FIC - Where now? (4/4) - JANSIS
Title: Where now? (4/4) -JANSIS
Author: Wheelie47
Rating: R
Pairing: Van and Jake
Word count: 2,611
Disclaimer: Don’t own characters, am not associated in any way with ATWT, Van and Jake. No offence intended.
Summary: Can new love survive distance?
Author’s Note: Thank you so much to everybody who has read and followed this story, especially to those who have commented. Your comments have been awe inspiring and have meant so much. Thank you!
‘Jake!’ Billy shouted as he banged on Jake’s apartment door; the door shaking in its frame as his knocks became increasingly harder.
‘Jake, open the door!’ Billy demanded; his frustration replaced quickly with a rising concern when Jake failed to answer the door. This wasn’t like Jake; Jake was normally reliable, he answered his phone, returned calls and replied to messages. Billy hadn’t seen or heard from Jake since Saturday when the three of them had gone out drinking; he hadn’t answered his phone or replied to any of the messages Billy had left. So here he was; pounding on Jake’s door and he was not going away till he had seen with his own eyes that Jake was ok.
‘Jake!’ he called again and was just about to bang on the door again when he heard the distinctive crash of glass bottles being knocked over from behind the apartment door.
‘Jake, open the damn door!’ Billy rattled the doorknob.
‘Shit, Billy…are you trying to wake the dead?!’ Jake muttered, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he flung the door wide open.
‘It’s one in the afternoon, Jake and you look like the living dead! What the hell’s happened to you?!’ Billy exclaimed in disbelief and concern as he looked Jake up and down. His friend had at least four days of scraggy and unkempt stubble, his eyes looked sore and red rimmed and had dark circles under them and he looked like he had slept in his clothes.
‘I guess I just overdid it last night’ Jake mumbled absentmindedly, flopping down on the couch.
‘This is more than just one night, man’ Billy shook his head as he looked round the lounge. There were empty bottles of beer everywhere; on the floor, one of which Jake must have knocked over when he answered the door, scattering it into others by the couch, there were more on the kitchen counter and on the coffee table, next to an almost empty bottle of bourbon.
‘Jake…what’s going on?’ Billy asked as he sat down next to Jake on the couch after moving a blanket and pillow to one side.
‘I…I…it’s such a mess’ Jake’s voice, rough with emotion and exhaustion cut through Billy’s unspoken question of why Jake was sleeping on his own couch.
‘What is?’ Billy asked, sliding a comforting arm round Jake’s sagging shoulders. He had never seen Jake like this before and he was growing more and more concerned about what could have possibly happened for his friend to act like this.
‘I shouldn’t have let him go’ Jake leaned forward and put his head in his hands; his heart and his head aching.
‘Shit! Its Van…isn’t it? Has something happened to Van? Has there been an accident? Is he hurt?’ Billy fired question after question at Jake, a solid ball of anxiety growing in the pit of stomach that something serious had happened to Van to have caused Jake’s drinking binge.
‘What?!’ Jake asked as he lifted his head to look at Billy, confusion clouding his deep blue eyes.
‘No…no Billy. He’s not hurt…he’s ok. It’s not that…it’s …we’ve…I…he…’ Jake’s voice trailed off and he sighed deeply; he didn’t know where to start or how to explain the situation to Billy. Billy didn’t even know that him and Van were a couple, had been a couple, Jake corrected himself miserably, leaning forward and resting his head back in his hands with a groan.
‘Then what….? Fuck! You…and…Van!?’ Billy exclaimed in amazement: suddenly it all became crystal clear. All the shared jokes, the long discussions about anything and everything, the secret shared looks that Billy had caught the end of, the small touches and concerns for each other and Van staying here instead of at Billy’s; it all made sense now. He knew Van was gay but he would never have suspected that Jake was too! Guess he had been wrong about that!
‘Sorry man…it’s not like we were trying to hide it from you or anybody…it’s just that…we…well…’ Jake raised his head and lifted the corner of his mouth in a small, uncertain smile of apology.
‘Don’t apologise man… you’ve decided you like Dudes more. I don’t care as long as you’re both happy’ Billy cut through any further explanation from Jake, seeing the distress on his face. He actually thought it was pretty awesome that two of his best friends were together but obviously something bad had happened.
‘But you’re obviously not happy. What’s happened? No …wait, first you need a shower then we need to get something hot inside you’ Billy said as he stood and looked around trying to decide where best to start with cleaning up Jake’s lounge.
‘And don’t worry man; I’m just talking about food and coffee!!’ Billy grinned from ear to ear and raised his eyebrows suggestively as he slapped Jake on the back as he stood too.
‘Billy!’ Jake had to chuckle in spite of himself and the situation as he headed for the shower. It felt good to finally have someone to talk to about all of this…
…
Jake felt marginally more human as he stepped back into the lounge after his shower and a change of clothes.
‘You didn’t have to clean up, Billy’ Jake said gratefully as he looked round the lounge before taking a seat at the kitchen counter. His stomach dropped and his chest tightened as it hit him that the last time he sat here was with Van on Monday; it seemed like a lifetime ago since his world had caved in. He missed him so much; like apart of himself was missing. He’d lost count of the times he had reached for his phone only to pull back as he thought that it would hurt more to hear Van’s voice only to have to put the phone down in the end and that it wouldn’t resolve anything.
‘Here drink this’ Billy handed Jake a glass of thick yellow liquid that clung to the glass when Jake tilted it.
‘What is it?’ Jake asked, eyeing the liquid suspiciously; his stomach churning at the smell of it.
‘Billy Magnussen’s soon to be patented hangover cure! I’ve had a lifetime of perfecting it!’ Billy exclaimed proudly.
‘So…tell me what happened?’ Billy said encouragingly as he sat down next to Jake.
Jake risked a hesitant sip of the liquid before he took a deep breath and started from the beginning, feeling a sharp pang of regret that he was telling someone for the first time about being in love with Van and Van wasn’t there with him to share it…
…
‘That sucks man. I’m really sorry’ Billy sighed as Jake finished.
‘I miss him so much’ Jake’s voice trembled as the tears threatened to roll down his cheeks.
‘Look…I can’t tell you what you should do or how to make this right. But maybe you should start by listening to what your heart is telling you and go with your feelings’ Billy said as he stood and poured Jake a mug of coffee before pushing a plate full of toast towards him.
‘Look …I’m sorry I’ve gotta run. You gonna be ok?’ Billy asked as he reached for his coat.
‘Yeah…you go… I’ll be ok. Thanks Billy’ Jake nodded gratefully.
‘Call me if you need anything…ok? Anything!’ Billy gave him a reassuring smile as he headed out the apartment.
Jake sighed at the sudden silence that filled the room after Billy had left. He looked around his apartment with a detachment that he had never felt before; somehow it didn’t feel like home anymore.
He stood with a sudden decisiveness as he reached for his phone, realising at last what Van was trying to tell him on Monday; that no matter where they were the important thing and all that mattered was that they were there together…
…
Van groaned at the annoyingly insistent noise that dragged him from the welcome oblivion of an alcoholic induced sleep. He didn’t want to be awake; didn’t want to keep replaying the last time he had seen Jake’s face, full of the pain and hurt that he had caused to the man he loved.
‘What the fuck?!’ Van muttered as he realised that someone was pounding unrelentingly on his apartment door.
After he realised that whoever was at his apartment door wasn’t going to go away, Van slid out from under his duvet, his head spinning as he bent down to retrieve his jeans from the floor, before making his way through the apartment.
‘What?!’ Van’s voice was loud with exasperation as he flung open the door.
‘Van! You look like crap. Are you ok?’ Ian asked with concern. He hadn’t known Van very long but he hadn’t seen him looking this washed out and drawn before.
‘Yeah…just not feeling so good’ Van said apologetically, not wanting to take his bad mood out on his concerned neighbour or explain the whole situation to him.
‘I came round with your keys’ Ian explained, placing the keys on the shelf by the door.
‘Thanks for taking care of them for me. Did they behave?’ Van asked, as he held the door open for Ian to step further into the apartment. He was genuinely gratefully for Ian’s help with looking after the cats and the apartment while he had been in New York
‘They were fine. Here…why don’t you lie on the couch while I fix you something to eat’ Ian placed his hand lightly on Van’s arm as he guided him to the couch.
‘You don’t have to’ Van sighed as he curled up on the couch; unable to keep his eyes open and feeling suddenly very tired as if it was too much effort to keep upright…
…
Van smiled softly in his sleep as he felt Jake’s long, sensual fingers trace slowly along his jaw, across his cheek and along the length of his eyebrow. Jake could never resist touching Van like this when he had woken before him and Van had often opened his eyes to see the most beautiful and expressive eyes he had ever seen gazing down at him with such a look of deep love, longing and want that it had made his heart soar and his cock twitch with anticipation.
‘Jake!’ Van groaned low as he breathed out and felt his cock stirring to life at the sensation of Jake pressing a series of sweet and tender kisses back down from his eyebrow and along his jaw to finally reach his mouth. He felt Jake’s tongue run along his bottom lip, before hesitantly pushing in between his parted lips.
Van tried to ignore the niggling feeling at the back of his mind that something wasn’t right and tried to concentrate on Jake’s lips on his and the feel of Jake’s fingers…What!? Wait! Jake wasn’t here he was in New York!
‘What the fuck!’ Van’s eyes flew open and were met by Ian’s green eyes staring back at him.
‘What are you doing?!’ Van pushed him away and scrambled off the couch.
‘You looked so sad and upset…I was just trying to comfort you’ Ian explained as he edged towards Van.
‘What?! By coming on to me?! You should go… now!’ Van’s voice rose in anger as he pushed against Ian’s chest, backing him towards the door. With a final push he succeeded in getting Ian out the apartment and slammed the door shut behind him.
Could this week get any worse, he thought to himself as he walked on trembling legs back to the couch. First he’d broken the heart of the only man he had ever really truly loved and now this. He sank back down on to the couch and, with his head in his hands, he couldn’t control his emotions anymore; the tears rolled freely down his face and his chest heaved with deep sobs…
…
Van had lost track of the amount of time that he sat on his couch and the soft knock on his door startled him. He was determined not to answer it; thinking that it was Ian coming back to apologise.
Something snapped in him when he heard the knock again, louder this time, and he pulled himself off the couch and stomped over to the door. He scooped Annabelle off the floor from in front of the door and flung it open with the other hand, keeping his fingers curled round the handle ready to slam it shut again after he had given Ian a piece of his mind.
A small gasp of surprise escaped his lips as he saw Jake stood there on his doormat, a small, uncertain smile playing across his lips. Van’s heart broke a little more as he saw the dark circles under Jake’s red rimmed eyes, the despondent droop of his shoulders and thought that he’d done this to Jake; he’d made this usually quietly confident man; who could make you feel that you were the most important person in the world with one look and a smile, so unsure of himself.
‘Jake?!’ Van asked, the trembling in his voice clear, as his eyes were drawn down to the suitcase and bulging holdall by Jake’s feet. He felt his heart lift at the thought that he almost didn’t dare believe what this could mean.
‘Have you got room for one more waif and stray?’ Jake asked, the smile widening as he nodded at Annabelle, still held in Van’s arm.
In one fluid motion Van deposited Annabelle on the floor and released his hold on the door, before he took a step forward and pulled Jake into his arms, tenderly pressing his lips to the side of Jake’s neck as he buried his head in the crook of Jake’s shoulder and neck.
‘I love you’ Jake breathed into Van’s ear as he wrapped his arms round his shoulders. He could feel Van’s hot breath ragged and uneven against his neck and he felt himself falling apart. He held on tighter, never wanting to let go.
‘I love you and I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise what’s important’ Jake whispered as he leant back in the embrace far enough to look deep into Van’s eyes.
‘Billy made me finally realise what you were trying so desperately to tell me; that what matters most is that we’re together’ Jake explained as he gently brushed the pad of his thumb over the dark circle under Van’s right eye, wishing he could erase the pain of the last few days.
‘Billy, huh? That must have been some conversation!’ Van chuckled.
‘Yeah…wish you could’ve been there. I just packed what I could and caught the first flight out here. So…what do you say?’ Jake asked hopefully, his eyebrows raised questioningly.
Van smiled a wide and bright smile that made his eyes dance with delight for the first time in days before he pressed a slow and sensual, open mouthed kiss to Jake’s supple lips.
‘Is that a yes?!’ Jake smiled when they finally parted, panting for breath.
‘That’s a yes!’ Van laughed and nodded vigorously before pulling Jake further into the apartment by his belt buckle.
The End
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