fun in dysfunction
so as i was attempting to set up my new dsl line, i came across the following two headlines neatly tucked away under yahoo olympics:
"US speedskaters put the fun in 'dysfunction'" and "Bode Miller saves best moves for off the course"
i would link to said articles, but i have a sneaking suspicion that they will be dead within a matter of hours, as the stories are of no great import. basically, the former detailed the troubles of the us speedskating team (namely, not winning) and the latter describing why bode miller sucks when it matters.
what's funny about these articles is the headlines. they are clearly an attempt to attract attention by teasing the audience into thinking they will contain some juicy gossip about how the us speedskating team happens to actually be dysfunctional, maybe hidden handicaps or something, or that bode miller has some wicked bedroom moves. (when in fact, the first article doesn't really talk about where the "fun" is, more just outlines the dysfunction of the speedskating team, and their failure to both a) come together as a team and b) win.)
the other reason for these perverse headlines could be the general apathy toward the olympic games this year. maybe some intern locked away in the basement of the yahoo/reuters/ap headquarters coined them whilst exhaling after his second bong hit or something.
because, really, nobody cares.
and it's kind of weird that nobody cares.
actually, i can't say that for certain. it seems that nobody in america cares. chalk it up to mediocre performances, less than stellar promotions, and lack of 24/7-in-your-face-down-your-throat-out-your-ass-coverage-medal-counts-and-breaking-news-beyond-michelle-kwan-hurting-her-groin.
out of all possible years for the olympics to take place, you would think that this would be the year for america to really be gung-ho. i mean, we have the opportunity to really shine. not in the sports themselves, per say, but to win some points back with the world. now is the time to bust out those socks with sandals, fanny packs, and american flag windbreakers (ala "the cutting edge")...
because you know who everybody hates right now??
NOT US!!
can you believe it? it took me a while to really comprehend this, but it's true.
do you know who people hate more than us right now?
DENMARK!!!
who would've fuckin thought?!? out of NOWHERE come the danes!! well done, well done!
so this whole muhammed cartoon has the world in an uproar, and we're slipping under the radar, cool as cucumbers, but not taking full advantage of this opportunity. if i were geena davis (and by that, i mean, the first female president in a fictional america) i would milk this baby til those teats began to chafe: i'd chip in a little extra money to bird flu research, i'd send some more pop-tarts to africans, i'd maybe release some hostages. in interviews about the cartoon, i'd trapeze through the motherfucker, citing the need to respect other cultures, but also the right to freedom of press; i'd totally pull a switzerland. if the mood was right, i'd even make a few jokes about the ol' veep shooting his friend; all in good fun, of course.
i'd really get out there; fly around to some countries, shake some hands, kiss some babies. and i'd definitely make sure to take some pictures with guys in turbans. (but not with my thumbs up... abu ghraib was SO 2005)
god, i'd be a brilliant president.
toe pick!
"US speedskaters put the fun in 'dysfunction'" and "Bode Miller saves best moves for off the course"
i would link to said articles, but i have a sneaking suspicion that they will be dead within a matter of hours, as the stories are of no great import. basically, the former detailed the troubles of the us speedskating team (namely, not winning) and the latter describing why bode miller sucks when it matters.
what's funny about these articles is the headlines. they are clearly an attempt to attract attention by teasing the audience into thinking they will contain some juicy gossip about how the us speedskating team happens to actually be dysfunctional, maybe hidden handicaps or something, or that bode miller has some wicked bedroom moves. (when in fact, the first article doesn't really talk about where the "fun" is, more just outlines the dysfunction of the speedskating team, and their failure to both a) come together as a team and b) win.)
the other reason for these perverse headlines could be the general apathy toward the olympic games this year. maybe some intern locked away in the basement of the yahoo/reuters/ap headquarters coined them whilst exhaling after his second bong hit or something.
because, really, nobody cares.
and it's kind of weird that nobody cares.
actually, i can't say that for certain. it seems that nobody in america cares. chalk it up to mediocre performances, less than stellar promotions, and lack of 24/7-in-your-face-down-your-throat-out-your-ass-coverage-medal-counts-and-breaking-news-beyond-michelle-kwan-hurting-her-groin.
out of all possible years for the olympics to take place, you would think that this would be the year for america to really be gung-ho. i mean, we have the opportunity to really shine. not in the sports themselves, per say, but to win some points back with the world. now is the time to bust out those socks with sandals, fanny packs, and american flag windbreakers (ala "the cutting edge")...
because you know who everybody hates right now??
NOT US!!
can you believe it? it took me a while to really comprehend this, but it's true.
do you know who people hate more than us right now?
DENMARK!!!
who would've fuckin thought?!? out of NOWHERE come the danes!! well done, well done!
so this whole muhammed cartoon has the world in an uproar, and we're slipping under the radar, cool as cucumbers, but not taking full advantage of this opportunity. if i were geena davis (and by that, i mean, the first female president in a fictional america) i would milk this baby til those teats began to chafe: i'd chip in a little extra money to bird flu research, i'd send some more pop-tarts to africans, i'd maybe release some hostages. in interviews about the cartoon, i'd trapeze through the motherfucker, citing the need to respect other cultures, but also the right to freedom of press; i'd totally pull a switzerland. if the mood was right, i'd even make a few jokes about the ol' veep shooting his friend; all in good fun, of course.
i'd really get out there; fly around to some countries, shake some hands, kiss some babies. and i'd definitely make sure to take some pictures with guys in turbans. (but not with my thumbs up... abu ghraib was SO 2005)
god, i'd be a brilliant president.
toe pick!