Fic: Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight That Surrounds You 4/12
Title: Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight That Surrounds You
Author:water_nix
Artist: tortugax
Word Count: 30 400
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Blaine/Kurt, Cooper, Mr. & Mrs. Anderson, Burt/Carole, minor OCs
Warnings: homophobia, mention of gaybashing and bullying, underage drinking
Summary: On the third of August in Blaine Anderson's ninth year, something momentous happens: he sees a boy crying on the beach and decides to do something about it. What he gets in return is a best friend, a confidant, an ally to help him through the ups and downs. They spend one month together every summer. One perfect month until they are old enough to escape together. Eleven Augusts and the letters in between.
Twelve - August 2006: The Summer When Cooper Visits
Cooper always talks about girls. Or himself. Or himself with girls and how many of them adore him. The way he tells it, he's had a hundred different girlfriends since moving to Los Angeles. Blaine doesn't bother to ask about the one he moved there with in the first place.
He and Kurt roll their eyes behind Cooper's back as he scopes out the “hotties” and coats his bare chest in some sort of oil that smells like coconut. “Do you see that one?” he asks. He motions to a girl in a tiny yellow and white bikini and she looks in their direction. Blaine ducks his head in embarrassment. “Damn,” Cooper continues, oblivious to his brother's mortification. “That suit is practically see-through. I can see her nipples from here.”
“Oh my god,” Kurt mutters into his book and Blaine silently agrees with him.
“Did ya see, did ya see?” Cooper pokes Blaine in the side and motions towards the girl once more. She is watching him with a smile and a cocked eyebrow, whispering with her friends. Blaine shakes his head and Cooper shrugs. “Your loss, Squirt. I'm going over there.” He ruffles Blaine's hair as he heaves himself up off the beach blanket and Blaine slaps his hand away.
Blaine falls back against the hot cotton of the blanket, warmed by the sun and the sand underneath. He feels lethargic. It's too hot to move. It's too hot to be annoyed at Cooper. It's too hot for everything. He lets his head loll to the side to find Kurt watching him. “Do you wanna ditch him?” he asks.
“Heck yeah. He's probably not coming back anyway.”
They pack up their beach gear and head for the cave.
~*~
It's evening before they drag themselves back to the Andersons' summer house. They'd opted to stay in the cave and out of the sun, but they're paying for it now with rumbling bellies. Neither of them have had anything to eat since an ice cream cone after lunch and it's nearly eight o'clock.
Blaine hears an odd grunting noise and a loud bang, but he thinks nothing of it, figuring his mom is working in the kitchen. He leads Kurt in that direction, hoping she has something they can sample.
When he walks into the room his first instinct is to cover his eyes, but he doesn't listen to it. He freezes in place instead, Kurt bumping into him from behind. Because it's Cooper who is making the noise. It's Cooper who is banging against the cabinets. Cooper and the girl from the beach with the tiny, nipple-showing bikini. And Blaine doesn't need to look closely to see her nipples through flimsy fabric now - they're on display in their entirety, her scrap of a bikini top untied and dangling from one arm. Cooper reaches around and cups a hand over her left breast as he rocks forward against her body. She's bent at the waist and making a face like he's hurting her. Blaine isn't stupid, he knows what they're doing, but he can't make himself leave, even though his brother isn't wearing any pants and god, he's having sex with a stranger. And it looks... gross. And quite possibly painful. And Blaine feels like he's going to be sick.
Kurt drags him away before they can be seen.
They go to the diner and get fries and milkshakes. They stay silent as they eat, both too embarrassed to talk about what they walked in on.
They wander around on the boardwalk for an hour afterwards, Blaine too worried to go home and Kurt not wanting to leave him alone. They talk about things at random, in quiet tones, neither one of them really engrossed in the conversation. They end up walking in the direction of Blaine's house on instinct, the path carved out after so many summers. Before they reach the fence line, Kurt turns to Blaine as if he has something to say. Blaine watches as he hesitates, his eyes flitting away toward the beach and the neighbour's house before making their way back to Blaine.
“Blaine,” he says, his voice at a whisper. “Do you think... when, um, when Stacy said some guy would have me bent over - do you think she meant like that?”
Kurt looks so horrified, eyes round and wet and fearful, that Blaine shakes his head. “No,” he says, even though he's sure that's exactly what she meant. He's pretty sure Kurt is, too.
~*~
Cooper's still in the kitchen when Blaine makes his way inside, though this time he is mercifully alone and eating a grilled cheese sandwich.
“Hey, Blainey!” he greets. “I was just about to go find you at your friend's house. Mom's gone out with Madeline and won't be back til tomorrow. It's just you and me, Squirt!”
“Great,” Blaine says without feeling. He takes the seat across from Cooper and tries not to look in the direction of the kitchen island where he had witnessed something he can only hope that time will erase from his memory.
Cooper gives him a weird look and splits his sandwich in half, offering part of it to Blaine. He looks as though he's showered, so Blaine takes it and stuffs in into his mouth. He's still pretty hungry. They share the remainder of the sandwich and Cooper's glass of orange juice in silence, Cooper watching Blaine's face closely for some reason that Blaine can't figure out. After he sets the dishes in the sink he comes back to the table and claps Blaine on the shoulder.
“Come on, I'll set up the karaoke machine.”
“It's gone. I never really touched it after you moved away and Dad said -”
“Dad? Jesus, Blaine, I hope you aren't still paying attention to the shit that old bastard spews. You're old enough to know better.”
“He's our dad, Coop. It's not like I can just ignore him.”
Cooper sighs and looks away, running a hand through his still wet and yet perfectly coiffed hair. When he turns back to Blaine he looks serious, and for the first time Blaine realizes that his brother isn't a kid any more. He's a fully grown adult who lives his own life and pays for his own things and understands. “Just promise me you won't take it to heart, Blainey. Just don't take anything he says to heart. And don't let him tell you what to do and what to like.”
“I can't really help that, can I? If he says we're getting rid of the karaoke machine because it's just collecting dust and it's stupid, it's not like I can stop him. Or when he says piano and guitar are enough and there is no reason why I should take voice lessons, what am I supposed to do?”
Cooper sighs again and nods. He reaches out and squeezes Blaine's shoulder, like they are allies in this fight and he empathizes.
“Anyway,” Blaine continues, “he's not that bad. He came to one of my recitals and to parent-teacher this year, and he's been paying way more attention to me lately - ” Blaine stops abruptly at Cooper's shaking head.
“He's gonna try to mould you into him, Blaine.”
“What? He's not -”
“He is. He tried it with me. He plays all nice with you until he doesn't get what he wants. The sooner you face the fact that Dad is an asshole and will never love you unless you do everything that he wants and be everything that he wants, the better, Squirt. Because I've seen how much it hurts you when he's cold, but someday, Blaine, someday you're going to do something or be something that he really doesn't like and it's going to get a lot worse than cold shoulders and mean looks. And there will be something, little brother. There will be something. And when that inevitably happens, you gotta tell him to go fuck himself. Don't let him turn you into a miserable son of a bitch. You're too good.”
Blaine swallows and looks away from his brother's fierce gaze. He knows it's true, deep down where he hides painful things away so he doesn't have to think about them, he knows. But having someone else say it aloud hurts. “I might need you,” he whispers, “someday.”
“You got me, Squirt. Promise.”
~*~
The In-Between - Year Four: Assorted letters and hemorrhoid cream.
Dear Kurt,
Cooper is starring in a commercial. He called me last night and he was so excited. You'll never guess what it's for - hemorrhoid cream. I can't stop laughing. When I was little he used to call me a hemorrhoid whenever I tried to hang around him and his friends and one day I asked my mom what it was. She got really, really mad when she found out why I was asking. So... irony and all that. And also, who would want to go in front of a camera and pretend they have hemorrhoids? Oh well, at least he finally got an acting job that he's actually getting paid for. He did a bunch of plays and a charity production of Grease, but this is an actual job. I hope he gets lots more so that when I decide to tell my parents that I want to be a singer or a star on Broadway they'll know it's actually a possibility. Also because I want Cooper to be happy, but you already knew that. I wonder if Cooper does? I should probably tell him.
Someone who doesn't want Cooper to be happy and successful at the career he chose? My father. He wouldn't even talk to him on the phone to congratulate him. It was really mean and I think Mom was mad at him.
I had a weird dream about you last night. You were here at my school and we were waiting by my locker, which is weird because we don't even have lockers until eighth grade. But it was mine - it even had a collage of magazine letters spelling out my name stuck up inside and also a picture of you. When I opened up my locker door a wave of sea water washed out and all over me. It didn't get on you though, but it started sweeping me up and down the hallway while you stood by and watched me, calling after me as I floated away. Nobody else in the hall got caught up in the wave, just me. You looked so scared. I could see you standing there with tears in your eyes, saying my name over and over until you were so far away that you were tiny and I couldn't hear you anymore. I was sort of scared, but calm at the same time. Does that make sense? I was mostly scared because you were and not because of myself, except that I didn't want to go away from you. When I woke up I thought I was wet for a couple of minutes, then I fell back to sleep. I think I need one of those dream dictionaries to try and figure that one out, huh?
Guess I should go do some homework. I'm supposed to be reading a book for a book report right now! I miss you!
Blaine
~*~
Dear Blaine,
One more week left of school! You know what that means? Vacation with my dad and then two weeks and then YOU. I'm getting so excited! Dad and I had a hard time trying to pick something to do this year. He says since I'm a brand new teenager I probably don't want to go to theme parks and stuff like that, but I don't even care. I just like being with Dad. In the end we decided on a trip to Columbus, which is super close, and that we'd spend lots of time at museums and galleries and places I like. And he got us tickets to some shows, Blaine! And even the ballet one night! I can't wait to tell you all about it.
School has been extra torturous this year, so I won't weep over the fact that it's ending for a few months. And then ballet and musicals and the beach and YOU! It's gonna be a perfect summer.
I just baked so many cookies and cupcakes with Belinda (she's Tony who works at the shop's wife) for a charity bake sale. If was really fun and she sent me home with a few of each to share with Dad. They were pretty good, but her recipe was inferior to your mother's by a long shot. Be sure to tell her that nothing beats her cupcakes. And also I tried out that quiche recipe she sent to me with your last letter and it was amazing. Even Dad gobbled it up and he turned up his nose when I said the word 'quiche'. I really appreciate her teaching me how to cook all the way from Massachusetts!
I have a question - If we were stranded in New York for one evening only before our parents came and collected us and only had time to shop at ONE store and see ONE show, which would you choose? The idea popped into my head when Dad and I were trying to plan our vacation together and it's been plaguing me ever since. And of course I decided that being stranded in New York would be SO much better if you were with me, just like everything else is. So... which would it be? I'll see if you're any more decisive than I am. I'll give you a hint - I've chosen a show. Having a difficult time with the shopping however. It's so hard! Tell me in your letter and I'll see if we match up.
Gotta go and practice cooking steak. My dad likes it rare but I always seem to overcook it. Maybe I'll have perfected it by the time his birthday rolls around.
See you and talk to you soon!
(I can't wait, in case you couldn't tell!)
!!!
!!!
Kurt!
P.S. Soon!!!!!
~*~*~
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Author:water_nix
Artist: tortugax
Word Count: 30 400
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Blaine/Kurt, Cooper, Mr. & Mrs. Anderson, Burt/Carole, minor OCs
Warnings: homophobia, mention of gaybashing and bullying, underage drinking
Summary: On the third of August in Blaine Anderson's ninth year, something momentous happens: he sees a boy crying on the beach and decides to do something about it. What he gets in return is a best friend, a confidant, an ally to help him through the ups and downs. They spend one month together every summer. One perfect month until they are old enough to escape together. Eleven Augusts and the letters in between.
Twelve - August 2006: The Summer When Cooper Visits
Cooper always talks about girls. Or himself. Or himself with girls and how many of them adore him. The way he tells it, he's had a hundred different girlfriends since moving to Los Angeles. Blaine doesn't bother to ask about the one he moved there with in the first place.
He and Kurt roll their eyes behind Cooper's back as he scopes out the “hotties” and coats his bare chest in some sort of oil that smells like coconut. “Do you see that one?” he asks. He motions to a girl in a tiny yellow and white bikini and she looks in their direction. Blaine ducks his head in embarrassment. “Damn,” Cooper continues, oblivious to his brother's mortification. “That suit is practically see-through. I can see her nipples from here.”
“Oh my god,” Kurt mutters into his book and Blaine silently agrees with him.
“Did ya see, did ya see?” Cooper pokes Blaine in the side and motions towards the girl once more. She is watching him with a smile and a cocked eyebrow, whispering with her friends. Blaine shakes his head and Cooper shrugs. “Your loss, Squirt. I'm going over there.” He ruffles Blaine's hair as he heaves himself up off the beach blanket and Blaine slaps his hand away.
Blaine falls back against the hot cotton of the blanket, warmed by the sun and the sand underneath. He feels lethargic. It's too hot to move. It's too hot to be annoyed at Cooper. It's too hot for everything. He lets his head loll to the side to find Kurt watching him. “Do you wanna ditch him?” he asks.
“Heck yeah. He's probably not coming back anyway.”
They pack up their beach gear and head for the cave.
~*~
It's evening before they drag themselves back to the Andersons' summer house. They'd opted to stay in the cave and out of the sun, but they're paying for it now with rumbling bellies. Neither of them have had anything to eat since an ice cream cone after lunch and it's nearly eight o'clock.
Blaine hears an odd grunting noise and a loud bang, but he thinks nothing of it, figuring his mom is working in the kitchen. He leads Kurt in that direction, hoping she has something they can sample.
When he walks into the room his first instinct is to cover his eyes, but he doesn't listen to it. He freezes in place instead, Kurt bumping into him from behind. Because it's Cooper who is making the noise. It's Cooper who is banging against the cabinets. Cooper and the girl from the beach with the tiny, nipple-showing bikini. And Blaine doesn't need to look closely to see her nipples through flimsy fabric now - they're on display in their entirety, her scrap of a bikini top untied and dangling from one arm. Cooper reaches around and cups a hand over her left breast as he rocks forward against her body. She's bent at the waist and making a face like he's hurting her. Blaine isn't stupid, he knows what they're doing, but he can't make himself leave, even though his brother isn't wearing any pants and god, he's having sex with a stranger. And it looks... gross. And quite possibly painful. And Blaine feels like he's going to be sick.
Kurt drags him away before they can be seen.
They go to the diner and get fries and milkshakes. They stay silent as they eat, both too embarrassed to talk about what they walked in on.
They wander around on the boardwalk for an hour afterwards, Blaine too worried to go home and Kurt not wanting to leave him alone. They talk about things at random, in quiet tones, neither one of them really engrossed in the conversation. They end up walking in the direction of Blaine's house on instinct, the path carved out after so many summers. Before they reach the fence line, Kurt turns to Blaine as if he has something to say. Blaine watches as he hesitates, his eyes flitting away toward the beach and the neighbour's house before making their way back to Blaine.
“Blaine,” he says, his voice at a whisper. “Do you think... when, um, when Stacy said some guy would have me bent over - do you think she meant like that?”
Kurt looks so horrified, eyes round and wet and fearful, that Blaine shakes his head. “No,” he says, even though he's sure that's exactly what she meant. He's pretty sure Kurt is, too.
~*~
Cooper's still in the kitchen when Blaine makes his way inside, though this time he is mercifully alone and eating a grilled cheese sandwich.
“Hey, Blainey!” he greets. “I was just about to go find you at your friend's house. Mom's gone out with Madeline and won't be back til tomorrow. It's just you and me, Squirt!”
“Great,” Blaine says without feeling. He takes the seat across from Cooper and tries not to look in the direction of the kitchen island where he had witnessed something he can only hope that time will erase from his memory.
Cooper gives him a weird look and splits his sandwich in half, offering part of it to Blaine. He looks as though he's showered, so Blaine takes it and stuffs in into his mouth. He's still pretty hungry. They share the remainder of the sandwich and Cooper's glass of orange juice in silence, Cooper watching Blaine's face closely for some reason that Blaine can't figure out. After he sets the dishes in the sink he comes back to the table and claps Blaine on the shoulder.
“Come on, I'll set up the karaoke machine.”
“It's gone. I never really touched it after you moved away and Dad said -”
“Dad? Jesus, Blaine, I hope you aren't still paying attention to the shit that old bastard spews. You're old enough to know better.”
“He's our dad, Coop. It's not like I can just ignore him.”
Cooper sighs and looks away, running a hand through his still wet and yet perfectly coiffed hair. When he turns back to Blaine he looks serious, and for the first time Blaine realizes that his brother isn't a kid any more. He's a fully grown adult who lives his own life and pays for his own things and understands. “Just promise me you won't take it to heart, Blainey. Just don't take anything he says to heart. And don't let him tell you what to do and what to like.”
“I can't really help that, can I? If he says we're getting rid of the karaoke machine because it's just collecting dust and it's stupid, it's not like I can stop him. Or when he says piano and guitar are enough and there is no reason why I should take voice lessons, what am I supposed to do?”
Cooper sighs again and nods. He reaches out and squeezes Blaine's shoulder, like they are allies in this fight and he empathizes.
“Anyway,” Blaine continues, “he's not that bad. He came to one of my recitals and to parent-teacher this year, and he's been paying way more attention to me lately - ” Blaine stops abruptly at Cooper's shaking head.
“He's gonna try to mould you into him, Blaine.”
“What? He's not -”
“He is. He tried it with me. He plays all nice with you until he doesn't get what he wants. The sooner you face the fact that Dad is an asshole and will never love you unless you do everything that he wants and be everything that he wants, the better, Squirt. Because I've seen how much it hurts you when he's cold, but someday, Blaine, someday you're going to do something or be something that he really doesn't like and it's going to get a lot worse than cold shoulders and mean looks. And there will be something, little brother. There will be something. And when that inevitably happens, you gotta tell him to go fuck himself. Don't let him turn you into a miserable son of a bitch. You're too good.”
Blaine swallows and looks away from his brother's fierce gaze. He knows it's true, deep down where he hides painful things away so he doesn't have to think about them, he knows. But having someone else say it aloud hurts. “I might need you,” he whispers, “someday.”
“You got me, Squirt. Promise.”
~*~
The In-Between - Year Four: Assorted letters and hemorrhoid cream.
Dear Kurt,
Cooper is starring in a commercial. He called me last night and he was so excited. You'll never guess what it's for - hemorrhoid cream. I can't stop laughing. When I was little he used to call me a hemorrhoid whenever I tried to hang around him and his friends and one day I asked my mom what it was. She got really, really mad when she found out why I was asking. So... irony and all that. And also, who would want to go in front of a camera and pretend they have hemorrhoids? Oh well, at least he finally got an acting job that he's actually getting paid for. He did a bunch of plays and a charity production of Grease, but this is an actual job. I hope he gets lots more so that when I decide to tell my parents that I want to be a singer or a star on Broadway they'll know it's actually a possibility. Also because I want Cooper to be happy, but you already knew that. I wonder if Cooper does? I should probably tell him.
Someone who doesn't want Cooper to be happy and successful at the career he chose? My father. He wouldn't even talk to him on the phone to congratulate him. It was really mean and I think Mom was mad at him.
I had a weird dream about you last night. You were here at my school and we were waiting by my locker, which is weird because we don't even have lockers until eighth grade. But it was mine - it even had a collage of magazine letters spelling out my name stuck up inside and also a picture of you. When I opened up my locker door a wave of sea water washed out and all over me. It didn't get on you though, but it started sweeping me up and down the hallway while you stood by and watched me, calling after me as I floated away. Nobody else in the hall got caught up in the wave, just me. You looked so scared. I could see you standing there with tears in your eyes, saying my name over and over until you were so far away that you were tiny and I couldn't hear you anymore. I was sort of scared, but calm at the same time. Does that make sense? I was mostly scared because you were and not because of myself, except that I didn't want to go away from you. When I woke up I thought I was wet for a couple of minutes, then I fell back to sleep. I think I need one of those dream dictionaries to try and figure that one out, huh?
Guess I should go do some homework. I'm supposed to be reading a book for a book report right now! I miss you!
Blaine
~*~
Dear Blaine,
One more week left of school! You know what that means? Vacation with my dad and then two weeks and then YOU. I'm getting so excited! Dad and I had a hard time trying to pick something to do this year. He says since I'm a brand new teenager I probably don't want to go to theme parks and stuff like that, but I don't even care. I just like being with Dad. In the end we decided on a trip to Columbus, which is super close, and that we'd spend lots of time at museums and galleries and places I like. And he got us tickets to some shows, Blaine! And even the ballet one night! I can't wait to tell you all about it.
School has been extra torturous this year, so I won't weep over the fact that it's ending for a few months. And then ballet and musicals and the beach and YOU! It's gonna be a perfect summer.
I just baked so many cookies and cupcakes with Belinda (she's Tony who works at the shop's wife) for a charity bake sale. If was really fun and she sent me home with a few of each to share with Dad. They were pretty good, but her recipe was inferior to your mother's by a long shot. Be sure to tell her that nothing beats her cupcakes. And also I tried out that quiche recipe she sent to me with your last letter and it was amazing. Even Dad gobbled it up and he turned up his nose when I said the word 'quiche'. I really appreciate her teaching me how to cook all the way from Massachusetts!
I have a question - If we were stranded in New York for one evening only before our parents came and collected us and only had time to shop at ONE store and see ONE show, which would you choose? The idea popped into my head when Dad and I were trying to plan our vacation together and it's been plaguing me ever since. And of course I decided that being stranded in New York would be SO much better if you were with me, just like everything else is. So... which would it be? I'll see if you're any more decisive than I am. I'll give you a hint - I've chosen a show. Having a difficult time with the shopping however. It's so hard! Tell me in your letter and I'll see if we match up.
Gotta go and practice cooking steak. My dad likes it rare but I always seem to overcook it. Maybe I'll have perfected it by the time his birthday rolls around.
See you and talk to you soon!
(I can't wait, in case you couldn't tell!)
!!!
!!!
Kurt!
P.S. Soon!!!!!
~*~*~
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