I need an opinion from unbiased persons
I am soliciting an opinion from unbiased persons about family matters that I may be over reacting to. I'm 48 am I'm feel feeling upset at my aunt who is in her mid 60's.
The gory details: She was married to my mom's brother. My mom passed away 6 years ago. My uncle(her husband of 46 years) passed away 2 years ago. Growing up our families were very close. We lived about 20 miles apart. We spent holidays together. Her daughter and my brother who were close in age look like twins in christmas photos in their matching pj's. When I got my period for the first time we were all at the grandparents house. I went to her instead of my mom. She was younger than my mom. She was more fun than my mom. I always wished she was my mom.
Which brings us to now. I have very bad arthritis and am retired at 48. She is still a very young active still working 64. She met a widower and got remarried last summer. I thought that was so great. She deserves to be happy. She took great care of my uncle who was sick for years (also 15 years her senior). I have called her a couple of times and left messages on her machine asking her over for coffee (I don't drive any more). She didn't return my calls.
Yesterday I went to a bridal shower she was throwing for her oldest grand daughter. She gave me and my daughter a big hug and kiss. I said maybe sometime she could come over for coffee. She said "you know I'm still a newlywed. I'm very busy.".
We live probably 30 minutes apart. I feel very hurt that she can't find a couple of hours to have coffee.
I don't know what the problem is. I know there are a couple of things she doesn't like about my life. She's a very religious Baptist and hates Halloween. We host an annual spook house in our garage in October. It's our big holiday bash, but we are christians, we just do it for fun. I've never invited her in the fall. My sister (who has no tact) jokes that she thinks my husband is a devil worshiper. Halloween is his thing. But she greets him with a hug and kiss too.
Second possible reason... A few years ago my sister and I were just talking and I mentioned something I thought was funny. My aunt's youngest son has had lots of guy friends but I've never seen him with a girl. Then my aunt was talking about one of his friends and said "yes he and Fred hooked up in basic training". I was wondering if my aunt knew what "hooking up" means. One thing lead to another and my sister asked me if I thought Fred was gay. I said I didn't know maybe. Well my sister called my aunt and told her I said Fred is gay. She took it as an insult. She called me up and yelled at me. How dare I accuse her son of such an awful sin. I explained I don't see it as a choice to be gay. If he is or not I don't mean it as an insult, and besides that not what I said. I thought we got that settled. I appoligized. I explained my point of view. I appoligized again. My sister has a big mouth and no tact.
Last night I was feeling very upset. My husband is very distant from his family. We saw his brother and his family last July. We saw his Mom and Dad a year ago July. We call on holidays. He doesn't understand wanting to be close to family.
I feel like if she can't spare 2 hours for me that's crap. Just because we really aren't related. Not by blood. That's crap!
My sister (who lives 8 hours away) comes home and invites herself over to our aunt's house. She calls and she gets the machine she says she's on her way over. I'm not like that. If people don't want to spend time with me, I don't want to force them.
So...Am I being too sensitive for being upset?