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[call_me_lovey]

Hiya,

If you fancy/have fancied a handful of people of your own sex, but you can't act on it for whatever reason (they aren't available) & you prefer the opposite sex anyway, do you think this still makes you gay or bi??

Comments

[mondengel]

For me sexuality is about who you're attracted to, not just who you have sexual experiences with. By that logic, I'm asexual, as I've never done anything with anyone. I would say that such a person was bisexual. I am bisexual, and I prefer men to women. Just because my heterosexual side is "stronger" than my homosexual side it doesn't invalidate my bisexuality.

[tabular_rasa]

I would say such preferences make one bisexual, since you are ultimately attracted to both sexes. Like mondengel said, defining sexuality by with whom we share sexual experience isn't entirely logical, since attraction generally occurs well before and independent of sexual experience. And one needn't have a even split between male and female attraction to be bisexual; I think most bisexuals have at least a slight preference for one or the other

[gommyommy]

I agree with the previous posters that such a person would likely be bi. There are plenty of men (especially in Latin American countries) who have sex with other men (as the "penetrator") who are still considered straight. It's not so much who you have sex with as who you are attracted to and fall in love with.

[therandomgirlie]

The question, really, is what does it mean to be gay or bisexual? Do you have to be attracted to a certain amount of people of the same gender to qualify as being so?
TBH, I think each person has their own individual sexuality, and the whole world would just be better if labels such as "straight", "gay" and "bisexual" didn't exist, and everyone was able to accept themselves and others for who they are.
I mean, I doubt that will ever happen but hey, a girl can dream!

[phaelas]

This. Thank you.

I understand that it's tempting to worry your head over which label applies to you, since society kind of expects a label, but ultimately, you are attracted to whomever you're attracted. Labels are just there to make it easier for the outside world to "understand" how your sexuality works. Ultimately though, you do not NEED to apply labels constructed by someone else on your heart or sexuality.

[captainporridge]

I think if you have only ever liked/had an interest in one person of the gender you're not normally interested in, then it "doesn't count". Because most likely everyone's going to find someone they really like regardless of gender at least once in their lives (even if they don't see it as romantic like). Two or more, unless those two are separated by sixty years and the death of the first one or something, is a note about sexuality.

[i_llbedammned]

It would make you bi. You can have a preference, but you still admit there is an attraction to both sexes.