I love mandarin oranges. I'm going to get really terrible acid stomach pains again, but it will be so worth it. Mmmmmmmmm.
This is a belated birthday gift ficlet for
thawrecka, who requested something Eiji-centric, “possibly some scenario where he is hanging out with Fuji. Scheming to make Oishi's life a more exciting.” This strayed from the prompt a little, sorry! I hope that it’s still fine. :/
"Be Prepared" | 885 words | PG, crack | Prince of Tennis
"Oishi-senpai," Momo grinned, hobbling over the bench where Oishi was sitting, drinking from his water bottle after a gruelling practice match with Fuji, "Have you got the kit around? Kaidoh is playing rough today. Too rough." He thrust his knee up at the older boy's face to display the bloody scrape.
Kaidoh hmphed from where he stood a few feet behind Momoshiro, tapping his racket impatiently against one shoulder. "It's your own fault for diving for that last ball, moron."
"What did you say, idiot mamushi?"
Oishi stood quickly and restrained Momo before he and Kaidoh decided to start their fifth fight in three days. (Inui was beginning to make bar graphs. Oishi was beginning to consider buying something to help with migraines. The way Tezuka's eye kept twitching these days, they may need it sooner than he thought.)
"Stop it, Momo!" Momo struggled for a minute before settling down, glaring at Kaidoh, who looked somewhat disappointed.
"Now, sit down on the bench," Oishi instructed, absently casting about for the first aid box. He frowned. It wasn't under the bench where he usually left it. That was...odd.
"Momo - Kaidoh, did you see the first aid box at all today?" This was confusing.
Momo shrugged, sitting down on the bench. "I never really noticed, Oishi-senpai." Kaidoh shook his head.
"Hnn," Oishi muttered. "I could swear that I left it right there. I put extra supplies in it just before practice - and I carried it out and left it-"
"Ah, sorry, Oishi!" Fuji was at his side, the large white aid box tucked under one arm. "Taka-san got a nasty scrape off of the locker room door. I thought I should patch it up for him."
Oishi accepted the box, setting it down on the bench next to Momo. "Is Taka-san alright?"
"Oh, yes," Fuji smiled. "I'd best get back to check on him, though. My apologies for taking the box."
"Ah, it's all right." Oishi waved him off and turned back to the bench -
...where Momoshiro and Kaidoh were both staring at him, red-faced. Kaidoh's eyes looked they were about to expand beyond the physical limits of his face and Momo looked torn between embarrassment and hilarity.
"What is it?" Oishi asked. "Momo, we need to get a bandage and some ointment on that scrape befor-"
He stoppped dead, fishing his hand into the kit and coming up with several brightly colored packages of...condoms.
Oishi cleared his throat, a blush creeping slowly up his neck.
--
In the end, he had to send Momoshiro to the nurse's office, as all his bandages had been mysteriously replaced by flavoured condoms - and his ointment with a bottle of lube.
It was actually rather obvious who the culprit - or at least, one of the culprits was. But Oishi would rather drink an entire pitcher of Inui's juice than ask Fuji Syusuke how his entire first aid kit was cleverly replaced by what looked like a shopping spree through a sex shop.
Luckily for him, Fuji rarely acted alone.
--
"Eiji."
"Nyah? What is it, Oishi?"
He chose his words carefully. "Did you happen to have anything to do with my first aid supplies suddenly disappearing?"
"Ehh?!?" He could tell when Eiji was only pretending to be shocked. "They're all gone?"
"All of them."
"But, Oishi," Eiji's eyes were round and surprised and bright with ill-concealed mirth. "What are you going to use if people get hurt?"
"Apparently, condoms."
"Condoms?"
"Ah."
"Well," Eiji grinned, "I always said you were resourceful, nya."
--
Oishi had carefully stowed the first aid box in the locker room for the time being. It might have taken some explaining if anyone found a large number of condoms stuffed in the wastebasket near the tennis courts. It would be better to confront Eiji with physical evidence in order to drive the point home that hiding important medical supplies and replacing them with useless...well - well, the point was, it was dangerous.
"Oishi," Tezuka was waiting outside the locker room when he approached. "Can I see you inside for a moment?"
Oishi nodded and followed Tezuka into the locker room, where one Echizen Ryoma was perched on a bench. He smirked at Oishi when he came in and Oishi was confused until his eyes fell on a familiar box open on the bench next to Echizen.
"Echizen...fell," Tezuka said calmly, though Oishi could see that the tips of his ears were red. "And I thought he might require a bandage."
Oishi wished the ground would swallow him up. "I can explain," he said.
Tezuka raised his eyebrows. "I know that you want to make sure that the team is...careful, Oishi," he said slowly, "But I don't think that this is a very appropriate method of ensuring that."
"No!" He was going to strangle Eiji. He was going to mur- okay, he was going to have a very stern and roundabout talk with Fuji. "What I mean is..."
Fuji took that moment to poke his head around the corner of the shower room, hair dripping on the floor. "Saa, Oishi," he said sweetly, "Have you seen the aid box? Taka-san has hurt himself again. Slipped in the showers."
--
Oishi bought five boxes of aspirin on the way home. It never hurt to be prepared.
FIN
News anchor: Critics suggest that a tuition rebate is not the best solution to stop graduates from going to the West.
My sister: They could always put up a barbed wire fence!