Question with online dating

[cuddlykindalove]

Hi guys, i'll keep this short and get to the point, i have a friend i met in an online dating site, apparently he's manic depressive and he wanted to kill himself cause he couldn't find the right guy. apparently i'm like WTF?, asshole, and now, he's proceeded to go straight cause he can't find a guy. which is totally stupid, but he's where it gets

Comments

[cuddlykindalove]

my question dom_ino is: what should i do?

as for the others: i don't mind more drama, i understand why it happens and ignore it so i can get to the root of the problem and fix it.

i'm trying to get him to see WHY things haven't worked out, and that isn't any eaiser for gays to get dates. it seems like he's giving up too easily.

[innostrantsa]

I get where you're coming from man, and it's admirable that you want to help... but you cannot fix this guy. I repeat:

YOU. CAN. NOT. FIX. THIS. GUY.

No, I'm not shouting at you because I think you're stupid; far from it. Were this meatspace it'd be command voice, to get your attention, and to help you think a bit. People have shit going on. Sometimes, unhealthy shit. As a result, people are gonna do shit. Idiotic shit. And while you can throw out a lifeline, you can't make them grab hold, much as that would be nice.

So what can you do? You can put your message out there one more time, and then BACK THE FUCK AWAY. There are hot guys EVERYWHERE. Find another one, one who's in a healthier place, and FUCK HIM COMATOSE.

[dom_ino]

You do nothing. You are not his momma and it is not your job to repair him. If you want to be his friend and you enjoy his company, great. If he does nothing but cause you drama and bring bullshit to the house, you should drop him.

He's addicted to the idea that he must be in a relationship in order to be complete, and is fucking his own identity up trying to figure out how to force that to happen. Obviously, he needs to decide who his identity is on his own terms, accept it, and learn how to be happy without being attached to someone. If he can't do that, he'll be an emotional wreck forever.

If him being hot is the wrench in your situation, then you're a shallow whore and should grow up.

[cuddlykindalove]

him being hot isn't the issue, the issue is he's making a major decision that i don't think he's capable of making right now, and shouldn't.

[esprix]

First - learn which "reply" link to use so the people you're replying to actually know you're replying to them and not you rown original post.

Second - HE'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Back away slowly, then turn and run as fast as you can. Seriously. He's not fixable, but more to the point, when did it become your job to fix him? it's not. Leave it.

[pretencioso]

Go for it!!

[shonokin]

So basically it boils down to whether or not to date someone who has a mental illness. The answer is "it depends".

If he is getting treatment for his illness, you genuinely care for him and are willing to accept the risks and responsibilities of dating someone with a mental illness, I'd say go for it. You could be a stabilizing influence that could help him improve his life.

If he is not getting treatment and/or you're just interested in a quick lay because he's a hottie, don't do it, you'll probably do more harm than good.

And a cautionary tale : my cousin dated a guy who said he'd kill himself if she ever broke up with him. At the time it seemed like one of those grand romantic gestures but as time went on, it became apparent he had real problems that she couldn't deal with and she broke up with him. He killed himself in her back yard.

[tenchichan]

You know what-- ignore every other detail for a second and take this in: This guy doesn't like you