so here we are at the beginning of something new. probably one more thing that will last for a few weeks and fade into the back of my mind somewhere, but maybe not. maybe a new outlet for thoughts instead of midnight emails. i have completely run out of steam, but i'll keep going until i get this finished. i need that sense of completion, or i ( Read more... )

today i got my first real job. my first day is tomorrow. i'm so excited! plus i was watching never been kissed - and it's really not that great of a movie. i can't stand drew barrymore! but the guy that plays the teacher is majorly hot, so i watched it any way. her story at the end is still pretty lame. i mean it makes for a good movie ( Read more... )

i'm thinking about a million things right now. i was wondering if there was anyone that i could call up and say, can i come cry at your house? hayley's probably my closest friend, but i don't know if i would cry at her house. we just laugh together. then i thought about matt and ashley, who now live in nashville, but i could probably cry with ( Read more... )

and here i am. god on one side, myself on the other. rules and regulations on one side, instincts and desires on the other. unanswered questions on one side, seeking answers on the other. the welfare of my soul on one side, the happiness of my heart on the other. playing puppet on one side, floating freely on the other. problems on both sides ( Read more... )

i'm so confused. go figure. well, i don't know what i want to do with my life. i mean i don't know whether to keep going to church and become a bible freak or give up all together and just sustain myself on movies and projects. i think either choice would be fine unless there really is a hell and then the first would be ther better choice. if ( Read more... )

i stayed up until two last night watching stargate. that's a good show. last night's episode was sad, tough. jack had a son, and i didn't even know he had been married. but is son accidentally killed himself with jack's gun. that's so sad. i wonder how many people have to go through horrible tragedies like that, and if i will be one of them ( Read more... )

I'm hoping one day that i will be able to get all my journals together and write a novel. maybe this one will look like a novel by the time i'm through. or maybe one day i'll be famous and after i die someone else will find them and publish them and then everyone will say, so that's what she was like as a teen? that would be so cool. i always ( Read more... )