Mm, my curtains have come down, so I wake up even earlier in the mornings. This is lovely because something about summer is making everything work. Turns out that the hugely regrettable thing was not worth regretting at all, the boy is still here and making everything better. Kill Bill Volume 2 with two of my most favourite people in the entire ( Read more... )

january 1st - mummy's birthday (1957), ollie & moi (2004)
february 14th - valentine's day
february 23rd - joe & moi (2003)
march 10th - my birthday (1987)
april 14th - no more ollie (2004)
may 23rd - joe's birthday (1986)
may 26th - daddy's birthday (1957)
july 6th - ollie's birthday (1986)
august 29th - no more joe (2003)
october 30th - met lucas ( Read more... )

I think that's probably the weirdest thing about it all .. That I just, quite simply, straight out, refuse to accept it. Refuse to accept defeat, if you will. It simply does not get through to me that he might not forgive me eventually, that we might not end up married and desperately in love and grow old together. I just won't let it penetrate, ( Read more... )

( for everything. )

things are delicious.

doing French at collingham this week, and today I had lunch with some lovely blonde boy who does French there too, pizza with goat's cheese & tomato, and it is three months with Ollie today & he said "I love you so much, missing you more than ever" which is something that this boy never says, because he is Oliver! and doesn't ( Read more... )

Dreaming about a boy I oughtn't, thinking about one I oughtn't, adoring one I ought.

Yesterday Millie & I were talking, & we couldn't figure out why we were doing any of the things we were doing, so we got up & started walking and didn't stop. By the end of the day I had calmed down enough, but when we first got started I couldn't think of ( Read more... )

His voice was sleepy like cream.
Oh, when he can make me feel so calm ..

It turns out, sometimes, that I really am as awful as you think I am. But then again, sometimes I can prove my worth & shock everyone, even myself. I'm tired again, not just this minute but always; I am tired and slow, like a sloth crawling at minute speeds. I miss being in ( Read more... )

(thank you another-ache!)

KITTIES!

Feeling rather sick with disgust, really, and for reasons I'm sure you can('t) guess. I was all for loving myself, being my own biggest fan, all that malarky, when I realised that actually you can all go fuck yourselves because .. well .. I oughtn't be a fan of myself. It's the most fabulous thing in the world to have people tell you just how ( Read more... )

I said to Christine, and will say to you too; I want a lifetime of first kisses with this boy who I do not wholly love but am beginning to fall for. I miss the lovely adrenaline of being unsure, will he respond in kind? I love his arms around me as I fall asleep and his reverberating voice when I pick up the phone. One thing I loved (& miss) was ( Read more... )