Once Upon a Time on the West Coast
Once upon a time on the West Coast
Portland is a land of happy people, hot men, and adorable dogs. Oh, and breathtaking natural beauty. It is a place I might very much want to move to someday, except I wonder if my innate East Coast sensibilities would make me stick out like a sore, cynical thumb. I suspect, though, that a month or so in happy, shiny Portland and I’d be playing the lute and passing out daisies. Un-ironically.
Regina, Abby, Vicki and I visited this delightful place and its environs last week. It was such a wonderful trip that it’s only true downsides were that it was not long enough and more friends could not come along.
Places Seen
The Saturday Market - This place is like the Three Rivers Arts Festival, but every single weekend. We wound our way through booths of food, clothing, spoon art, clay sculptors, and fortune tellers eating, drinking, and buying way too much along the way. See below for details.
Powell’s Books - Probably the largest Independent new and used bookstore in the world, Powell’s was on everyone’s “Must See” list. Unsurprisingly, I fell immediately in love and had to exercise serious restraint when making purchases. (See below for details.) Thing you can’t believe I put back on the shelf: 1st printing of Sandman Season of Mists graphic novel. I know. I can’t believe it either. But I figured it’s something I could find again fairly easily.
This is me in the Red Room of Powell's Books. Some people (me) might call it "Mecca"
Old Town Pizza - Housed in the lobby of the old Merchant Hotel (the rest of the hotel no longer stands), Old Town Pizza is reportedly haunted, primarily by a woman named Nina who was a prostitute-turned-informer dropped down an elevator shaft for talking. No ghosts were spotted, but the place was absurdly charming. http://www.oldtownpizza.com/
VooDoo Doughnuts - Famous little shop serving inventive and wacky doughnuts 24 hours in a store that’s part CBGB’s and part Magnolia Bakery.
Multnomah Falls and the Columbia River Gorge - If giant mountains, flowing rivers, green forests and gigantic waterfalls are you thing, I guess you would like this. Whatever.
Ok, I am trying to tone back the gushing, but it’s so futile. We rented a car and drove northeast to the Columbia River Gorge and Multnomah Falls, the tallest waterfall in Oregon and the second tallest year-round waterfall in the U.S. Then we decided to climb it.
About halfway up, Reg and I were losing steam, so we sent Abby and Vicki ahead, unsure of whether we wanted to keep going. One resting (panting) stop after another, we decided to go “a little further and see how we feel,” until finally (FINALLY!) we made it to the top.
Chubby (mostly ex) Smoker and Arthritic Office Worker live to fight another day (worst superhero team ever.)
On the way up, people would stop to say “you’re almost there!” 80% of them were liars. The other 20% though, were extremely helpful, though, so on the way down, we made sure to encourage the people who truly were almost there, and then give more honest estimates as we got further down (You’re 2/3’s of the way there! More than halfway!)
Cannon Beach - This small coastal town is home to Haystack Rock, apparently one of the most photographed places in America.
I can understand why, as this has to be on the list of top 20 most beautiful places in the universe. Looking out into a steel grey ocean as the sun slipped impossibly slowly into twilight, one might want to turn away to rest one’s eyes from the aching beauty of it all, but BAM, behind you are rolling mountains covered in lush green forest, dotted with a beach town so charming I’m fairly sure it was fake. Completing the already absurdly picturesque picture were the moss covered rock formations jutting into the clear blue sky and sand dollars littering the beach.
This is the kind of place where, if you believe in god, you thank him (her, them, or it) and if you don’t, you marvel at the astounding wonders that occur with a rare perfect confluence of gravity, erosion, tectonic movement, and meteorological patterns. As it got later and the sun refused to set, we wandered into town to eat at a quaint little bistro named, conveniently, The Bistro, where we ate and drank incredibly well and were served by a ludicrously handsome waiter/surfer.
I concocted various plans to start a new life in Cannon Beach. This was definitely my favorite portion of a trip full of awesome fun.
The Side Streets and bike trails of Portland - We rented bikes on Monday (Regina rented a Real Bicyclist bike, while Abby, Vicki, and I rented matching starter bikes) and tooled around the city’s trails and bike lanes for a few hours, getting lost and finding our way again. Not having been on a (non-stationary) bike since…. 9th grade(?) I am reasonably proud of my ability to not die and to bike somewhere between 8 and 10 miles.
The Japanese Garden - Tucked into Washington Park (a park that houses the Japanese Garden, the Portland Zoo, the International Rose Test Garden, and where people live in fairy tale houses that have Peacocks freely roaming in their front yards.) the Japanese Garden will lower your blood pressure pretty much immediately with the intense tranquility. Stone paths wind around tiny trees and over streams, past waterfalls and through groves. Are you bored of hearing how beautiful Portland is?
The International Rose Test Garden - Portland, with its perfect climate, is apparently a great place for roses to grow, and so it is home to the International Rose Test Garden, which is exactly what it sounds like. A few acres, covered in every kind of rose you can think of (literally) and a few you haven’t heard of yet. Some are known for their incredible fragrance (one smelled like lemons!), others for their color, or shape. Anyone who thinks roses are trite is just….wrong.
The park has a Shakespearean Garden, where all of the roses are named for Shakespearean ladies, and a grassy amphitheatre where I assume people must just show up to perform scenes from a Midsummer Night’s Dream nightly, just because it’s too perfect a performance space not to do that.
Things Consumed
An Elephant Ear - I’ve never had this tasty pastry, but a doughy flaky cinnamon-y thing is right up my alley. Like the Three Rivers Arts Festival, the Portland Saturday Market has multitudes of food cards full of delicious and mostly seriously unhealthy things.
Himalayan Food - I can’t recall the name of the dish, but one of the food trucks boasted Himalayan cuisine, which I had to try. It was similar to a rich, mild red curry.
Old Town Pizza - We came for the ambience, but the chewy, bubbly crust was a winner.
Rice Krispie Doughnut and The Cock ‘n Balls (VooDoo Doughnuts) - The former is basically a chocolate glazed dipped in rice krispies and peanut butter and the latter is basically two Boston Crèmes and an éclair melded together before baking. Abby and I split that one over the course of two days and never quite finished it. (Please make whatever jokes you feel are necessary right there.) Also, Two Boston Cremes and an Éclair will now become my favorite euphemism du jour.
These are not the doughnuts I ate, but a good example of the cute types. That's an actual VooDoo Doll Doughnut.
House Pinot Noir (The Bistro) - Oregon is apparently Pinot Noir central, which is convenient since it my favorite wine. The very simple house wine they were serving was some of the tastiest I’ve had, which is probably not that impressive, given my limited knowledge of wine, but it really was excellent.
Greek Lemon Soup (The Bistro) - Zingy starter soup
Hazelnut Crusted Cod with Gorgonzola sauce over jasmine rice with roasted vegetables (The Bisto) - Oh my good lord this was delicious. I don’t even LIKE FISH. But I wish I liked fish, and I figured if there was ever a time to try it, it was on special in a town where they probably caught the sucker like an hour ago and covered in hazelnuts (my favorite nut and a local specialty). I was….really correct. I can’t say I’m a convert to loving fish, but this was certainly a step in the right direction.
I can''t believe I'm eating fish!
Strawberry Rhubarb Cobbler (The Bistro) - I am a new and zealous lover of rhubarb, and with a cinnamon sugar crumble on top and a scoop of homemade vanilla, splitting this with the table was a perfect finish to a perfect meal.
Hazelnut Torte with House Made Coffee Ice Cream (The Bistro) - Don’t let anyone tell you that perfection can’t be improved upon. We actually split two desserts, which is the way to go. In case you haven’t noticed, the Bistro was really notable.
Breakfast Sandwich and Homefries (Fuller’s Diner) - No trip is complete without a trip to a diner. This place was classic and served me an egg sandwich that could give JoJo’s or Ritter’s a run for their money on freshly sliced toast.
Rogue Hazelnut Brown Ale - Oregon-brewed rich brown ale with a distinct hazelnut aftertaste. Hello, new favorite. Except it’s not carried here….boo.
Things Purchased
Wrap skirt (Saturday Market) - Local seamstress/artist makes wrap skirts of reclaimed fabrics. They can be worn differently enough that you have 2 distinct skirts, and since the fabric is from recycled old clothes, every piece is unique.
Portland hoodie (Saturday Market) - Rather than buy a Portland hoodie from some random gift shop (I needed a hoodie for evenings, having packed for warmer weather than it was.) I found one designed by a (this will start to sound repetitive) local artist.
Business Card Holders (Saturday Market) - a lady makes wallets, purses and business card holders from old vintage looking materials. I got one made from an elementary music textbook and ordered one made with playing cards from an old game of Clue.
Virgin of Guadeloupe necklace - All four of us had our pants charmed off by a heavily accented man from Mexico City selling intricate jewelry made with Mexican themed images (the Virgin Mary and Frida Kahlo were popular) and tiny real pressed flowers. I had already spent more than I intended, but I love religious art, especially poppy, colorful religious art. I almost got a piece with Frida on it, too, but Regina got one, so I felt better that at least one of us owns something with Frida’s face on it. Senor Silver Tongue gave us all the “pretty girl discount,” which even in the moment sounded like total nonsense, but it completely worked. I do love the necklace, though.
This is us being completely charmed. These are the necklaces in question. Totally worth it.
The Handbook on Amputations (Powell’s Books) - This book is about 25 pages long and was published in 1942. I love the idea of someone reading it and POOF being ready to perform amputations. Watch out, friends.
A Survey of 2200 Women Regarding Sexual Behavior (Powell’s Books) - Published in 1922, an initial perusal of the studies in this book leads me to believe this will be hilarious, depressing, and fascinating.
People Encountered
The Physicist - On the plane from Minneapolis to Portland, I sat next to a young Physicist, on the way home from a Physicist Convention in Baltimore. I am not making this up. He was very charming and we chatted for the first hour or so of the flight about things to see in Portland, the Large Hadron Collider, and our thoughts on geek behavior.
Pete the Potter - At the Saturday market, we met Pete, who made clay sculptures of people’s faces on the spot. He was an adorable old man who had retired from IBM when they switched from selling typewriters to computers. As part of his retirement package, IBM sent him to art school, where he learned that he loved clay sculpting. He is apparently so good at what he does that he was chosen for an artist exchange to go sculpt the face of the Mayor of Sapporo, as we learned after asking why he seemed to have so many news articles tacked up about himself in Japanese newspapers.
Banjo Girl - At the Saturday market, there was a young lady busking. Unremarkable, as there were buskers everywhere, many of them quite excellent. But this particular gem was playing the banjo, likely for the first time ever, and singing as though she were using her vocal cords for the very first time. She was also wearing a wedding dress from the early 90's, cut up and shredded at the bottom, black pantyhose, and running shoes.
Hot Waiter - In a sea of hot Portland men, the hot waiter from the Bistro stood out. He, ya know, "moved here to surf. You can really catch some great waves here." When he smiled, you could actually hear something go *DING*
Porn Shirt Guy - Karma resets itself, I suppose, and after getting to sit next to a cute physicist on the way to Portland, I sat next to his anti-thesis. I saw this gentleman sauntering down the aisle on the plane from Atlanta to Pittsburgh (at least it was the shorter of the two flights) and winced. This puffed up redneck was wearing a shirt made of fabric printed with...you guessed it, porn stars. And he was pretty much exactly the guy you'd expect to be wearing that shirt.
So how much did I love Portland? So much.
