I'm pulled to the black silver ocean
(where the current and the heavens collide.)
When the lights go out / we'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world / like it's all we have to hold onto.
And we'll be a dream.
"I'm a fag," he said.
"What?" I said, and laughed.
"I'm a fag," he repeated.
"That's not funny," I said, and laughed again.
"It's kind of funny."
"Okay, yeah, it's a little funny, but it's not true."
"Yes, it is. I am a fag."
I looked into his eyes. I stared at him. I regarded him.
"You're telling the truth," I said.
"Yeah."
"You're a fag."
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"That's all you have to say?"
"What else am I supposed to say?" I asked.
"I was hoping you would say more than 'Wow.'"
"Well, 'Wow,' is all I got."
"Damn," he said. "And I had this all planned out."
He'd been thinking about coming out to me, his unveiling, for months. At first, he'd thought about telling me while were in engaged in some overtly masculine activity, like shouting out "I'm gay!" while we were butchering a hog. Or whispering, "I'm a really good shot--for a homosexual," while we were duck hunting. Or saying, "After I'm done with Sally's vagina, it's penis and scrotum from now on," as we were screwing twin sisters in their living room.
"I'm not gay," I said.
"I know."
"I'm just saying it, so it's out there, I'm not gay. Not at all."
"Jeez, come on, I'm not interested in you like that," he said. "I'm gay, but I'm not blind."
"That's funny," I said, but I didn't laugh. I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I'd been his best friend since we were five years old, and he'd never told me how he felt. He'd never told me who he was. He'd lied to me all those years. It made me wonder what else he had lied about. After all, don't liars tell lies about everything? And sure, maybe he'd lied to protect himself from hatred and judgement. And yes, maybe he lied because he was scared of my reaction. But a lie is a lie, right? And lying is contagious.
"You're a liar," I said.
"I know," he said, and cried.
Excerpt from "The Senator's Son" in War Dances by Sherman Alexie
--
we_are_cities, your solid stage is so necessary to save all those who stray.
When the lights go out / we'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world / like it's all we have to hold onto.
And we'll be a dream.
"I'm a fag," he said.
"What?" I said, and laughed.
"I'm a fag," he repeated.
"That's not funny," I said, and laughed again.
"It's kind of funny."
"Okay, yeah, it's a little funny, but it's not true."
"Yes, it is. I am a fag."
I looked into his eyes. I stared at him. I regarded him.
"You're telling the truth," I said.
"Yeah."
"You're a fag."
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"That's all you have to say?"
"What else am I supposed to say?" I asked.
"I was hoping you would say more than 'Wow.'"
"Well, 'Wow,' is all I got."
"Damn," he said. "And I had this all planned out."
He'd been thinking about coming out to me, his unveiling, for months. At first, he'd thought about telling me while were in engaged in some overtly masculine activity, like shouting out "I'm gay!" while we were butchering a hog. Or whispering, "I'm a really good shot--for a homosexual," while we were duck hunting. Or saying, "After I'm done with Sally's vagina, it's penis and scrotum from now on," as we were screwing twin sisters in their living room.
"I'm not gay," I said.
"I know."
"I'm just saying it, so it's out there, I'm not gay. Not at all."
"Jeez, come on, I'm not interested in you like that," he said. "I'm gay, but I'm not blind."
"That's funny," I said, but I didn't laugh. I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I'd been his best friend since we were five years old, and he'd never told me how he felt. He'd never told me who he was. He'd lied to me all those years. It made me wonder what else he had lied about. After all, don't liars tell lies about everything? And sure, maybe he'd lied to protect himself from hatred and judgement. And yes, maybe he lied because he was scared of my reaction. But a lie is a lie, right? And lying is contagious.
"You're a liar," I said.
"I know," he said, and cried.
Excerpt from "The Senator's Son" in War Dances by Sherman Alexie
--
we_are_cities, your solid stage is so necessary to save all those who stray.