Sometimes I wish she was you, PG13, Bradley/Colin
Sometimes I wish she was you...
Author: wedabble
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own Bradley or Colin. They just own me.
Pairing: Bradley/Colin
Summary: Years after "Merlin" wraps and the boys have 'moved on', Bradley recieves a late night phone call from Colin.
Honey why you calling me so late? It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay? I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud...
The cold air hits your face with a vengeance. You grip your cell in your hand and squeeze your eyes shut.
“Are you okay?”
The short, shallow gasps of breath tell you he isn’t. You lean against the railing of the balcony.
“Talk to me, Col.”
“Do you ever think of me?”
You sigh and feel every inch of your skin catch on fire.
“Col…”
“I know. I know. I shouldn’t have called.”
“No. No. I’m glad you did.”
Well, my girl's in the next room, sometimes I wish she was you. I guess we never really moved on...
You look back over your shoulder and breath a sigh of relief to see she hasn’t noticed you’ve gotten out of bed. She looks peaceful. Happy. Clueless as to what’s going on right now.
“So how are you?” He asks.
“Good. Good. Been slow work wise since the show ended but…I’m surviving. Doing auditions. You?”
“Yeah. Got another series, actually. Another sci fi show. Nothing spectactular.”
“Good for you. I’m proud of you.”
“Are you?”
You swallow. “Of course, Col. Always.”
It's funny that you're calling me tonight. And, yes, I've dreamt of you too...
You listen to each other breathing. You can tell he’s been crying. It makes you unable to keep it together.
“What is this all about?”
“I had a dream.”
Same old song.
“Yeah.”
“Guess I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Colin, we can’t…”
“You never can, Bradley.”
And does he know you're talking to me, will it start a fight? No I don't think she has a clue...
“Are you with him?”
“I left.”
You feel relief.
“He was good to you.”
“He wasn’t you.”
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet...
“We cant keep doing this.”
You hear his mouth against the phone and you imagine his lips; swollen and perfect. You miss them. You miss him. You could say screw it. Leave tonight and drive to where he is. Bang on his door at 3am. He would open it, fall into your arms and it would be like no time had passed. No harsh words were spoken. No doors had been slammed. No hearts had been broken.
But you know it had been too long for that. These phone calls; the ones that come at 1am on a Tuesday night, just when you think you’re over it. Over him. Just when you go an entire day without thinking of him, he calls. Like he knew you had almost moved on.
“I love you.”
Coming from the lips of an angel; Hearing those words it makes me weak...
“Don’t.”
“Tell me you don’t love me anymore. Tell me and you won't hear from me anymore, Bradley. I promise.”
You’re shaking. You want to blame it on the cold. You’re standing on your balcony in October weather. In boxers and nothing else.
Sure, it’s the cold.
But it's not.
It’s his voice. And your fear. Your fear of loving him. Your fear of telling him. Your fear of never hearing his voice again.
It's what keeps you coming back.
“I can't say that.” You whisper.
And I know I wanna say goodbye, but you make it hard to be faithful...
“How can this work?”
“Maybe if we start over…”
“How could we possibly do that, Col? How? After everything.”
“Maybe we can end up somewhere different.”
Your knees are weak. You’re so weak when it comes to him. Everything in your head is telling you this is crazy. Telling you to hang up. That this won't end the way you want it to. It will just be another mess you’re going to have to dig yourself out of when it doesn’t work out months from now. When hearts get broken yet again and doors are slammed and things are broken.
But then you remember his smile. His laugh and squinty eyes when he’s really truly happy.
The softness of his body against yours in the middle of the night.
His gentleness.
His strength.
His grace.
Just him.
And you realize the thing you’ve been running from; the thing that you fear most in this world; is everything you ever needed.
You take a deep breath and face your darkest fear.
“Let me get some stuff. I’ll be there in an hour.”
Author: wedabble
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own Bradley or Colin. They just own me.
Pairing: Bradley/Colin
Summary: Years after "Merlin" wraps and the boys have 'moved on', Bradley recieves a late night phone call from Colin.
Honey why you calling me so late? It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay? I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud...
The cold air hits your face with a vengeance. You grip your cell in your hand and squeeze your eyes shut.
“Are you okay?”
The short, shallow gasps of breath tell you he isn’t. You lean against the railing of the balcony.
“Talk to me, Col.”
“Do you ever think of me?”
You sigh and feel every inch of your skin catch on fire.
“Col…”
“I know. I know. I shouldn’t have called.”
“No. No. I’m glad you did.”
Well, my girl's in the next room, sometimes I wish she was you. I guess we never really moved on...
You look back over your shoulder and breath a sigh of relief to see she hasn’t noticed you’ve gotten out of bed. She looks peaceful. Happy. Clueless as to what’s going on right now.
“So how are you?” He asks.
“Good. Good. Been slow work wise since the show ended but…I’m surviving. Doing auditions. You?”
“Yeah. Got another series, actually. Another sci fi show. Nothing spectactular.”
“Good for you. I’m proud of you.”
“Are you?”
You swallow. “Of course, Col. Always.”
It's funny that you're calling me tonight. And, yes, I've dreamt of you too...
You listen to each other breathing. You can tell he’s been crying. It makes you unable to keep it together.
“What is this all about?”
“I had a dream.”
Same old song.
“Yeah.”
“Guess I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Colin, we can’t…”
“You never can, Bradley.”
And does he know you're talking to me, will it start a fight? No I don't think she has a clue...
“Are you with him?”
“I left.”
You feel relief.
“He was good to you.”
“He wasn’t you.”
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet...
“We cant keep doing this.”
You hear his mouth against the phone and you imagine his lips; swollen and perfect. You miss them. You miss him. You could say screw it. Leave tonight and drive to where he is. Bang on his door at 3am. He would open it, fall into your arms and it would be like no time had passed. No harsh words were spoken. No doors had been slammed. No hearts had been broken.
But you know it had been too long for that. These phone calls; the ones that come at 1am on a Tuesday night, just when you think you’re over it. Over him. Just when you go an entire day without thinking of him, he calls. Like he knew you had almost moved on.
“I love you.”
Coming from the lips of an angel; Hearing those words it makes me weak...
“Don’t.”
“Tell me you don’t love me anymore. Tell me and you won't hear from me anymore, Bradley. I promise.”
You’re shaking. You want to blame it on the cold. You’re standing on your balcony in October weather. In boxers and nothing else.
Sure, it’s the cold.
But it's not.
It’s his voice. And your fear. Your fear of loving him. Your fear of telling him. Your fear of never hearing his voice again.
It's what keeps you coming back.
“I can't say that.” You whisper.
And I know I wanna say goodbye, but you make it hard to be faithful...
“How can this work?”
“Maybe if we start over…”
“How could we possibly do that, Col? How? After everything.”
“Maybe we can end up somewhere different.”
Your knees are weak. You’re so weak when it comes to him. Everything in your head is telling you this is crazy. Telling you to hang up. That this won't end the way you want it to. It will just be another mess you’re going to have to dig yourself out of when it doesn’t work out months from now. When hearts get broken yet again and doors are slammed and things are broken.
But then you remember his smile. His laugh and squinty eyes when he’s really truly happy.
The softness of his body against yours in the middle of the night.
His gentleness.
His strength.
His grace.
Just him.
And you realize the thing you’ve been running from; the thing that you fear most in this world; is everything you ever needed.
You take a deep breath and face your darkest fear.
“Let me get some stuff. I’ll be there in an hour.”