SOS Red- Chapter Five
The next morning, everyone crowds around the kitchen table as Sherrie serves a breakfast of eggs and pancakes. With sunshine streaking through the blinds, the conversation passes in waves, ebbing in flows of how everyone slept, how conversations went yesterday, and how they think everyone took the news. After a few minutes, Sherrie clears her throat, casually dropping a bomb over the unsuspecting table.
“You remember that older gentleman from the police station? Whose wife was upset he had come back?” Sherrie asks, looking between each of her children. “He killed her. It was on the news the morning.” Jared freezes, forkful of eggs halfway to his mouth as he looks at his mother, eyes wide.
“Jesus,” Megan coughs, nearly knocking over her orange juice in her rush to set it down. “That’s awful.”
“Sounds like maybe she had a reason to be upset he was back,” Jensen offers, watching as Jared returns the food to his plate, brows drawn together tightly. “Must have not been a great guy.”
“Apparently,” Jared says, though the acknowledgement doesn’t seem to ease his concern. “It’s just. It didn’t seem like that was why, you know? Why she was upset.”
“Abusive partners aren’t always obvious,” Mackenzie shrugs, stuffing more hash browns in her mouth. “It’s sad, but who knows what happened. If she didn’t want him back, that could be cause enough to set him off.”
“I guess,” Jared murmurs, pushing at the food on his plate with his fork. “It’s just crazy, you know? I saw them a couple days ago and… it’s like I should have known.”
Shaking his head, Jensen reaches to place a comforting hand on Jared’s wrist. “You couldn’t have done anything, Jay. You couldn’t have known.”
The conversation eventually moves on, but Jared remains silent for the rest of the meal.
_____
A private text from Chad Michael Murray is a rare thing in Jensen’s life and, honestly, he likes it that way. Even after Chad asked him to be a groomsman, the extent of their conversations usually reside in group chats, buffered by other people to keep Chad from veering off course. When Chad actually texts him, they tend to be something Jensen ignores. “Emergency” beer delivery requests. Drunken cajolings to attempt to coax Jensen out to various bars he doesn’t want to go to. Simply the word “fuck” with no punctuation.
This time, though, he feels compelled to respond.
Hey jensen, Chad texts, sending another soon after. Can I ask you something? It’s a dangerous thing to say “yes” to, given Chad’s history, but Jensen still finds himself responding with a, Sure.
When you saw Jared did it feel like him like right off the bat? or were you not sure at first? Jensen stares at the question for several long moments, turning it over in his head, uncomprehending. Did Jared feel like Jared? Did he…
There’s only one way to interpret it. Jensen knew as soon as he saw Jared. As soon as he spoke to him, heard him speak, touched him. It was never a question for Jensen. Hell, a part of him knew it was Jared from the second he was told, just on blind faith and feeling, without an ounce of evidence. It was Jared and it was always Jared. As innate as breathing, he trusted it was Jared. There was never any doubt.
Slowly, he takes his phone from where he had rested it on the bed and sends off a text, Immediately. Staring at the screen, he adds, Why? Were you not?
There is a long pause, three dots appearing and disappearing on the screen several times as Chad begins to type and stops again. After a couple minutes, his response appears. Idk man it felt weird. like I’m happy he’s back but something felt off.
Eyes tracing over the stark black words, Jensen feels his heartrate start to quicken, thinking over the previous evening. Everything seemed to have gone so well. They had all been joking around, not quite like old times, but close enough that Jensen had thought everyone felt comfortable. To hear that Jared’s best friend feels differently is jarring, to say the least.
Oh.
He sends the word, staring at it for a moment. It’s not enough, too little, and his anxiety flares with the need to add to it. Unsure where his thoughts are headed, he begins to type. Maybe it was just weird at first and will get better in time? Or after you actually see him in person? He feels a rush of relief after the thought forms on his fingertips. Of course it felt off. They hadn’t even seen Jared in person. Of course it felt impersonal.
Maybe, Chad texts and even though it’s barely an agreeance, it feels like progress. Maybe we can get together soon.
I’ll ask him, Jensen types, pursing his lips as he looks over the open room. Sadie is resting on the foot of the bed with him, the sound of the shower in the distance easing to nothing. Being away from Jared is still difficult, even if it’s for a few minutes, but he knows it’s healthy. He knows lingering outside the shower listening for Jared’s breathing would be a bit creepy, and he doesn’t feel comfortable climbing in with him in Sherrie’s house when she’s right down the hall reading Bible verses.
Anxiously waiting in Jared’s bedroom twenty feet away is Jensen’s form of compromise, though the compromises seem to be piling up. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Jared’s family and Jensen’s sister, free time with the family, video chats and proposed hangouts with their friends. All Jensen wants is to lock the two of them away, but that’s selfish, he knows that’s selfish. So they take individual showers and he doesn’t spend every waking moment wrapped up in Jared. It’s as selfless as Jensen can stand to be right now, and it still hurts like hell.
“Hey,” Jared greets with a grin when he walks in the room, looking like a wet dog in a pair of fresh sweats.
“Hey,” Jensen smiles, calm instantly washing over him. “Chad was asking if you wanted to get together soon? Maybe tonight or tomorrow?”
“Nah,” Jared says, scrubbing a white towel against his head.
Jensen barks out a surprised laugh. “No?”
“Not now,” he elaborates, tossing the towel on the desk chair and taking a seat beside Sadie on the foot of the bed, scrubbing his palm over her head. “Maybe later.”
“Alright,” Jensen says slowly, still a bit shocked by the response. Jared is by far the more social out of the two of them, always wanting to plan get-togethers and coffee outings, any excuse to see other people. To hear him decline an invite, especially given the circumstances, is unusual.
“I just… the past couple of days have been a lot,” Jared explains, turning to face Jensen as he speaks. “We talked last night and everything was cool, so we should be able to push it off a few days, right?”
Jensen nods, swallowing a bit as he thinks of their conversation last night. Jared had tried to pass off not being Chad’s best man as no big deal, but Jensen could tell the change bothered him. If Jensen told him Chad doesn’t feel a connection to him now? That he isn’t even sure he seemed like himself? That would crush Jared, to know his own best friend feels that way.
If Jared needs a break, then fine. It’s more than warranted.
“Yeah, sure,” Jensen agrees, ignoring the lump in his throat. “No big deal.”
_____
They spend another lazy afternoon disconnected from the world, everyone draped around the living room and transiently watching TV. Jared is beside Jensen on the couch, a ball of restless energy, and though Jensen keeps asking if he’s okay, Jared keeps shrugging him off.
“I’m fine,” he responds after the third time, ruffling a hand in Sadie’s fur. “I’m just no good at sitting still. You know that.”
And Jensen does know that. Jared is a flittering embodiment of the law of inertia: bodies in motion stay in motion. Even when he’s sitting he’s moving; he’s bouncing his leg up and down or skritching his fingers along the couch fibers just to avoid staying still. It’s not out of character for Jared. It is Jared.
Still, something about the stiff set of Jared’s back, the jittery, jerky movements of his body, don’t sit right with Jensen. He wants to pull Jared in his arms
and force him still, make him relax and get out of his head.
He’s going through a lot, Jensen reminds himself, forcing himself to lean back into the couch and focus on not letting own body feed into the anxious energy. With his body still running on leftover adrenaline from the last couple of days, it’s easier said than done.
_____
“I’ve gotta head out,” Mackenzie announces as evening looms, conflict warring on her face as she looks up from her phone. “I’ve got to drop my rent check off and my roommate is useless. I’m pretty sure my cats will starve if I stay another night.”
“No problem,” Megan assures, patting her on the arm. “Socks and Jackson are going to be upset if they miss their dinner.”
Mackenzie frowns. “I feel bad. I can come back afterwards.”
“Go get some sleep, Mac,” Jensen says. “We’ll be fine.”
“Alright.” Though she doesn’t sound convinced, she begins the process of gathering all her things, disappearing to collect her overnight and laptop bags and returning with her purse draped over her shoulder. They all gather to meet her in the entryway.
“Thanks for coming Mac,” Jared says sincerely as she engulfs him in a big, long hug.
“Thanks for coming back,” she whispers, eyes full of tears when she pulls away. Jared reaches and cups his hand briefly on the side of her head, nodding as he lets go.
“Be careful,” Jensen says as he pulls her into a hug, deploying his standard big brother farewell for any instance that involves his baby sister getting behind the wheel of a vehicle. Mackenzie plays her role, rolling her eyes and shoving lightly at his shoulder.
“I will be,” she says sincerely, saying her goodbyes before making to turn to the door.
“Hey, Mac,” Jensen calls, prompting her to turn around, question on her face. “If that camera guy is still out there-”
“Oh, I’ll kick him in the crotch. Don’t you worry,” she grins mischievously before stepping out the door, waving over her shoulder. For their own sakes, Jensen hopes the news crew is long gone.
_____
Gen sends him a link around 8 PM to the Statesman website, the local Austin newspaper, with the simple comment of wtf?!? The headline reads, “Another Death Linked to Back-From-Dead Individual in Suspected Murder-Suicide.” Jensen stares at the words for several seconds, turning them over in his brain, trying to make sense of them.
“What?” Jared asks after a few seconds, nudging his arm, both of them huddled close in the otherwise abandoned living room. “Jensen. What?”
“I, uh,” Jensen manages after a few seconds, blinking to try to adjust back to reality. “There was another death. From someone who, uh… came back. Murder-suicide.” Jared just stares at him, eyes wide, mouth moving silently.
“Another one?” he asks finally, disbelief evident in his tone. “Are you sure? Are you sure it’s not just another article about the one from this morning?”
“No, it’s definitely a different one,” Jensen says, chewing on his top lip. “They referenced that one in the article. And these people are in their fifties.” He watches Jared, watches the stunned emotions trace over his features, furrowing his brow and narrowing his eyes, only to widen them seconds later.
“That’s crazy,” Jared says at last, settling on the words.
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees, unsure of what else to say. Unsure of what this means, if it means anything at all. “I mean, I’m sure this is just really stressful, you know? And people are just losing it and that’s why.”
“Yeah,” Jared nods, knitting his brows together. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re right.”
In the ensuing silence, Jensen wonders if either of them actually believes it.
_____
In all the years that they have been together, Jensen has called Jared many things in bed. A furnace. An octopus. A spider monkey. None are particularly sexy, but they all get at one thing: Jared is warm, he is close, and he is all over Jensen. Though Jensen likes to act put-upon, it’s a not-so well kept secret that he really doesn’t mind. Even enjoys it.
Tonight, though, Jared isn’t close. He isn’t suction-limbed to Jensen, isn’t disregarding any pretense of person space. Tonight, Jared is on his own side of the bed, stiffly arranged like there’s a line painted down the center and the punishment for crossing it is worse than death.
“Jay?” Jensen ventures, turning on his side to face him. “You okay?” He watches as Jared purses his lips, but eventually nods.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“What about?” Jensen asks, though he thinks he may have a pretty good idea. The murders have been on his mind all day, though he’s still not sure what to make of them. They seemed to affect Jared pretty heavily too; it wouldn’t be surprising if they were weighing on him into the night as well.
“I just…” Jared starts, trailing off before turning on his side, facing Jensen. “I just. I think I want to go home. Back to your place.”
“Oh,” Jensen says, the word popping out of him in surprise without forethought. “You do?”
“Yeah. I love my family. I just. This all a lot, you know? I feel like I need some time alone to process everything,”
At the word alone Jensen’s mind spurs on images of the two of them at home, Jensen creeping at the perimeter of the rooms in an effort to give Jared the space he needs. Separate meals, separate beds, or hard-set invisible dividing lines like the one currently keeping them apart. He’s imagining Jared on some self-prescribed sabbatical, occupying the places Jensen carefully isn’t, as Jensen waits by to see if he’s wanted back. Jensen’s picturing a nightmare, one of many, at least, as he yearns to immerse himself in Jared, to touch, to see, to hear him. If Jared wants a break from him, he isn’t sure how his trauma-brittled heart will take the rejection.
The panic must show on his face, or Jared just knows him too well, because Jared reaches out and skims his fingertips at his jawline, smiling to clarify, “Alone with you. I want us to have our space to work through everything.”
Jensen nods at that, trying to quell the irrational panic that had been blossoming in his chest, splitting like a virus. Of course Jared isn’t trying to sideline him. Of course they’re still a team.
“Yeah,” he says at last, voice a bit anxiety-strangled, but sure nonetheless. “That sounds good.”
And god help him, it does. From the second he knew Jared was back, he wanted to lock them both away and keep him all to himself. It’s selfish and Jensen knows it, especially given the circumstances, but to know Jared feels the same? It’s a wave of comfort Jensen can’t deny. All he wants is to go home and settle back into their normal, just the two of them with their dog and their quiet life.
From the answering smile on Jared’s face, it’s clear he agrees.
_____
There’s a silence the next day after Jared announces they will be heading home that afternoon, Sherrie and Megan looking taken aback as Jensen stands by, guilt wracking his conscience.
“I understand,” Megan says at last, weak smile plastered on her face. Sherrie doesn’t say anything.
Later that day, as they are bidding their goodbyes, Jensen hugs Jared’s mother and whispers, “I’m sorry. I know it’s soon. I didn’t-”
“I know you didn’t ask him to leave, honey,” Sherrie says, giving him a watery smile as she pulls back, hands settling at his shoulders. Jensen gives her a grateful smile, relieved. “I love having you both here, but Jared’s right. It’s going to help you boys to get back to some sort of normal.” Nodding, Jensen leans into Jared as he slips to his side, arm wrapping around Jensen’s waist.
“Ready to go home?” he murmurs in Jensen’s ear, voice pitched low.
Jensen closes his eyes, smiling softly. “Yeah. I am.”
_____
Pulling into his garage, Jensen is relieved to see no camera crews lining his streets. The closing of the garage door and click of the deadbolt once they are inside the house is cathartic, a sense of calm washing over him with the knowledge that they are finally home. He and Jared are home, they are safe, and no one can bother them here.
“You have no food,” Jared declares as he stares at the barren pantry, prompting Jensen to roll his eyes.
“I told you, the grocery trip kind of got abandoned,” he says, pushing Jared aside to grab the bag of dog food they brought from Sherrie’s house. Picking up Sadie’s ceramic bowl from the floor, he carefully fills it as she dances claw-patters at his feet.
“Oh yeah?” Jared asks, voice teasing. “Something come up?”
“There may have been something,” Jensen smirks, earning a peck of a kiss in return. “We can order something for dinner and I’ll order some groceries for tomorrow. What sounds good?”
“Order groceries?” Jared asks, staring curiously at him as Jensen places Sadie’s bowl on the hardwood and nearly gets knocked over by the dog in the process.
“Yeah,” he says distractedly, glancing at his fiancé. “Was that not… you can you order groceries online and have them delivered.”
“Oh,” Jared says, looking perplexed. “No, that’s new.”
“Pretty convenient,” Jensen nods, wondering how long it will take before Jared’s all caught up on all the happenings of the last three years. Not long, he figures. Jared has always been a quick learner.
“So do you, like, ever need to leave the house now?” Jared jokes, stepping to lean back by him against the quartz countertops.
“Nah,” Jensen grins, shaking his head. “I’m living my best hermit life.”
“Apparently.”
“Hey,” Jensen pushes, shoving playfully at his shoulder. “Dinner.”
Jared contemplates for moment. “Chinese? I’m starving.”
"Chinese it is,” Jensen says, pulling his phone from his pocket and drawing up his home screen. He glances at his notifications and taps the top one from the Statesman, staring in shock.
“What?” Jared asks after a moment, voice light. “Is the Chinese place closed?”
“No,” Jensen murmurs, staring at the photo on his screen. “Um. That woman who was killed last night. I knew her.”
“What?” Jared asks, standing up straighter, concern washing over his face. “How?”
Staring at the screen, at the black and white picture of the woman’s dark hair and wide-eyed smile, Jensen’s eyes skim over the caption. Victim of murder-suicide, Clara Jergens, 56.
“I, uh,” Jensen clears his throat, forcing himself to focus. “I don’t know her, exactly. I just. I saw her at the police station. In the waiting room.” Judging by the photo, he’d say it’s a few years outdated, missing any traces of the gray and silver hair he had seen the other night, but it’s undeniably the same woman.
“Oh,” Jared says, relaxing a bit. “That’s awful.”
“Yeah,” Jensen nods, unable to look away from the photo. “Yeah, it is.” Numbly, he reads the rest of the article. Limited information is available, but it appears the woman’s husband Jack had returned from the dead, a victim of a hit and run six years prior, and had shot her in their kitchen then turned the gun on himself. Jensen thinks back to sitting by her in that lobby, how she looked nervous, but hopeful. She certainly didn’t look like someone fearful of her husband returning.
After a couple minutes, Jensen forces himself to close the tab, asking Jared what he wants to order from the little Chinese place that has been their go-to since college, the fuel that got them through countless all-nighters and lazy weeknights.
Still, as he tries to throw himself into the evening, into the joy of Jared being here and it being just them, his mind keeps drifting back to Clara and what went wrong. And if she knew it was going wrong before did.
____
It’s 8 PM and Jared is in the shower, Jensen having decided to stay behind on the couch and busy himself with finalizing their grocery order. They had spent the proceeding hour showing Jared the magic of the H-E-B app, the concept of being able to demand Cheetos from the comfort of his own living room and have someone deliver them too great for Jared to grasp.
Jensen is contemplating whether they really need the three jars of Claussen pickles Jared is insisting on when the phone in his hand begins to ring. The ID pops up as Danneel and, while he has been steadily ignoring all calls, he has also been ignoring his group chat and friend’s texts since his chat with Chad a couple of days ago and figures it’s probably in his best interest to answer.
“Hello?”
“Jensen!” Danneel shouts, causing him to wince at the volume. “Jesus, where have you been? Have you even read the chat?”
“No,” he says, a bit agitated that he decided to answer the call out of the goodness of his heart and is immediately getting yelled at. “I’m a bit busy here, Danni.”
“Yeah, well, so am,” she shoots back, clearly annoyed. “Things are insane right now and we’re doing a huge piece tomorrow, so forgive me if I’m a little concerned about you, asshole.” Danneel is a reporter for the Statesman, pretty well respected in town for her journalism. Jensen’s brain barely has time to connect that she’s referring to an article running in the paper.
“Concerned?” Jensen asks, genuinely confused as he moves to turn down the volume on the TV. “What are you talking about?”
“Jensen, do you even know? You could be in serious danger right now. You all could be,” Danneel continues, a manic edge to her tone. “Austin is going to institute testing this week and anyone who doesn’t pass will be detained. They fucked up big time and everyone is in danger. You are in danger, and-”
“Danni, Danni!” Jensen raises his voice, interrupting. “Wait. Slow down. What are you even talking about?”
“The news hasn’t broken yet, but it’s all over the coast. Austin dropped the ball big time. This whole thing, with people coming back, it’s a virus, Jensen.”
“A virus? What, like zombies?” Jensen jokes, disbelief evident in his tone. She cannot be serious.
“Basically!” she continues, voice still pitched on the edge of hysteria. “It’s a virus. They have a test for it. They were supposed to run the tests before releasing these people into the general population, but Austin dropped the ball and now people are dying. You’ve seen the articles; you know they are. The virus causes people to be violent, Jensen, to kill. That’s what happens.”
“Danni, you sound insane,” Jensen says, pitching his voice low as he glances toward the staircase. He can still hear the shower running, but the last thing he wants is for Jared to walk in and hear this. Danni is talking so loudly, he’s sure Jared would still hear her twenty feet away.
“I know. I know I do, but do the research. It’s all online,” she says, sincerity dripping from her tone. “Austin is going to make testing mandatory and detain everyone who doesn’t pass. There is a vaccine but it isn’t very effective. I mean, it’s effective, if it actually works, but it doesn’t even work on ten percent of cases.”
“And what if it doesn’t work?” Jensen implores, humoring her, despite not really believing a word of it.
“Lifetime detainment, at best,” Danneel says grimly. “Most of them die despite the best precautions.”
“Danni, you gotta know-”
“I know, okay. I know I sound insane,” she insists desperately. “But I’m serious. You’ll see. The article is going live in the morning. You can find this shit online, about the other cases.”
“If everything is true, Danni, why haven’t we heard anything before now?” Jensen asks, skepticism dripping from his tone.
“Because it’s all been well controlled before now. Like I said, Austin fucked up. Berlin fucked up before and they learned the proper protocol and they kept it quiet to avoid widespread panic, but Austin-”
“Danni-”
“You are in danger, Jensen. Two people have died already. Austin is being pretty lax on this order, so more will probably die before-”
“Wait, Jared?” Jensen interrupts, laughing in disbelief at the realization. “You think Jared is going to hurt anyone?”
“I think he could, absolutely,” Danneel says, and Jensen loses it.
“Danni. It’s Jared. He can’t even kill a damn bug in the house; he insists on taking it outside, every time. You’re telling me that that same Jared is now going to become a stone-cold murderer?” Jensen cries, Sadie anxiously pacing at his feet. “You have lost your goddamn mind.”
“It’s not Jared, not now” Danneel dismisses, voice low with care. “Look, Jensen, I know the Jared we all know would never hurt anyone. But that’s probably what every one of those families thought about their loved ones too before they killed them. We’re not dealing with the same people here.”
“You think I don’t know Jared when I see him?” Jensen hisses. “I know him better than anyone on this planet. I’ve been with him 24/7 since he has gotten back. It’s Jared.”
“Honey, I know you think that, but-”
“No, I don’t think that,” Jensen spits. “I know that. For a fact.”
“Just get him tested,” Danneel says, after a long moment of silence. “As soon as it’s available. Please.”
“He’s not-”
“Okay, fine. He’s Jared,” Danneel concedes, though she doesn’t sound the least bit sincere. “Awesome. Get him tested. Prove me wrong.”
“I will,” Jensen snaps, letting the words settle before realizing he has effectively validated everything Danneel has just said him. The scope of the conversation is too unbelievable to grasp, the words like something off a conspiracy thread.
“This isn’t natural, Jensen,” Danneel says at last, voice low and steady. “I know you love him, I do. But people don’t just come back. There’s something off about this and you know it. I know you do. And maybe you don’t want to admit that to yourself right now, and that’s fine. But you have to protect yourself. You have to. I can’t lose you. I won’t.”
Jensen has a buffet of things to pick to go off on, but he no longer hears the beat of the shower from upstairs and that means this conversation is over. “You won’t,” he says simply, pursing his lips. “I have to go, Danni.”
“Jensen-”
“I have to go,” he repeats firmly, interrupting her protest.
“Okay,” Danneel agrees reluctantly, obviously not wanting to hang up. “Be careful.”
“Yeah, you too,” Jensen says, thumb hitting end on the call. Right hand clutching his phone tight, he chews on his thumbnail, mind racing.
“Hey, you place the order?” Jared asks a few minutes later when he comes downstairs to find him in that exact position.
Clearing his throat, Jensen straightens up in his seat and forces a smile. “Uh, no. Got kind of distracted,” he admits. Jared brushes by the back of the couch, skimming his fingers through Jensen’s hair before plopping down heavily beside him.
“Good,” he grins, kicking his feet up. “Because I was thinking, we forgot Sour Patch Kids.”
Jensen looks at him, familiar childish mischief coating Jared’s features, and tries to see any hint of malice. He fails.
“Sour Patch it is,” he smiles, hitting ignore on Danneel’s text of, Love you, Jens. I hope you see I’m just looking out for you. He appreciates the gesture, but he doesn’t need anyone looking out for him. He has Jared and Jared has him; anyone who doesn’t like be damned.
Chapter Six