Incision
Incision
Seohyun (SNSD) x Krystal (f(x))
PG-13; 3443w
Seohyun and Krystal ask questions of each other, at first to harm, then to understand.
A/N: For unnideul Post 6
II.
There is no clean way to enter
the heavy machinery of the heart.
Just jagged cutthroat questions.
Just the glitter and blood production.
Mindy Nettifee, “This is the Nonsense of Love”
Seohyun’s first words to Krystal are the same words she gives to any stranger she meets.
Hello, I’m Seo Joohyun.
Granted, Krystal is more than just a stranger, being the little sister of her best friend, Jessica, but the two haven't exchanged words before with one another and despite the lack of cordial relations, Seohyun doesn’t believe in being rude to others. Politeness, as she has been taught growing up, is a necessity.
Seohyun has been over to Jessica’s house many times before and has seen Krystal just as much, but attending the same room with just the two of them is a rarity; usually Jessica would be at Seohyun’s side chatting with the two simultaneously, though the subject matter never mixed. The older Jung didn’t have any problems with their lack of words towards each other; she is well familiar with their quirks. It wasn’t an voluntary avoidance on Seohyun’s part either, she just didn’t see a reason to actively pursue conversation with the other girl.
Seohyun had gone into the kitchen to make tea for Jessica and herself when Krystal walks in. There is no hesitation at all when Seohyun greets her, but Krystal barely reacts as she fetches a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Her face is blank, colored only by the slightest hints of annoyance. The greeting seems to have floated over her head.
Seohyun repeats herself, however. Perhaps Krystal didn’t hear the first time. Perhaps she misunderstood. Seohyun would rather she make a misassumption than commit a blatant act of rudeness.
Krystal pauses, bottle of water dangling loosely in her small hands as she turns to regard Seohyun finally, as if she had just became aware of her presence. Her dark eyes seem so cold, almost like Jessica’s eyes, but still different. Jessica is cold, yes, but she is also blunt, like the rough side of an iceberg. She’s the kind of person who isn’t fazed by much and will push past and through you if necessary. Krystal however, is much sharper, Seohyun notes. She aims to hurt; her words aren’t neutral in the slightest.
“I heard you the first time.”
Seohyun seeks eye contact and Krystal gives it with scorn. “Then why didn’t you respond?” Seohyun asks, not unkindly.
Krystal scoffs. “Why should I?”
“It’d be the polite thing to do.”
“I have no reason to be polite to you.”
Seohyun blinks, the vitriol in Krystal’s voice seems defensive almost. Seohyun calls to mind that Jessica had always mentioned that her sister didn’t have many friends and rarely did she ever bring anyone home. It seems the younger Jung has adopted the philosophy of quality over quantity and it’s enough for Seohyun can make her own hypothesizes.
The teapot whistles shrilly in the background and Seohyun quickly removes it, turning off the heat of the stove at the same time. Seohyun gives Krystal a small reassuring smile as she places the tea pot and cups on a tray. “It’s okay to be shy you know. You don’t have to be that way with me though. I’d like to think we’re more than strangers.”
Krystal bristles at the words and the half empty water bottle crinkles in her hands. But before she can retort and sling whatever angry words she can possibly vomit, Seohyun has already turned her back towards her and left the kitchen.
It’s not a kind maneuver in the slightest, Seohyun understands this. But, just because she’s believes in politeness doesn’t mean she’ll go out of her way to be nice to everybody.
Especially not rude people like Krystal.
---
Krystal is the one that seeks her out the next time Seohyun comes over, which, given the frequency of her visits, is but a mere two days after their initial tiff in the kitchen. Krystal doesn’t attack directly, subtlety is her game here and her interest never leaves Seohyun’s mind. Her eyes trail after Seohyun the entire time, from the moment she entered the house and hugged Jessica, to her quiet dainty steps up the stairs.
Seohyun anticipates the words that will come, not with excitement, but a muted consideration. She knows she has offended Krystal openly, but the extent of the scaring remains hidden beneath the ice. It’s on the way back from the bathroom that Krystal strikes.
“I’m not shy.” Krystal grits out, body tense for the war her mouth will wage. She’s leaning against the wall in the hallway arms folded tightly across her chest. Neither the width of the hallway nor the female blockade within is particularly large, but Seohyun would be unable to pass without at least brushing against the younger girl.
Seohyun blinks, lets the words and that piercing gaze sink in. Options, like bountiful flowers spring up in the garden of her mind. But where are the thorns on these pretty flowers? It’d be simple to say she was wrong, grant a suitable apology and then walk away, letting the two return to their stale relationship. But, as she looks at that fire smoldering in Krystal’s narrowed gaze, the anger and energy far more vibrant and colorful than anything she thought possible from the younger Jung, Seohyun can’t help the blossoming intrigue in her heart. It’d be so so painfully easy to walk away. It’d be even easier however, to fight back.
“So you’re rude then? That’s not any better.” Seohyun’s voice is always measured, always controlled, and it’s an perceived gentleness that shrouds knives well.
The words are enough to unsettle Krystal, but she quickly reestablishes her footing, drawing her arms closer to herself, her body melding together tighter and tighter.
“You think you’re better than me, don’t you?” Krystal spits, disdain at the very thought.
“I don’t.”
“Don’t lie,” Krystal snarls, “all you’ve been doing is telling me what to do.”
Seohyun sighs wearily, as if Krystal is naught but an ignorant child whom requires patience to speak with. “Your behavior back then was textbook case rude. I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt and say you’re shy.” Seohyun locks eyes with Krystal and the tension sparks. “What’s wrong with being shy?”
Krystal sneers at her as if the question isn’t worth answering. “I’m not shy, okay? I can make friends just fine.”
Seohyun walks forward now, not pausing even when the two bodies are near collision. Krystal juts out her chin stubbornly and Seohyun ignores her idle arm rubbing against Krystal’s as she pushes by. “Being shy doesn’t make you weak.”
“I’m not shy!” Krystal almost shouts, if not for Jessica who they both know is waiting in her room. “What’s wrong with your ears?”
Seohyun pauses by the door, hands resting on the doorknob as she regales Krystal with one last look. “There’s nothing wrong with my ears.”
Seohyun enters the room.
---
Visiting Jessica’s house is a daily routine for Seohyun and now that Krystal has stomped her way into her life, talking with her is also a new constant. There are no rules verbalized, no lines drawn in the sand or dirt, but both parties know to keep Jessica out of their fighting. This also means any time she is alone in the house, Krystal is sure to spring up, eyes bright and tongue ready to lash out.
“You’re a hypocrite,” Krystal accuses, blocking Seohyun against the kitchen counter.
But Seohyun can't feel an edge to any of Krystal's words; they slide uncomfortably against her throat, not sharp enough to break the skin yet. “How so?”
“My sister is your only friend and you accuse me of being shy?” Krystal crosses her arms, and triumph rings prematurely in her expression. It’s almost cute how eagerly she latches on to her supposed victory. Seohyun isn’t nice enough to let her have it.
“Is that how you define the term? I have offended you more than I thought.”
“You’re dodging.” Krystal notes excitedly, the whispers of a grin curling against her lips.
“It’s juvenile to look at numbers. Would you like me to grab a piece of paper for us to list names? Would that make you feel better?”
Krystal’s nose wrinkles in disgust as her victory is spoiled; she feels like a child, ignorant of the fangs in the mouth of predators, as she charges into the woods with courage worth only air. She has exposed her neck and Seohyun could easily direct her arrows there.
But she doesn’t. Seohyun lets her aim drop lower onto Krystal’s left breast, the soft pale flesh that covers the red mass of flesh that fuels the younger girl’s rage; the battery to the machine.
“What’s so wrong with being weak? Do you get bullied at school? Does it have something to do with Jessica?”
“It’s nothing like that.” Krystal mutters and leaves the kitchen, shoulders wide and head thrust high, her pride still intact. But Seohyun sees it for the weak wooden shield it really is, but lets Krystal have her retreat regardless.
---
“Were you always a freak growing up?”
“Why are you so angry?”
“I mean, I hear you were always a prude, acting so mature, even as a child.”
“Why do you want everyone to think of you as strong?”
“I bet you’ve never had a boyfriend before. Are you still a virgin? Even though you’re in college?“
“What do you have to hide?”
“Don’t answer my questions with questions!”
---
Jessica looks pensive, her pencil marking out a strange assortment of creatures in the margins instead of answers in the blanks. Seohyun waits for her to speak, hands folded in her lap, homework long finished. Jessica raises her head and peers at Seohyun quizzically, as if the answers to her musings have been inscribed on her face.
“What’s going on between you and my sister?” Jessica doesn’t accuse, doesn’t speak with anger nor disgust; she simply asks.
The first thing Seohyun feels is guilt, an unpleasant ache in her ribs. She knows how much Jessica adores Krystal, always having anecdotes and worries to present about the girl. And yet despite knowing this, Seohyun is purposefully antagonizing Krystal, trying to bleed her dry.
Seohyun bites her lip, a small uncharacteristic weakness. “What do you mean?”
“Well, she’s been asking a lot about you.”
“Good things, I hope?”
“Just standard stuff. Caught me by surprise you know.” Jessica’s lips still into a line and Seohyun knows a strange thought just passed by.
“What is it Unnie?”
Jessica looks hesitant. “What is what?”
Seohyun points to Jessica’s forehead. “It looked like you just thought of something interesting.”
Jessica glances at the door, as if expecting her sister’s presence. The foolishness subsides almost immediately however, as she leans in and whispers. “What if Krystal has a crush on you?”
Seohyun’s brows furrow. “What?”
“It’s just a thought,” Jessica says with a half-hearted shrug. “And you don’t have to look so surprised, she’s a perfectly good catch.”
Seohyun knows Krystal is capable of affection; the girl is undeniably adorable with her sister, but it’s an association that rarely lingers in her mind. Krystal, as Seohyun has come to know, is like a well-crafted blade. Beautiful to those who know how to appreciate it, and dangerous if approached improperly.
“I guess.”
“Why? You don’t think so? If she asked you out, would you’d reject her?”
“I guess I’ve never thought of her that way?” Seohyun replies weakly, her answer pragmatic and vague.
“I guess that’s fair. But if that is the case, let her down gently okay? I don’t have to tell you what I’ll do if you make her cry, alright?”
“Yes Unnie.”
---
Seohyun cannot time the first appearance of her feelings changing; it’s a slippery ghost that evades her memory with ease. She’d love to blame Jessica for her words, which seemed to have seeped into her eardrums like poison, working into her blood and seeping into the chambers of her heart, but that’s an irrationality Seohyun wouldn’t like to give into.
Somehow, beneath her notice, Seohyun has come to look forward to seeing Krystal. Their talks are still heated and tense and neither can leave the other without carrying a back full of stinging welts from sentences that lash out like black leather whips, but Seohyun no longer seeks to damage the other girl. Somewhere beneath that harsh veneer is someone worth understanding and if Seohyun has to hack away at skin and muscle and bone to get to it, well, she’d at least try before she feels sorry for it.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Krystal asks as she eats a sandwich. Seohyun sits across from her with a salad and her mind barely registers the question, having been slightly more preoccupied with the loaded look Jessica gave her before she left to go run an errand at the convenience store. “Though I can’t imagine anyone would ever want to put up with your nagging.”
Seohyun spears a baby tomato with her plastic fork. “Do you? Is there someone who likes you?”
“I’ll have you know that I do have a social life,” Krystal replies haughtily, tongue lapping up the sauces that had dribbled onto her lips. “And yes, I have a boyfriend. He’s a really popular athlete at our school.”
Seohyun almost giggles at the sight of Krystal preening herself but her mirth doesn’t pass Krystal’s eyes undetected.
“And stop avoiding me! Answer the question.”
“I’m single, if you must know.”
“I figured~” Krystal says in a sing-song voice. “You really are pathetic, aren’t you?”
“I have no problems with my life. And I’m not lonely because I have your sister.”
Krystal stills, hands lowering the sandwich to her plate. For the first time, Seohyun cannot decipher the turmoil in Krystal’s gaze. She stares at Seohyun with a slow settling panic, as if her tongue dances the edges of some grand explanation; an epiphany rests like the tiny egg it is in her mind, ready to burst through its flimsy pale shell to unearth the monster sleeping within.
A click sounds from the front door as the door opens and Jessica enters the house.
---
Seohyun doesn’t know fear, not with Krystal anyhow. She’d like to believe that despite their skirmishes and the blood that stains their fingers and faces, Seohyun is still simply sparring and testing her limits. Death has never made its way to her agenda and Krystal is much more lovely to her whole and thrashing than cold and dead.
But perhaps, now that she looks at Krystal leaning against the counter with her arms crossed and eyes shining with such fervor, such delight and knowledge and superiority, she may just know what fearing Krystal can feel like..
“You’re in love with my sister, aren’t you?”
If anything, Seohyun’s rather proud of her ability to remain neutral in all circumstances, but all the same, the question isn’t something Seohyun can get away from without being gutted. To deny would make her a liar. To affirm would paint that bloody red cross-hair on her back. And to ignore is to kneel with throat bare for the rawhide collar and rusty chain; Krystal would decide her fate.
But Krystal doesn’t need an explanation; she came here not for treaties and negotiations but for a massacre.
“Does my sister know?” Krystal sneers. “She doesn’t, does she? You know, I really feel sorry for my sister having someone like you for a friend, lying to her like that just to get close to her. I bet she has no idea the pleasure you get out of hugging her every time you come over. And you’ve spent the night before haven’t you? I bet you’ve totally watched her change, maybe even watched her sleep, like the sick perv that you are.”
Seohyun smiles, the expression serene and still against her face and Krystal frowns because it’s nothing like what she’s expecting. Where’s the red-hot anger? Where are the tears fresh and wet? Everything about Seohyun is tranquil, even her slow steps towards Krystal. Instinctively Krystal begins to back up, her hip hitting the kitchen counter.
Seohyun pats her on the head, soothing in the gesture. “It was a nice try.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Krystal shoves the hand away from her, hastily raising shields and walls.
“If we are to talk about your sister and my love for her, the only feelings I have for her now are those towards a sibling or, as she is, my best friend. Romantic feelings are in the past. And yes, she does know because I told her.”
Krystal’s hands fall to her side uselessly, her eyes wide and yet not able to comprehend the person before her and the words she has carried into her reality.
Seohyun is not a mean person by nature and she knows that even there are some punches that should be held back. She does not want to shatter Krystal and it would be petty to do so. There’s no point to rise to the obvious bait, but that haughtiness that Krystal had just displayed, the lack of care when she talked about her feelings for Jessica, something that Krystal doesn’t understand the importance of, it’s enough to make her give in to the temptation, the devil’s whisper that burns hot against her ears.
Seohyun places her finger on Krystal’s lips. “At least I’m a lesbian who is willing to admit she is one.”
Fear flickers over Krystal’s face and it’s not as pleasurable as Seohyun had thought it would be.
---
“What did you mean last time?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Are you saying that I’m gay?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No, that’s stupid. Besides I have boyfriend!”
“You and I both know that doesn’t mean anything.”
“What makes you so sure that I’m gay?”
“Would you believe in such things as a gaydar?”
“No.”
“It’s simple. You’re not the only one who can do research, you know.”
---
Krystal avoids her for the next couple of weeks. Jessica explains that Krystal had done some soul searching and after much yelling and screaming and slammed doors and tears and hugs she had broken up with her boyfriend and decided to avoid Seohyun for as long as she could.
Seohyun doesn’t miss the missing hidden between the lines. But rather than pursue it, Seohyun respects Krystal’s need for space.
Jessica doesn’t agree.
It’s the first time Seohyun’s ever been locked in a closet before, but judging by how Krystal leans wearily against the wall in quiet resignation, the same doesn’t hold true for the younger Jung.
The closet isn’t quite so cramped that they can’t have some distance between them, and in the darkness it’d be easy to forget oneself but Seohyun figures with all of the directness in how they’ve talked to one another these past few weeks, there’s no reason to sheathe her blade yet.
“You like me, don’t you?”
The shadows don’t reveal anything on Krystal’s face, but her steps as she stomps over to Seohyun are strong and stubborn, meaning she has a point to prove. Her fingers, however slim are not gentle as they clamp around Seohyun’s head, and the subsequent clash of their lips is neither pleasurable. At least not at first.
Only they could kiss like this. It’s not about enjoyment, but about trying to prove a point. With every sigh and moan Seohyun draws from Krystal with her teeth and tongue is a victory that boasts, See, you do like me. But Krystal is steadfast in her denial as she tries to overpower Seohyun and mute her own reactions. Pleasure doesn't have anything to do with feelings. You’re just a good kisser, nothing more. Look at how I do the same to you and you don’t like me. Seohyun nips at Krystal’s neck and suddenly those long fingers tangle in Seohyun’s hair. Who says I don’t like you? Krystal shoves Seohyun back and her hands slip under Seohyuns shirt, fingers kneading the skin as they work their way up. I’m not some rebound girl just because my sister rejected you. Seohyun nibbles at Krystal’s earlobe, as her fingers unbutton Krystal’s jeans. You and your sister are different. I like you for who you are.
When Jessica finds them later, her face is caught halfway between disgust and triumph before smoothing over into that familiar cold neutrality. She flicks Seohyun in the forehead for defiling her sister, nudges Krystal in the ribs with her toe for taking so long to confess to Seohyun and leaves the room without another word.
Seohyun (SNSD) x Krystal (f(x))
PG-13; 3443w
Seohyun and Krystal ask questions of each other, at first to harm, then to understand.
A/N: For unnideul Post 6
II.
There is no clean way to enter
the heavy machinery of the heart.
Just jagged cutthroat questions.
Just the glitter and blood production.
Mindy Nettifee, “This is the Nonsense of Love”
Seohyun’s first words to Krystal are the same words she gives to any stranger she meets.
Hello, I’m Seo Joohyun.
Granted, Krystal is more than just a stranger, being the little sister of her best friend, Jessica, but the two haven't exchanged words before with one another and despite the lack of cordial relations, Seohyun doesn’t believe in being rude to others. Politeness, as she has been taught growing up, is a necessity.
Seohyun has been over to Jessica’s house many times before and has seen Krystal just as much, but attending the same room with just the two of them is a rarity; usually Jessica would be at Seohyun’s side chatting with the two simultaneously, though the subject matter never mixed. The older Jung didn’t have any problems with their lack of words towards each other; she is well familiar with their quirks. It wasn’t an voluntary avoidance on Seohyun’s part either, she just didn’t see a reason to actively pursue conversation with the other girl.
Seohyun had gone into the kitchen to make tea for Jessica and herself when Krystal walks in. There is no hesitation at all when Seohyun greets her, but Krystal barely reacts as she fetches a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Her face is blank, colored only by the slightest hints of annoyance. The greeting seems to have floated over her head.
Seohyun repeats herself, however. Perhaps Krystal didn’t hear the first time. Perhaps she misunderstood. Seohyun would rather she make a misassumption than commit a blatant act of rudeness.
Krystal pauses, bottle of water dangling loosely in her small hands as she turns to regard Seohyun finally, as if she had just became aware of her presence. Her dark eyes seem so cold, almost like Jessica’s eyes, but still different. Jessica is cold, yes, but she is also blunt, like the rough side of an iceberg. She’s the kind of person who isn’t fazed by much and will push past and through you if necessary. Krystal however, is much sharper, Seohyun notes. She aims to hurt; her words aren’t neutral in the slightest.
“I heard you the first time.”
Seohyun seeks eye contact and Krystal gives it with scorn. “Then why didn’t you respond?” Seohyun asks, not unkindly.
Krystal scoffs. “Why should I?”
“It’d be the polite thing to do.”
“I have no reason to be polite to you.”
Seohyun blinks, the vitriol in Krystal’s voice seems defensive almost. Seohyun calls to mind that Jessica had always mentioned that her sister didn’t have many friends and rarely did she ever bring anyone home. It seems the younger Jung has adopted the philosophy of quality over quantity and it’s enough for Seohyun can make her own hypothesizes.
The teapot whistles shrilly in the background and Seohyun quickly removes it, turning off the heat of the stove at the same time. Seohyun gives Krystal a small reassuring smile as she places the tea pot and cups on a tray. “It’s okay to be shy you know. You don’t have to be that way with me though. I’d like to think we’re more than strangers.”
Krystal bristles at the words and the half empty water bottle crinkles in her hands. But before she can retort and sling whatever angry words she can possibly vomit, Seohyun has already turned her back towards her and left the kitchen.
It’s not a kind maneuver in the slightest, Seohyun understands this. But, just because she’s believes in politeness doesn’t mean she’ll go out of her way to be nice to everybody.
Especially not rude people like Krystal.
---
Krystal is the one that seeks her out the next time Seohyun comes over, which, given the frequency of her visits, is but a mere two days after their initial tiff in the kitchen. Krystal doesn’t attack directly, subtlety is her game here and her interest never leaves Seohyun’s mind. Her eyes trail after Seohyun the entire time, from the moment she entered the house and hugged Jessica, to her quiet dainty steps up the stairs.
Seohyun anticipates the words that will come, not with excitement, but a muted consideration. She knows she has offended Krystal openly, but the extent of the scaring remains hidden beneath the ice. It’s on the way back from the bathroom that Krystal strikes.
“I’m not shy.” Krystal grits out, body tense for the war her mouth will wage. She’s leaning against the wall in the hallway arms folded tightly across her chest. Neither the width of the hallway nor the female blockade within is particularly large, but Seohyun would be unable to pass without at least brushing against the younger girl.
Seohyun blinks, lets the words and that piercing gaze sink in. Options, like bountiful flowers spring up in the garden of her mind. But where are the thorns on these pretty flowers? It’d be simple to say she was wrong, grant a suitable apology and then walk away, letting the two return to their stale relationship. But, as she looks at that fire smoldering in Krystal’s narrowed gaze, the anger and energy far more vibrant and colorful than anything she thought possible from the younger Jung, Seohyun can’t help the blossoming intrigue in her heart. It’d be so so painfully easy to walk away. It’d be even easier however, to fight back.
“So you’re rude then? That’s not any better.” Seohyun’s voice is always measured, always controlled, and it’s an perceived gentleness that shrouds knives well.
The words are enough to unsettle Krystal, but she quickly reestablishes her footing, drawing her arms closer to herself, her body melding together tighter and tighter.
“You think you’re better than me, don’t you?” Krystal spits, disdain at the very thought.
“I don’t.”
“Don’t lie,” Krystal snarls, “all you’ve been doing is telling me what to do.”
Seohyun sighs wearily, as if Krystal is naught but an ignorant child whom requires patience to speak with. “Your behavior back then was textbook case rude. I thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt and say you’re shy.” Seohyun locks eyes with Krystal and the tension sparks. “What’s wrong with being shy?”
Krystal sneers at her as if the question isn’t worth answering. “I’m not shy, okay? I can make friends just fine.”
Seohyun walks forward now, not pausing even when the two bodies are near collision. Krystal juts out her chin stubbornly and Seohyun ignores her idle arm rubbing against Krystal’s as she pushes by. “Being shy doesn’t make you weak.”
“I’m not shy!” Krystal almost shouts, if not for Jessica who they both know is waiting in her room. “What’s wrong with your ears?”
Seohyun pauses by the door, hands resting on the doorknob as she regales Krystal with one last look. “There’s nothing wrong with my ears.”
Seohyun enters the room.
---
Visiting Jessica’s house is a daily routine for Seohyun and now that Krystal has stomped her way into her life, talking with her is also a new constant. There are no rules verbalized, no lines drawn in the sand or dirt, but both parties know to keep Jessica out of their fighting. This also means any time she is alone in the house, Krystal is sure to spring up, eyes bright and tongue ready to lash out.
“You’re a hypocrite,” Krystal accuses, blocking Seohyun against the kitchen counter.
But Seohyun can't feel an edge to any of Krystal's words; they slide uncomfortably against her throat, not sharp enough to break the skin yet. “How so?”
“My sister is your only friend and you accuse me of being shy?” Krystal crosses her arms, and triumph rings prematurely in her expression. It’s almost cute how eagerly she latches on to her supposed victory. Seohyun isn’t nice enough to let her have it.
“Is that how you define the term? I have offended you more than I thought.”
“You’re dodging.” Krystal notes excitedly, the whispers of a grin curling against her lips.
“It’s juvenile to look at numbers. Would you like me to grab a piece of paper for us to list names? Would that make you feel better?”
Krystal’s nose wrinkles in disgust as her victory is spoiled; she feels like a child, ignorant of the fangs in the mouth of predators, as she charges into the woods with courage worth only air. She has exposed her neck and Seohyun could easily direct her arrows there.
But she doesn’t. Seohyun lets her aim drop lower onto Krystal’s left breast, the soft pale flesh that covers the red mass of flesh that fuels the younger girl’s rage; the battery to the machine.
“What’s so wrong with being weak? Do you get bullied at school? Does it have something to do with Jessica?”
“It’s nothing like that.” Krystal mutters and leaves the kitchen, shoulders wide and head thrust high, her pride still intact. But Seohyun sees it for the weak wooden shield it really is, but lets Krystal have her retreat regardless.
---
“Were you always a freak growing up?”
“Why are you so angry?”
“I mean, I hear you were always a prude, acting so mature, even as a child.”
“Why do you want everyone to think of you as strong?”
“I bet you’ve never had a boyfriend before. Are you still a virgin? Even though you’re in college?“
“What do you have to hide?”
“Don’t answer my questions with questions!”
---
Jessica looks pensive, her pencil marking out a strange assortment of creatures in the margins instead of answers in the blanks. Seohyun waits for her to speak, hands folded in her lap, homework long finished. Jessica raises her head and peers at Seohyun quizzically, as if the answers to her musings have been inscribed on her face.
“What’s going on between you and my sister?” Jessica doesn’t accuse, doesn’t speak with anger nor disgust; she simply asks.
The first thing Seohyun feels is guilt, an unpleasant ache in her ribs. She knows how much Jessica adores Krystal, always having anecdotes and worries to present about the girl. And yet despite knowing this, Seohyun is purposefully antagonizing Krystal, trying to bleed her dry.
Seohyun bites her lip, a small uncharacteristic weakness. “What do you mean?”
“Well, she’s been asking a lot about you.”
“Good things, I hope?”
“Just standard stuff. Caught me by surprise you know.” Jessica’s lips still into a line and Seohyun knows a strange thought just passed by.
“What is it Unnie?”
Jessica looks hesitant. “What is what?”
Seohyun points to Jessica’s forehead. “It looked like you just thought of something interesting.”
Jessica glances at the door, as if expecting her sister’s presence. The foolishness subsides almost immediately however, as she leans in and whispers. “What if Krystal has a crush on you?”
Seohyun’s brows furrow. “What?”
“It’s just a thought,” Jessica says with a half-hearted shrug. “And you don’t have to look so surprised, she’s a perfectly good catch.”
Seohyun knows Krystal is capable of affection; the girl is undeniably adorable with her sister, but it’s an association that rarely lingers in her mind. Krystal, as Seohyun has come to know, is like a well-crafted blade. Beautiful to those who know how to appreciate it, and dangerous if approached improperly.
“I guess.”
“Why? You don’t think so? If she asked you out, would you’d reject her?”
“I guess I’ve never thought of her that way?” Seohyun replies weakly, her answer pragmatic and vague.
“I guess that’s fair. But if that is the case, let her down gently okay? I don’t have to tell you what I’ll do if you make her cry, alright?”
“Yes Unnie.”
---
Seohyun cannot time the first appearance of her feelings changing; it’s a slippery ghost that evades her memory with ease. She’d love to blame Jessica for her words, which seemed to have seeped into her eardrums like poison, working into her blood and seeping into the chambers of her heart, but that’s an irrationality Seohyun wouldn’t like to give into.
Somehow, beneath her notice, Seohyun has come to look forward to seeing Krystal. Their talks are still heated and tense and neither can leave the other without carrying a back full of stinging welts from sentences that lash out like black leather whips, but Seohyun no longer seeks to damage the other girl. Somewhere beneath that harsh veneer is someone worth understanding and if Seohyun has to hack away at skin and muscle and bone to get to it, well, she’d at least try before she feels sorry for it.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Krystal asks as she eats a sandwich. Seohyun sits across from her with a salad and her mind barely registers the question, having been slightly more preoccupied with the loaded look Jessica gave her before she left to go run an errand at the convenience store. “Though I can’t imagine anyone would ever want to put up with your nagging.”
Seohyun spears a baby tomato with her plastic fork. “Do you? Is there someone who likes you?”
“I’ll have you know that I do have a social life,” Krystal replies haughtily, tongue lapping up the sauces that had dribbled onto her lips. “And yes, I have a boyfriend. He’s a really popular athlete at our school.”
Seohyun almost giggles at the sight of Krystal preening herself but her mirth doesn’t pass Krystal’s eyes undetected.
“And stop avoiding me! Answer the question.”
“I’m single, if you must know.”
“I figured~” Krystal says in a sing-song voice. “You really are pathetic, aren’t you?”
“I have no problems with my life. And I’m not lonely because I have your sister.”
Krystal stills, hands lowering the sandwich to her plate. For the first time, Seohyun cannot decipher the turmoil in Krystal’s gaze. She stares at Seohyun with a slow settling panic, as if her tongue dances the edges of some grand explanation; an epiphany rests like the tiny egg it is in her mind, ready to burst through its flimsy pale shell to unearth the monster sleeping within.
A click sounds from the front door as the door opens and Jessica enters the house.
---
Seohyun doesn’t know fear, not with Krystal anyhow. She’d like to believe that despite their skirmishes and the blood that stains their fingers and faces, Seohyun is still simply sparring and testing her limits. Death has never made its way to her agenda and Krystal is much more lovely to her whole and thrashing than cold and dead.
But perhaps, now that she looks at Krystal leaning against the counter with her arms crossed and eyes shining with such fervor, such delight and knowledge and superiority, she may just know what fearing Krystal can feel like..
“You’re in love with my sister, aren’t you?”
If anything, Seohyun’s rather proud of her ability to remain neutral in all circumstances, but all the same, the question isn’t something Seohyun can get away from without being gutted. To deny would make her a liar. To affirm would paint that bloody red cross-hair on her back. And to ignore is to kneel with throat bare for the rawhide collar and rusty chain; Krystal would decide her fate.
But Krystal doesn’t need an explanation; she came here not for treaties and negotiations but for a massacre.
“Does my sister know?” Krystal sneers. “She doesn’t, does she? You know, I really feel sorry for my sister having someone like you for a friend, lying to her like that just to get close to her. I bet she has no idea the pleasure you get out of hugging her every time you come over. And you’ve spent the night before haven’t you? I bet you’ve totally watched her change, maybe even watched her sleep, like the sick perv that you are.”
Seohyun smiles, the expression serene and still against her face and Krystal frowns because it’s nothing like what she’s expecting. Where’s the red-hot anger? Where are the tears fresh and wet? Everything about Seohyun is tranquil, even her slow steps towards Krystal. Instinctively Krystal begins to back up, her hip hitting the kitchen counter.
Seohyun pats her on the head, soothing in the gesture. “It was a nice try.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Krystal shoves the hand away from her, hastily raising shields and walls.
“If we are to talk about your sister and my love for her, the only feelings I have for her now are those towards a sibling or, as she is, my best friend. Romantic feelings are in the past. And yes, she does know because I told her.”
Krystal’s hands fall to her side uselessly, her eyes wide and yet not able to comprehend the person before her and the words she has carried into her reality.
Seohyun is not a mean person by nature and she knows that even there are some punches that should be held back. She does not want to shatter Krystal and it would be petty to do so. There’s no point to rise to the obvious bait, but that haughtiness that Krystal had just displayed, the lack of care when she talked about her feelings for Jessica, something that Krystal doesn’t understand the importance of, it’s enough to make her give in to the temptation, the devil’s whisper that burns hot against her ears.
Seohyun places her finger on Krystal’s lips. “At least I’m a lesbian who is willing to admit she is one.”
Fear flickers over Krystal’s face and it’s not as pleasurable as Seohyun had thought it would be.
---
“What did you mean last time?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Are you saying that I’m gay?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No, that’s stupid. Besides I have boyfriend!”
“You and I both know that doesn’t mean anything.”
“What makes you so sure that I’m gay?”
“Would you believe in such things as a gaydar?”
“No.”
“It’s simple. You’re not the only one who can do research, you know.”
---
Krystal avoids her for the next couple of weeks. Jessica explains that Krystal had done some soul searching and after much yelling and screaming and slammed doors and tears and hugs she had broken up with her boyfriend and decided to avoid Seohyun for as long as she could.
Seohyun doesn’t miss the missing hidden between the lines. But rather than pursue it, Seohyun respects Krystal’s need for space.
Jessica doesn’t agree.
It’s the first time Seohyun’s ever been locked in a closet before, but judging by how Krystal leans wearily against the wall in quiet resignation, the same doesn’t hold true for the younger Jung.
The closet isn’t quite so cramped that they can’t have some distance between them, and in the darkness it’d be easy to forget oneself but Seohyun figures with all of the directness in how they’ve talked to one another these past few weeks, there’s no reason to sheathe her blade yet.
“You like me, don’t you?”
The shadows don’t reveal anything on Krystal’s face, but her steps as she stomps over to Seohyun are strong and stubborn, meaning she has a point to prove. Her fingers, however slim are not gentle as they clamp around Seohyun’s head, and the subsequent clash of their lips is neither pleasurable. At least not at first.
Only they could kiss like this. It’s not about enjoyment, but about trying to prove a point. With every sigh and moan Seohyun draws from Krystal with her teeth and tongue is a victory that boasts, See, you do like me. But Krystal is steadfast in her denial as she tries to overpower Seohyun and mute her own reactions. Pleasure doesn't have anything to do with feelings. You’re just a good kisser, nothing more. Look at how I do the same to you and you don’t like me. Seohyun nips at Krystal’s neck and suddenly those long fingers tangle in Seohyun’s hair. Who says I don’t like you? Krystal shoves Seohyun back and her hands slip under Seohyuns shirt, fingers kneading the skin as they work their way up. I’m not some rebound girl just because my sister rejected you. Seohyun nibbles at Krystal’s earlobe, as her fingers unbutton Krystal’s jeans. You and your sister are different. I like you for who you are.
When Jessica finds them later, her face is caught halfway between disgust and triumph before smoothing over into that familiar cold neutrality. She flicks Seohyun in the forehead for defiling her sister, nudges Krystal in the ribs with her toe for taking so long to confess to Seohyun and leaves the room without another word.