Comments | whatsitsface: What's Love Got To Do With It?

whatsitsface

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Dec 30, 2005 07:55

The state of affairs in this life of mine has left me pondering the idea of LOVE quite extensively. I realize this is no new idea but for the first time in my mature (ha!) adult life I have really been giving this one some thought. "Love" is everywhere...I love my kids, I love my cat, I love my new sweater, I love chocolate ice cream. The word ( Read more... )

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Comments Please! whatsitsface December 30 2005, 17:00:10 UTC

I welcome your ideas, experiences and feelings about LOVE. I know my own thoughts are limited and want to hear your thoughts as well.

coffeeandwine December 31 2005, 00:59:10 UTC

I think that loving someone also has to include letting that person change. So many people "love" others...but when they change, or grow, or emerge with new ideas...the love is gone and dissapointment looms. In order to love someone forever and stay with them forever (kids, friends and lovers) we have to allow change. People get new ideas, new hopes, new dreams....they want to shed the skin of their old selves and explore some new skin. It's hard to keep loving because we fell in love with the whole package and the package can change. If you are smothered into staying the same, you will resent the other person and leave. You have to love yourself and be secure in yourself before you can accept change in someone you love. Some are so insecure with themselves that when someone they "love" changes they go off the deep end in trying to keep the person from changing ,and then go even more crazy in trying to keep them from leaving...know anyone like that?

whatsitsface December 31 2005, 16:35:30 UTC

Fortunately for me I was able to emerge from that place a new creature, while he's sadly left clinging to a piece of old skin. It is a painful and wonderful process. In book 5 of the Chronicles of Narnia, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the boy Eustace is turned into a Dragon because of his "dragonish" behavior. When he meets Aslan and is ready to take off the skin, Eustace sheds several itchy, surface layers but Aslan has to cut into him deeply with his claws to remove the dragon skin. Raw and cold, the Eustace-dragon is thrown into the nearby pool by the lion; it stings and hurts like nothing Eustace has ever felt, but when he comes out he is a boy again. Only he's not the same boy he was...his heart and character are better because of it. It's a messy, dragonish process at times but well worth earning my wings to fly again.

littlejigman January 1 2006, 02:34:38 UTC

Absolutely! And not just allowed to change, but encouraged in their explorations!

Seems like so many couples live the same life--they do EVERYTHING together, never out of sight of one another. How on earth are you supposed to bring anything new back to the relationship if your spouse is already experiencing everything you are. One of the coolest thing about a good relationship is that your partner is constantly brings bits of the world back to you that you never would have seen otherwise.

Not so much whatsitsface January 1 2006, 23:35:39 UTC

This was certainly the case in my marriage...I wasn't encouraged to grow, and when I did it was too scarry for him to let it happen and still love me. "Signed, sealed and delievered, you agreed to be THIS person to me for now and always". This was what he thought he signed up for and is still trying to get back.

Wuv is what bwings us togeveh today meliciousleigh December 31 2005, 23:48:27 UTC

I think that love in it's purest form is simple, effortless, easy to take for granted even. It's the love you give to your children. More than that, it's the love they have for you when they are very small. Relationships are always work, but there is comfort in seeing someone and never feeling the slightest shred of doubt about what you feel for them, or them for you. It seems that love between adults is never that easy. There are always conditions and doubts always exist. Letting yourself love someone, and believing that they love you takes faith, and is a risky prospect. I have been with the same person for almost all of my adult life. There have been trials to be sure, and doubt, and risk, and times when I'm sure that if we hadn't had kids or cats or fish or whatever to think about that we would have thrown in the towel. But right now, this day, I look at him and there is not the slightest bit of doubt about what I feel for him, or what he feels for me. Might some doubt creep back in some day? Perhaps so. But for now, I am thankful ( ... )

Re: Wuv is what bwings us togeveh today littlejigman January 1 2006, 02:36:19 UTC

Wuv. Twue Wuv.

The right equation... littlejigman January 1 2006, 01:57:11 UTC

So...about a month ago, I was walking around Green Lake with a couple of friends and one of them asked me, "How did you know that you were in love with your wife? How did you decide it was more than infatuation or lust ( ... )

Re: The right equation... whatsitsface January 1 2006, 23:43:58 UTC

I like the cornerstone idea even though it is a bit reminiscent of biblical advice. Still, the point that love isn't one thing, but made up of many pieces rings true. On romantic love...I like the idea of being able to say to your partner "I'm going to go over here and do this..." and know that with the communication, respect, and honesty that you mentioned...this can be navigated successfully.

One thing I noticed that was missing from your equation...SEX!!!!!! Where does that fit in? I know that I have experienced the relationship without sexual compatability and it is, in fact, quite miserable. Thus, for me, sexual intimacy has risen to the top of this list of important ingredients.

Re: The right equation... meliciousleigh January 2 2006, 04:05:50 UTC

Make sure you don't hook up with a guy named "Sheldon"

Where's Sunday??? whatsitsface January 2 2006, 08:29:52 UTC

No Days-of-the-Week underpants either.

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