All must pay heed to his words ~
So today was my cousin's funeral, and I knew it was going to be rough. Actually, rough isn't the right word for it -- my family is a tight knit bunch, and any loss by one is a loss felt by all.
As anyone who knows me can attest to, I am an emo lil bitch who displays his emotions often and quite easily. No need to fear I'll never be in touch with my feminine side . . . most usually worry if I even know I have a manly side. So, as expected, this "family reunion" was a tear-fest. My usual defense when I see someone unhappy is I try to do my best to "take away the pain" and stop their tears. Unfortunately that proved to be a bad decision today as I was overwhelmed by tears and pain. It was a sad, sad moment that made each and every loss I've ever experienced explode fresh from my memory and crash into my mind and soul over and over.
Fortunately I own a 'worry-stone', made long ago and blessed by a priestess for just such occasions. I carried it today and held it and rubbed it over and over throughout the service. Good thing too, because I sat next to one of my youngest cousins, whom I used to babysit when she was a baby, and I had to comfort her. How do you do that? You can't tell them "I know how you feel." because you don't. Everyone experiences grief differently, and the best thing you can do is be there for support. But we all needed support today, and I fear I kinda went overboard trying to 'comfort' anyone and everyone. I drained in as much energy and sadness as I could -- all for nothing as it merely made me sob and lose my breath.
Ah well -- after the service we all went back to the Church ( My families church, not mine per se. ) and we had a big ole family meal along with about 10 State Troopers who were the pall bearers. My cousin was a dispatcher for the State Troopers and they were paying their last respects and we totally appreciated them for it. They even had an honor guard at the wake. Who sez cops are all bad?
Now I'm going to try and vent some of this energy in the only way I know how. Burning candles and play soft music -- and spend time in the computer.
As anyone who knows me can attest to, I am an emo lil bitch who displays his emotions often and quite easily. No need to fear I'll never be in touch with my feminine side . . . most usually worry if I even know I have a manly side. So, as expected, this "family reunion" was a tear-fest. My usual defense when I see someone unhappy is I try to do my best to "take away the pain" and stop their tears. Unfortunately that proved to be a bad decision today as I was overwhelmed by tears and pain. It was a sad, sad moment that made each and every loss I've ever experienced explode fresh from my memory and crash into my mind and soul over and over.
Fortunately I own a 'worry-stone', made long ago and blessed by a priestess for just such occasions. I carried it today and held it and rubbed it over and over throughout the service. Good thing too, because I sat next to one of my youngest cousins, whom I used to babysit when she was a baby, and I had to comfort her. How do you do that? You can't tell them "I know how you feel." because you don't. Everyone experiences grief differently, and the best thing you can do is be there for support. But we all needed support today, and I fear I kinda went overboard trying to 'comfort' anyone and everyone. I drained in as much energy and sadness as I could -- all for nothing as it merely made me sob and lose my breath.
Ah well -- after the service we all went back to the Church ( My families church, not mine per se. ) and we had a big ole family meal along with about 10 State Troopers who were the pall bearers. My cousin was a dispatcher for the State Troopers and they were paying their last respects and we totally appreciated them for it. They even had an honor guard at the wake. Who sez cops are all bad?
Now I'm going to try and vent some of this energy in the only way I know how. Burning candles and play soft music -- and spend time in the computer.