win or die

[lizbennetdarcy]

Name: Lor
How did you find out about the community?: le-chatnoir
Age: 20
Location: Philippines
Occupation: Student

All About You

1. Describe your ideal house/home.
Having the sort of fettle which reacts strongly to erratic climates, I'd like to live in a country with a more stable climate. Friends from Europe suppose that I would do very well living in Paris or Barcelona due to the culture, although I'm not quite sure about the stability of their climate. As to the sort of house I'd like to live in, I'd certainly like my house to be at least near the city. I love the country and the peace it brings, and I also once courted the idea of living in a beach house, but I think those are best saved for holidays and maybe even renting out if I wanted the money.

The house (in a large estate, if I were to be so lucky) would have two or three storeys, with neoclassical architecture and interior design inspired by Ancient Rome, 4th century India (BCE) and the Regency style. I'd like the estate to have a garden with a rose maze. By the rose maze is an elevated beige gazebo which overlooks the lake (or if I can't have that luxury, a small lily pond with Koi fish and maybe a couple of turtles). The summer beds in the gardens are filled with all sort of flora, particularly lemons, tomatoes and all the other plants one can use for gourmet cooking. One garden in particular will have walls covered in ivy and have a locked door-an homage to Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden, which is one of my favourite novels. Pine trees line the back of the estate, the prologue of a forest wherein one can hike and hide from the sun when it is too overbearing.

The house, tall and elegant, bears a white stucco facade with large double hung windows crowned by arched windows. The entryway to the main door is framed by two Corinthian columns. I'd like the interior walls to be in warm colours, with cream-coloured foyer walls and the balusters of the grand double stairs in camel brown. The rooms would have flowery chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and candelabras lighting up rooms, filling them with the scent of either sandalwood, peppermint or patchouli. Because I love snakes, dragons and deers, the arched double doors opening to the terrace would have entwined snakes (or dragons) etched on them, and the walls of some rooms (most likely the drawing room, my bedroom and the end of the long gallery) will have deer heads on them. Unadorned velvet drapes hang over windows. The chairs will be of leather, silk and wool upholstery, all unadorned to maximise elegance in simplicity. Only the library would deviate from the Regency-inspired theme-having lots of what people would call 'horrid' novels, I'd love for the library to be a bit more gothic-inspired. It would be perfect for reading Leroux, Wilde or Poe on rainy days.

Generally, I'd love for my house to look like this, except perhaps mine will be more colourful (I really would appreciate warmer colours in my house as I am actually easily depressed, so maybe Sara Crewe's room in A Little Princess could also be an interior design inspiration). What I want is to feel as if I'm in a mixture of an Austenian novel and the fairy tale The Snow Queen, or like a well-traveled Regency lady whose interior design consists of souvenirs she had bought-I would have everything from Venetian masks to Persian rugs and Japanese paper fans.

2. Imagine you’re given the classic opportunity: a genie granting you three wishes. What would you wish for?
1) Unlimited income/money. I cannot deny how important it is to have money in order to survive. For me, though, it's more than just for survival. Being a lover of travel and culture, I would love to travel the world and just keep learning different tongues and histories, but I cannot do that of course if I've got no money to back me up especially in this day and age. I'd also like to be able to use this money to build a farm to be managed by my parents wherein the less fortunate can find work. I firmly believe in teaching one how to fish instead of spoon-feeding them, so I dream of building such a farm someday.

2) The ability to travel through time except for the future. I'd definitely love to walk down the streets of London during the Regency era, maybe sneak into masquerades thrown by the era's high society or work for milliners and tailors in order to study the fashion of the times. I would also see if I can travel to Ancient Persia to watch the beginning of Sufi poetry, and afterwards see if I can go back further to 4th century India because of Ramayana. See, if I had this ability, I wouldn't need a master's degree and what's even better is that all my historical sources will be primary.

If not this, since I realise my wishes have been self-centred so far, I'd like for human rights to be granted to all the marginalised and the minorities. I'm a woman and a Filipino at that, so I know how it is like to be marginalised. I am appalled at humanity for letting prejudice and discrimination continue up to this day, appalled at the rape and massacre stories I hear everyday, and I am willing to give up the dream of time traveling if the world were to become a more equal place.

3) Unfailing health and safety for my loved ones. I don't want to go on adventures without at least the assurance of my loved ones being safe and living a good life. I would happily stay anonymous if it keeps them safe because it does not matter to me if the history books do not know me by my birth name. If it were up to me, I'd love to be remembered as an icon, a figuratively masked figure whose actions are more memorable than her mere name.

3. In your life so far, what accomplishment are you the most proud of? Why?
I'm rather proud of rising above my station in life, staying strong throughout depression and oppression and continuously doing so. One would think years of bullying can break someone, but not me. I used my isolation to my advantage-I read more, I traveled more with my parents instead of seeking to fit in, I allowed myself to be different and when I had the chance I applied for a top university I knew none of them would go to. I'm not exactly the healthiest person mentally and physically, having experienced academic pressure and received death threats. However, with all I've learnt, I feel as if I'm a step closer to living a life of traveling and adventures.

4. Which of the following is most important to you: Love, Money, Knowledge, Family, Friendship, Adventure, or Pleasure? Which is the least important to you? Please explain why for each choice.
Most Important: Adventure
(Clarification: Adventure for me is to travel the world and discover, to immerse oneself in different cultures and to live an unorthodox life.)
Whilst I do acknowledge the importance of all the aforementioned, I have recently discovered that one of my biggest frustrations in life is that I live quite normally. It's not a bad life and I'm grateful for all the good things that happen, but it also honestly makes me feel as if I am destined to live a cumbersome life-always working for someone else, never really knowing how it's like to have lived. I'd like to travel, see the world, make a name for myself and rid myself of this ennui. I want the intellectual stimulation of being in unfamiliar places, the challenge of doing something memorable and the chance to participate in engaging quests which say goodbye to the mundane.

Least Important: Pleasure
(Clarification: My definition of this involves constant parties, drinking and drugs.)
I do not and perhaps never will understand hedonism. I don't think lowly of people who subscribe to that philosophy, but I also can't help but wonder what they gain from it. I feel as if pleasure loses its point when you seek and have too much of it. Is pleasure not sweeter to have when you're not constantly seeking and having it? I put it at the bottom of my list because as someone who easily experiences boredom, I do not want to be bored of pleasure. I do not want to wake up one day feeling like I've already had too much Nutella in a lifetime. I do not want to look for drama just to create variety in my pleasure-filled life. I think I'd rather be surprised by moments of pleasure. If a friend invites me to join them for Just Dance 2014 after a stressful day, or if my boyfriend surprises me with a two-day trip out of town, that would be highly preferable over having drinks after school every day. There would be instant gratification from the latter, yes, but ultimately, such an obsession with pleasure is a waste of time. I prefer to spend my time learning something new or discovering new places even if it gets rather challenging.

My ranking would be this: Adventure > Love > Knowledge > Family > Money > Friendship > Pleasure

Explanation for all the others: I believe love can come in different forms and therefore it's important. Knowledge is important in dealing with all the aspects of life, not to mention it's the closest not-so-rich people like me can have to proper adventures. Family includes people who aren't related but treat you as a brother or sister all the same. Money pays for expenses, but it's not a priority. Friendships can weaken when you are not figurative brothers or sisters.

5. What's one quote (or passage, song lyric, etc.) that effectively describes you and your values? Explain.
Make this not just another poem that I write. Not just another poem like just another night, that sits heavy above us all. Walk into it, breath it in. Let it crawl though the halls of your arms, like the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood, pumping and pushing, making you live, shaking the dust. So when the world knocks at your door, clutch the knob tightly and open on up. And run forward. Run forward as fast and as far as you must. Run into its widespread greeting arms with your hands outstretched before you, fingertips trembling though they may be. (emphasis mine)

Shake the Dust by Anis Mojgani is what I would call my soul's poem. It embodies how I want to live my life. I live to shake the dust-I don't want to be like one of those toys which serve their purpose only to be forgotten and acquire dust years later. I'm also not afraid of being different. I like to think I question the world's silliest conventions. I want to live beyond the 'nine-to-five' life and I want to show the world that they are their own revolution, that we are made of living, free and (some) creative souls and not of subservient machines.
「Is there any meaning to this repetitive life?」
AH I shout...
JUMP OUT and GO

My soul's song would be Glamorous Sky by Mika Nakashima. To an extent it is like Shake the Dust. It's about going after your dreams and living the life you want.

6. How do you manage your money? On that note, how important is money/financial security to you? Go into as much detail as you can.
I like saving money and spending them on good investments like books and durable (but still fashionable) boots. I suppose I could call myself an impulsive spendthrift-I prefer to save money and not spend too much, but when I see dresses I like in thrift stores I seize the opportunity before someone else gets the dresses. The same goes for books found in secondhand stores. However, despite such impulsiveness, I like saving money to spend on the holidays, so I barely go on these shopping trips. So whenever I discover something I really want to buy, I don't waste time in acquiring it. Afterwards, I restrain myself from indulging in more shopping and focus instead on coming up with ideas for clothes and jewellery I could make on my own. As for the books, if I can't buy them at the moment then I just borrow from the library and from friends.

7. Name (and elaborate on) some of your hobbies. What are your favorite things to do outside of school/the office?
Because reading, writing and watching films seem like commonplace hobbies, I suppose I'd name another three.
1) Acting. Acting is the closest I can have to having adventures like my favourite literary heroes, so whenever I have the chance I participate in acting and roleplaying. I don't do theatre (although I wish I had the time to do so), but I do like participating in Live-Action Roleplays (LARPs) and other games that require a certain amount of acting.

2) Learning foreign languages. I think it's easy to explain this-it goes with my love for traveling and culture, plus I just love how an object (the signified) can have so many signifiers, most of them inaccessible to people who do not speak many languages. For me, speaking foreign languages is like speaking in code, another hobby I really enjoy.

3) Costumes/period fashion. I absolutely love studying historical fashion, particularly late Georgian / Regency clothing and Ancient Persian clothing. I'd definitely love to be a costume designer especially in costume dramas or fantasy shows and films (like in Game of Thrones).

4) Horseback riding. I don't do this as much these days due to being busy with university life, but for quite awhile I fancied myself having a career as an equestrienne in the future. Since that does not seem like a possibility right now, I suppose I'll be content with having a house with stables in the future and being able to ride whenever I'm stressed out by life's demands.

5) Figure skating. I stopped taking lessons when I was 13, but I still do this every now and then to help me clear my mind whenever I am upset.

I also fancy reading up on material culture, personality theory and going on shooting ranges, but I can't call them hobbies yet. I would also want traveling as a hobby but I haven't got the money to afford it.

8. Name three things you are afraid of. Explain.
1) Enclosed and small spaces. I'm rather claustrophobic and sometimes riding elevators makes me feel really uncomfortable. If one were to look for organic unity in my life story or even just one characterisation, one would find that I detest being in places wherein I cannot leave or escape. I always look for the exit sign or the fire exit every time I enter a place or a situation. It's not that I cannot commit-I can, and I pride myself on my loyalty. But I need to be assured that I will always have a choice no mater what I do, and enclosed small spaces leave one without a choice.

2) Failure/incompetency. Sometimes I fear failure so much I end up not doing anything at all. It is my pride, I suppose, which tells me that if I am to do something, I might as well do something completely brilliant or do nothing at all. Again, the same goes for my view of life. If I can't live the successful life I want, what's the point? I'm quite the extremist this way.

3) The general feeling of helplessness and desperation (as an effect of poverty or other similar things). Call me a spoilt brat but I don't think I can live life without a comfortable bed, three or more meals every day and the money to afford my hobbies, books, makeup and clothes. In fact, there have been times when I thought to myself I'd rather die than live like that. Perhaps it's craven of me, but aside from the fact that I don't want to not be able to afford anything the feeling of helplessness will also make me hate the world. And why would I not? Despite not having a degree yet, I've always thought of myself as someone with the skills to get a lucrative job. It's incredibly frustrating how despite these skills I need to prove it with a piece of paper from institutions who force you to go through circles even when you're obviously a triangle (I stole this analogy from somewhere but I can't remember whose it is, sorry). And because of my inflexibility and my inability to adjust to the deadline-loving and unjust real world, I fear that someday despite my skills I will have no job to get me by and no one to rely on. And I fear the depression and the self-hatred that will definitely come with that hopelessness.

9. Name (and elaborate on) your top three BEST and top three WORST qualities (personality-related, not physical). Please answer as fully as you can, as this is an important question.
Best traits:
1) Clever. I'm not the best in school and I'm not a walking encyclopedia of information despite my love of books, but I learn quickly and I apply what I learn well. I suppose that could be attributed to my being observant and my ability to see patterns and predict outcomes. This way of thinking helps me deal with strict parents, confusing streets and shopping centres, troublesome people etc. One of my favourite characters in literature is Sherlock Holmes, and even though I'm not as brilliant as him Sherlock inspires me to use my brain the best way I can use it. After all, in this day and age, it helps to be alert and have a quick mind.

2) Courageous (in my own way). I'm not necessarily heroic, as I'm not exactly the most benevolent sort of person, but I've got a certain courage that allows me to state my opinions and protect those who I deem to be marginalised. I actively call people out on sexism, racism and other sorts of prejudice (Would if I could I'd be a vigilante against prejudiced leaders/politicians). I have always believed myself to be cowardly, but the recent turn of events in my life have shown me that I'm courageous even if sometimes the bravery is misguided. I'm not brave about everything, of course. I actually have anxiety and I consider myself to be one of the most cowardly people I know, but I suppose therein lies the paradox. The fact that I face my fears despite their existence makes me think that maybe courage and willpower are some of my defining assets.

3) Survival skills. I pride myself on my resilience. Whilst I won't say no to luxury, I won't be found complaining about having to rough it up (such as in camping etc) because I'm resourceful. As for the 'metaphysical' survival, if I weren't resilient I wouldn't be alive and typing this right now. I've gone through certain things that are certainly not healthy for my mind, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't let those things affect me. In fact, I don't function as well as I'd like to. I am, however, still here, fighting, and I suppose this fight has helped me see how I am strong in my own way. I'm full of cynicism, disenchantment and the general feeling of loneliness, but despite that I manage to hold on and stay alive. Maybe it's just because of my escapist methods. Maybe I'm also just too cowardly to end my problems permanently. But what I'm sure of is that right now, I do my best to survive, and though I still make lots of mistakes I believe that I can pick myself back up and try again. And that those years of constant fear and self-hatred has given me inner strength somehow.

Worst traits:
1) Perfectionism. Some would say perfectionism is a good thing. To an extent, I think it is. The desire to do or produce something of good quality helps in ensuring I won't be making a fool out of myself. However, the problem with this is that because I fear I'm not prepared enough, I end up running away. To those who watch Glee, you could say I'm rather similar to Emma Pillsbury in that way. Emma, fearing she wasn't prepared enough to be married, becomes a runaway bride twice in the show. Replace the altar with school requirements et voilà, I become the runaway bride.

2) Attention-seeking/coquettish. I like attention way too much, and I particularly like it when I know it's out of admiration or something along those lines. I don't think I'm flirtatious, but I suppose I do like to act in that way because I know I would be able to get compliments and little mind games. I acknowledge that this is a terrible trait because it means I base my confidence and self-love on the appreciation I receive from people.
3) Procrastination. I'm impulsive and easily distracted (If I were a queen of something it would be escapism). There are exceptions to this. If I'm reading for my own pleasure or studying a foreign language, you can get a big band to play right in front of me and I still won't be distracted. In fact, I once had the lovely experience of reading a book in a concert. The band wasn't too terrible but I can never resist a good book. If, however, I'm doing something and it's a requirement for school (or something of the sort), my perfectionist thoughts happily welcome the distraction. Also, if I don't enjoy the work assigned to me, it's hard to concentrate and not feel like I'm a sellout. Ugh.

A Song of Ice and Fire Related

1.How many books from the series have you completed?
I've finished reading all the five books, although I've yet to read Tales of Dunk and Egg.

2.Who are your favorite three characters in the series? Why?
Sansa Stark - Sansa is the one character I am very protective of. Sure, she was quite infuriating in the first book, but people forget to consider how she is a child. Up until Ned Stark became the Hand, Sansa was never exposed to court intrigue and politics. She was raised on stories of princesses and knights in shining armour, mere stock characters meant to romanticise royalty and heroism (to an extent). Instead of the luxury, beauty and romance she wishes to find in King's Landing, she finds betrayal and a dagger constantly dangling above her head.

Sansa is the epitome of a disenchanted dreamer, the fallen princess. And yet, despite her fall, Sansa chose to remain strong. She's not submissive like people say she is-she's still learning how to play the game, and yet she is playing it well. She could have killed herself out of hopelessness when they took Ned Stark's life, but she chose to stay strong and keep hope in her heart despite the ugliness of her environment and the seeming hopelessness of her situation. She also could have chosen to be free much earlier in the game. Sandor had, after all, offered to take her with him. But Sansa chose the wise decision despite wanting so badly to be free. She stuck with the plan, even if it meant being stuck with Littlefinger. Sansa's strong sense of self-preservation has helped her learn and get closer to getting justice for the Starks. And at the rate she's learning and applying what she's learnt, it is highly likely she will go far (unless GRRM decides to kill her off).

Margaery Tyrell - I know we don't really see Margaery that much, but for some reason I really like her. Maybe the TV show helped in forming this bias, but I've always loved strong women who can use their femininity to their advantage and get what they want. Of course, one could say the same for Cersei Lannister, but the difference between them is that Margaery would most likely fall under True Neutral in the old D&D Alignment system whilst Cersei's more recent actions fall under Neutral Evil. The Tyrells, though a cunning lot, prefer to do a clean job (and maybe even spare innocent people) whenever they need to off someone. Coming from a line of people who value chivalry, one can say that ridding Westeros of Joffrey was indeed a chivalrous ploy (although the credit to that should probably go more to Lady Olenna than Margaery).

Arya Stark - I've got to admit, there were times when I disliked Arya. Initially too stubborn, impulsive and belligerent for my liking, Arya was a nice character but rather hard to relate with. However, as she grew up in the series, I started to feel a deep sense of respect for her. She is, after all, barely a teenager and yet she's surviving through horrible things most children would not. I also like her sense of justice. I can relate with her being vengeful as well. Though she admittedly wasted her two kills on two insignificant men, the fact that she had no qualms having them offed due to their actions said a lot about her. She's ruthless, courageous, resourceful and determined, but underneath all that is a heart which remains golden despite the number of times life has tried to tarnish her. She's got this willpower I'd want to have myself.

Runners-up: Brienne of Tarth, Daenerys Targaryen, Arianne Martell, Jaime Lannister

3.Who are your least favorite three characters in the series? Why?
Walder Frey and Roose Bolton, because I detest them for similar reasons - I've got no love for people without loyalties, and it's even worse when they're the sort of self-serving lechers who will do anything for power. Playing politics is bad enough (I really hate politics, to be honest). I know practically everyone plays politics in ASOIAF, but at least some of them (the Tyrells, the Martells, Jamie Lannister, Dany) play with a benevolent goal in mind (If not a neutral goal, at least). The same cannot be said for these two creatures. They play dirty and they play for power. There is absolutely no justice in what they do. Roose Bolton and Walder Frey are of the lowest sort of people in ASOIAF, vile opportunists who deserve a slow, painful death.

Lady Lysa Arryn - As much as I detested Joffrey, Cersei actually wasn't the worst amongst the mothers in the Great Houses-Lysa was. Robert Arryn is, after all, much worse than Joffrey when it comes to being a spoilt brat. But Robert's not the real problem here. He's sickly, he's a child, and as irritating as he can get, you've got to consider these points when judging his character. Lysa, on the other hand, was mental. Due to her ridiculous infatuation with Littlefinger, she let herself be manipulated to the point of poisoning her husband, a move that eventually lead to the downfall of House Stark and the beginning of the war. She was too craven to help out the Tullys in the war, and she even threatened to throw her own sister out the Moon Door. When she caught Littlefinger kissing Sansa, she reacted so emotionally and almost threw her own niece out of the Moon Door. She was ridiculously and utterly foolish. She had no sense of priorities, she was easily manipulated and she liked to play victim just because of an undeserved grudge she held against her sister. As mean as this may sound, she deserved the way her life ended.

Runners-up: Stannis Baratheon (not a bad character but please form your own opinions instead of being used by Melissandre), Melissandre (reminds me of people who won't stop bothering you to join their religion), Bronn, all the characters who dissed Lollys after she got raped, the Mountain

4.#1 Favorite moment in all of ASOIAF so far? Why?
No moment can ever match the birth of the dragons for me. The birth of the dragons was a very beautiful way to show how much has changed in Dany's life. From subservient younger sister, she has become the khaleesi, mother of dragons and queen of her own destiny. I particularly like what the three sacrifices symbolised for her rebirth. Mirri Maz Duur had played her for a fool, Rhaego was stillborn, and Drogo was her khal and her sun-and-stars, the man who had shown her how to be strong. Out of the fire Dany was reborn a wiser woman, mother of dragons and khaleesi of Drogo's now-disbanded khalasar. Gone was the abused younger sister who always relied on the men in her life. Dany is now completely responsible for herself, her dragons and her khalasar, and along with that responsibility when she steps out of the flames you just know that she will stand by her words-she will take what is hers with fire and blood.

In short, it was a very 'You go, girl!' moment.

5. In your dream-world, how would you like to see the series end, and why?
Dany, Jon Snow (I really like the theory of him as Lyanna and Rhaegar's son) and the third head join forces to defeat the Others and take back Westeros. I'm not too fond of Tyrion being the third head, but all the theories make so much sense so I suppose that could work for my dream ending. Samwell Tarly helps Jon Snow strategise. All the Greyjoys die except for Asha and Theon. Bran wargs and leads a wolf army. Arya assassinates someone important-Petyr? I'm not sure how I want him to die, but I want him to at least have the throne for quite a while. Maybe the throne will kill him 'accidentally' or maybe Sansa stabs him in the back. Oh, poetic justice. The Tyrells and the Martells unite against the Lannisters (They take care of Southern politics as Dany, Jon Snow, Stannis and possibly Tyrion unite to fight the Others). All the Lannisters die, which will be the greatest tragedy considering how Tywin wanted a legacy. Jaime is the one who kills Cersei. Dany is forced to choose between her dragons and ruling Westeros. Dany decides she would rather keep her dragons. She cedes the Throne to Sansa Stark but helps in rebuilding Westeros. If Sansa doesn't get the Throne, she goes back to Winterfell and rebuilds it whilst Jon Snow rules Westeros. I want these scenes not out of personal feelings towards characters, honestly.

I choose these endings because they make sense in the storyline. Wouldn't it be the cruelest punishment for Petyr if Sansa is the one who kills him in the end? And wouldn't it be ironic for Jaime to be the brother who kills Cersei just because she always thought it would be Tyrion? If I made a dream ending out of my personal feelings towards characters, it might get rather Disney-fied (with Jaime marrying Brienne and Dany ruling Westeros with her dragons), but after all that's happened in ASOIAF, a Disney-fied ending just feels completely boring and unpoetic.