Springtime Surprises ~
I found out Tuesday I have Epididymitis.
I found out Tuesday I have Epididymitis.
This is an inflammation of the testes (?) or, in my case, only one testicle. It can be a trigger sign of testicle cancer or even prostrate cancer. Fortunately, this doesn't apply to moi. ( Whew!! ) This doesn't make it any less agonizing, let me assure you. Epididymitis is normally caused by heavy lifting, vigorous exercise, or even rough sex. ( Wait . . . isn't that technically vigorous exercise? ) Basically, as the doctor put it, "You strained your balls." Ouch.
What I suspect, with 20/20 hindsight, is I rolled over onto them while I was sleeping. See, I sleep in the nude, a habit I picked up right after MX1 came into my life, ( For obvious reasons any 20 year old with a hot, new wife would have. ) and I sleep on my tummy. Old age has taught me several interesting things about the body; one is things tend to lower with gravity as time passes. The same holds true for my testicles; they hang rather low. And, I suppose, they got in the way. Bah.
Anyhow, I was in such pain Saturday night I had to call off work after throwing up everything in my body . . . twice. I swear I thought my shoes were gonna come up. This is a slight problem because I am the only person at the hotel who can do Audit. Except my partner, who joins me 2 nights a week and fortunately was there Saturday night. Good thing, too -- I sure as hell wasn't going in. The pain and sickness continued and, as is typical for me, I tried to ignore it and hope it would go away. I even tried some healing magic, but this woe required modern-day drugs . . . and fast. Finally I went to the hospital Tuesday and let the scrubs work me over.
"Strip. Pee in this cup. Let me stick this needle into your vein and drain you of about 2 liters of blood. Sit in this room for about 5 hours. Thank you." Urgh.
I hate hospitals. Eventually the doctor, after ascertaining I was STD free ( A fact I find amusing, since another thing I've discovered with old age is the equipment stops working, and last time I checked I'd have to be having sex to get an STD. ) and I didn't have any bladder or kidney infections, sent me to Ultrasound to see it I had damages my testicle or had a mass on it. Fun, fun, fun. So I go into the Ultrasound room and what do I see but two hot, young ( Early 20's ) girls. I looked around like a deer in the headlights hoping I'd find a male doctor in sight, but nooooo . . . just these two cuties.
And I knew what they were gonna do.
Sure enough, in seconds they had me on a table inspecting my boys and rubbing ultrasound gel onto the inflamed one. It's been years since a girl in her early 20's touched me there, and it might have been rather amusing ( In a sick sort of way. **snort**. ) if I hadn't been in such agony while she rolled the ultrasound wand all over and under my balls. But no - alas, it was not to be. I have never been so thrilled to have a sweet young thang let go of my boys and leave me the hell alone as I was then. ( Yes, yes, I know about professionalism, and I know she saw me as nothing but another patient. I'm not that delusional yet. Get yer mind out of the gutter. )
So, eventually after 7 hours they let me go with some prescriptions, a work excuse for another night, and orders to rest and "take it easy." I laughingly told the doctor that if I "took it any easier" I'd have to be dead, cause I do nothing as it is unless I have to. ( Laundry, cleaning, etc. ) Nonetheless, I got the medicine and so far all seems to be going well. For now -- fingers crossed!!
I found out Tuesday I have Epididymitis.
This is an inflammation of the testes (?) or, in my case, only one testicle. It can be a trigger sign of testicle cancer or even prostrate cancer. Fortunately, this doesn't apply to moi. ( Whew!! ) This doesn't make it any less agonizing, let me assure you. Epididymitis is normally caused by heavy lifting, vigorous exercise, or even rough sex. ( Wait . . . isn't that technically vigorous exercise? ) Basically, as the doctor put it, "You strained your balls." Ouch.
What I suspect, with 20/20 hindsight, is I rolled over onto them while I was sleeping. See, I sleep in the nude, a habit I picked up right after MX1 came into my life, ( For obvious reasons any 20 year old with a hot, new wife would have. ) and I sleep on my tummy. Old age has taught me several interesting things about the body; one is things tend to lower with gravity as time passes. The same holds true for my testicles; they hang rather low. And, I suppose, they got in the way. Bah.
Anyhow, I was in such pain Saturday night I had to call off work after throwing up everything in my body . . . twice. I swear I thought my shoes were gonna come up. This is a slight problem because I am the only person at the hotel who can do Audit. Except my partner, who joins me 2 nights a week and fortunately was there Saturday night. Good thing, too -- I sure as hell wasn't going in. The pain and sickness continued and, as is typical for me, I tried to ignore it and hope it would go away. I even tried some healing magic, but this woe required modern-day drugs . . . and fast. Finally I went to the hospital Tuesday and let the scrubs work me over.
"Strip. Pee in this cup. Let me stick this needle into your vein and drain you of about 2 liters of blood. Sit in this room for about 5 hours. Thank you." Urgh.
I hate hospitals. Eventually the doctor, after ascertaining I was STD free ( A fact I find amusing, since another thing I've discovered with old age is the equipment stops working, and last time I checked I'd have to be having sex to get an STD. ) and I didn't have any bladder or kidney infections, sent me to Ultrasound to see it I had damages my testicle or had a mass on it. Fun, fun, fun. So I go into the Ultrasound room and what do I see but two hot, young ( Early 20's ) girls. I looked around like a deer in the headlights hoping I'd find a male doctor in sight, but nooooo . . . just these two cuties.
And I knew what they were gonna do.
Sure enough, in seconds they had me on a table inspecting my boys and rubbing ultrasound gel onto the inflamed one. It's been years since a girl in her early 20's touched me there, and it might have been rather amusing ( In a sick sort of way. **snort**. ) if I hadn't been in such agony while she rolled the ultrasound wand all over and under my balls. But no - alas, it was not to be. I have never been so thrilled to have a sweet young thang let go of my boys and leave me the hell alone as I was then. ( Yes, yes, I know about professionalism, and I know she saw me as nothing but another patient. I'm not that delusional yet. Get yer mind out of the gutter. )
So, eventually after 7 hours they let me go with some prescriptions, a work excuse for another night, and orders to rest and "take it easy." I laughingly told the doctor that if I "took it any easier" I'd have to be dead, cause I do nothing as it is unless I have to. ( Laundry, cleaning, etc. ) Nonetheless, I got the medicine and so far all seems to be going well. For now -- fingers crossed!!