My Beloved
MY wife leaves for her job between 5:45 and 6:00am. Usually she kisses me goodbye and I fall back asleep for another hour or two. Today, however, things were a little different. After Margie left I fell back asleep but a phone call at 6:19am from the local hospital changed all of that.
Before I get into the rest of the events of this morning, I want to share a few things about my wife. I can't believe how benevolent God is to have put her in my life. I met her in one of my darkest times. I was trying to cope with the failure of my last marriage and learning how to live with the possibility of a fatal tumor a doctor found in my head. I was penniless, alone, and scared. I met her by chance while hanging out with a friend playing darts. After just a few short minutes I knew I wanted to get to know her better.
Because of my situation at the time, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I simply wanted a few friends - a few people I could lean on and trust as I tried to figure things out and live my life the best way that I could. We started hanging out, going for walks, cooking new recipes, playing darts, watching movies, and just in general enjoying each other's company. At first we were taking things slow as we both worked through some personal issues. She helped me realize who I was and helped me work through the pain of loosing an important part of my life. As time progressed and I learned more and more about my ex-wife I started to realize how relieved I was to no longer have her a part of my life. I had allowed myself to be used, abused, and mistreated, all in the name of love. I was unwilling to see things for what they really were and blindly accepted her excuses without even a cursory thought to how true they might be. The relationship was poison and it was killing me from the inside out. Sure I wished, and still do, that we could have parted as friends, but she has made it clear that she has no desire to move on and provide closure to that chapter of her life.
Eventually we started to date. It was difficult for me at first as I was still torn between trying to salvage my marriage and forge on creating a new life. This passed quickly, however, and the love between us grew. Soon I found it impossible to think of life without her in it. One year after we first met we were traveling to Oregon for her family reunion. The plan was to visit my folks in Portland, do a little sightseeing, and then drive to Bend the next day to meet her family. Little did she know that I had other plans.
I had known for a while that I wanted to propose but I lacked the financial ability to purchase a ring. My mother offered to give me her wedding ring which she stopped wearing 10 years ago when Dad got her a new anniversary ring. I asked my sisters if this would be OK with them and they both loved the idea.
The morning after we arrived in Portland I borrowed a vehicle from my folks and took Margie to meet my grandparents. They had heard a lot about Margie, but had never had the chance to meet her. We met and had a lot of fun talking over bad coffee and an assortment of breakfast fruit. We left there and started doing some sightseeing. We drove east along HWY 84 out of Portland. HWY 84 follows the Columbia River all the way to Idaho going by some famous landmarks - Crown Point, Multnomah Falls, Bonneville Dam to name a few. This is world famous windsurfing territory and the beauty is unbelievable. We drove for more than an hour just enjoying the views and pulled off at the Bonneville Dam exit. Instead of turning left off of the exit to go to the Dam, we turned right to a trailhead I was familiar with that led to Wahclella Falls which, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful, rugged falls in the Columbia River Gorge.
We started on the hike - it is only 1.5 miles so it isn't too long or too challenging. It was great being out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by massive fir trees with the stream gliding by as we walked. A couple of times Margie wanted to stop and turn around, but I continued to press on and soon enough we made it to the falls. The falls are around 100ft tall and make a beautiful horsetail as they drop into a deep pool surrounded by rocks, trees, and nature. Truly a sight that was hand painted by The Master's hand. We took a couple of pictures together and decided it was time to head back. Before we left, though, I had a little gift I wanted to give her. In my backpack was a special teddy bear from Build-A-Bear. The bear was holding a heart in its hands that said 'I Love You'. Since I knew Margie had a thing for bears I knew this would be the perfect way to do this......
Before I left for Oregon, I had a conversation with her father about Margie and asked his permission to ask her to marry me. He immediately said yes and we talked about the life I wanted to give her. With that done I took a ribbon and had it embroidered with the words 'will you marry me'. I also went to Build-A-Bear and created a special bear that included a sound box that I had recorded my proposal to her for marriage. I shipped all of this to Oregon lest I get impatient and pop the question early.
She saw the bear and loved it. It was just perfect. After telling me how much she liked it she stood up and started to head back. I pulled her back and pointed to the heart with the ribbon sticking out of it. She pulled the ribbon and slowly read the words embroidered on it. Tied to the end of the ribbon was the ring. As she saw it I took the ribbon and started to untie it while I told her to squeeze the bears paw. She heard me say 'I love you Margie. Will you marry me?' and looked up to see me on one knee with the ring in my hand when I asked her again to marry me. She said yes without any hesitation and I got the ring on her finger.
The walk back went by in a blur. There were a couple of times when the trail got a little difficult and once Margie slipped and almost lost the bear down the hill. She wouldn't let me put it back in the backpack. We got back to the truck and I explained to her that the ring belonged to my mother and the family wanted her to wear it and become part of our family. Since we were so far out of town we didn't have any cell service so we just sat together enjoying the drive until she could start calling her friends and family. Later that week we broke the news to her family in person when we saw them at the family reunion. It was a perfect moment in a life with precious few perfect moments.
We got married one year later. Friends and family came in from all across the country. One friend even halted the Rochester Air Show so he could land his private jet and make it to our wedding. The proposal bear made a second appearance when the ring bearer carried it down the aisle. We were surrounded by family and friends and love. It is a day I shall never forget.
Now we have been married for almost 5 years and it seems like just yesterday that we first met. I learn new things about her every day and thinking about her never ceases to put a smile on my face. We have our challenges and our difficulties, but we always work together to overcome them. We constantly strive to do what is best for our marriage, even if it isn't exactly what either of us want. She understands me and allows me to be 'me'. She puts up with me even when I come home with a $100 pound of 'cat turd' coffee. She may not agree with me in everything that I think or do, but she always tries to see things from my point of view and tries to understand what I need. I don't always understand her, either, but even if I find myself spending 2 hours in Macy's shopping for clothes when all I really wanted was to price check a roasting pan, I still stand by and enjoy every minute I get to spend with her.
We have served on the Pre-Cana group at Church together and I still walk away amazed at how thankful I am to have her as my wife. Pre-Cana is the marriage preparedness seminar that everyone getting married in a Catholic ceremony must go through. For the couples it is a chance to ask each other honest questions and learn how much work a marriage is. For the teaching team - it is a chance for us to be reminded of the reasons we first fell in love and got married and a way for us to help other couples getting ready for marriage. The idea is to help engaged couples prepare for married life even as they prepare for their wedding day. As a result of these sessions there are some couples who decide that marriage isn't right for them. While this is sad, I am glad people realize this before they make the final step and get married.
I am a little unusual in the Pre-Cana group in that I am not Catholic (I am Protestant) and I am divorced. In the small group meetings I have been open and honest with the couples about the unique viewpoint that I have as a divorced man. I can look back and see the mistakes, see the signs, and see the decisions I should have made. I can see that my ex-wife didn't really know what marriage was. I can see that she didn't want to look past herself and put forth the effort to make a marriage work. I can see how naive I was in getting married before I really had a chance to learn who she was. I also know the pain of having a marriage fail and I want to help make sure that those I meet through Pre-Cana never have to feel that pain themselves.
Now, here we are. 4 years 4 months and 22 days after we got married. We are nearly debt-free, make a decent income, happy, but unfortunately still childless. God has decided that we still need some work before we can be parents. I hope and pray that he decides soon that we are ready - I really want to have a little one to call my own! Other than the lack of children, we have everything we could ever need or want - each other. Then I get a phone call from the hospital.
I get up and answer the phone, but I get it too late and no one leaves a message. I check my cell phone, nothing there. I call Margie on her cell hoping she answers - after 5 rings I hear nothing. I feel the blood drain from my face and experience a feeling like a trapdoor opening underneath my heart. I see OUR life flash before my eyes and I am on the verge of tears. The thought of living without her with me fills me with hopelessness. She is who I am. She is not only my better half, she is ME. Without her I am nothing. The phone rings a 6th and final time before her voice mail answers. In the fog of thoughts racing through my head I hear her voice, unwilling to fear the worst, but unwilling to hope for the best. Slowly, however, I realize that her voice is not coming from her voice mail, but is HER. She asks me if anything is wrong and is worried, as I was, about a phone call at 6:20am. I assure her that I am OK and ask her if she is OK. I explain to her about the phone call from the hospital and let her know I was worried. Luckily for me it was just a wrong number. Luckily for me my world hasn't caved in. I am the luckiest man on Earth.
Before I get into the rest of the events of this morning, I want to share a few things about my wife. I can't believe how benevolent God is to have put her in my life. I met her in one of my darkest times. I was trying to cope with the failure of my last marriage and learning how to live with the possibility of a fatal tumor a doctor found in my head. I was penniless, alone, and scared. I met her by chance while hanging out with a friend playing darts. After just a few short minutes I knew I wanted to get to know her better.
Because of my situation at the time, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I simply wanted a few friends - a few people I could lean on and trust as I tried to figure things out and live my life the best way that I could. We started hanging out, going for walks, cooking new recipes, playing darts, watching movies, and just in general enjoying each other's company. At first we were taking things slow as we both worked through some personal issues. She helped me realize who I was and helped me work through the pain of loosing an important part of my life. As time progressed and I learned more and more about my ex-wife I started to realize how relieved I was to no longer have her a part of my life. I had allowed myself to be used, abused, and mistreated, all in the name of love. I was unwilling to see things for what they really were and blindly accepted her excuses without even a cursory thought to how true they might be. The relationship was poison and it was killing me from the inside out. Sure I wished, and still do, that we could have parted as friends, but she has made it clear that she has no desire to move on and provide closure to that chapter of her life.
Eventually we started to date. It was difficult for me at first as I was still torn between trying to salvage my marriage and forge on creating a new life. This passed quickly, however, and the love between us grew. Soon I found it impossible to think of life without her in it. One year after we first met we were traveling to Oregon for her family reunion. The plan was to visit my folks in Portland, do a little sightseeing, and then drive to Bend the next day to meet her family. Little did she know that I had other plans.
I had known for a while that I wanted to propose but I lacked the financial ability to purchase a ring. My mother offered to give me her wedding ring which she stopped wearing 10 years ago when Dad got her a new anniversary ring. I asked my sisters if this would be OK with them and they both loved the idea.
The morning after we arrived in Portland I borrowed a vehicle from my folks and took Margie to meet my grandparents. They had heard a lot about Margie, but had never had the chance to meet her. We met and had a lot of fun talking over bad coffee and an assortment of breakfast fruit. We left there and started doing some sightseeing. We drove east along HWY 84 out of Portland. HWY 84 follows the Columbia River all the way to Idaho going by some famous landmarks - Crown Point, Multnomah Falls, Bonneville Dam to name a few. This is world famous windsurfing territory and the beauty is unbelievable. We drove for more than an hour just enjoying the views and pulled off at the Bonneville Dam exit. Instead of turning left off of the exit to go to the Dam, we turned right to a trailhead I was familiar with that led to Wahclella Falls which, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful, rugged falls in the Columbia River Gorge.
We started on the hike - it is only 1.5 miles so it isn't too long or too challenging. It was great being out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by massive fir trees with the stream gliding by as we walked. A couple of times Margie wanted to stop and turn around, but I continued to press on and soon enough we made it to the falls. The falls are around 100ft tall and make a beautiful horsetail as they drop into a deep pool surrounded by rocks, trees, and nature. Truly a sight that was hand painted by The Master's hand. We took a couple of pictures together and decided it was time to head back. Before we left, though, I had a little gift I wanted to give her. In my backpack was a special teddy bear from Build-A-Bear. The bear was holding a heart in its hands that said 'I Love You'. Since I knew Margie had a thing for bears I knew this would be the perfect way to do this......
Before I left for Oregon, I had a conversation with her father about Margie and asked his permission to ask her to marry me. He immediately said yes and we talked about the life I wanted to give her. With that done I took a ribbon and had it embroidered with the words 'will you marry me'. I also went to Build-A-Bear and created a special bear that included a sound box that I had recorded my proposal to her for marriage. I shipped all of this to Oregon lest I get impatient and pop the question early.
She saw the bear and loved it. It was just perfect. After telling me how much she liked it she stood up and started to head back. I pulled her back and pointed to the heart with the ribbon sticking out of it. She pulled the ribbon and slowly read the words embroidered on it. Tied to the end of the ribbon was the ring. As she saw it I took the ribbon and started to untie it while I told her to squeeze the bears paw. She heard me say 'I love you Margie. Will you marry me?' and looked up to see me on one knee with the ring in my hand when I asked her again to marry me. She said yes without any hesitation and I got the ring on her finger.
The walk back went by in a blur. There were a couple of times when the trail got a little difficult and once Margie slipped and almost lost the bear down the hill. She wouldn't let me put it back in the backpack. We got back to the truck and I explained to her that the ring belonged to my mother and the family wanted her to wear it and become part of our family. Since we were so far out of town we didn't have any cell service so we just sat together enjoying the drive until she could start calling her friends and family. Later that week we broke the news to her family in person when we saw them at the family reunion. It was a perfect moment in a life with precious few perfect moments.
We got married one year later. Friends and family came in from all across the country. One friend even halted the Rochester Air Show so he could land his private jet and make it to our wedding. The proposal bear made a second appearance when the ring bearer carried it down the aisle. We were surrounded by family and friends and love. It is a day I shall never forget.
Now we have been married for almost 5 years and it seems like just yesterday that we first met. I learn new things about her every day and thinking about her never ceases to put a smile on my face. We have our challenges and our difficulties, but we always work together to overcome them. We constantly strive to do what is best for our marriage, even if it isn't exactly what either of us want. She understands me and allows me to be 'me'. She puts up with me even when I come home with a $100 pound of 'cat turd' coffee. She may not agree with me in everything that I think or do, but she always tries to see things from my point of view and tries to understand what I need. I don't always understand her, either, but even if I find myself spending 2 hours in Macy's shopping for clothes when all I really wanted was to price check a roasting pan, I still stand by and enjoy every minute I get to spend with her.
We have served on the Pre-Cana group at Church together and I still walk away amazed at how thankful I am to have her as my wife. Pre-Cana is the marriage preparedness seminar that everyone getting married in a Catholic ceremony must go through. For the couples it is a chance to ask each other honest questions and learn how much work a marriage is. For the teaching team - it is a chance for us to be reminded of the reasons we first fell in love and got married and a way for us to help other couples getting ready for marriage. The idea is to help engaged couples prepare for married life even as they prepare for their wedding day. As a result of these sessions there are some couples who decide that marriage isn't right for them. While this is sad, I am glad people realize this before they make the final step and get married.
I am a little unusual in the Pre-Cana group in that I am not Catholic (I am Protestant) and I am divorced. In the small group meetings I have been open and honest with the couples about the unique viewpoint that I have as a divorced man. I can look back and see the mistakes, see the signs, and see the decisions I should have made. I can see that my ex-wife didn't really know what marriage was. I can see that she didn't want to look past herself and put forth the effort to make a marriage work. I can see how naive I was in getting married before I really had a chance to learn who she was. I also know the pain of having a marriage fail and I want to help make sure that those I meet through Pre-Cana never have to feel that pain themselves.
Now, here we are. 4 years 4 months and 22 days after we got married. We are nearly debt-free, make a decent income, happy, but unfortunately still childless. God has decided that we still need some work before we can be parents. I hope and pray that he decides soon that we are ready - I really want to have a little one to call my own! Other than the lack of children, we have everything we could ever need or want - each other. Then I get a phone call from the hospital.
I get up and answer the phone, but I get it too late and no one leaves a message. I check my cell phone, nothing there. I call Margie on her cell hoping she answers - after 5 rings I hear nothing. I feel the blood drain from my face and experience a feeling like a trapdoor opening underneath my heart. I see OUR life flash before my eyes and I am on the verge of tears. The thought of living without her with me fills me with hopelessness. She is who I am. She is not only my better half, she is ME. Without her I am nothing. The phone rings a 6th and final time before her voice mail answers. In the fog of thoughts racing through my head I hear her voice, unwilling to fear the worst, but unwilling to hope for the best. Slowly, however, I realize that her voice is not coming from her voice mail, but is HER. She asks me if anything is wrong and is worried, as I was, about a phone call at 6:20am. I assure her that I am OK and ask her if she is OK. I explain to her about the phone call from the hospital and let her know I was worried. Luckily for me it was just a wrong number. Luckily for me my world hasn't caved in. I am the luckiest man on Earth.