this is what happens when i take a stab at poetry...please be gentle

[whatevaforever]

Rotation

Comments

[lokiohtara]

... anyone else find it hilarious that the first thing she mentions is a jet?

[whatevaforever]

what's the matter with jets...their uh mechanical....like robots...i like robots.... :-P

[chewnami]

I'm not a poetry expert... but I thoroughly enjoyed reading that poem! I loved it! Good job!

[red_toupee]

Eeeeeee, my fellow poet!

I really like the image of a jet (something mechanical....manmade) being followed by all these forces of nature, starting with its feathered counterpart of a hawk. I also love your description of his "prehistoric/ outline". Very good use of line breaks there, and through out the poem.

I think the line "Even the tiny bugs dancing in random activity above" doesn't quite have the poetic quality of the rest. The words seem too formulatic.

The last line is GREAT! I love the concept of reaching down into the earth and being able to feel it moving. Beautiful job, Maddie!