Take 512: Act Five
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Act Five
“The Play's the Thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the King."
William Shakespeare Hamlet
Tech week, and most everything turns a degree crazier.
Tom makes a wringing motion with his hands in the middle of the first act, just as Manners barks an order to stop. Katie warily moves to fix whatever angle or light that's gone wrong, and Jensen calls out, "Great, thanks guys," in a voice with frustration creeping in at the edges. It's six o'clock and maybe the eleventh time they're taking this from the top, something about the Ghost's appearance going persistently wrong with each take. Everyone looks irritated, seconds away from snapping completely and rolling on the Shakespearean bloodbath offstage.
Manners signals curtly to start again and Tom takes a long, steadying breath before obliging.
From stage left, where Jared's sitting hidden by the curtains, he can hear the steady back-and-forth between Mike and Jensen. They grin sometimes, making silent gestures with their hands and eyebrows. Most of the time, they look like they're trying real hard not to crack with frustration.
Scene changes are just as bad. Justin's on running crew with a freshman sidekick Jared vaguely recognizes. There's a frantic expression on his face that Jared's coming to recognize, and it's parallel to the look of desperate frustration on Jensen's. At the entrances, the scaffolding's maybe five feet wide, so it's a snug fit for the movable set pieces. Still, Jensen prefers it over flying them in, so Justin and the rest of the running crew look pale and nervous all throughout rehearsal.
All in all, Jared's possibly the most relaxed of the tech team. Occasionally Tom would point out a problem with mobility in his elaborate costume, but all of it is easily fixed by taking out some stitches. Genevieve's more of a problem, but then, she doesn't really have to move around much. Milo's suit catches the floodlights pretty much exactly the way he calculated it would, which is this huge relief.
All day Q2Qs, Jensen looking intense and his concentration never wavering. Jared kind of wants to go over and put a hand on his knee, watch the tension drain away from his shoulders and from around his eyes. Watch him relax and slump back on his chair. It's the kind of magic Jared's good at.
He stays where he is, mostly. He chats with Alona and Gen at intervals, when they're not on.
Wednesday, when they should be getting most of their cues right, Katie comes over to where he's touching up Alona's eyeliner. She stands at his elbow, and when he raises an eyebrow, she asks, "You done here?"
"Almost." More eye shadow. Alona looks depraved and ethereal but for the Twizzler hanging from her mouth. Jared rolls his eyes and she gives him a cheeky smile.
Katie takes him by the arm and leads him to the back entrance of the theatre. She tells him, "Set's gone up," and Jared knows what she means instantly and begins feeling apprehensive.
Set design's been pretty secretive this year, just the basics on display. Manners had given up nagging Jensen about it.
Lately, pretty much everyone except Jared has been covered in paint splotches. Gen bitched about it earlier, only to wave off Jared's inquiries about origin. But then, it was Genevieve. Shifty and dismissive was her MO. Jared hadn't thought much of it.
But now, his heart sinks to somewhere below his knees. "Katie, what's going on?"
She catches his tone. "Hey, nothing for you to worry about." She inhales deeply and reaches for the door. "Here goes nothing."
"Just give it to me straight, Katie," he cajoles. "Tom got fed up and left, didn't he? Are we replacing him? Did Manners actually let you get a pony as one of the extras?"
Short passageway, some steps, another decorative door and then they're in full view of the stage. Katie stops, mid-chastisement.
"What-"
And right then, he recognizes the gigantic symbol on the backdrop.
Jared's jaw drops open. For the span of a second, then two, then three and then an eternity, he's stunned speechless. He feels like his mind's been cleansed of thought, and excitement rushes through him, making his skin tingle.
He's just completely blown away.
"Oh," he says.
He grins, face splitting open. He thinks he must look like a complete idiot, goofy grin like that. He really, truly, doesn't care.
Because on the backdrop, painted clearly in big bold strokes so that no one misses it, so that it's the first thing anyone really notices, is his symbol of the crow.
The significance lies in how unheard of that is. Backdrops and most props are made to retain some ambiguity, so that they can be re-used in some other show. This time, a distinguishable mark has been splashed all over them like some kind of signature. His and Jensen's, because he's sure it's Jensen behind this.
He hasn't told anyone about his decision yet, not even Alona. He's sure it's not meant to signify his swan song. It's more of a gesture of faith in him. It's everything.
His eyes seek out Jensen, who's standing in front of the open door of his cubicle.
He can't help it. He gives Jen a wide grin and pumps his fist in the air.
Jensen's expression of forced nonchalance and underlying worry fades, and he grins back.
Jared's breathless again.
He manages to make a gesture towards the door, lifts his eyebrows in a plea. Jensen twists his mouth, pointing at the cubicle, where Jared can make out the blinking lights of Mike's lightboard.
He raises three fingers, each signifying a second, and Jensen grins again, shrugs. Okay, he mouths.
Katie gives him the thumbs-up. She's grinning just as hard, like she can't make herself stop, either. "Go," she says, shoving lightly at his shoulder.
"Thank you," he tells her sincerely.
She rolls her eyes and nods. "Go," she says again.
Jensen's already outside when the door slides shut behind Jared. His hands are clenched at his side, and he looks like he’s seriously considering running for the hills.
Jared decides to cut to the chase. He walks right at him, straight into his personal space.
Jensen's eyes are very green, wide like full moons. Jared can count his freckles, and it makes a shiver run down his spine.
He reaches out and touches Jensen's jaw, letting his wonder shine through.
At the contact, sparks run up and down his arm, spreading through his entire body like Jensen's electrically charged.
He sees Jensen visibly relax, his hands and shoulders loosening. His eyelashes flutter a little, but he keeps his eyes open and locked on Jared's.
A thousand flashes of emotion; there's so much hanging in the air between them. I get it now, I'm still totally head over heels for you and it looks like it's the same for you; I forgive you for leaving, I'm so fucking proud of you for doing it; I'm so sorry.
Finally he settles on, "I missed you."
Jensen nods, his eyes luminous in the sunlight, and Jared's knocked off-balance all over again by how much he's in love with this boy. "Yeah," his voice comes out strangled, and he clears his throat. "Me too, Jay."
Jared nods and lets his touch grow firmer, more intent. He leans fractionally closer, eyes on Jensen's full lips, parted as if in invitation. "Okay?" he asks, because he has to, because he absolutely can't fuck this up again.
Jensen nods.
When their lips meet, it's a sudden surge of electricity and fire, everything clicking in place and the world gratefully sliding back into axis.
It's less of a kiss than a shared inhale, both of them staying still until the world slows down around them. Jensen's hands come up to Jared's shoulders, fitting perfectly, and they both smile.
The raw edge of tension between them dissipates slowly like a mist being cleared by sunlight, and a new feeling of rightness takes its place. Hunger building for something more, but it doesn't claw at Jared's skull like it had in the past, because he knows he can have this now. This is exactly where he wants to be.
Jensen nips gently on Jared's lower lip, and breaks away. Jared chases his lips and plants another kiss, licking lazily at Jensen's mouth until he opens it and then exploring it thoroughly, mapping it out with his tongue.
Jensen shivers in his arms. His tongue creeps out tentatively, touches Jared's, and Jared feels like spinning in circles and dancing.
"You realize," says a voice, mock-thoughtful, "that I have ammunition for your professional distance lectures for the rest of our natural lives, right?"
Jared breaks away, blushing brick red, but Jensen merely flips Mike off. "C'mere," he tugs at Jared's shoulders.
Jared takes a good look at him, swollen lips and blown pupils, impatient expression like Jared was being especially trying. He feels his dick twitch in interest, and has to close his eyes.
"Jen." he says, in as even a voice as he can manage. It's not very even. "He's right, they need you in there."
Jensen makes an annoyed, petulant whine. Jared smiles in understanding, still with his eyes closed.
Finally, Jensen huffs out a breath and mutters, "Fucking fine," and lets go of Jared.
Mike cackles. There's the sound of a door opening, like he's waiting for Jensen to catch up.
When Jared re-opens his eyes, Jensen's some way off, his eyes locked on the floor and body still angled towards Jared's.
"Um." he says. "Pick up on that later?"
Jared gets what he's asking, loud and clear. He nods so violently his head hurts, and his face aches from the sappy grin he can't for the life of him hold in check.
Jensen looks up hesitantly, just as Jared says, "Definitely."
Jensen grins back, looking positively joyful, like he wants to sing cheesy love ballads and slow dance with Jared as much as Jared does.
"Okay then." he says. He nods to himself, and follows Mike inside.
Jared waits until he's sure his smile won't scare the cast. Then he goes back in, too.
The rest of tech week whizzes past in a flurry of sequins and glitter and foundation. Jared doesn't really get any time alone with Jensen, what with their jam-packed schedules. The closest they get is the day before dress rehearsal, when Jared rides home in the shotgun seat of Jensen's truck. Katie and Steve are talking in hushed tones in the back seat, exhaustion dragging their syllables.
Jared doesn't overthink it, doesn't have the energy to. He just reaches over and rests his hand on Jensen's thigh like he's been wanting to for what seems like decades.
Jensen tenses at first, his muscles going painful tight under Jared's light grip. Then he relaxes, catches Jared's eye and smiles a little.
Jared settles back in his seat, comfortable again in his own skin.
When he comes in the next morning, Jensen is coming out of the restroom, a fluffy green towel slung over one shoulder and a green toothbrush in one hand. He looks like he hasn't shaved since Jared last saw him two days ago, and he looks appealing like that, tougher somehow despite the dark rings around his eyes. He looks like he can hold his own in a fight, not as terribly fragile as he used to look.
He tries not to linger too much upon that, choosing to look at the toothbrush and raising his eyebrows instead. "That bad, huh?"
Jensen flushes a dark, dark red. Despite the towel, his T-shirt clings invitingly to his chest like he hadn't dried off properly, and Jared has to swallow and look away.
"Platforms are a bitch." And Jensen sounds so comically frustrated Jared can't help chuckling a little. Jensen eyes him, looking betrayed.
"No, man, I get that." Jared tries to get a hold on his smile. It's harder than expected; Jensen Ackles is all kinds of magic. "What I mean is, maybe you should relax a little. I could help."
As if he doesn't regret saying it out loud enough already, Jensen shakes his head. Then he sees the expression on Jared's face and his face goes open with panic for a split second. "No, no, I don't mean like that, I mean, you've got enough on your hands already and-" he breaks off, blushing harder than before. "I'm rambling, aren't I?"
Jared grins widely. "It's kinda adorable."
Jensen glares, and Jared shrugs, unrepentant. "What? It really is."
A moment, then two, and there it is. Jensen's lips push upward in a reluctant, tiny smile that grows into a fully-fledged grin as he shoves lightly at Jared's shoulder. "Asshole," he accuses, but his eyes are bright with laughter, and yeah, Jared really, really wants to kiss him right now.
Jensen's hand lingers on Jared's shoulder, and no, there's no way he's imagining that. His heart speeds up, his eyes tracking the change in Jensen's eyes, which have fallen to his mouth. He licks his lips only half-unconsciously, and Jensen's eyes darken further.
Someone clears their throat behind them, and Jensen leaps back like he's been burnt.
Jared whips around to face Misha, who looks even more like a hobo than usual, skepticism written all over his face. "Morning, sunshine." Misha says, looking at Jensen very intensely.
Jensen doesn't bat an eyelash, stares him down without looking like he's even trying. That's really saying something, considering how unnerving Misha's stares can get. Jared's impressed.
"Mike brought supplies for you, too." Jensen nods at the chair, where a bright pink towel and toothbrush lie haphazardly alongside a hideous pink flannel shirt.
Misha grimaces. "That Michael. Such a comedian."
Jensen shrugs. "Now, if you don't mind," and he gives Jared a heated glance, squeezes his wrist a little, and leaves the green room.
Misha bursts out laughing. Jared's still dazed, grinning goofily at the door.
It's not until Katie appears from the theatre, followed by a trail of filthy curses and giving as good as she got, that he's really shaken out of it.
She calls Manners some names that are probably illegal in most states including this one, and stands in the middle of the room breathing hard.
Jared opens his mouth, and closes it again.
Katie gives him a look. He gets the point, and flees, mumbling under his breath about beading.
He notices the stranger just as he's coming back from his impromptu storage closet in the little theatre.
"Is Jensen around?" The guy asks. Up close, he's compactly-built, sturdy-looking, for lack of a better description.
Jared jerks his head towards the entrance to the theatre. "Over there. Look for where all the cussing is coming from."
The guy grins. "Sounds like Jen, alright." He sticks out a hand, not noticing how Jared tenses. "I'm Chris, by the way. Jen's roommate from UT."
Jared struggles for a bit with the bundle of clothes in his arms, and finally manages to reach out to shake the proffered hand without resulting in too many clothes on the ground. "Right. I'm Jared."
Chris' eyebrows hike up as well. "No shit. Padalecki?"
"Should I be worried?" Jared asks apprehensively.
Chris laughs, deep and husky. Yeah, Jared could like this guy, can see why Jensen would. "Nah, man, I've just heard about you so much I imagined you to be another part of Jen's Shakespeare-inspired hallucinations. Maybe have a little entourage of fauns and shit."
Jared laughs, kinda shocked.
"Hey, how's the back?" Chris asks, pointing at the clothes he's holding up.
Jared frowns. "Excuse me?"
"Your back, man." Chris' easygoing posture fades a little, and he looks sober. "It got some damage, right? Car accident? We had finals back then. At one point I had to beat Jensen unconscious to make him stay and not drive all the way down here."
"You...what?"
Chris is definitely uneasy now. "Hey, he practically ordered me to. Told me that the only way he'd come see you was clean, and that seeing you then would only blow his plans up and make him want to stay." He shakes his head, looking amused and worried. "Actually made me lock him up and hide the keys. Totally fucking insane, man, that's what your boy is." His eyes are full of hesitant friendliness, like he's afraid Jared will take his concern the wrong way.
Of course, Jared's too busy being shell-shocked to actually respond.
"Chris, man, you made it." Jensen appears near the door, his expression bright and open when he sees Chris. His eyes move to Jared's, questioning, and Jared shakes himself out of his daze and nods, smiles a little.
They hug, Chris thumping Jensen on the back affectionately. Jensen rolls his eyes.
"I see you've already met Jared." Jensen says, his eyes going soft for an instant before turning on the smirk.
"Met and liked the hell out of, Jenny my boy." Chris drawls, and Jensen nods, visibly pleased. Jared's still kinda reeling with the aftershocks of Chris' revelation, so it takes him a beat to return the smile.
"Okay, I'll just-" he gestures towards the theatre with his mostly-free hand. The first show's a couple of hours away, and he's glad Chris showed up like he did to distract Jen from going into Monster Manager Mode (Misha's words, not his) too early. "Great meeting you, Chris."
Chris grins. "Same. Looking forward to seeing if your clothes 'put all those so-called pros to shame'." He makes quotey marks with his fingers as he says the last part, shooting a look at Jensen.
Jen shoves him roughly. "Shut the fuck up, Kane. You," he tells Jared, mock-commanding, "to work."
Jared bows his head. "Aye aye captain."
Jensen laughs and really, Jared thinks giddily, feeling all of twelve years old, it's the best sound in the world.
Just before the first show, Jared freaks the fuck out.
The air's thick in the green room and it's impossible to breathe, tension running like neon streams between the walls. Jared's trying to be methodical, but his hands are shaking badly and fuck, couldn't anyone just move out and give him a little space already?
Tom opens his eyes when Jared breaks away, cursing. Despite the botched eye shadow, Tom looks lovely, and his eyes are wide and hazel as he looks at Jared questioningly.
Jared inhales the foggy air of the green room hungrily and tries to make himself stop shaking. He tries not to look at the somber expressions of the cast waiting in line after Tom.
Dimly, he hears Brock, his last minute assistant, ask "You okay over there, boss?" from where he's working on the extras' makeup.
Tom replies for Jared, easy grace and a wave of his hand. Jared looks at him gratefully.
"Not like you to freak out before a show, Jay." Tom says quietly, so that no one else can hear.
Jared nods, trying not to get hysterical. He thinks of the theatre. The judges were probably here, and the audience woulld be trickling in by now. Jensen standing at down-centre, with the wash of the master light on him and looking fiercely beautiful.
Jared wishes desperately he could see it. Craves it like a hit, like something he can't live without.
"Don't think I'll be doing this much longer," He says quietly, mostly to himself.
Tom nods. "Get away while you still can."
Jared wants to tell him that he can't, that he crossed that line a long time ago. A part of him is nailed to this place, to the walls and theatre and the risers of the stage.
He takes a shaky breath. "Not sure I can, man."
Tom bites his lower lip, and looks around the room. "Jensen seems to think you can."
Jared's eyes snap to his, and he shrugs, playing with the frayed end of his open blazer. "He told me. He, uh, thinks you're stronger than all of us put together."
Jared makes a face. "At Pre-Tech Week?"
Tom grins a little. "Yeah. He wasn't totally hammered, though, still was sober enough to know what he was talking about."
Jared nods and looks away. "It's kinda terrifying," he admits.
"You're preaching to the choir, man." Tom sounds almost amused, partly wistful. "But I figure that's what you've got Jensen for."
Tom doesn't let him break eye contact again, not until Jared nods to show that he gets what Tom's saying.
"Awesome." Tom claps him on the shoulder and settles back on his stool. "Now can I get my makeup done with already?"
Jared grins, his mouth stretching in unfamiliar angles. His throat's dry, so he clears it before speaking. He feels a little like he's looking down an endless well, the ability to fall for centuries without noticing. "Sure thing, girlfriend. Want me to braid your hair while I'm at it?"
Tom flips him off.
The cast party theoretically begins at seven at Genevieve's place (her parents being conveniently out of town) but really, it kicks off the very second the cast take their bow and Misha yells for the tech team to come onstage. For a second, glorious chaos reigns, everyone talking at once and hugging the same people over and over until directed at someone else, randomly whooping and posing for pictures. Genevieve bursts into tears like she has for the past two years running, makeup streaming down her face, her face blotchy like a clown's, and Tom laughs and kisses her on the mouth. He's dragged off her almost immediately and Mike kisses him like fire, and everyone groans good-naturedly, whistling and catcalling.
A squealing Alona attaches herself to Jared as soon as the play is over, her small arms clasping tight around his neck and physically climbing on top, laughing hysterically. Jared spins her in a circle and she shrieks and they lose balance and topple on to a strategically placed chair, breathless and still grinning.
Jared catches Jensen's eye. Jensen's being hugged to within an inch of his life, it looks like, by Steve. Jen's laughing just as hard. He makes a rock'n'roll sign at Jared behind Steve's back and Jared blows him a kiss. Jen just laughs harder, going red.
They all tumble into different cars, a mix of cast and crew in every vehicle. Jared sees Jensen duck back in for the customary meet and greet with the judges of the competition, and is vaguely disappointed.
Someone breaks out the booze even before they step inside the house properly, and then it's on. Adrenaline and vodka and the hot pool in the back, the thump of some persistent house music.
He makes sure Gen is sober enough to process what he's saying, and then tells her to add his name to the list. At first, she doesn't get it, but when she does, her eyes widen, making her look more clown-like than ever.
She times it exactly so that she's making her announcement, precariously balanced on a kitchen chair, right as Jensen walks in. Everyone's paying her some portion of attention, even if it’s just to calculate drunkenly how long it'll take for her to fall off.
"Listen up, y'all!" she cries over the music. Jared sees Jensen's face scrunch at the song, but he's still smiling. His heart expands when Jensen scans the room, the level of his eyes obviously indicating it's Jared he's looking for.
"This was a kickass year, even for us," Gen says, and there's a round of cheers for that. "Everyone knows we're gonna win, so why the fuck should we pretend? We. Are. Fucking. Awesome." The cheers get exponentially louder, and Jensen begins making his way through the crowd towards Jared.
"But. But, but, but." Gen sounds really drunk, Jared muses. He moves towards Jensen automatically, thinking absently about magnetism. "See, this year, it's sad too. 'cause, you see, most of us are leaving this year." Gen lets the tension grow, and nods sagely. "Oh yeah. Most of Supernatural is graduating this year. So girls and boys, I'd like you to give the veterans bowing out this year a round of applause."
The house quiets down. Someone actually turns the volume down on the stereo. Everyone's listening to Genevieve.
"Tom, our very own Superman, is retiring this year." Gen says, her eyes going wet. Everyone turns to Tom, who looks self-conscious, leaning into Mike. Jared can sense the incredulity of the cast: what about Mike? "And obviously, so is Mike." The room relaxes, and there's a round of applause.
"For that matter, so am I." Gen says, and someone from the cast pats her ankle. "No worries, I'll be back to offer worldly wisdom next year as well." Laughs at that one. Jensen and Jared come to stand next to each other, exchange a quick glance, smile, and focus on Genevieve's performance. "And our lovely Milo, he's out too."
Milo goes red. He really is too cute for his own good, Jared thinks.
"Lots of people ducking out this year, wonder why.” Her eyes rest teasingly on Jensen, but she’s still smiling so hugely it’s hard to be offended. She raises her voice once more. “And, last but definitely not least, the awesomest of the awesome, the teenage prodigy, everyone's favorite overgrown puppy, Jared fuckin' Padalecki. It's college for him too." Her eyes focus on him. Even stood on the chair in heels, she's only just a couple of inches taller. "I'll miss you so much, babe."
"Jared?"
Jared turns cautiously to Jensen, expression hopeful. He's frightfully aware that the entire room is watching them.
"That true?" Jensen's voice is pitched low, gravelly. Jared shivers in anticipation.
He nods, not breaking eye contact.
Something gives in Jensen, coming loose. He lights up like a sparkler, grin breaking out like the sun, and a split second later he's pulling Jared against him and is kissing him hungrily.
The room explodes in cheers. Someone begins clapping.
Jared's head is full of light and noise, and he's lit up on the inside. Jensen's laughing into his mouth, his eyes dancing with joy before they flutter shut. He leans into Jared and curls his arms around his shoulders, and Jared gets it; this is how it was supposed to be, all along
Jensen and Jared are sitting on the ledge of Gen's pool, their feet dangling in the water. Jared's busy watching Katie, totally hammered, trip ungracefully over a deck chair and proceed to apologize to it eloquently.
Jared digs his shoulder into Jensen's, and nods towards Chris, who is now trying to help Katie up. Chris predictably gets slapped full across the face, and Jensen snorts inelegantly.
"Remember how she got so drunk after Othello she sang one of Gen's monologues-"
"-to the tune of the Spongebob theme song, yeah." They grin at each other, delighted. "Yup, I remember."
A stupid question about whether Katie's got enough co-ordination to get a full-fledged tantrum going is on Jared's lips, but Jensen is carefully getting to his feet.
"Walk with me?"
Jensen's arm is outstretched, fingers curled slightly on his open palm. Jared takes a moment to admire the view; he's picked out in gold, the dim crappy lighting of the back porch of Gen's house making him look unearthly and his eyes a vivid electric green. His hair's tousled, making him look like a particularly expensive hooker.
Jared's throat goes dry.
Jensen raises his eyebrows as Jared continues to stare, his eyes going over Jen's perfect body.
Jared focuses, blushes a deep red. "Sorry." He snatches the outstretched palm quickly, half-afraid Jensen would take back the invitation if he continued with the dopey staring tactic.
Jensen's hand is warm in his, and his fingers slip into the spaces between Jared's so easily it's a little scary. Jared can't get over it, thinks he may never come to accept how perfectly they both fit with each other.
Jensen's smiling a little as he leads them away from the house. Jared tries very hard not to think about how very badly this could end.
He comes to a clearing in the yard, the wide open sky dotted generously with stars.
Jensen's obviously thinking along the same lines as Jared is -sepia-toned memories of waking up under the sky and being happy in a hurried, spontaneous way- because he smiles softer than usual and says, "Good times."
Jared nods. "The best yet."
Jensen's still staring up at the sky, but he nods back. He laughs self-deprecatingly. "Christ, I was fucked up."
Jared surreptitiously moves closer, trying to make it look like he isn't. Their shoulders brush and he relaxes. He drags his concentration back to the conversation. "We all were. And you, you're clean now."
Jensen looks back at him, his smile intimate. "Yeah."
They're silent again, the bass of the far-off music vibrating the minimal air between them.
"Next year?" Jared asks, in a voice that comes out squeakier than he wants to expect.
Jensen shrugs. "I'll come back if you do. If not, I showed Katie the ropes."
He sounds perfectly matter-of-fact, and Jared feels his heart swell.
"Missed you," he blurts again, because no matter how many times he says it it won't be any less true.
Jensen nods. "Those first couple of weeks away, they were hell, you know?" he hunches his shoulders. "Nearly broke my fucking neck trying to climb out through the fire escape to come see you, back when Kane had me on lockdown."
Jared's throat feels like it's made of sandpaper. "Why-" he manages. "Why didn't you come?"
Jensen looks at the ground. His sneakers are scuffling around in the grass, digging in a little. "'Cause I knew how I was around you. If I came, I'd never leave. But I had to stay away, because I had to... Shit, Jay, I had to deserve to be with you." He looks at Jared again, his cheeks stained slightly, but his eyes are bright. "I had to be less of a basket case, be a guy you could actually count on. All that spur-of-the-moment shit, it just wasn't enough. I wanted to have something solid with you, something that could last our whole lives and not until one of us OD'd or something." His blush grows. "Christ, I wanted -still want- to grow old with you, Jay."
Jared feels his jaw drop open. He stays like that awhile, staring open-mouthed at Jensen, feet rooted to the spot.
Jensen waits him out, his teeth worrying his lower lip until Jared wants to reach out and stop him from bruising himself. He does.
Jensen's eyes widen, and Jared freezes mid-gesture, his fingers grazing Jensen's lips. He drops his hand to his side quickly.
"What?" He asks stupidly.
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Fine print, Jay. I'm in love with you, have been since you shot up from the ground and became a giant. Will be, probably, until I die."
A slow grin begins spreading across Jared's face, his chest flooding with light. Jensen looks pissy and irritable and his eyes are pouring out honesty. He kind off sways towards Jared, but Jared has this one last, important thing.
"Before anything, you have to absolutely swear not to leave again." Jared smiles with no humor. "Don't think I can survive through that twice. You're in it for the long haul, or you're walking right now."
Jensen nods seriously, almost like he's mulling it over. "What if I say that all I want to do is make up for the last year by being with you forever and ever?"
That treacherous goofy grin creeps back to his face.
"Sounds like a plan, Ackles." He lets the grin overcome him, beaming at Jensen full force, and just ridiculously overjoyed.
Jensen grins back. He leans up carefully and Jared leans down and their noses bump like it's the first time, but then, finally, they get it right.
-END.
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