In which they fix Alec.
Dean pulled the car to a stop in front of Angeline's house and looked over at Alec as he turned off the car. He didn't know how to fix this. He'd tried, tried as best he could, but the response that he had gotten that was closest to a sign that Alec was still in there, somewhere, was the way Alec and thrown himself at Dean when they saved him from Barbatos. Other than that, he hadn't seen a sign of Alec since before this whole mess had happened. He didn't even know if bringing him to Angeline would work, but he knew he at least had to try. He would do whatever he needed to to get his son back. It was just a matter of time.
"You ready?" he asked, seeing if even the house itself would have any kind of response.
The only response he got was a bit of slow blinking that might have been considered sleepily, but it was as hard to guess on that as it had been to guess anything else lately.
He did get a solid response from Jinx though. He was just as upset by all of this as Dean was. He wanted his master back, not this shell that sometimes had a ghost of Alec in it peeking out through the eyes only to disappear again. Jinx gave Dean a quiet but positive bark.
Dean reached over, giving Jinx a light scratch behind the ears, before starting to get out of the car. He made his way around to the passenger's side, opening the door and starting to help Alec out and walking him towards the porch. Angeline came out and stood on the porch, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I can't fix everthin', Dean. How d'ya know if I'll be able t'fix this?"
"Wouldn't hurt if we don't try," Dean pointed out, one arm around Alec's shoulders as he lead him over to the porch.
Alec moved obediently enough, Jinx ranging and worrying around them. He felt like a damned border collie lately. Eventually he settled him front of Angeline and gave her a blatantly pleading look.
Angeline looked down at him, before reaching down to pet him gently and gesturing for them to come in. "Put him in the sun room. I'll get us something t'drink."
Dean nodded, before leading the way back into the room, setting Alec down on the couch by the window, across from the piano, and Dean sitting down next to him.
Alec's eyes settled on the piano for a moment, almost like he was seeing it, but then he looked deliberately away and went blank again.
Jinx settled at Alec and Dean's feet, head resting on his paws.
Angeline reappeared a few minutes later, handing Dean a beer, before stopping in front of Alec. "Want some iced tea, sugar?"
That didn't even get a blink. She might as well have not spoken at all for all the response it got her.
Angeline sighed slightly, before moving to sit in the window seat. "I'm not all that comfortable doin' this when he's like this, Dean. I don't like goin' in someone's head without their permission."
Jinx looked up at her again. He just wanted her to try. Alec was still there. Jinx could smell it. Feel it. And it wasn't like Alec to leave his family. Not willingly.
Dean looked over at her and nodded. "I know that. But -- I don't know what else to do." He was desperate for something, anything, that could work. It was like Sam being in a coma all over again, except this one moved. It was like someone was teasing him with it -- just another thing that Dean couldn't have.
Angeline sighed, again, before nodding. She shifted a bit, just enough to reach into the folds of clothing to find a piece of paper. "I need you to go to town for me. Just to pick up a few things. When you come back, we'll probably already be getting started, just -- don't disturb us. I don't want him to startle, then lock me away in his mind somewhere."
Dean nodded, before taking the paper from her. "Jinx stays."
"Same rules apply." That was said more to the dog than to Dean.
Jinx laid his head back down in submission indicating he understood and would do as he was asked. Just as long as she helped.
Dean started to get up, before looking over at him. "Need my help getting him somewhere?"
"I can handle it, darlin'. Just take your time at the store. By the time ya get back, hopefully I'll know a little more 'bout what's goin' on in there." Dean nodded, before turning and heading for the door. Angeline waited until she heard the sound of the screen door closing, before she placed her glass down to the side and made her way over to Alec. "Come on, sugar," she said gently, as she took his arm to start to get him to his feet. "Let's get you somewhere quiet."
Alec stood smoothly and went were she wanted him to go. Quiet, obedient, distant. Jinx herded from the side opposite Angeline.
It was a small, sound-proofed room with no windows. On one end was a psychiatrist's couch, which she sat Alec down on gently, gesturing him to lie back. "Just close your eyes and relax as best you can." Falling asleep would be preferable, but she wasn't sure if she could hypnotize someone like this. She was going to have to do this a bit more physically than she usually did. Then she turned to Jinx as she went to lock the door to the room.
"Nothin' can disturb us. If somethin' distracts or startles either of us, I could wind up trapped in his mind, or things could be made worse. You sense anythin' other than Dean, or a member of my family, and you get them out, understand?"
Dogs didn't nod, but there was no doubt that he understood. He lay down again but he was far from relaxed. He was watching, and waiting.
Alec lay down and closed his eyes. There wasn't much in the way of relaxing, but he also wasn't really tense, more in a state of neutral than anything else.
Angeline settled herself into the chair, before closing her eyes and relaxing herself. In the end, it was almost like she was projecting herself in Alec's mind. She tried not to be invasive again, but when she opened her eyes again, she wasn't in the room, but instead, whatever Alec's mind had made itself to be -- whichever way being sorted out made sense.
It was the house from Seattle, complete with yard and cars, but surrounding it in was a mass of shattered glass and razor wire. At first glance is seemed haphazard, but it was set up carefully. A trap for those that didn't have care. If anyone tried to force their was straight in they'd be inevitably tangled and hurt. But there was a way through if someone was slow and careful, interested in looking instead of forcing.
Which is exactly what Angeline was. She moved slowly, making her way around the obstacles and keeping a look out for anything looking to trap her there. She had to move slowly and be careful, because being trapped here -- while she was sure was a nice place for Alec, wasn't going to be as fun for her.
Once she was past that the way was genuinely clear. He was no telepath so there was only so much he could do to protect himself. The door to the house stood open, and inside it was, for the most part exactly as he had last seen it.
Angeline made her way inside, slowly, looking over the set up and floor plan carefully, before starting to head through to the living room. "Alec?" she called gently, trying to see if directly engaging would help. "You in here, darlin'?"
There was no one there to answer, and if she looked farther she would find that most of the doors stood casually open, the ones leading to other people's bedroom mostly closed. If she waited she might feel a feather light touch of someone watching but it would fade as soon as she looked for it. The only door the was firmly closed was the one to his own room. It wasn't wood like any of the other. It was the metal of a door that belonged somewhere else. A medical facility, like a hospital maybe. One word was painted on it in military block letters. 'Psychology'
Angeline came to the door and paused for a moment. She could feel a presence behind it, but the door would take some effort to open it. She was suddenly very glad she didn't have a physical form right then -- her strength came from her abilities, not her physical body. She placed her hands on the flat of the door before pushing it wide open pausing only to block the door open, just so she didn't get shut in this part of Alec's mind. She then slowly started to move forward, still keeping her eyes open for traps.
Again no trap, but this was very much not a bedroom. There was a long, wide cement corridor, with whitewashed walls and a bare cement floor and industrial lighting. Along each wall stacked from the floor to about six feet up were neatly stacked and labeled cardboard bankers boxes. Labels such as, Rand McNally Road atlas: the 494 edition. Or Northern European languages. Or car anatomy. The list went on and on. He forgot nothing and because of this he had to keep it organized. If she ventured farther on the corridor emptied out with just a few boxes here and there, some up turned and the papers strewn.
Angeline made her way through slowly, not wanting to upset the filing system or affect any of his memories. She just made note of what she saw, and when she reached the sets of fewer boxes, seeing the papers overturned, she crouched slightly, looking to see what exactly it was that had been upset, and whether or not she should try and fix it.
The over turned boxes where reports and bits of conversation transcribed to paper. Clinical dissection reports, list of behaviors to be altered or kept. Skills that were retain before and after. But before and after what they didn't say. The pages were out of order and there were occasional dark brown finger prints smudging words both the size of an adult hand and a child’s. There were doorways along the hall now and the light grew brighter, sharper and harsher the farther down she looked.
She looked over the papers only for a moment, before getting up, and starting to head towards the light. She winced slightly at the intensity of it, but continued to make her way forward, using her hand to shield her eyes away from the intense light.
The doors had windows to them, but again they were the metal and safety glass of a clinical setting. Different scenes and sets, but all significant moment. His memories in live action heading backwards in time. The most recent being when he realized he was completely fucked and then his subsequent capture. The light and color from his gift overlaying things just as he saw it. The farther she went the older they got. the long period where he saw things in normal color. Seattle the first week he was free, Manticore burning, the cell where Max had named him. Rachel and the piano. Watching her die, the monsters as they tried to undo everything she had made him. His attempt to end himself rather than submit, watching as the bomb was detonated, her smile, the cold room in which he had learn to play. His life in rewind.
Angeline watched as she went, all the memories playing backwards, running his life like a continuous movie, and the further backwards she moved, the more she came to understand the walls in place that she had felt before. The memories that were stuck in Ben's brain were starting to make a little more sense, almost to the point where if she came to the right point, she could probably fit them in like the pieces of a puzzle. It didn't stop the deep sadness that came over her at some of the things she saw, the way they would just take things from him, memories, good ones, and then somehow destroy them before him. But she didn't stop, just kept moving forwards and trying not to think about it too much.
There was small things for a while. A new skill or language. A mission here or there. The colors were slowly washing out of everything, until eventually it was muted to dull washed out non-colors. And then a room filled with horror. Surgical clean, painfully bright. Blood and a wash of chemical scent and terror. Alec's own voice in a wordless wail coming from nowhere and everywhere. Monsters who were doctors. So many it was more than nightmare-ish. Medical equipment, and sharp instruments. Voices, clinical and without feeling, saying things he didn't want to remember and for once would get his wish. The grinding screaming pain of seizures. Other pain that was sharper and more terrible. And something his mind reached for, an understanding, that was now missing, missing, taken. Stolen. Cut free. Nothing left but blood and hurt. But the color was gone. And the door wouldn't close properly. Nor would it open. It was jammed and stuck.
The corridor changed just after that room. No longer so straight. There were turns, curves and shifts. The sharpness was different. It was still uncompromising but now it made things clear rather than blinding. The windows were stained glass, fragile, but beautiful in their own odd way. The doors washed in color. There were foot prints here and there in a gritty blood red and hand prints on some of the door handles.
The memories were sometimes sharply focused, the people themselves colored in sharp reds, yellows and darkness, leaving trails of it lingering on what they touch. The feelings just as sharp. Sometimes things were softer washes of greens, blues and purples, and the feelings softer. Things were often skewed oddly but it was clear that he understood what was going on in each memory. He could see how they felt.
She moved a bit faster at the harder memories, and a paused at some of the doors that were jammed closed. She was curious as to the purpose, but she wanted to find Alec first. She would worry about the jammed doors later. She just continued moving, trying not to listen to the screams and just push forward and keep her eye on the prize.
Eventually the colors began to fade again and the corridor became more normalized as he became younger in the memories. The vividness only faded back to what would be considered normal this time though. Not the washed out paleness she had seen earlier. Then with a frightening sudden everything went into a flat featureless grey. The rooms were empty. Scoured clean. The doors were wide open and there was nothing in any of them. The light was painfully bright again and the few shadows it cast were black.
Angeline covered her eyes again, but pushed through the light, moving through until something stopped her.
The corridor changed back to normal as abruptly as if had lost all features. But right before the border of the light there were two rooms directly across from each other. One was filled with the same sort of horror that she had seen earlier but the voice was sobbing and much, much younger. In the other room sat a little boy. He'd found the brief border where there was a twilight between the light and the black shadows. He huddled in a blue smock, making sure that none of himself strayed into either the light or the dark. He was nothing but skin, bones and bruises, shivering and staring unblinkingly at the door.
Angeline sighed softly, starting to move slowly towards the little boy. She moved just enough that she was between him and the door, trying to catch his eyes. "Alec? Darlin'?"
"There's no one here." The words were barely whispered. Maybe he didn't want anyone to hear of maybe he couldn't manage anything louder.
"I think there is," she said gently, crouching down slowly so that she was eye level with him. "And he's someone I'd very much like to talk to."
He shook his head slowly. "No one. The rooms are empty."
"What about you, sugar? Aren't you someone?"
He shook his head.
She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she knew he wouldn't take it. Instead, she just let her hand rest over the edge of her knee and looked at him gently. "I think you're someone. In fact, you're a very special someone to a lot of people out there. They miss you, darlin'."
"But there's no one here. The rooms are empty now. He's gone. I'm gone." He was confused. And frightened.
"You're not gone, sugar. You're right here." She paused for a moment, before holding out her hand to him. "You could reach out and touch me if you wanted to. That's not being gone."
He stared at her hand like he simply didn't understand the gesture. Why didn't she understand? The rooms were empty. He wasn't in them anymore. They took and took and he didn't know anything and more, wasn't anyone. He just had to wait. And either they'd empty this room to. Or. . .or they'd go and he could figure out why he was so upset if he was nothing. Nothing was supposed to be nothing.
She paused for a minute, thinking over them again, before trying a different tack. "Not all the rooms are empty, Alec. There are some that still have you, him in them."
The look he gave her was animal cautious. He was looking for the trap. The lie, the hurt. "Who's Alec?" He didn't know anyone by that name. But then he barely knew anyone at all. And so many rooms were empty now, how could they have missed any?
"You are, darlin'," she said softly. "When you get bigger. Your friend Max gives you that name." She'd managed to pick up names on those that had a lot of memories involved. Max happened to be one of them.
He seemed to almost be older for a second and snarled. "Her." He knew that name. "Her fault. All of them. Their fault." He shrank back into himself. "I was good. I was." He said it like he was sure she wouldn't believe him. A few tears slipped free. "It's not my fault. They ran away. It's not my fault!" That last was said in more of a desperate wail than anything else.
"I know. I know it wasn't your fault. But things get better. You leave here. You find your family. Your big brother, and your daddy -- oh, honey, he loves you more than anythin' else. Trust me a lil." She paused for a minute. "I could take ya to the rooms with him in them. I could show ya, if you'd like?"
"Why would I leave? I'm not like them. I'm not. We aren't the same." But . . .he wanted to see those rooms. See if she was telling the truth.
"You leave because you have to." She understood that much at least. "This place, it's destroyed when you're much older. Nineteen or so." She paused for a moment, before holding out the hand to me again. "I can take you there. I remember the way back."
She was standing in that harsh light where lies couldn't live. Even if everything hurt. He wanted to see so bad but he didn't want to be in that light. They'd drag him into the metal room with the monsters and their chemicals and needles and hurt.
"Take my hand, darlin'. I won't let go, no matter how bad it gets. They won't get ya while you're with me."
He watched her for a long minute, and then his small hand inched out towards her, still like he was waiting to the trap.
She took his hand gently in hers, moving slowly as though not to startle him, before starting to stand up, her hold around his fingers gentle but firm, to show that she wasn't going to let go.
He let her tug him to his feet but mewled like a hurt thing when she moved him into the light. He shook even harder and cowered in the bright light.
Angeline kept her grip on his hand, before leading him through the light, not stopping or slowing down until they were through to the other side, and not letting go, either.
He clearly didn't like being out in the light. It frightened him. But he walked with her. That is what she wanted, so that's what he did. He couldn't have done any differently. Not here. Nothing the nothing-grey and empty rooms. He lost the terrified look on the other side. Some of the bruising around his little limbs faded and his eyes widened in a kind of wonder as he came to the first door that he heard voices behind. Those where his sibling.
"See?" she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "I told ya they weren't all empty."
He pressed an ear to the door for a moment listening. He couldn't hear his own voice. But his brother and sister were talking to him. They sounded worried and it made his feel a little safer. "Are there more?" The words were quiet and cautious, like he wasn't sure he was allowed to ask.
She nodded. "A lot more." But a lot more bad in between. She considered this for a minute, before looking back at him again. "Want to meet your daddy?"
He shook his head and looked down. "Can only call him that on the Outside. And he's so angry with me right now." The shame damn near rolled off of him in waves. Shame and confusion.
Angeline was confused for a moment, before realization hit her. They were thinking of different people. "No, honey. I mean a different daddy. Your real one, by blood."
"We don't have parents." It was firm. A fact.
"Oh, no. You do. He doesn't find out about ya until much later, but does his best to take care of ya." She paused for a minute, before nodding down the hallway. "Want me to show ya?"
"Is he angry with me?" That's the only reason he could think of for why he was here. They always remake him when they get angry. Try to empty the rooms and rebuild things how they want.
"No, darlin'. Not at all. He loves you very much, and he misses you. He wants ya to come back. That's why I'm here." In fact, she was starting to feel Dean's worry on the edge of her consciousness, meaning he was back from the store. Knowing the man, he was probably doing his best to keep himself occupied, but it wasn't working. She just tried to push it back and focus on the boy in front of her.
The little boy gave her a very skeptical look. One that was much more suited to his adult self, but he didn't argue when she tried to lead him on.
Angeline smirked slightly at the look, before leading the way down the hallway, past most of the Manticore memories and into the later period of Alec's life. She had to be careful with what memory she chose involving Dean, as there was a lot of pain in that relationship as well, so she settled on the one that she knew was guaranteed to be happy -- Dean's birthday. She stopped in front of the door as soon as she found it, and let him explore it on his own, and see what he saw. At that point in the memory, Dean and his boys were outside working on the car, just talking amongst themselves.
As they walked Alec's eyes had taken on a look of wonder as they passed through the brightly colored hallway, his fingers trailing along the wall curiously. But he pulled in his hand and everything else about himself as they got close to the jammed door. He was glad when they moved past it and he didn't look back. It was like nothing had happened at all. He stopped when Angeline did and after a couple of moments he pressed an ear to the door. "I sound tall." It was whispered.
"You are," she said with a bit of a chuckle. "'Bout six foot, I think. Taller than me, at least. But not taller than your uncle Sam." She noted his reaction to the jammed door, and she frowned. Doors weren't supposed to be jammed. They were either open or closed. Empty or not. And his reaction to it indicated that it was something he was scared of, some trauma in his own mind. Something that should be fixed before she left, or at least to find out what it is to resolve later.
He gave her a wide eyed look like he couldn't believe it. He was small for his age and couldn't imagine ever being any other way. After a long minute he slowly opened the door just a little to peer in. He watched quietly for a long time then whispered. "I have a name." It sounded so nice when the other two men said it. He wanted to wrap that around himself.
"Told you," she said gently, crouching down next to him. "It's a good strong name too. It suits you."
"Smart Aleck." It still whispered, and he doesn't turn away. He's watching the scene hungrily, like he's starved for something. "That's what Max said. That or Dick." This time he didn't sound quite so angry.
Angeline smiled slightly at that. "It means a bit more than that. It comes from the name Alexander. Means 'warrior,' a leader."
He did turn then and grin at her, again the expression belonged to the adult him. "Don't think she knew that. She's terrible at naming people." Then he turned back.
She laughed a bit, before nodding. "At least she does it out of love?"
"In a cranky way. She's a very cranky person. Not as cranky as Sam though. Sam's a stone cold bitch. I hated doing missions with her." He's just talking absently, the bruises and hurt look fading a bit more.
"I see," she said with a nod, just content to let him watch, glad to see the boy fading to be more of a boy and less of an experiment. She knew that they just had to take their time, and eventually, sooner or later, everything would come back.
"Who's the other man?" He hadn't seen the face yet.
Angeline paused for a moment. "That's your brother, sugar. His name's Ben."
That made him stiffen with a growl. "No."
She frowned at the response, placing one hand on his back lightly. "What's wrong?"
"Just because he's my twin doesn't mean he's my brother. He left. He ran away. And they punished me. He's not my brother." After another tense moment, he whispered, shocked. "He doesn't have a barcode." Because the little boy could see his own bar code. They didn't go away.
"No, honey, he doesn't," Angeline replied slowly. "Ben's not like you. He was born in Indiana, grew up like a regular little boy. The name just happens to be the same. He's your brother, not your twin."
"He's got a mom?" Real boys had moms.
She nodded. "She passed a few years ago, but she raised him from when he was a baby."
"They like me." Like it was a bit of a wonder.
"No, sugar," she said with a bit of a smirk. "They love you."
"Oh." He closes the door and is quiet for a long moment, maybe a bit taller than he used to be. "Okay." He nodded like he'd just made some sort of hard choice.
She paused for a moment, confused at the response, before brushing it off. "Is there anythin' else you'd like to see, darlin'?"
He shook his head. "I remember it all anyway." Which was funny because he hadn't a few minutes ago.
Not so funny to her. She knew the human mind was a little tricky sometimes. She paused again, trying to figure out how exactly to word this. "Mind helpin' me with somethin'? Before we go home?"
He shrugged, more of a gangly teen no. "Sure."
She straightened so that she was standing again, before starting to lead him back down the hallway. She stopped in front of the jammed door, watching more of his face than the door itself. "Alec, where does this door go?" She asked it as gently as possible, though she knew that it was going to be hard to get an answer.
He was pressed back against the other wall. "I. . I don't know this room."
"No?" she asked, raising an eyebrow slightly as she placed a hand on the door lightly. Pain and fear radiated through it, but she didn't know why, and she knew it scared him on some level. "I've been in a few minds in my day, honey. Doors aren't supposed to be jammed like this."
"Leave it. Please" He shuddered violently when she set her hand on the handle.
"No." She turned around to face him, no longer trying to coax him out and play nice, but now facing him with the facts. This may be his mind, but she knew minds, and knew that having something stuck like this was hurting, rather than helping him. "What's behind the door, Alec?"
"I don't know." But he knew it was bad. Awful.
"Listen to me, sugar." She moved closer to him, placing her hands on the side of his face lightly. "They may have done awful things to you, may have taken things from you, but this is your mind. Yours, no one else's. You shouldn't not know what's behind those doors. Now, it might be bad, but it's yours. Good or bad, you're allowed to have that. And until you know what's behind that door, you won't know how good or bad it is."
"It's bad." He knew. He was sure. It was more than bad.
"How do you know it's bad if you don't know what it is?" she asked, the eyebrow still challenging, before moving back over to the door again, her hand landing on the handle. There was something about it that felt familiar -- like a kindred cousin -- but whatever it was, was natural. The way this door was closed wasn't. "It's part of you, Alec. Naturally. It's meant to be here. Why do you think that it's bad?"
"If. . if they don't like how you are," He swallowed like he might be sick. "They take it away. They take everything away." His head hurt and the heel of his hand came up to press at his temple.
"Well, they aren't here anymore," she said with a firm look. "The people you're with now? They won't care about what's behind this door. They love you, darlin'. Unconditionally. No matter what. I can help you get this back."
"Won't they love me without whatever it is?" He asked desperately. He didn't want her to open that door.
"Of course they will," she sighed. "But this isn't about them, honey. This isn't about anyone else but you. They took this from you. All consequences aside, don't you want to get that back?"
"I'll never get it back." He wasn't sure what was missing but he knew that it wouldn't be coming back.
"Don't you want to at least know what it was?"
"Why would that make it better?" He was mortally afraid she'd have an answer.
She was quiet for a moment, before gesturing to the door. "Doors like this aren't meant to be in someone's head. When they get jammed like this -- it hurts you, mentally. If you open it, getting it to flow better for you, you'll feel better. I promise." She paused for a moment, before moving over to rest a hand on his shoulder. "You can open the door yourself, or I can do it, but I can't leave knowing you've got this -- block here. Not when I have the power to do somethin' about it."
He shook his head "I'm broken. Nothing will change that."
"Just because you're broken, darlin', doesn't mean ya can't be fixed, and if you wanna be fixed?" She turned and pointed back towards the door. "That door is a step in a right direction."
He curled in on himself. "It's bad. It'll hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore."
"Sometimes the best things in the world have to hurt first," Angeline sighed. "Trust me. I know."
He slapped a hand flat against the wall. "This isn't one of those things." There was a spark on anger there.
"How. Do. You. Know."
"I just do!" He was definitely angry now. "I lived it! You didn't! Once was enough!"
Angeline looked at him firmly, before crossing her arms in front of her. "I know there's pain. And I know it will hurt at first. But there is something good behind that door. Something that you need, and I'm not going to let you go without it." She moved back towards the door, placing her hand on the handle again. "Last chance, Alec. Either you do it or I will."
He bared his teeth at her. He couldn't stop her and he knew it. But that didn't mean he could be bullied either. He wouldn't do this to himself.
"Fine," she said firmly, before starting to turn the handle. She paused for a moment, focusing whatever power was there and then pulling, retching the door open slowly, but surely.
He was trying hard, the more the door opened the sicker he felt. Eventually his knees gave and he ended up on floor.
Angeline glanced back at him for a moment, before looking back at what was happening behind the door. She was masochistic that way -- she needed to understand why this room scared him so much, even if she wound up regretting it.
In the room 494 struggled against doctors and scientists, fighting them but to bound by fear to actually kill them. He struggled and babbled about how he had done anything, and he was sorry. Whatever they didn't like he was sorry. He ended up on the table anyway and from there it just got worse. The whole room was a wash of dark reds of his own terror and the gritty brown-grey of the doctors. They didn't care at all. He wasn't a person so it didn't matter if he was frightened or hurt.
Angeline started to back away as she watched, moving to sink down against the wall next to him. It was worse than she thought it was going to be, but there had to be something good on the other side. There had to be. There always was.
If there was he didn't know about it. He curled up where he had fallen hands pressed to his temple and cried. There was no way to hide it. "It wasn't theirs to take." The words were muffled and sobbed out. In the room what they couldn't do with chemicals they eventually hard did with knives. And that mental wailing in Alec's own voice bled out of the room and into the hallway.
Angeline did the only thing she could think of at the moment, and she shifted enough so that she could pull him in closer, holding him and trying to provide whatever comfort she could. "No, baby. It wasn't theirs to take at all."
He stayed pressed close to her bawling his eyes out and shaking like the epileptic he was. After a few more minute the wailing cut off abruptly and the world lost it's color.
"Shhhh, shhhh," she murmured softly. "It's alright. I gotcha. I'm not lettin' go, remember." The loss of color saddened her more than anything else. Because she had an idea of what was taken and she couldn't imagine what made them think that they could inflict that kind of trauma on a child.
He shook his head. It wasn't okay. He remembered now. About how he couldn't understand people any more. About how he stumbled around because the world didn't look right. The hurt in his head that had lasted for months. About the seizures which was so much worse now. About how they had hurt. Not just hurt him but taken something which wasn't theirs. Except it was. Because he belonged to them.
Angeline considered remembering better than not. She didn't say that, though, just kept him close, rubbing his back lightly and letting him cry himself out.
He did eventually and was utterly exhausted. He wanted the door to close. The smell of the blood was making him feel sick.
Him and her both. She waited until he was finished, before starting to get up again slowly, closing the door quietly and making sure it didn't stick.
He watched her and didn't say a word. Talking had only gotten him in trouble now that he could understand people properly any more.
She paused once the door was closed, before making her way over to him and extending her hand again. "Wanna go home, sugar?"
He nodded. He very much did want to go home.
She nodded as well, before tilting her head towards the way out. "Let's go, then. It's not far."
He nodded again and stood to follow, wobbling a bit, but held onto the wall to get his bearings.
Angeline led the way back out to where she had propped the door open, pausing long enough to let him get out ahead of her and back into the house, before removing the doorstop and letting it close.
Alec followed her out into the house, and the space felt more familiar with every step he took. But it also seemed a little dulled to him to. Now that he knew what was missing. How things should have been. The bedrooms should have been overlaid with the emotions of the people who used them, and there was nothing. He'd watch Angeline's footsteps and where they should have had a brief second of color before fading to tell him how she felt, there was nothing.
She stopped at the front door of the house, before turning back around to face him again. "Well, this is my stop. You gonna be alright, honey?"
He shrugged, honestly not knowing. Here he wouldn't lie and say yes. He bit his lip, swallowed and took a minute to work up the words. "Can tell Dad anything but about me twin. Doesn't need to know. He can't fix any of it."
"I wasn't goin' to tell him anythin' anyway. Not my place." She nodded. "Your secret's safe with me."
He shrugged and gave her a small smile making it clear that he really didn't mind his father or family knowing most of his secrets. Except for 493. He reached out and opened the front door for her politely, offering the courtesy as a thank you.
She smiled back, murmuring a thank you of her own before making her way out the door and back through the glass and barbed wire again. Once she was safe beyond the traps, she pulled back entirely, settling herself back into her own mind, and it was a few minutes before she opened her eyes and started to sit up again.
Alec closed the door behind her gently then leaned against it and eventually slid down until his butt hit the floor. He sat there for a good few minutes trying to convince himself that having hysterics really wasn't going to make things better. Especially not here, and especially not alone.
Slowly but surely, she pushed herself up from the couch she was sitting on. Using her abilities like that, especially with someone so emotional, was always a tiring process, but she needed to make sure Alec hadn't retreated on her again once she had left. She pushed herself up and moved forward, placing a hand on his arm lightly. "Alec?"
It was a long minute be he did open his eyes and actually look at her. He didn't say anything but he did make actual eye contact. One hand came up to wipe the tears of his face and the other buried itself in the fur of the giant dog that was suddenly right there.
She gave him a small smile, before nodding. "Your daddy's out front with his car, if you want to see him. I'm gonna go take a nap, alright?"
He nodded and smiled at her again by way of thanks. And slowly sat up with a stretch.
She nodded a bit, before turning and heading up towards her room, disappearing from view.
Dean had given up pacing in front of the room and decided to put himself to better use. The Impala had been in need of a bit of a tune up anyway. He kept focused on the work for a while, just trying not to think about whatever was going on in the room, and not letting it bug him that it was taking too. Damn. Long. With another deep breath, he leaned a little further under the hood of the car, reaching for the last thing that he needed to look at, before standing up and starting to wipe the grease off his hands.
Once Angeline had made her exit Alec stood, wobbling a little but Jinx pressing to his side steadied him out. The world still didn't look quite right to him, but it was better out here. There were still colors everywhere, but not quite where he thought they should be. They were different to, though. A bit more vivid and a little less glaring. Like maybe his mind was better able to come with them. He set out to look for his father, slowly trailing through the house towards the front. Fingers trailing along the walls like he was trying to relearn what they felt like. The calm left him when he make it to the front door. When he saw his father. He wanted a hug and he wanted it now. He jumped down the steps and bolted over to the man and didn't stop until he'd actually run into Dean.
Dean managed to see him coming and brace himself for the assault but that didn't stop him from stumbling backwards a bit from the force. Relief coursed through him as his arms slid around his son, pulling him in closer and just happy to actually see him again, not just the shell of who he used to be.
Alec hugged back, face pressing into his father's shoulder, and when it seemed that Dean would keep hugging as long as he wanted a low purr started.
Dean closed his eyes and just rubbed Alec's back lightly, letting him take as long as he needed.
Alec stayed close soaking in the affection for a good few minutes. Eventually the purring stopped, mostly because he sniffled and he couldn't do both at once. And he stood away from Dean a little. Not pulling away but giving enough space that they could look at each other.
Dean watched his face for a moment. "Good to see you again," he said with a small smile, letting one hand rest on the side of Alec's neck lightly.
He smiled and tipped his face towards the hand in a very cat-like way. Then he raised an eyebrow in a very questioning manner at Dean. The same look that would go with him asking if Dean was okay.
Dean shrugged. "I'll live." He paused for a minute, before giving him the same look. "You okay?"
One hand came up to made a so-so gesture. He shrugged.
Jinx sad watching them both and starting to sense a problem, but in comparison to where they had been that morning he figured it would be minor.
Dean knew there was something up too, but he wasn't going to push it. At least Alec was there as oppose to completely unresponsive. He pulled away from him just enough to close the hood on his car, before coming back, arm resting against the back of Alec's shoulders. He needed the contact, he could have it. Dean just turned and started to head back towards the house. "Where's Angeline?"
Alec followed, and very much appreciated Dean staying close. When his father asked about Angeline he didn't hesitate for a second in answering, but he also didn't say a word. One hand came up to the side of his face, he tipped his head and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he dropped the position, looked at Dean and held a finger to his lips in the universal 'sssh' motions. Angeline had gone to take a nap.
Dean laughed slightly that, before shaking his head. "We gonna be playing charades all the way back to Seattle?"
Alec looked at Dean for a second before looking down and away. He shrugged. The answer was clearly yes, but he didn't think Dean wanted to hear that. But when he thought about opening his mouth there were just no words there to say. The world still felt crooked to him and the words would all be the same.
"Hey, it's okay," Dean said softly. "Take your time. I just wanna know what I'm in for."
He nodded and then held his finger to his pressed lips. He wasn't talking.
"Okay." He could work with that. When they got back to Seattle though -- "Oh, going home is definitely going to be interesting."
He gave his father a sheepish smile that clearly said 'oops?' And then the smile turned into a grin. He wanted to see the rest of the family. He had no idea how much time he had lost, but he somehow missed them anyway.
Dean laughed slightly, before nodding. "I'll give your brother a call later, let him know what happened, and that you're okay. He should be able to tell everyone else."
He nodded, and then pressed a hand to his stomach as it growled. He grinned at Dean again and towed the older man into the house to find food.
Dean followed his lead, making their way into the house and towards the kitchen. Tina was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of her, but looked up when she saw the boys coming in. "Well, howdy."
Both of Alec's eyebrows climbed. He hadn't known she was even in the house. He recovered and raised one hand in a quick silent greeting. He then made his way over to the fridge and opened it. Once he was pretty sure he had her attention and his intentions were clear he turned and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. It was her home after all. It was only polite that he ask permission before raiding the fridge.
She chuckled slightly. "Go ahead. I could even cook y'all somethin', if you wanted."
He shrugged. He didn't want to be a bother. He fished around enough to come up with the makings for a sandwich, and a piece of fruit. That would do. He turned that questioning look on his father to ask if he wanted anything.
Dean shook his head, before sliding into the seat across from Tina.
Alec nodded and then set about making himself a sandwich, and he grinned and then laughed when Jinx stood with his front paws on the counter watching both his master and the cold cuts. Alec eventually rolled his eyes and gave in to the dog's polite begging. He got a piece of ham and then was pushed off the counter and back onto all fours. Alec didn't mind though. Begging for food was one of the normal dog things that Jinx did. Especially when he wanted attention.
"Seems like I missed out on quite the eventful mornin'," Tina said slowly, glancing between the two of them. "My mother's not really prone for naps in the middle of the afternoon."
"It's complicated," Dean said with a shrug.
"Another one of those demon things that I should just keep my nose out of?"
"Something like that."
He sat down at the table with his plate and really looked at them for the first time. The light and spark of their souls were definitely more vivid, but at the same time not as bright. Not like they had lost anything but more like there was less glare from the light. Something in his head had definitely shifted. He felt unbalanced, but not. . .bad. He shrugged it off for now and took a bite of his sandwich.
Dean and Tina talked back and forth for a while, mostly catching up and joking between each other. There wasn't really anything all that important to talk about, and Dean was thankful for the lighter conversation.
Alec made it three fourths of the way through before getting full and passing the rest off to Jinx. The glare from the dog made him eat the banana anyway.
"Well, I better get back to what I was doin'," Tina sighed after a while. "Y'all stayin' for the night, or you headin' out soon?"
Dean glanced down at his watch before shrugging. "Don't know. We gotta long drive." He turned towards Alec. "Whadaya wanna do?"
He thought about it for a second. He wanted to do home, but it was a long drive. And he very much >didn't want to stay in an unfamiliar motel room. Either way they wouldn't make it home until tomorrow. Better to stay here tonight and leave early tomorrow. He tapped the table with one finger in a 'right here' gesture.
Dean nodded. "We're stayin' the night."
"Alright then," she nodded. "I'll call ya when it's time for dinner, then."
"Okay," Dean sighed. "Will do." With that, Tina made her way out of the room, heading back out into the backyard towards the garden.
Alec watched her go and then after a minute looked back at Dean. Then he tapped his wrist where the face of a watch would be and gave Dean a questioning look.
Dean glanced down at his watch. "'Bout three in the afternoon."
Alec nodded and then pursed his lips, thinking. That wasn't actually what he wanted to know. Well, it was, partly, but it wasn't the question he meant to ask. He made the gesture again and this time made a show of rolling his eyes up and made an effort to look momentarily dead. Then he cocked an eyebrow at his father again.
Dean snorted slightly at the look before responding. "How long have you been out?"
He nodded.
"A few days," Dean said with a shrug. "It took us a while to figure out that it might be something in Angeline's area of expertise."
He nodded and bit his lip a little. He had missed so much and didn't know what to do about it. He was also tired as hell.
Dean watched him for a moment, before reaching over and placing a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"
He leaned into the touch. He couldn't help it. In his head like that it was always an eternity alone. Then he yawned, wide and catlike, and completely involuntary.
Dean smirked slightly, before responding. "Maybe you should get some rest."
He nodded. Food cycle was definitely complete. Sleep cycle initiating.
Dean nodded. "Head upstairs then. I think the room you slept in last time is probably open."
Alec rubbed his cheek against Dean's knuckles in a shameless show of kitten affection and then stood, took his plate to the sink and headed for the doorway.
Dean let him go, staying where he was until he heard Alec moving to head up the stairs, before turning and heading out to finish working on his car. Once he got out there, he decided to check in first, pulling out his phone and dialing Ben's number as he placed it to his ear.
Amazing, a few hundred miles away, Ben was working on HIS car. Winchester frustration reaction, apparently. However, as the phone started to ring, Ben pushed himself out from under the car and rubbed his hand on the rag before grabbing it. "Dad?"
"Yeah," Dean said with a sigh. "It worked. Angeline managed to get him back. He's not completely one hundred percent yet, but he's better, and he's there."
Ben sagged against the side of the car in relief, his head falling back with a grateful sigh. "I knew she'd be able to help. Good. Now when you say he's not a hundred percent, what do you mean?"
"He's -- not talking," Dean replied, rubbing his forehead slightly. "He's done this before, and he comes out of it eventually, but for right now, we're only playing charades."
Ben blinked. "He has? I don't remember him doing that before." Which of course, Ben wouldn't. Sam would though.
"Yeah, it was back after Meg kidnapped him the first time around. You weren't around." And Dean planned to leave it at that. More detail wasn't really needed. "Look, he comes out of it on his own, he's just still a little rattled from whatever it was that happened. It's taking him a little time to adjust."
Ben tried to think back to that time and found himself drawing a blank. He wasn't all that surprised though, after all he had been possessed. And he was even amazed that he wasn't hurting nearly as much when he remembered that time. All the more reason in which Ben knew that Angeline was the best person to help Alec. "As long as he comes out of it. If he isn't out of it before I leave for Stanford, he'll get carpal tunnel syndrome text messaging me."
Dean laughed. "Don't damage him too badly. I'm pretty sure your brother doesn't want to go into surgery again."
Ben laughed as well, relieved. "Maybe that knowledge will give him more reason to snap out of it in his own time... faster."
"Maybe it will." Dean was quiet for a moment, before dropping his voice a bit. "Any sign of that asshole showing up again, or does it look like he's gone for good? Any more of Alec's friends going missing that you know about?" Because that was the last thing Dean needed to worry about right then.
"He hasn't raised his head and Max says that everyone they know how to find is accounted for. Sam and I gave her a crash course on 'How to Detect Possession in Six Easy Ways'."
"Good. How're the other kids he grabbed doing?"
"Recovering. Pissed, but recovering. Sticking to their own kind right now." There was the sound of a hood closing. "Safety in numbers and all."
"Yeah. Sounds good." There was a pause, as Dean leaned against the car. "We're leavin' tomorrow morning, so we should be back by tomorrow night."
"I'll stock up on Alec's comfort foods then so he'll have everything he wants right at his fingertips for awhile."
"Great. I'm sure he'll love that."
"He'd better." Ben looked at his watch. "How are you doing, Dad?"
Dean was quiet for a minute, before sighing slightly. "She almost said no. And frankly, I wouldn't have blamed her if she did."
There was silence for a moment as Ben thought about what would have happened if Angeline had said no. "But she didn't, and it worked. So no need to think about the could have beens..."
"Yeah, well -- can't help it. Way I was raised."
"You're not a kid anymore. You can reverse bad habits if you try," Ben teased.
"Nah, but unlike most old dogs, I can still learn new tricks." Dean sighed again. "She's gonna have me working on this house for the rest of her natural life for this one. And maybe some of the afterlife."
"Want me to help? I owe her a lot."
"I'll see what she wants me to do first, then I'll get back to you on that," Dean nodded. "It'll probably mostly be small jobs whenever we happen to roll in."
Ben would pipe up that if he needed any money to repair or replace something, just to let him know, but he didn't. He avoided ever mentioning his money to Dean just because it was something he didn't talk about as long as Dean didn't ask. "Well, then I guess you're screwed for the next four years since I'm not going to be over that way much at all."
"Oh, I know. That's what Sam's for." The smirk in his voice was evident.
"You kidding?" Ben looked up at the house were Sam was once again on the roof with a book, reading in the sun. "He's the laziest person I've ever met now that he's not all Demon King."
Dean laughed. "Yeah, well -- good reason for him to do some actual work, right?"
"Yeah, sounds about right. So we'll see you tomorrow night then?"
"Yup," Dean nodded. "See you then."
"Yup. Tell Alec I said hi or something like that."
"I will," Dean nodded. "Be careful." Standard Winchester for goodbye.
"Always am. You both as well." Ben hung up, then started inside to tell Sam the good news.
"You ready?" he asked, seeing if even the house itself would have any kind of response.
The only response he got was a bit of slow blinking that might have been considered sleepily, but it was as hard to guess on that as it had been to guess anything else lately.
He did get a solid response from Jinx though. He was just as upset by all of this as Dean was. He wanted his master back, not this shell that sometimes had a ghost of Alec in it peeking out through the eyes only to disappear again. Jinx gave Dean a quiet but positive bark.
Dean reached over, giving Jinx a light scratch behind the ears, before starting to get out of the car. He made his way around to the passenger's side, opening the door and starting to help Alec out and walking him towards the porch. Angeline came out and stood on the porch, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I can't fix everthin', Dean. How d'ya know if I'll be able t'fix this?"
"Wouldn't hurt if we don't try," Dean pointed out, one arm around Alec's shoulders as he lead him over to the porch.
Alec moved obediently enough, Jinx ranging and worrying around them. He felt like a damned border collie lately. Eventually he settled him front of Angeline and gave her a blatantly pleading look.
Angeline looked down at him, before reaching down to pet him gently and gesturing for them to come in. "Put him in the sun room. I'll get us something t'drink."
Dean nodded, before leading the way back into the room, setting Alec down on the couch by the window, across from the piano, and Dean sitting down next to him.
Alec's eyes settled on the piano for a moment, almost like he was seeing it, but then he looked deliberately away and went blank again.
Jinx settled at Alec and Dean's feet, head resting on his paws.
Angeline reappeared a few minutes later, handing Dean a beer, before stopping in front of Alec. "Want some iced tea, sugar?"
That didn't even get a blink. She might as well have not spoken at all for all the response it got her.
Angeline sighed slightly, before moving to sit in the window seat. "I'm not all that comfortable doin' this when he's like this, Dean. I don't like goin' in someone's head without their permission."
Jinx looked up at her again. He just wanted her to try. Alec was still there. Jinx could smell it. Feel it. And it wasn't like Alec to leave his family. Not willingly.
Dean looked over at her and nodded. "I know that. But -- I don't know what else to do." He was desperate for something, anything, that could work. It was like Sam being in a coma all over again, except this one moved. It was like someone was teasing him with it -- just another thing that Dean couldn't have.
Angeline sighed, again, before nodding. She shifted a bit, just enough to reach into the folds of clothing to find a piece of paper. "I need you to go to town for me. Just to pick up a few things. When you come back, we'll probably already be getting started, just -- don't disturb us. I don't want him to startle, then lock me away in his mind somewhere."
Dean nodded, before taking the paper from her. "Jinx stays."
"Same rules apply." That was said more to the dog than to Dean.
Jinx laid his head back down in submission indicating he understood and would do as he was asked. Just as long as she helped.
Dean started to get up, before looking over at him. "Need my help getting him somewhere?"
"I can handle it, darlin'. Just take your time at the store. By the time ya get back, hopefully I'll know a little more 'bout what's goin' on in there." Dean nodded, before turning and heading for the door. Angeline waited until she heard the sound of the screen door closing, before she placed her glass down to the side and made her way over to Alec. "Come on, sugar," she said gently, as she took his arm to start to get him to his feet. "Let's get you somewhere quiet."
Alec stood smoothly and went were she wanted him to go. Quiet, obedient, distant. Jinx herded from the side opposite Angeline.
It was a small, sound-proofed room with no windows. On one end was a psychiatrist's couch, which she sat Alec down on gently, gesturing him to lie back. "Just close your eyes and relax as best you can." Falling asleep would be preferable, but she wasn't sure if she could hypnotize someone like this. She was going to have to do this a bit more physically than she usually did. Then she turned to Jinx as she went to lock the door to the room.
"Nothin' can disturb us. If somethin' distracts or startles either of us, I could wind up trapped in his mind, or things could be made worse. You sense anythin' other than Dean, or a member of my family, and you get them out, understand?"
Dogs didn't nod, but there was no doubt that he understood. He lay down again but he was far from relaxed. He was watching, and waiting.
Alec lay down and closed his eyes. There wasn't much in the way of relaxing, but he also wasn't really tense, more in a state of neutral than anything else.
Angeline settled herself into the chair, before closing her eyes and relaxing herself. In the end, it was almost like she was projecting herself in Alec's mind. She tried not to be invasive again, but when she opened her eyes again, she wasn't in the room, but instead, whatever Alec's mind had made itself to be -- whichever way being sorted out made sense.
It was the house from Seattle, complete with yard and cars, but surrounding it in was a mass of shattered glass and razor wire. At first glance is seemed haphazard, but it was set up carefully. A trap for those that didn't have care. If anyone tried to force their was straight in they'd be inevitably tangled and hurt. But there was a way through if someone was slow and careful, interested in looking instead of forcing.
Which is exactly what Angeline was. She moved slowly, making her way around the obstacles and keeping a look out for anything looking to trap her there. She had to move slowly and be careful, because being trapped here -- while she was sure was a nice place for Alec, wasn't going to be as fun for her.
Once she was past that the way was genuinely clear. He was no telepath so there was only so much he could do to protect himself. The door to the house stood open, and inside it was, for the most part exactly as he had last seen it.
Angeline made her way inside, slowly, looking over the set up and floor plan carefully, before starting to head through to the living room. "Alec?" she called gently, trying to see if directly engaging would help. "You in here, darlin'?"
There was no one there to answer, and if she looked farther she would find that most of the doors stood casually open, the ones leading to other people's bedroom mostly closed. If she waited she might feel a feather light touch of someone watching but it would fade as soon as she looked for it. The only door the was firmly closed was the one to his own room. It wasn't wood like any of the other. It was the metal of a door that belonged somewhere else. A medical facility, like a hospital maybe. One word was painted on it in military block letters. 'Psychology'
Angeline came to the door and paused for a moment. She could feel a presence behind it, but the door would take some effort to open it. She was suddenly very glad she didn't have a physical form right then -- her strength came from her abilities, not her physical body. She placed her hands on the flat of the door before pushing it wide open pausing only to block the door open, just so she didn't get shut in this part of Alec's mind. She then slowly started to move forward, still keeping her eyes open for traps.
Again no trap, but this was very much not a bedroom. There was a long, wide cement corridor, with whitewashed walls and a bare cement floor and industrial lighting. Along each wall stacked from the floor to about six feet up were neatly stacked and labeled cardboard bankers boxes. Labels such as, Rand McNally Road atlas: the 494 edition. Or Northern European languages. Or car anatomy. The list went on and on. He forgot nothing and because of this he had to keep it organized. If she ventured farther on the corridor emptied out with just a few boxes here and there, some up turned and the papers strewn.
Angeline made her way through slowly, not wanting to upset the filing system or affect any of his memories. She just made note of what she saw, and when she reached the sets of fewer boxes, seeing the papers overturned, she crouched slightly, looking to see what exactly it was that had been upset, and whether or not she should try and fix it.
The over turned boxes where reports and bits of conversation transcribed to paper. Clinical dissection reports, list of behaviors to be altered or kept. Skills that were retain before and after. But before and after what they didn't say. The pages were out of order and there were occasional dark brown finger prints smudging words both the size of an adult hand and a child’s. There were doorways along the hall now and the light grew brighter, sharper and harsher the farther down she looked.
She looked over the papers only for a moment, before getting up, and starting to head towards the light. She winced slightly at the intensity of it, but continued to make her way forward, using her hand to shield her eyes away from the intense light.
The doors had windows to them, but again they were the metal and safety glass of a clinical setting. Different scenes and sets, but all significant moment. His memories in live action heading backwards in time. The most recent being when he realized he was completely fucked and then his subsequent capture. The light and color from his gift overlaying things just as he saw it. The farther she went the older they got. the long period where he saw things in normal color. Seattle the first week he was free, Manticore burning, the cell where Max had named him. Rachel and the piano. Watching her die, the monsters as they tried to undo everything she had made him. His attempt to end himself rather than submit, watching as the bomb was detonated, her smile, the cold room in which he had learn to play. His life in rewind.
Angeline watched as she went, all the memories playing backwards, running his life like a continuous movie, and the further backwards she moved, the more she came to understand the walls in place that she had felt before. The memories that were stuck in Ben's brain were starting to make a little more sense, almost to the point where if she came to the right point, she could probably fit them in like the pieces of a puzzle. It didn't stop the deep sadness that came over her at some of the things she saw, the way they would just take things from him, memories, good ones, and then somehow destroy them before him. But she didn't stop, just kept moving forwards and trying not to think about it too much.
There was small things for a while. A new skill or language. A mission here or there. The colors were slowly washing out of everything, until eventually it was muted to dull washed out non-colors. And then a room filled with horror. Surgical clean, painfully bright. Blood and a wash of chemical scent and terror. Alec's own voice in a wordless wail coming from nowhere and everywhere. Monsters who were doctors. So many it was more than nightmare-ish. Medical equipment, and sharp instruments. Voices, clinical and without feeling, saying things he didn't want to remember and for once would get his wish. The grinding screaming pain of seizures. Other pain that was sharper and more terrible. And something his mind reached for, an understanding, that was now missing, missing, taken. Stolen. Cut free. Nothing left but blood and hurt. But the color was gone. And the door wouldn't close properly. Nor would it open. It was jammed and stuck.
The corridor changed just after that room. No longer so straight. There were turns, curves and shifts. The sharpness was different. It was still uncompromising but now it made things clear rather than blinding. The windows were stained glass, fragile, but beautiful in their own odd way. The doors washed in color. There were foot prints here and there in a gritty blood red and hand prints on some of the door handles.
The memories were sometimes sharply focused, the people themselves colored in sharp reds, yellows and darkness, leaving trails of it lingering on what they touch. The feelings just as sharp. Sometimes things were softer washes of greens, blues and purples, and the feelings softer. Things were often skewed oddly but it was clear that he understood what was going on in each memory. He could see how they felt.
She moved a bit faster at the harder memories, and a paused at some of the doors that were jammed closed. She was curious as to the purpose, but she wanted to find Alec first. She would worry about the jammed doors later. She just continued moving, trying not to listen to the screams and just push forward and keep her eye on the prize.
Eventually the colors began to fade again and the corridor became more normalized as he became younger in the memories. The vividness only faded back to what would be considered normal this time though. Not the washed out paleness she had seen earlier. Then with a frightening sudden everything went into a flat featureless grey. The rooms were empty. Scoured clean. The doors were wide open and there was nothing in any of them. The light was painfully bright again and the few shadows it cast were black.
Angeline covered her eyes again, but pushed through the light, moving through until something stopped her.
The corridor changed back to normal as abruptly as if had lost all features. But right before the border of the light there were two rooms directly across from each other. One was filled with the same sort of horror that she had seen earlier but the voice was sobbing and much, much younger. In the other room sat a little boy. He'd found the brief border where there was a twilight between the light and the black shadows. He huddled in a blue smock, making sure that none of himself strayed into either the light or the dark. He was nothing but skin, bones and bruises, shivering and staring unblinkingly at the door.
Angeline sighed softly, starting to move slowly towards the little boy. She moved just enough that she was between him and the door, trying to catch his eyes. "Alec? Darlin'?"
"There's no one here." The words were barely whispered. Maybe he didn't want anyone to hear of maybe he couldn't manage anything louder.
"I think there is," she said gently, crouching down slowly so that she was eye level with him. "And he's someone I'd very much like to talk to."
He shook his head slowly. "No one. The rooms are empty."
"What about you, sugar? Aren't you someone?"
He shook his head.
She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she knew he wouldn't take it. Instead, she just let her hand rest over the edge of her knee and looked at him gently. "I think you're someone. In fact, you're a very special someone to a lot of people out there. They miss you, darlin'."
"But there's no one here. The rooms are empty now. He's gone. I'm gone." He was confused. And frightened.
"You're not gone, sugar. You're right here." She paused for a moment, before holding out her hand to him. "You could reach out and touch me if you wanted to. That's not being gone."
He stared at her hand like he simply didn't understand the gesture. Why didn't she understand? The rooms were empty. He wasn't in them anymore. They took and took and he didn't know anything and more, wasn't anyone. He just had to wait. And either they'd empty this room to. Or. . .or they'd go and he could figure out why he was so upset if he was nothing. Nothing was supposed to be nothing.
She paused for a minute, thinking over them again, before trying a different tack. "Not all the rooms are empty, Alec. There are some that still have you, him in them."
The look he gave her was animal cautious. He was looking for the trap. The lie, the hurt. "Who's Alec?" He didn't know anyone by that name. But then he barely knew anyone at all. And so many rooms were empty now, how could they have missed any?
"You are, darlin'," she said softly. "When you get bigger. Your friend Max gives you that name." She'd managed to pick up names on those that had a lot of memories involved. Max happened to be one of them.
He seemed to almost be older for a second and snarled. "Her." He knew that name. "Her fault. All of them. Their fault." He shrank back into himself. "I was good. I was." He said it like he was sure she wouldn't believe him. A few tears slipped free. "It's not my fault. They ran away. It's not my fault!" That last was said in more of a desperate wail than anything else.
"I know. I know it wasn't your fault. But things get better. You leave here. You find your family. Your big brother, and your daddy -- oh, honey, he loves you more than anythin' else. Trust me a lil." She paused for a minute. "I could take ya to the rooms with him in them. I could show ya, if you'd like?"
"Why would I leave? I'm not like them. I'm not. We aren't the same." But . . .he wanted to see those rooms. See if she was telling the truth.
"You leave because you have to." She understood that much at least. "This place, it's destroyed when you're much older. Nineteen or so." She paused for a moment, before holding out the hand to me again. "I can take you there. I remember the way back."
She was standing in that harsh light where lies couldn't live. Even if everything hurt. He wanted to see so bad but he didn't want to be in that light. They'd drag him into the metal room with the monsters and their chemicals and needles and hurt.
"Take my hand, darlin'. I won't let go, no matter how bad it gets. They won't get ya while you're with me."
He watched her for a long minute, and then his small hand inched out towards her, still like he was waiting to the trap.
She took his hand gently in hers, moving slowly as though not to startle him, before starting to stand up, her hold around his fingers gentle but firm, to show that she wasn't going to let go.
He let her tug him to his feet but mewled like a hurt thing when she moved him into the light. He shook even harder and cowered in the bright light.
Angeline kept her grip on his hand, before leading him through the light, not stopping or slowing down until they were through to the other side, and not letting go, either.
He clearly didn't like being out in the light. It frightened him. But he walked with her. That is what she wanted, so that's what he did. He couldn't have done any differently. Not here. Nothing the nothing-grey and empty rooms. He lost the terrified look on the other side. Some of the bruising around his little limbs faded and his eyes widened in a kind of wonder as he came to the first door that he heard voices behind. Those where his sibling.
"See?" she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "I told ya they weren't all empty."
He pressed an ear to the door for a moment listening. He couldn't hear his own voice. But his brother and sister were talking to him. They sounded worried and it made his feel a little safer. "Are there more?" The words were quiet and cautious, like he wasn't sure he was allowed to ask.
She nodded. "A lot more." But a lot more bad in between. She considered this for a minute, before looking back at him again. "Want to meet your daddy?"
He shook his head and looked down. "Can only call him that on the Outside. And he's so angry with me right now." The shame damn near rolled off of him in waves. Shame and confusion.
Angeline was confused for a moment, before realization hit her. They were thinking of different people. "No, honey. I mean a different daddy. Your real one, by blood."
"We don't have parents." It was firm. A fact.
"Oh, no. You do. He doesn't find out about ya until much later, but does his best to take care of ya." She paused for a minute, before nodding down the hallway. "Want me to show ya?"
"Is he angry with me?" That's the only reason he could think of for why he was here. They always remake him when they get angry. Try to empty the rooms and rebuild things how they want.
"No, darlin'. Not at all. He loves you very much, and he misses you. He wants ya to come back. That's why I'm here." In fact, she was starting to feel Dean's worry on the edge of her consciousness, meaning he was back from the store. Knowing the man, he was probably doing his best to keep himself occupied, but it wasn't working. She just tried to push it back and focus on the boy in front of her.
The little boy gave her a very skeptical look. One that was much more suited to his adult self, but he didn't argue when she tried to lead him on.
Angeline smirked slightly at the look, before leading the way down the hallway, past most of the Manticore memories and into the later period of Alec's life. She had to be careful with what memory she chose involving Dean, as there was a lot of pain in that relationship as well, so she settled on the one that she knew was guaranteed to be happy -- Dean's birthday. She stopped in front of the door as soon as she found it, and let him explore it on his own, and see what he saw. At that point in the memory, Dean and his boys were outside working on the car, just talking amongst themselves.
As they walked Alec's eyes had taken on a look of wonder as they passed through the brightly colored hallway, his fingers trailing along the wall curiously. But he pulled in his hand and everything else about himself as they got close to the jammed door. He was glad when they moved past it and he didn't look back. It was like nothing had happened at all. He stopped when Angeline did and after a couple of moments he pressed an ear to the door. "I sound tall." It was whispered.
"You are," she said with a bit of a chuckle. "'Bout six foot, I think. Taller than me, at least. But not taller than your uncle Sam." She noted his reaction to the jammed door, and she frowned. Doors weren't supposed to be jammed. They were either open or closed. Empty or not. And his reaction to it indicated that it was something he was scared of, some trauma in his own mind. Something that should be fixed before she left, or at least to find out what it is to resolve later.
He gave her a wide eyed look like he couldn't believe it. He was small for his age and couldn't imagine ever being any other way. After a long minute he slowly opened the door just a little to peer in. He watched quietly for a long time then whispered. "I have a name." It sounded so nice when the other two men said it. He wanted to wrap that around himself.
"Told you," she said gently, crouching down next to him. "It's a good strong name too. It suits you."
"Smart Aleck." It still whispered, and he doesn't turn away. He's watching the scene hungrily, like he's starved for something. "That's what Max said. That or Dick." This time he didn't sound quite so angry.
Angeline smiled slightly at that. "It means a bit more than that. It comes from the name Alexander. Means 'warrior,' a leader."
He did turn then and grin at her, again the expression belonged to the adult him. "Don't think she knew that. She's terrible at naming people." Then he turned back.
She laughed a bit, before nodding. "At least she does it out of love?"
"In a cranky way. She's a very cranky person. Not as cranky as Sam though. Sam's a stone cold bitch. I hated doing missions with her." He's just talking absently, the bruises and hurt look fading a bit more.
"I see," she said with a nod, just content to let him watch, glad to see the boy fading to be more of a boy and less of an experiment. She knew that they just had to take their time, and eventually, sooner or later, everything would come back.
"Who's the other man?" He hadn't seen the face yet.
Angeline paused for a moment. "That's your brother, sugar. His name's Ben."
That made him stiffen with a growl. "No."
She frowned at the response, placing one hand on his back lightly. "What's wrong?"
"Just because he's my twin doesn't mean he's my brother. He left. He ran away. And they punished me. He's not my brother." After another tense moment, he whispered, shocked. "He doesn't have a barcode." Because the little boy could see his own bar code. They didn't go away.
"No, honey, he doesn't," Angeline replied slowly. "Ben's not like you. He was born in Indiana, grew up like a regular little boy. The name just happens to be the same. He's your brother, not your twin."
"He's got a mom?" Real boys had moms.
She nodded. "She passed a few years ago, but she raised him from when he was a baby."
"They like me." Like it was a bit of a wonder.
"No, sugar," she said with a bit of a smirk. "They love you."
"Oh." He closes the door and is quiet for a long moment, maybe a bit taller than he used to be. "Okay." He nodded like he'd just made some sort of hard choice.
She paused for a moment, confused at the response, before brushing it off. "Is there anythin' else you'd like to see, darlin'?"
He shook his head. "I remember it all anyway." Which was funny because he hadn't a few minutes ago.
Not so funny to her. She knew the human mind was a little tricky sometimes. She paused again, trying to figure out how exactly to word this. "Mind helpin' me with somethin'? Before we go home?"
He shrugged, more of a gangly teen no. "Sure."
She straightened so that she was standing again, before starting to lead him back down the hallway. She stopped in front of the jammed door, watching more of his face than the door itself. "Alec, where does this door go?" She asked it as gently as possible, though she knew that it was going to be hard to get an answer.
He was pressed back against the other wall. "I. . I don't know this room."
"No?" she asked, raising an eyebrow slightly as she placed a hand on the door lightly. Pain and fear radiated through it, but she didn't know why, and she knew it scared him on some level. "I've been in a few minds in my day, honey. Doors aren't supposed to be jammed like this."
"Leave it. Please" He shuddered violently when she set her hand on the handle.
"No." She turned around to face him, no longer trying to coax him out and play nice, but now facing him with the facts. This may be his mind, but she knew minds, and knew that having something stuck like this was hurting, rather than helping him. "What's behind the door, Alec?"
"I don't know." But he knew it was bad. Awful.
"Listen to me, sugar." She moved closer to him, placing her hands on the side of his face lightly. "They may have done awful things to you, may have taken things from you, but this is your mind. Yours, no one else's. You shouldn't not know what's behind those doors. Now, it might be bad, but it's yours. Good or bad, you're allowed to have that. And until you know what's behind that door, you won't know how good or bad it is."
"It's bad." He knew. He was sure. It was more than bad.
"How do you know it's bad if you don't know what it is?" she asked, the eyebrow still challenging, before moving back over to the door again, her hand landing on the handle. There was something about it that felt familiar -- like a kindred cousin -- but whatever it was, was natural. The way this door was closed wasn't. "It's part of you, Alec. Naturally. It's meant to be here. Why do you think that it's bad?"
"If. . if they don't like how you are," He swallowed like he might be sick. "They take it away. They take everything away." His head hurt and the heel of his hand came up to press at his temple.
"Well, they aren't here anymore," she said with a firm look. "The people you're with now? They won't care about what's behind this door. They love you, darlin'. Unconditionally. No matter what. I can help you get this back."
"Won't they love me without whatever it is?" He asked desperately. He didn't want her to open that door.
"Of course they will," she sighed. "But this isn't about them, honey. This isn't about anyone else but you. They took this from you. All consequences aside, don't you want to get that back?"
"I'll never get it back." He wasn't sure what was missing but he knew that it wouldn't be coming back.
"Don't you want to at least know what it was?"
"Why would that make it better?" He was mortally afraid she'd have an answer.
She was quiet for a moment, before gesturing to the door. "Doors like this aren't meant to be in someone's head. When they get jammed like this -- it hurts you, mentally. If you open it, getting it to flow better for you, you'll feel better. I promise." She paused for a moment, before moving over to rest a hand on his shoulder. "You can open the door yourself, or I can do it, but I can't leave knowing you've got this -- block here. Not when I have the power to do somethin' about it."
He shook his head "I'm broken. Nothing will change that."
"Just because you're broken, darlin', doesn't mean ya can't be fixed, and if you wanna be fixed?" She turned and pointed back towards the door. "That door is a step in a right direction."
He curled in on himself. "It's bad. It'll hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore."
"Sometimes the best things in the world have to hurt first," Angeline sighed. "Trust me. I know."
He slapped a hand flat against the wall. "This isn't one of those things." There was a spark on anger there.
"How. Do. You. Know."
"I just do!" He was definitely angry now. "I lived it! You didn't! Once was enough!"
Angeline looked at him firmly, before crossing her arms in front of her. "I know there's pain. And I know it will hurt at first. But there is something good behind that door. Something that you need, and I'm not going to let you go without it." She moved back towards the door, placing her hand on the handle again. "Last chance, Alec. Either you do it or I will."
He bared his teeth at her. He couldn't stop her and he knew it. But that didn't mean he could be bullied either. He wouldn't do this to himself.
"Fine," she said firmly, before starting to turn the handle. She paused for a moment, focusing whatever power was there and then pulling, retching the door open slowly, but surely.
He was trying hard, the more the door opened the sicker he felt. Eventually his knees gave and he ended up on floor.
Angeline glanced back at him for a moment, before looking back at what was happening behind the door. She was masochistic that way -- she needed to understand why this room scared him so much, even if she wound up regretting it.
In the room 494 struggled against doctors and scientists, fighting them but to bound by fear to actually kill them. He struggled and babbled about how he had done anything, and he was sorry. Whatever they didn't like he was sorry. He ended up on the table anyway and from there it just got worse. The whole room was a wash of dark reds of his own terror and the gritty brown-grey of the doctors. They didn't care at all. He wasn't a person so it didn't matter if he was frightened or hurt.
Angeline started to back away as she watched, moving to sink down against the wall next to him. It was worse than she thought it was going to be, but there had to be something good on the other side. There had to be. There always was.
If there was he didn't know about it. He curled up where he had fallen hands pressed to his temple and cried. There was no way to hide it. "It wasn't theirs to take." The words were muffled and sobbed out. In the room what they couldn't do with chemicals they eventually hard did with knives. And that mental wailing in Alec's own voice bled out of the room and into the hallway.
Angeline did the only thing she could think of at the moment, and she shifted enough so that she could pull him in closer, holding him and trying to provide whatever comfort she could. "No, baby. It wasn't theirs to take at all."
He stayed pressed close to her bawling his eyes out and shaking like the epileptic he was. After a few more minute the wailing cut off abruptly and the world lost it's color.
"Shhhh, shhhh," she murmured softly. "It's alright. I gotcha. I'm not lettin' go, remember." The loss of color saddened her more than anything else. Because she had an idea of what was taken and she couldn't imagine what made them think that they could inflict that kind of trauma on a child.
He shook his head. It wasn't okay. He remembered now. About how he couldn't understand people any more. About how he stumbled around because the world didn't look right. The hurt in his head that had lasted for months. About the seizures which was so much worse now. About how they had hurt. Not just hurt him but taken something which wasn't theirs. Except it was. Because he belonged to them.
Angeline considered remembering better than not. She didn't say that, though, just kept him close, rubbing his back lightly and letting him cry himself out.
He did eventually and was utterly exhausted. He wanted the door to close. The smell of the blood was making him feel sick.
Him and her both. She waited until he was finished, before starting to get up again slowly, closing the door quietly and making sure it didn't stick.
He watched her and didn't say a word. Talking had only gotten him in trouble now that he could understand people properly any more.
She paused once the door was closed, before making her way over to him and extending her hand again. "Wanna go home, sugar?"
He nodded. He very much did want to go home.
She nodded as well, before tilting her head towards the way out. "Let's go, then. It's not far."
He nodded again and stood to follow, wobbling a bit, but held onto the wall to get his bearings.
Angeline led the way back out to where she had propped the door open, pausing long enough to let him get out ahead of her and back into the house, before removing the doorstop and letting it close.
Alec followed her out into the house, and the space felt more familiar with every step he took. But it also seemed a little dulled to him to. Now that he knew what was missing. How things should have been. The bedrooms should have been overlaid with the emotions of the people who used them, and there was nothing. He'd watch Angeline's footsteps and where they should have had a brief second of color before fading to tell him how she felt, there was nothing.
She stopped at the front door of the house, before turning back around to face him again. "Well, this is my stop. You gonna be alright, honey?"
He shrugged, honestly not knowing. Here he wouldn't lie and say yes. He bit his lip, swallowed and took a minute to work up the words. "Can tell Dad anything but about me twin. Doesn't need to know. He can't fix any of it."
"I wasn't goin' to tell him anythin' anyway. Not my place." She nodded. "Your secret's safe with me."
He shrugged and gave her a small smile making it clear that he really didn't mind his father or family knowing most of his secrets. Except for 493. He reached out and opened the front door for her politely, offering the courtesy as a thank you.
She smiled back, murmuring a thank you of her own before making her way out the door and back through the glass and barbed wire again. Once she was safe beyond the traps, she pulled back entirely, settling herself back into her own mind, and it was a few minutes before she opened her eyes and started to sit up again.
Alec closed the door behind her gently then leaned against it and eventually slid down until his butt hit the floor. He sat there for a good few minutes trying to convince himself that having hysterics really wasn't going to make things better. Especially not here, and especially not alone.
Slowly but surely, she pushed herself up from the couch she was sitting on. Using her abilities like that, especially with someone so emotional, was always a tiring process, but she needed to make sure Alec hadn't retreated on her again once she had left. She pushed herself up and moved forward, placing a hand on his arm lightly. "Alec?"
It was a long minute be he did open his eyes and actually look at her. He didn't say anything but he did make actual eye contact. One hand came up to wipe the tears of his face and the other buried itself in the fur of the giant dog that was suddenly right there.
She gave him a small smile, before nodding. "Your daddy's out front with his car, if you want to see him. I'm gonna go take a nap, alright?"
He nodded and smiled at her again by way of thanks. And slowly sat up with a stretch.
She nodded a bit, before turning and heading up towards her room, disappearing from view.
Dean had given up pacing in front of the room and decided to put himself to better use. The Impala had been in need of a bit of a tune up anyway. He kept focused on the work for a while, just trying not to think about whatever was going on in the room, and not letting it bug him that it was taking too. Damn. Long. With another deep breath, he leaned a little further under the hood of the car, reaching for the last thing that he needed to look at, before standing up and starting to wipe the grease off his hands.
Once Angeline had made her exit Alec stood, wobbling a little but Jinx pressing to his side steadied him out. The world still didn't look quite right to him, but it was better out here. There were still colors everywhere, but not quite where he thought they should be. They were different to, though. A bit more vivid and a little less glaring. Like maybe his mind was better able to come with them. He set out to look for his father, slowly trailing through the house towards the front. Fingers trailing along the walls like he was trying to relearn what they felt like. The calm left him when he make it to the front door. When he saw his father. He wanted a hug and he wanted it now. He jumped down the steps and bolted over to the man and didn't stop until he'd actually run into Dean.
Dean managed to see him coming and brace himself for the assault but that didn't stop him from stumbling backwards a bit from the force. Relief coursed through him as his arms slid around his son, pulling him in closer and just happy to actually see him again, not just the shell of who he used to be.
Alec hugged back, face pressing into his father's shoulder, and when it seemed that Dean would keep hugging as long as he wanted a low purr started.
Dean closed his eyes and just rubbed Alec's back lightly, letting him take as long as he needed.
Alec stayed close soaking in the affection for a good few minutes. Eventually the purring stopped, mostly because he sniffled and he couldn't do both at once. And he stood away from Dean a little. Not pulling away but giving enough space that they could look at each other.
Dean watched his face for a moment. "Good to see you again," he said with a small smile, letting one hand rest on the side of Alec's neck lightly.
He smiled and tipped his face towards the hand in a very cat-like way. Then he raised an eyebrow in a very questioning manner at Dean. The same look that would go with him asking if Dean was okay.
Dean shrugged. "I'll live." He paused for a minute, before giving him the same look. "You okay?"
One hand came up to made a so-so gesture. He shrugged.
Jinx sad watching them both and starting to sense a problem, but in comparison to where they had been that morning he figured it would be minor.
Dean knew there was something up too, but he wasn't going to push it. At least Alec was there as oppose to completely unresponsive. He pulled away from him just enough to close the hood on his car, before coming back, arm resting against the back of Alec's shoulders. He needed the contact, he could have it. Dean just turned and started to head back towards the house. "Where's Angeline?"
Alec followed, and very much appreciated Dean staying close. When his father asked about Angeline he didn't hesitate for a second in answering, but he also didn't say a word. One hand came up to the side of his face, he tipped his head and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he dropped the position, looked at Dean and held a finger to his lips in the universal 'sssh' motions. Angeline had gone to take a nap.
Dean laughed slightly that, before shaking his head. "We gonna be playing charades all the way back to Seattle?"
Alec looked at Dean for a second before looking down and away. He shrugged. The answer was clearly yes, but he didn't think Dean wanted to hear that. But when he thought about opening his mouth there were just no words there to say. The world still felt crooked to him and the words would all be the same.
"Hey, it's okay," Dean said softly. "Take your time. I just wanna know what I'm in for."
He nodded and then held his finger to his pressed lips. He wasn't talking.
"Okay." He could work with that. When they got back to Seattle though -- "Oh, going home is definitely going to be interesting."
He gave his father a sheepish smile that clearly said 'oops?' And then the smile turned into a grin. He wanted to see the rest of the family. He had no idea how much time he had lost, but he somehow missed them anyway.
Dean laughed slightly, before nodding. "I'll give your brother a call later, let him know what happened, and that you're okay. He should be able to tell everyone else."
He nodded, and then pressed a hand to his stomach as it growled. He grinned at Dean again and towed the older man into the house to find food.
Dean followed his lead, making their way into the house and towards the kitchen. Tina was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of her, but looked up when she saw the boys coming in. "Well, howdy."
Both of Alec's eyebrows climbed. He hadn't known she was even in the house. He recovered and raised one hand in a quick silent greeting. He then made his way over to the fridge and opened it. Once he was pretty sure he had her attention and his intentions were clear he turned and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. It was her home after all. It was only polite that he ask permission before raiding the fridge.
She chuckled slightly. "Go ahead. I could even cook y'all somethin', if you wanted."
He shrugged. He didn't want to be a bother. He fished around enough to come up with the makings for a sandwich, and a piece of fruit. That would do. He turned that questioning look on his father to ask if he wanted anything.
Dean shook his head, before sliding into the seat across from Tina.
Alec nodded and then set about making himself a sandwich, and he grinned and then laughed when Jinx stood with his front paws on the counter watching both his master and the cold cuts. Alec eventually rolled his eyes and gave in to the dog's polite begging. He got a piece of ham and then was pushed off the counter and back onto all fours. Alec didn't mind though. Begging for food was one of the normal dog things that Jinx did. Especially when he wanted attention.
"Seems like I missed out on quite the eventful mornin'," Tina said slowly, glancing between the two of them. "My mother's not really prone for naps in the middle of the afternoon."
"It's complicated," Dean said with a shrug.
"Another one of those demon things that I should just keep my nose out of?"
"Something like that."
He sat down at the table with his plate and really looked at them for the first time. The light and spark of their souls were definitely more vivid, but at the same time not as bright. Not like they had lost anything but more like there was less glare from the light. Something in his head had definitely shifted. He felt unbalanced, but not. . .bad. He shrugged it off for now and took a bite of his sandwich.
Dean and Tina talked back and forth for a while, mostly catching up and joking between each other. There wasn't really anything all that important to talk about, and Dean was thankful for the lighter conversation.
Alec made it three fourths of the way through before getting full and passing the rest off to Jinx. The glare from the dog made him eat the banana anyway.
"Well, I better get back to what I was doin'," Tina sighed after a while. "Y'all stayin' for the night, or you headin' out soon?"
Dean glanced down at his watch before shrugging. "Don't know. We gotta long drive." He turned towards Alec. "Whadaya wanna do?"
He thought about it for a second. He wanted to do home, but it was a long drive. And he very much >didn't want to stay in an unfamiliar motel room. Either way they wouldn't make it home until tomorrow. Better to stay here tonight and leave early tomorrow. He tapped the table with one finger in a 'right here' gesture.
Dean nodded. "We're stayin' the night."
"Alright then," she nodded. "I'll call ya when it's time for dinner, then."
"Okay," Dean sighed. "Will do." With that, Tina made her way out of the room, heading back out into the backyard towards the garden.
Alec watched her go and then after a minute looked back at Dean. Then he tapped his wrist where the face of a watch would be and gave Dean a questioning look.
Dean glanced down at his watch. "'Bout three in the afternoon."
Alec nodded and then pursed his lips, thinking. That wasn't actually what he wanted to know. Well, it was, partly, but it wasn't the question he meant to ask. He made the gesture again and this time made a show of rolling his eyes up and made an effort to look momentarily dead. Then he cocked an eyebrow at his father again.
Dean snorted slightly at the look before responding. "How long have you been out?"
He nodded.
"A few days," Dean said with a shrug. "It took us a while to figure out that it might be something in Angeline's area of expertise."
He nodded and bit his lip a little. He had missed so much and didn't know what to do about it. He was also tired as hell.
Dean watched him for a moment, before reaching over and placing a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"
He leaned into the touch. He couldn't help it. In his head like that it was always an eternity alone. Then he yawned, wide and catlike, and completely involuntary.
Dean smirked slightly, before responding. "Maybe you should get some rest."
He nodded. Food cycle was definitely complete. Sleep cycle initiating.
Dean nodded. "Head upstairs then. I think the room you slept in last time is probably open."
Alec rubbed his cheek against Dean's knuckles in a shameless show of kitten affection and then stood, took his plate to the sink and headed for the doorway.
Dean let him go, staying where he was until he heard Alec moving to head up the stairs, before turning and heading out to finish working on his car. Once he got out there, he decided to check in first, pulling out his phone and dialing Ben's number as he placed it to his ear.
Amazing, a few hundred miles away, Ben was working on HIS car. Winchester frustration reaction, apparently. However, as the phone started to ring, Ben pushed himself out from under the car and rubbed his hand on the rag before grabbing it. "Dad?"
"Yeah," Dean said with a sigh. "It worked. Angeline managed to get him back. He's not completely one hundred percent yet, but he's better, and he's there."
Ben sagged against the side of the car in relief, his head falling back with a grateful sigh. "I knew she'd be able to help. Good. Now when you say he's not a hundred percent, what do you mean?"
"He's -- not talking," Dean replied, rubbing his forehead slightly. "He's done this before, and he comes out of it eventually, but for right now, we're only playing charades."
Ben blinked. "He has? I don't remember him doing that before." Which of course, Ben wouldn't. Sam would though.
"Yeah, it was back after Meg kidnapped him the first time around. You weren't around." And Dean planned to leave it at that. More detail wasn't really needed. "Look, he comes out of it on his own, he's just still a little rattled from whatever it was that happened. It's taking him a little time to adjust."
Ben tried to think back to that time and found himself drawing a blank. He wasn't all that surprised though, after all he had been possessed. And he was even amazed that he wasn't hurting nearly as much when he remembered that time. All the more reason in which Ben knew that Angeline was the best person to help Alec. "As long as he comes out of it. If he isn't out of it before I leave for Stanford, he'll get carpal tunnel syndrome text messaging me."
Dean laughed. "Don't damage him too badly. I'm pretty sure your brother doesn't want to go into surgery again."
Ben laughed as well, relieved. "Maybe that knowledge will give him more reason to snap out of it in his own time... faster."
"Maybe it will." Dean was quiet for a moment, before dropping his voice a bit. "Any sign of that asshole showing up again, or does it look like he's gone for good? Any more of Alec's friends going missing that you know about?" Because that was the last thing Dean needed to worry about right then.
"He hasn't raised his head and Max says that everyone they know how to find is accounted for. Sam and I gave her a crash course on 'How to Detect Possession in Six Easy Ways'."
"Good. How're the other kids he grabbed doing?"
"Recovering. Pissed, but recovering. Sticking to their own kind right now." There was the sound of a hood closing. "Safety in numbers and all."
"Yeah. Sounds good." There was a pause, as Dean leaned against the car. "We're leavin' tomorrow morning, so we should be back by tomorrow night."
"I'll stock up on Alec's comfort foods then so he'll have everything he wants right at his fingertips for awhile."
"Great. I'm sure he'll love that."
"He'd better." Ben looked at his watch. "How are you doing, Dad?"
Dean was quiet for a minute, before sighing slightly. "She almost said no. And frankly, I wouldn't have blamed her if she did."
There was silence for a moment as Ben thought about what would have happened if Angeline had said no. "But she didn't, and it worked. So no need to think about the could have beens..."
"Yeah, well -- can't help it. Way I was raised."
"You're not a kid anymore. You can reverse bad habits if you try," Ben teased.
"Nah, but unlike most old dogs, I can still learn new tricks." Dean sighed again. "She's gonna have me working on this house for the rest of her natural life for this one. And maybe some of the afterlife."
"Want me to help? I owe her a lot."
"I'll see what she wants me to do first, then I'll get back to you on that," Dean nodded. "It'll probably mostly be small jobs whenever we happen to roll in."
Ben would pipe up that if he needed any money to repair or replace something, just to let him know, but he didn't. He avoided ever mentioning his money to Dean just because it was something he didn't talk about as long as Dean didn't ask. "Well, then I guess you're screwed for the next four years since I'm not going to be over that way much at all."
"Oh, I know. That's what Sam's for." The smirk in his voice was evident.
"You kidding?" Ben looked up at the house were Sam was once again on the roof with a book, reading in the sun. "He's the laziest person I've ever met now that he's not all Demon King."
Dean laughed. "Yeah, well -- good reason for him to do some actual work, right?"
"Yeah, sounds about right. So we'll see you tomorrow night then?"
"Yup," Dean nodded. "See you then."
"Yup. Tell Alec I said hi or something like that."
"I will," Dean nodded. "Be careful." Standard Winchester for goodbye.
"Always am. You both as well." Ben hung up, then started inside to tell Sam the good news.