Dear Patient - a Letter from Your Nurse
Dear Patient,
Did you know that I have five patients for whom I am responsible this evening? That is a fabulous nurse-patient ratio compared to larger cities and states, I realize, and I am very proud of the facility where I work and the care that I give. However, it still means that you may not monopolize an hour of my time adjusting your blankets and arranging your bedside table 'just so'.
Please tell your family that rudeness to me does not mean better or more prompt care for you. I am far more likely to avoid your room like the plague whenever they are present.
Just because you see me 'sitting' does not mean I am not working. Often the only times I do sit are the rare moments I have a chance to sit and chart. Everything which occurs in every room, I must write down - sometimes in multiple locations in the chart - the dreaded 'double charting'. "If you didn't chart it, you didn't do it," is a mantra every student hears from the first day in school. We also know from experience that it is the whiners and complainers that are the most likely to sue, so your grousing means far more paperwork outside the room, as much as work inside your room.
Just because you see me on the phone does not mean I am 'chatting'. I must call doctors for abnormal lab results, abnormal vital signs, abnormal assessment findings, and because the doctors' time is even harder to come-by than mine, I must be available at their phone call, not expect them to be available at mine.
I understand that when you use your call light, you need me. However, that does not mean I can simply leave my vomiting patient, or my patient in agonizing pain, to run to your room to walk you to the toilet, no matter how badly you 'need to go'. A ten-minute delay does not justify foul language or bitter recriminations. I am just as human as you are, and no amount of PAY is enough to make me willingly put up with verbal abuse.
Likewise, I do not care what your education level is, or that of your family, you are not 'paying for the doctor's salary, therefore he should come when I want to see him'. Doctors have lives and families like everyone else. When they are off, they are OFF, and you can flaunt your credentials to the hospital president all you want, that is not going to make her go out and find Dr. Whoever and drag them in on their day off because you are Dean of Stupidity at the University of Egomaniacs and somehow think paying a hospital bill entitles you to treat everyone inside the hospital like shit.
As in all areas of life, Health Care would work better if everyone understood the basic tenants of Personal Responsibility. It is your body. Know your medications. "The little pink pill" tells me nothing. If that is all you know about your medicine, you should not be taking it! What is the name? How many milligrams? Why do you use it? When was the last time you took it?
And for crying out loud, if you are physically capable of wiping your own butt, then do it. Those stupid 'Naughty Nurse' porn movies have absolutely no bearing on reality. Every penis looks the same, buddy.
~Fed up,
Your Nurse