FIC - Belonging (1/1) - JANSIS
Title: Belonging (1/1) - JANSIS
Author: Wheelie47
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Van and Jake
Word count: 4,914
Warning: Features Van and Jake - if RPF is not for you then please don’t read.
Disclaimer: Don’t own characters, am not associated in any way with ATWT, Van and Jake. No offence intended.
Summary: Van realises something…
Jake swallowed nervously and risked a look over to the driver’s seat; Van was looking straight ahead, eyes fixed on some point that Jake couldn’t make out. Right now he wished he was a mind reader because, for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what was going through his boyfriend’s mind.
Van had been in a quiet, almost contemplative mood since they had got in the car and that just wasn’t Van. Van liked to talk; whether it was something mundane like what they wanted for dinner or to thrash out a heated discussion through to its end or to tell him, in the heat of breathless passion, just how Jake made him feel and how he felt about Jake, each and every time they made love. It was one of the things that Jake loved about Van; the way he did everything with passion and with all of his big heart.
So to be confronted by a wall of silence now was unnerving, to say the least and had Jake wracking his brains to think about what he had done to piss Van off so much.
‘Hey… are you ok?’ Jake asked eventually, reaching across to rest his hand gently on Van’s jean glad thigh, as the overwhelming silence between them became too much for him to bear.
‘Yeah’ Van said simply and nodded, turning to cast a brief glance in Jake’s direction; a small smile playing around the corners of his mouth before he twisted his neck back to look straight ahead again.
‘Okay…’ Jake started, slightly bemused. ‘Are you worried about Annie? I’m sure she will be fine. It’s not like we’re staying overnight or anything’ Jake continued, trying again to get to the bottom of Van’s dark mood.
‘I’m sure she’ll be ok’ Van replied, keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead this time as his recalled the scene that greeted him before they left home for the party…
…
Van stopped abruptly, stifling a chuckle as he came out of the bathroom after finally mastering his hair. He leant silently against the door frame and watched unobserved as an already dressed and ready to go Jake sat crossed legged on their bed with Annabelle sat contently in his lap, her green eyes staring up at him, almost as if she was hanging on to his every word.
‘Now… Annie… it’s gonna be ok’ Jake said gently; his long and elegant fingers tenderly tracing the length of her spine, earning him a deep and resonate purr. ‘We wont be long… don’t you even think that we wont be coming back’ Jake soothed, trying to make the cat understand that she needn’t get distressed and pee everywhere because she thought that she was being abandoned. Jake was beginning to think that their recent move to LA had unsettled the skittish cat more than they had realised.
‘And you’ve got Chim to keep you company’ Jake continued as he nodded in the direction of Chimley, where he lay curled up on Van’s pillow, completely oblivious to the goings on around him. He couldn’t help but smile as he fleeting thought that the cats’ individual personalities reflected their own; Chimley was laid back and didn’t get flustered; just like Jake, whereas Annabelle was excitable and prone to be impulsive; just like Van, and Jake had come to love them both dearly; thinking they complimented each other perfectly; just like him and Van.
Annie tilted her head to one side, as if she was contemplating Jake’s words and it tugged on Van’s heart strings to think that Jake; who wasn’t really all that into cats, had developed such a rapport with the two of them that they were almost putty in his hands. Van secretly thought that the cats actually preferred Jake to him; hell it wasn’t Jake’s clothes that Annabelle decided to pee all over… oh no… Van’s were always the target. He wasn’t jealous though; how could he be? He knew what it was like to look into those azure and expressive eyes and feel like he was falling even further and harder than he ever had before…
…
‘Ok… well… are you sure you don’t mind driving?’ Jake continued, trying a different tact after discounting that Van’s silence was due to concern over Annie.
‘No… I’m good’ Van replied as they sat waiting for the lights to turn green. This time Van’s gaze lingered longer on Jake’s face and the small smile that played across Van’s lips sent a tingling sensation through Jake’s body that warmed his heart and pooled in his groin. The things his boyfriend could do to him just by smiling at him!
‘They’re your friends Jake… its only fair that you get to have a few drinks and relax a little’ Van continued tenderly. Van knew it was true; Jake had been so busy with promoting Stuffer; travelling round the film festival circuit and working on the full length version, not to mention upping sticks and moving out to LA with Van that he more than deserved a little down time. So when two friends of Jake’s that had been college sweethearts had decided to move to LA and had invited Jake plus 1 to a housewarming party, they had jumped at the chance.
‘Nice place they’ve got here’ Van said appreciatively as he swung their car into the long landscaped drive of the apartment complex where Andy and Lisa lived.
‘Yeah… looks like they’ve done well for themselves’ Jake replied before he opened the door and swung his long legs out of the car. As he walked round the front of the car to meet Van on the driver’s side, it suddenly dawned on him that perhaps Van was a little nervous about meeting some of his college friends for the first time. After all Jake had been decidedly straight at college; had been in fact until he had met Van and the unmistakable sparks of attraction had flared between them. Jake hadn’t been backwards in coming forwards at college and he had had his fair share of girlfriends; so it was small wonder that Van might be a little apprehensive at the possibility of meeting some of them.
Jake decided to be proactive and do the one thing that he knew from experience would sooth Van quicker than anything. He almost sighed at the connection as he slid his palm against Van’s and, interlocking their fingers; he leant in to place a tender kiss to Van’s cheek.
‘Come on… let’s go in’ Jake said, gently guiding Van by a tug of their joined hands; smiling with relief when he felt Van tenderly squeezing his hand in response…
…
‘Jake… man… it’s good to see you!’ Andy exclaimed as he opened the door to greet Jake and Van. ‘Shit! I’d forgotten how tall you are!’ he laughed, almost having to stretch up on tiptoes to return Jake’s back slapping hug.
‘It’s good to see you too!’ Jake’s grin was wide across his face with genuine happiness to see his old college friend; somehow the years had flown by and it had been way too long since they had seen each other last.
Jake stood back from the hug and his heart broke a little as he realised that Van was standing uncertainly by with his shoulders drooping slightly, not really sure if he should introduce himself or wait for Jake to; these were Jake’s friends after all.
‘Sorry …where are my manners’ Jake said quickly as he reached up and ran a soothing palm along Van’s shoulder. ‘This is Van… my boyfriend’ Jake said with a hint of determined pride in his voice, letting the word hang there out on its own for a while. He was pretty sure that everybody here knew about him and Van; even if they hadn’t seen it in the news there was nothing like Face Book for spreading this kind of news like wildfire through the network of old college friends. But he decided not to ignore the elephant in the room and he wanted to do justice to how much Van meant to him.
‘Hey… pleased to meet you’ Van said simply; his smile threatening to break into a wide face splitting grin at not only Jake’s choice of words but the way he had said them. He settled instead for leaning down to press a small kiss of greeting to Lisa’s cheek before handing her the chrome wine rack complete with bottles of red they had bought for a house warming gift. Van had insisted that they couldn’t buy the rack without supplying the wine to go with it.
‘Good to met you, Van’ Andy said before pulling Van into a hug with the same exuberance that he had greeted Jake with. And that was it… the introduction had been done… and nothing had happened… the hum of conversation returned as everybody went back to whatever they had been talking about before Van and Jake arrived… nothing to worry about…
…
Van had somehow managed to get himself involved in a heated conversation between a husband and wife about where best to have their summer vacation; he wanted to go to Mexico and she wanted to visit a selection of European cities and they had asked Van’s opinion.
‘Well…’ Van started, unsure what to say for the best, not wanting to take sides and desperately wished that Jake would hurry back from the bathroom so at least he would have some back up ‘Mexico’s a great place and I definitely want to go back again but I really enjoyed spending time in Europe. It’s got such a great mix of different cultures…you should go if you get the chance…’ Van said with genuine interest but paused when he saw Jake heading in his direction; a wide smile spreading across his face as he made eye contact with Van. Just that look sent a shiver down Van’s spine and he recalled the first time that Jake had looked at him like that…
…
‘Thank you so much…’ Van heard the words that Jake spoke into the microphone but his brain didn’t register what they meant and he certainly wouldn’t have been able to repeat them to anybody; his mind was concentrating on the look that was in Jake’s eyes as he looked up at him from where he stood on the baseball field. The look held such a potent mixture of want, need and passion that was tinged with a hint of uncertainty that made Van eternally gratefully that he was sitting down, knowing that if he was standing his knees would certainly have buckled under the onslaught of the emotional heat of that look.
Something had been building between them almost since the first time they had met…the easy friendship, the shared jokes and interests, the almost unnoticeable small looks and touches that passed between them. But Van had resisted the urge to develop it into something more.
He had come up with a million reasons why it was a bad idea…they worked together, it could ruin their friendship, Van had only just recently become single again and he didn’t want to enter into anything else right now, not to mention Jake was actually straight… the list was endless. But all that meant nothing right at this moment in time as he looked down at Jake and felt himself giving in… he was only human after all and really… who could resist Jake…fucking…Silbermann when he looked like that.
Van swallowed hard, trying to control his libido as his eyes traced over the long taut lines of Jake’s toned figure; from the camo shorts that Van knew hung low on thin hips under the sweat soaked grey t-shirt, the strong muscled forearms, his mussed up sweat damped hair to the curled fingers of his left hand holding the t-shirt he had been playing in; about to toss it to the crowd. Van squinted as he tried to focus on what else was in Jake’s hand; wishing he had bought his glasses with him. Fuck! Were they Jake’s car keys and did he just throw him a smouldering look meant only for him; a veiled invitation that spoke volumes of Jake’s intent?!
Van couldn’t wait to find out.
…
Jake was amazed that they had actually made it through his apartment door fully clothed with the way Van’s hands had been roaming all over his body as he tried to get the key in the lock.
‘Fuck Van… eager much?’ Jake panted as they fell through the door and Van pushed him up against the wall, slamming the door shut behind him with his foot, before pressing the length of his whole body up against Jake. Both men gasped at the erotic sensation of their hardening cocks aligning perfectly through the rough material of Jake’s shorts and Van jeans; leaving little doubt in Van’s mind that Jake was on exactly the same page as he was.
The low groan that rumbled through Jake’s chest and throat as Van’s lips latched on to his neck sent nerve tingling shocks of arousal all over his body, making him desperate to feel all of Jake everywhere. But there was a niggling and undeniable pressure at the back of his mind screaming at him that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea and Van amazed himself as he actually managed to disentangle himself from Jake’s heated embrace and the delicious skin of his neck to lean back enough so that he could look Jake in the eye. He was intent on making sure that they both wanted this; knowing that there was no turning back and nothing would ever be the same once they had crossed this last line.
‘Jake… are you…’ Van’s mouth dropped open and his words faltered in amazement; the question left unasked as he saw Jake open his eyes to reveal lust blown pupils several shades darker than normal. Oh yeah… Jake wanted this too!
‘Enough… talking’ Jake managed in a rough and gravely voice before he reached out and tangled his fingers in the hair at the base of Van’s neck; pulling him roughly forward before attacking those supple bow shaped lips with his, slipping his tongue between the willing and parted lips.
Suddenly this wasn’t moving fast enough for Jake and, desperate for more… much more, he used the muscles of his back and legs to push them off the wall and guide them through the apartment towards his bedroom.
They left a trail of clothes down the hall in their eagerness to see and feel more of each other; hands and lips relentlessly exploring every inch of available skin.
Somehow they managed to find themselves half naked and breathless at the foot of Jake’s bed; Jake vaguely surprised that they had made it further than the lounge floor.
‘Fuck Jake’ Van gasped as Jake deftly undid his fly, eased down his zip and delved eagerly into the opening to wrap his fingers around Van’s hard cock through the thin material of his boxers briefs. ‘Are you… sure you haven’t… done this before?!’ Van managed to pant out breathlessly as Jake’s fingers worked fervently up and down his straining shaft.
‘Shut up!’ Jake chuckled, a wide grin spreading across his face. Suddenly something clicked deep within him and he knew, beyond any doubt that this… this last step in their relationship just felt so right and everything that came later would just fall into place; they would work it out together.
In one fluid motion Jake removed his hand, smirking at the whine of loss of contact from Van, and yanked Van’s jeans and underwear down past his knees before snaking his palms up and over the soft dusting of chest hair to come to rest flat against his shoulders, pushing him backwards and down onto the bed.
Jake gasped as he straightened up to remove his shorts and underwear and he had to take a long and steadying breath at the sight before him. This was really happening… finally… he thought to himself as he saw Van laid out before him, chest heaving and flushed with arousal, waiting for him. All this time that they had been friends, he knew deep down that there was something more... something stronger and now he couldn’t wait to experience it… to cement that bond into something physical.
After quickly ridding himself of the rest of his own clothes, Jake knelt at the foot of the bed to remove the remaining annoying items of Van’s clothes, tossing them haphazardly to join his own on the growing pile on the floor.
Leaning forward Jake eased his hands sensuously over Van’s inner thighs, marvelling at the feel of strong muscles under soft hair, before lowering his head to blow a long hot breath across the tip of Van’s cock.
‘Jaaake’ Van whined, as his fingers curled in Jake’s thick dark hair, urging him on.
The urgency in Van’s voice stoked the fire in his groin and he flicked out his tongue to tentatively lick a hot strip across the engorged head. He rolled the flavour of Van’s precum around his mouth, smiling briefly with surprise at the not unpleasant taste. He worked his way up Van’s torso, pausing to flick his tongue at each nipple in turn before plunging his tongue with growing confidence back between Van’s parted lips, groaning as he felt Van’s tongue caressing his own.
‘More… Jake… now’ Van whispered breathlessly as he writhed and bucked his hips up against Jake’s; the hard velvet of their now naked flesh rubbing together to create a glorious friction.
Sitting back on his heels in between Van’s legs, Jake reached over to his bedside table to grab the condoms and lube he kept in the top drawer; the sound of his heart pounding loud in his ears with anticipation. Handing the lube to Van, he watched in awe, slowly jacking his own hard cock as Van prepared himself quickly and efficiently. Jake increased the pace when he saw Van’s head drop back against the pillow and a gasp of ecstasy escape his lips as he worked his fingers against his prostate again and again.
‘Now Jake’ Van demanded as he removed his fingers and opened his eyes to met Jake’s lust filled stare.
Jake eased himself inch by inch into Van after rolling on the condom and applying a generous amount of lube. He thought his heart was going to explode in his chest as the feeling of Van’s tight, moist heat surrounded him. He had never ever experienced anything like this before and it took all of his will power not to pound into Van but instead he waited until Van started to move impatiently against him before pulling back and easing tentatively in with a few short and shallow thrusts.
Impatient and desperate for a change of pace, Van skimmed his palms down Jake’s muscled back and over the firm contours of Jake’s ass and cupping his hands; applied pressure to pull him in deeper.
Jake wished that he could last longer, knowing that he wanted to savour this moment but the feeling of Van surrounding him everywhere all at once, drove him over the edge and with one more deep thrust he came with a shuddering and jarring release deep inside Van. The feel of Jake’s cock pulsing inside him and the nerve tingling friction of his over sensitive cock trapped between them bought Van quickly to his own climax over both their stomachs.
Jake collapsed onto Van’s sweat slicked and heaving chest, spreading the pool of cum wider as he struggled to calm his own breathing. ‘So good…so fucking good’ Jake whispered against the side of Van’s neck, his hot breath tickling the sensitive skin there before he pressed an exhausted and sated kiss to the hollow where neck and shoulder joined, tasting the salty tang of sweat on his lips…
…
‘Van?’ a delicate female voice shook Van out of his memory and he had to swallow hard and blink twice to focus on where he was, suddenly registering the gentle and feminine touch on his forearm.
‘Sorry?’ Van replied, a little confused and slightly out of breath as he turned to greet the petite blonde standing next to him; struggling to recognise the face. Looking around him, he realised that the husband and wife had been continuing their conversation without him and Jake had been waylaid by a small group of people at the drinks table on his way over. Jake caught his eye and smiled briefly, shrugging his shoulders apologetically. Van smiled back, letting his lover know that it was ok before he turned his attention back to the woman beside him.
‘No… I’m the one who should be apologising for bothering you’ she smiled a genuine smile of apology ‘you don’t know me… I’m Chloe… I went to college with Jake’.
‘Oh…hi…pleased to meet you’ Van replied, leaning forward to peck a gentle kiss of greeting to her cheek, mentally bracing himself for the awkward ex-girlfriend meets current boyfriend conversation that might follow.
‘Yeah… pleased to meet you too’ Chloe said, reaching up on her tiptoes to hug him briefly, ‘I just wanted to say I think you make a really great couple’ she continued, smiling shyly.
‘Thank you so much’ Van replied, pleasantly surprised and a little shocked that it wasn’t what he was expecting at all ‘that’s really kind of you to say…thank you!’
‘Were you two close at college?’ Van asked, nodding in Jake’s direction.
‘Not really…I mean … we had a few classes together’ Chloe replied before leaning closer and dropping her voice conspiratorially ‘but I must admit I had a bit of a crush on him!’
‘Yeah…he can kinda have that effect on you’ Van agreed, whispering back and chuckling lightly as he looked over at Jake where he stood head and shoulders above the people around him and knew exactly what Chloe was talking about. Not only was his boyfriend stunningly handsome but he also had this intense and embracing way of looking at you, with those gentle and intelligent eyes, that made you feel like you were the only person that mattered to him in the world right then and there…
…
Van sighed deeply and ran his fingers over the balcony railing where he stood over looking the apartment’s swimming pool. He had managed to lose sight of Jake again at the party so he had snuck out on to the balcony for a bit of fresh air. To his surprise, he was actually quite enjoying the party but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that had been bothering him all day. He really didn’t know what to make of it himself and he knew that his strange mood had been bothering Jake, but how could he explain it if he didn’t know what was going on in his own head.
He had woken up this morning with Jake spooned up behind him; his hand splayed across his abdomen, he’d slid out of bed and padded barefoot into the bathroom and stood for a full five minutes just staring at Jake’s toothbrush next to his in the stand, in the shower he’d had to move Jake’s shampoo to get to his own, after he had made a pot of coffee, which just happened to be Jake’s favourite blend, he had had to move Jake’s glasses and laptop before he flopped down on the couch and to top it all, when he had finished getting ready for the party he had found Jake comforting his cat on their bed. He seemed to find Jake’s things everywhere he went and he knew to expect that; living together and all, but instead of finding them to be the comforting reminders that they now shared their lives together; they seemed to be closing in on him…suffocating him. Suffocating?! No…that wasn’t right; more like overwhelming…damn he wished this made sense!
Van stiffen as he felt strong arms encircling his waist before relaxing when he felt Jake’s lips against his neck ‘Hey…here you are. You ok?’ Jake asked, the concern clear in his voice.
‘Yeah’ Van replied as he turned in Jake’s arms, leaning up to press a kiss to Jake’s lips.
‘No…no you’re not’ Jake shook his head as he felt his heartbreak a little at the sad and almost confused look in Van’s expressive eyes. ‘Please… Van…please tell me what’s wrong? Did I do something?’ Jake asked, his voice barley above a whisper, dreading the answer.
‘No. It’s not you, Jake. It’s me… I…it’s’ Van started; trying to find words to explain.
‘Van… please?!’ Jake pleaded, the tears welling in his eyes and his heart gripped with a fear that Van was trying to tell him that he wasn’t happy with their relationship and wanted to end it. He didn’t think he could stand to hear that; not since he truly believed that he had found his soul mate.
Shit! He was making such a mess of this and now he’d upset Jake ‘Look…’ Van tried again, reaching up and cupping Jake’s cheeks in his palms; the pads of his thumbs tracing over the prominent cheekbones. ‘It’s just that… I… I…every relationship I’ve ever had that’s gotten really serious I’ve ended up fucking up and I don’t want that to happen to us. I really don’t want that to happen to us… it’s kinda overwhelming’ Van shrugged helplessly, not really knowing what else to say.
Jake breathed a heavy sigh of relief and to Van’s amazement began to chuckle, slowly at first before it developed into a full laugh ‘You are such an idiot, Hansis!’ Jake exclaimed.
‘Excuse me?!’ Van’s voice rose in disbelief and he dropped his hands to his sides.
Jake grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him forward into an enveloping hug before pressing a kiss to his ear.
‘Don’t you think I feel that way too?! You know… this is all kinda new to me too and yeah… it’s a little overwhelming. But we need to talk about these things, Van’ he pulled back and pressed his palm over Van’s heart, feeling the steady pulse beneath ‘and not keep them all bottled up. Okay?’ Jake smiled encouragingly.
‘Fuck Silbermann! When did you get so clever?!’ Van joked in relief, glad to have how he was feeling out in the open.
‘Always have been…you’ve just never noticed before’ Jake laughed in response, slapping his boyfriend teasingly on the ass…
…
‘I love Van Hansis!’ Jake yelled in a sing song voice, as he walked unsteadily from the car park towards their apartment complex, leaning on Van for support.
‘Jesus Jake! I don’t think the guy in the all night bakery round the corner heard you!’ Van chuckled in hushed whispers, trying to get Jake to quieten down.
‘I love Van Hansis!’ Jake shouted louder this time as he swung round to face in the direction of the bakery, narrowly avoiding stumbling over his own two feet and almost pulling them both to the ground.
‘Shut. The. Fuck. Up’ yelled their neighbour from two doors down as he flung open his window to see what the late night commotion was all about. He threw them an annoyed look before slamming the window shut and yanking the blind down.
‘Oh great! You’re so apologising to him in the morning!’ Van tried to sound annoyed but couldn’t keep the amusement from his voice. Mr Jackson was a creep and frankly Van didn’t care if they upset him or not.
‘Ah! He’s just… just jealous because… I…I get to sleep with you… aaannd he doesn’t’ Jake slurred his way through the sentence before pulling Van in for a slightly unsteady but nonetheless sensual kiss.
‘Come on. Let’s get you to bed’ Van said breathlessly as they pulled apart.
‘Yeah! Bed!’ Jake exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across his face…
…
Van couldn’t help but laugh long and hard at the sight that met him as he returned to their bedroom with two bottles of water; Jake was spread flat out across their bed with his long legs dangling over the side. He had obviously tried to take his shoes off as he sat on the edge of the bed and only managed one before tipping back and deciding he should stay put until reinforcements arrived.
‘A little help here!’ Jake whined as he lifted his head a little at the sound of Van’s laugh.
After placing the bottles on the bedside table, Van knelt and removed the remaining shoe, putting it next to the other one on the floor. He gently traced his palms up and over the material of Jake’s trousers before climbing onto the bed. As he reached for Jake’s belt buckle to help him get undressed, he finally realised what he had been feeling all day and was finally able to put a name to it. It wasn’t a sense of being overwhelmed… it was a complete and utter sense of belonging.
The End
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