules properly, again thanks to your comments :) i hope you like le finale projet, i have to edit yours still tonight.

[rollercoaster96]

glad to be of assistance!

and thanks for editing mine!