FIC - Days Like These (2/6)
Title: Days Like These (2/6)
Author: Wheelie47
Rating: R (for language)
Pairing: Luke and Noah
Word count: 2,690
Disclaimer: Don’t own characters, am not associated in any way with ATWT, Van and Jake. No offence intended.
Summary: What if, after being shot by Colonel Mayer, Luke is left permanently paralysed?
Author's notes: This story is set after Luke is shot by Colonel Mayer. It is set in a different timescale. It follows the show's timescale up till Luke got shot; so Luke and Noah were just starting out as a couple. Luke spent 6 months in hospital. They decided to start a new life together in LA several months after Luke leaves hospital, when Noah won a Scholarship at a film academy. In my mind they have been together just over a year in total and this story is about them both trying to deal with Luke's disability.
Noah couldn’t remember how he had got here; his feet had seemed to have a mind of their own when he had stumbled out of their apartment. He hadn’t been able to form a coherent thought in his head so he had just followed along in the rain, not caring that he was getting soaked as Luke’s last words reverberated through his mind. So here he was, standing on the rain slicked sidewalk looking out over their favourite stretch of beach.
It was so different from the last time they were here that is was hardly recognizable. Gone were all of the people enjoying a beautiful day at the beach; either playing ball, building sandcastles, enjoying the sea or just lying back and soaking in the sun. That had been a fantastic day; Luke’s family were making the most of the last day of their visit and the beach had seemed the best place to be. Luke had been so happy that day; Ethan had squealed with delight when Noah and Holden had managed to manoeuvre Luke’s wheelchair onto the compacted sand and had immediately set about trying to bury his wheels.
The corners of Noah’s mouth briefly lifted in a small smile as he remembered convincing an unsure Luke to sit on the sand. With Holden’s help he had gently lowered Luke onto the blanket, getting Natalie to put the wheelchair cushion down first to make sure he wasn’t at risk of getting a pressure sore. His heart had swelled with an almost overwhelming feeling of happiness and well being when Luke had leaned back against him whilst nestled safely in the v of Noah’s legs and turned his head to plant a soft and sweet kiss to the side of Noah’s mouth. Luke had whispered a heartfelt ‘I love you’ before pulling back and giving Noah a smile that had made his hazel eyes sparkle.
‘Luke’ he murmured to himself as small sob escaped almost unbidden. He felt a vice like grip tighten around his heart and a knot like a lead weight building in his stomach as he looked out across the now deserted, rain swept beach and realised that he felt like was losing Luke. That no matter what he did, he couldn’t help Luke get back to the man he was when the two of them had first met or even help him to see what he could still achieve in life despite his disability. All Noah seemed to be able to do on days like these, despite his best efforts, was just reinforce the fact the Luke wasn’t the man he used to be and that his father had taken away from the both of them the life together that had promised so much.
‘Perhaps he’s right, perhaps I should just go’ Noah muttered to himself under his breath, as the tears now rolling freely down his face mixed indefinably with the wetness from the rain. Perhaps Luke would be better off without him, without the constant reminder that if it wasn’t for him that Luke wouldn’t be in that fucking chair.
No! No, that wasn’t right! Noah shook his head almost imperceptibly as he mentally fought with his own demons. Him and Luke were stronger than that, stronger than anything his father could put them through. They were still here, still together and nothing else really mattered to him; not his scholarship, not this LA lifestyle but just them, just Luke. Noah sighed deeply as he thought that despite all that, Luke had never said those words to him before, never told him to go and find somebody else. He shouldn’t have left; he should have stayed and talked this through with Luke but perhaps the Colonel had been right when he had called Noah a coward.
Noah turned on his heels abruptly and headed back in the direction he had come from as he decided that his father wasn’t going to win and that he was going to do what he could to convince Luke that they belonged together; that they needed each other more than anything…
…
‘Luke?’ Noah called out softy and hopefully as he opened the door to their apartment, even though he knew on instinct from the quietness that echoed around the room that Luke wasn’t here.
After checking each room to make sure that Luke wasn’t there, Noah ended up back in the lounge, desperately trying to figure out where Luke could be.
‘No! He wouldn’t!’ Noah exclaimed sharply as a sudden wave of panic gripped his stomach; the bile rising in his throat. Luke had seemed so deflated, so sad when Noah had left and the hideous thought that Luke might have took himself off to try and hurt himself scared him rigid. His eyes erratically scanned the room for signs that Luke was ok or for clues to where he had gone, the feeling of dread building with every second.
He sighed with relief when it dawned on him that surely Luke wouldn’t have taken Harvey with him if he was going to do something stupid. His breath hitched in his chest when he eyes fell on the broken crockery in the fireplace. Noah frantically and irrationally bent to search through the broken pieces to make sure there were no traces of blood on them. Satisfied that Luke hadn’t hurt himself here at least, Noah stood, using his hand on the mantle shelf to pull himself up. He gasped as he did so when he saw the photo of the both of them together on the beach; perhaps Luke had been so angry at him that he had tried to smash the picture and missed.
‘Fuck!’ Noah was so confused; he felt like he was going out of his mind, he couldn’t even think straight. He really wanted to talk to Luke but now having seen the smashed mug perhaps he should give Luke some time to cool down, in case they both said things they couldn’t take back. He really needed someone to talk to; to help him try and make sense of it all…
…
‘Noah!…oh my god…what…Luke …has something happened?!’ the pretty and petite brunette gasped as she opened her apartment door and saw a dejected and thoroughly soaked Noah stood there on her doorstep.
‘Sarah…I’ was all he could manage before a wrenching sob escaped from his lips.
She pulled Noah into an encompassing embrace before she guided him into the apartment, closing the door behind them…
…
‘Where is he, Harvey?’ Luke exclaimed in frustration as his fingers drummed on the steering wheel of his ‘drive from the wheelchair’ car, while he drove around in increasing desperation, looking for Noah in all the places he could think of. Whilst having family money certainly couldn’t cure his disability; it could make life a little bit easier. It meant that he could have a car with hand controls and he had been able to get Harvey to help him around the apartment and keep him company when Noah was out working hard on film locations and at the academy.
‘Well, you’re absolutely no help!’ Luke whined in exasperation as he turned his head to meet the dog’s inquisitive stare. His thought process stopped abruptly as the image of Noah helping Ethan play frisbee with Harvey on the beach popped into his head. The beach! That’s where Noah had to be; it was the place where they had shared some of their best times together since coming to LA. Why hadn’t he thought about it before?!
Luke hurriedly took the next turning left to head to the beach and felt hope start to rise in his heart at the thought of talking all this through with Noah, about telling him he was so sorry and that he really did love him. He knew he could fix this; he had to because despite what he had said in the heat of the moment, in the pain and frustration he couldn’t imagine his life without Noah in it; he didn’t want to…
…
‘Sarah, baby are you coming back to…Shit! Noah. Are you ok? Has something happened to Luke?!’ the frustration in Jess’s voice turned to immediate concern at the sight of Noah sat on their couch, looking as if his world had just caved in.
‘Shit! Sorry did I interrupt you … er…’ even in Noah’s current state he couldn’t help but notice, as his eyes flicked between the two women, that their clothes were in disarray.
‘Forget it, Noah’ Jess said dismissively, as she sat down next to Noah and placed a comforting arm around his sagging shoulders.
‘What’s happened?’ Sarah asked, her voice full of concern for her friend. Although they had only recently met when they had both enrolled at the Academy; they had become firm friends quickly and Sarah felt like she had known Noah the whole of her life.
‘I think… I…I need a place to stay tonight’ Noah sighed, as he turned to face his friend, tears rolling down his cheeks. Sarah had never seen him look so sad and her heart went out to him, as she reached up to brush a tear away from his face.
‘Why don’t you start from the beginning? Jess said with compassion as she rubbed light, comforting circles on Noah’s back…
…
Luke didn’t know what to do now; Noah hadn’t been at the beach, even though Luke had convinced himself on the way there that he would find him. Then he had needed to abandon his search to return home because his alarm had gone off to remind him that he needed to catheterise himself and in his haste to look for Noah he had left everything he needed behind.
Damn! Luke thought to himself. He’d never realised what being paralysed had really meant until it had happened to him. Sure, he had seen people in wheelchairs before but it meant so much more than not being able to walk, there was the toileting issues, the setting his alarm in the middle of the night to turn over from one side to the other so he didn’t put too much pressure in one place, the huge amounts of medication; the list seemed endless.
It didn’t look like Noah had been home; his phone was still where he had left it and all his clothes looked like they were there. Well, that was a good sign at least, wasn’t it, Luke tried to convince himself. He had also tried ringing everyone he could think of and none of them had seen or heard from Noah.
‘Nnngh’ Luke muttered under his breath, as he reached up to rub his fingers soothingly above his right eye. He could feel the telltale signs of an overexertion headache building, he could also feel his shoulders and arms aching from too much time sat in the wheelchair and he knew that, before he could think about doing anything else, he needed to get some rest. He turned his wheelchair around and headed through the apartment towards the bedroom with Harvey following faithfully behind, nails clicking on the wooden floor…
…
Noah lay on his back, stretched out across Sarah’s couch, knees bent slightly to allow room for his long frame, eyes studying the shadows cast in the dark lounge by the hall light. He could feel his chest tighten and he struggled to breathe as he fought to keep his father’s words from assailing him;
‘I hate what you’ve become’
‘I’m more than disappointed; you’re a coward’
He tried to stifle a sob, not wanting to disturb Sarah and Jess, as he turned on to his side and hugged his knees to his chest. His father had been right about him all along; what kind of man left his disabled boyfriend to fend for himself while he hid on some friend’s couch.
Almost completely unbidden, as if his mind had an internal self defence mechanism; Luke’s encouraging words came to comfort him;
‘We might not have some happy ending but don’t, for one minute, think your father was right about you’
Noah swung his legs off the couch and sat up as the realisation hit him; his father didn’t know a damn thing about him, not anything that mattered anyway. It was Luke; had always been Luke. Luke had convinced him that he was worth something, that he meant something to somebody; that he belonged. He shouldn’t be here…
…
Noah stood in their darkened bedroom, leaning against the doorframe, as a wave of guilt suddenly hit him. He could see from the way Luke was lying in the bed facing the window that Luke had struggled with arranging his cushions and pillows so he could lie comfortably. Noah was suddenly uncertain, unsure whether he should step further into the bedroom and go to Luke.
Noah’s heart broke as he heard a stifled sob escape from Luke and realised that, not only was his boyfriend awake; but that his shoulders and back were trembling in an effort to control his breathing and to subdue his tears.
‘Luke?’ Noah called softly, uncertainly, his voice raw and cracked with emotion, as he took a hesitant step towards the bed.
‘Noah? Oh thank god you’re ok!’ Luke exclaimed with relief while struggling with unresponsive legs to sit up and turn to face Noah.
‘Here...let me help’ in an instant Noah was by Luke’s side, sat on the bed, helping him sit up against the headboard.
‘Noah…I’m so, so sorry’ Luke managed, as he ran his hands up Noah’s arms to reach round his shoulders and pull him into an embrace.
‘I…I shouldn’t have… said those… things…I didn’t…mean’ Luke gave up trying to explain as he felt himself fall apart, his breath hot and ragged against the side of Noah’s neck, struggling to contain his emotions.
‘Shhh…No baby…It’s me…I shouldn’t have gone…should have stayed’ Noah clung onto Luke as if his life depended on it, holding him as tight as he could; holding him safe.
‘Truth is …is that you’ve got it wrong’ Noah’s voice sounded more certain, more confident as he pulled back enough so he could place both his hands to the side of Luke’s face and look him in the eye.
‘See… it’s me that needs you, I’m lost without you. Before I meet you, I didn’t know who I was, could never measure up to what my father wanted. But you, you taught me that I was enough, that I could be somebody. That I was worthwhile and that I could love and be loved.’ Noah leaned in and placed a soft, sweet kiss on Luke’s forehead, before leaning further down to rest their foreheads together.
‘You…you gave me that’ Noah said quietly, their mouths centimetres away from each other.
‘Its so unfair…I wanted so much…to do so many things, go so many places…all with you’ Luke pulled back slightly so he could look Noah in the eye and felt a little more sure and certain as he saw the depth of love and commitment staring back at him from those deep, blue eyes.
‘You still can…we still can …you might just need a little help getting there. That’s what I’m here for… you’ve helped me so much, more than you will ever know. Now it’s my turn’ Noah smiled a shy, crooked half smile.
‘Yeah?’ Luke smiled back; he couldn’t help it, as he felt a little more hopeful.
‘Yeah!’ Noah nodded before placing a soft, gentle kiss on Luke’s lips…
Chapter 3
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