Fic: More than Kisses
Title: More than Kisses
Word Count: 5791
Author: Mrs. Muir aka whenbuffysmiles
Fandom: American Idol RPS
Pairing: Kris Allen / Adam Lambert
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Kris's world falls apart, Adam takes care of him.
Disclaimer: This didn't happen. Kris and Adam belong only to themselves.
More than Kisses
Adam's phone rang. He glanced at the display, saw it was Kris and despite wanting to talk to his friend, put his phone on vibrate and silently reminded himself to make sure to call Kris back.
Right now, he needed decide on a direction for his next album. He already knew what he wanted to do, but the executives of 19 Entertainment were a little hesitant to allow Adam to push any more boundaries.
"Sorry," Adam said, smiling at the people surrounding him at the table. Instantly, he was back into the negotiations, but hour an later, his phone pulsated against his hip.
Once again it was Kris, but he was still talking songs and the message he should be making versus what he wanted to make. Torn between business and Kris, he leaned back in his chair with his mind on Kris and why he'd called again without leaving a message. When one of the execs made a negative comment about Adam’s last album, he was back in the game. After all, pushing the limits was the message he wanted to project.
Half an hour later, he knew what was wrong because Kris sent him a text message, Katy left.
With those two words, Adam changed priorities.
"Shit," Adam said, glancing up when he realized he'd said it aloud. "Look, we're going around in circles and we're not getting anywhere. I'm needed somewhere else so let's get together later."
"Adam, you can't just walk out," one of the record execs said. "We need to finish it."
"This has turned into how much money everybody can make instead of what I want to do, and I'm done for the day," Adam stood up, ignoring their astonished faces. They wanted to pull the strings, but some things were more important. One of which was friends. "Talk to my manager here," he put his hands on his shoulder, "And we'll meet again. Maybe we'll be more productive."
He waited as far as the elevator before he was calling Kris back. "Where are you?"
"Sitting in your driveway," Kris said.
"I'm on my way."
Adam clicked off his phone and ran to his car. Trusting the Mustang to respond to his every desire, Adam weaved through the heavy L.A. traffic, making better time than he thought he could. Slowing down to pull into his driveway, he saw Kris’s Fusion parked in the driveway. As he turned the car off, Kris climbed out of his car and stood motionless in the driveway, waiting for him. Adam jumped out and hurried over to Kris.
"How are you?" Adam asked, hugging Kris close to him. "I'm so sorry."
"It's been a long time coming," Kris whispered, clinging to Adam. He pulled back before glancing around. "Maybe we need to move this inside before someone takes pictures from the trees or something."
"Yeah." Adam kept Kris close to him as he led them into his house. They headed into the living room where Kris collapsed on the couch. Adam watched as Kris rubbed his face, but when he dropped his hands there were tears glistening on his lashes. Adam rubbed his chest as he felt an ache in the vicinity of his heart. Needing to do something to help Kris pull it together, Adam went to his bar. "Let me get you a drink."
"No, I shouldn't," Kris said, but after a moment, he gave a curt nod with a sigh. ”Oh, what the hell, yeah, I'll take one."
Now Adam was really worried about him. Kris rarely drank, and Adam had never seen him drink anything stronger than wine or beer. He hesitated, wondering if he should give Kris the bourbon he'd selected, but knowing his friend was on the verge of breaking, Adam poured him a half a tumbler of bourbon and then one for himself. Not that he intended to drink it. He wanted Kris to feel comfortable enough to indulge so maybe the liquor would take the edge off his pain.
"Here," Adam said, handing him the glass as he took a seat beside Kris on the couch. Staying on the edge of the couch, he dangled his drink between his knees.
"Thanks," Kris said. He held it up to make a toast. "Here's to the single life."
Amazingly, Kris didn't even choke on his first gulp. Adam took only a sip, but Kris drank until the glass was almost empty. "Drink up," Kris said, waving his glass toward Adam. "I don't want to be drinking alone."
"What the hell happened?" Adam asked. "Did she say anything to explain leaving?"
"Don't play dumb." Kris took another sip of his drink. "You know it's been falling apart for a long time."
"Yeah, I know it has been," Adam scooted closer to Kris so he could squeeze his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have done something to help you, but I just didn't know what to do or even what to say."
"Don't be sorry," Kris said, shrugging. He laid his head on the back of the couch. "Shit, I was there with her every day and I couldn't stop it from happening. She just kept slipping away. No matter how many times I reached for her and then today she said she couldn’t be happy with me anymore. That I couldn't make her happy." He closed his eyes as he choked back a sob. "Oh God, Adam, she's gone."
Somehow, Adam managed to get their drinks on the table before Kris was in his arms. The sobs shook Kris's body with their force. Adam held him tight; stroking his back in slow circles that he hoped gave some measure of comfort. Taking care of a friend who'd been dumped wasn't something new, but he'd never cared about one of them as much as the man currently falling apart in his arms.
Kris's tears were soaking through Adam's shirt while his fingers kneaded Adam's leg. There didn't seem to be anything Adam could do but hold Kris tight and wait out his emotional storm. Eventually Kris calmed, the shakes fading into occasional shudders, the sobs replaced with occasional sniffles.
Wondering if he was asleep, Adam ran his fingers through Kris's hair and softly asked, "You okay?"
"Embarrassed as hell," Kris said, surprising Adam with the strength of his words. Kris abruptly sat up, grabbing his glass on the way. He drained it in one swallow. "I should probably be all manly about her leaving, but I can't quite get there."
"You can only feel the way you do."
"Relieved?" Kris laughed. "No more fights over stupid stuff. Pissed off? She didn't even say she was sorry as she walked out the door. Not even good-bye. Sad? Yeah, because my marriage failed no matter what I did to try and fix it. Guilty? Because I couldn’t make her happy and it's probably more my fault than I can see right now." He exchanged his empty glass for Adam's nearly full one. "Oh yeah, and I'm horny. It's been weeks since we slept together. She wouldn't let me touch her. It made me feel like I was the most repulsive man alive."
"You're not repulsive," Adam said, with a small smile. Kris was anything but repulsive. Not only to Adam, but also a number of female and a few male fans would agree that Kris was absolutely adorable. "You tried, Kris. There wasn't anything else you could do."
"Whatever," Kris drained Adam's glass. "Katy's been sleeping in another room for a while now and I would hear her crying sometimes, but if I tried to comfort her, she told me to go away and that she didn't want me to touch her. She wouldn't even let me in the room to talk to her." He set the glass down before collapsing back on the couch. This time he scooted sideways so he was facing Adam. "Yeah, man, look at me," Kris said, wiping at his damp eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm just so sexy. Everybody wants me."
Their eyes met and Adam could swear that he felt a jolt of electricity dance off his nerve endings. It couldn't be real, not now and not here> But the world narrowed down to the two of them as he felt his body moving without him giving it an order. Shifting to his hands and knees, he crawled so that he was over Kris who had scooted so that he was lying on the couch. Adam pushed Kris's t-shirt up, exposing his hard stomach. He brushed the back of his knuckles against Kris's stomach, feeling the slight intake when Kris softly hissed, but no protest came, nothing to make Adam stop. He popped the button on Kris's jeans and hesitated as he fingered the slider, waiting for a no that never came as Adam lowered his zipper.
Kris was soft when Adam cupped his cock, fingertips following the length to expose it for his attention. Without ever looking up, without hesitation Adam took Kris into his mouth before Kris could change his mind. The only response he received from Kris was him spreading his legs a little further so Adam could settle more easily between his thighs.
It was funny and if his mouth wasn't full of cock, Adam may have laughed when the thought ran through his mind. As he took Kris deep into his mouth, all he could think of was that Kris tasted good. Clean, maybe fresh, were the only words he could think of to describe it. There wasn't any aftertaste of the soap he could smell lingering on Kris's skin. Maybe it was just the sexual purity that radiated from Kris that made him think it, but whatever it was he loved the flavor.
Adam sucked hard, loving the groan that shuddered through Kris, before he eased up. He licked the long vein underneath trying to elicit another response from Kris, and when there wasn't an outward response, Adam swirled the tip with his tongue before taking him all the way in again. He wanted Kris to feel good, to ease some of the heartache so he pulled out all the stops, using everything in his repertoire to make this the best blowjob Kris had ever had. Finally, he felt a soft trembling and he knew that Kris was ready to tumble over the edge. Adam prayed that Kris wasn't thinking of Katy.
"Oh god, Adam," Kris moaned, spilling into Adam's mouth.
Thanking God was all that Adam could think of to do as he pulled back. He couldn't look at Kris so he concentrated on the way Kris was tenderly caressing him. Adam wondered if he dared. Already he was drowning in a surreal dream that he didn’t want to end any time soon. Taking a chance, he hooked his fingers in the waistband of Kris's jeans in a silent question, but there was no response. Unable to deal with the silence anymore, he had to see what was going on with Kris.
It seemed that it was what Kris was waiting for because as their eyes met, Kris lifted his hips so Adam could pull his jeans off. Together they removed his jeans along with his shoes while exhilaration raced through Adam. Kris finally wanted him. He was there, naked and waiting as Adam undid his own jeans. It was then that he thought about lube. He had a condom in his wallet but lube wasn't something he normally kept in the living room. Except, yes, he'd left a bottle in the side table when he'd brought someone home. Hopefully it was still there.
He turned away, almost pulling the drawer completely out in his nervousness. He pushed aside the playbill for a show he didn't like, a deck of cards missing a few cards, and just as he was about to lose his mind, his fingers connected with the bottle jammed in a back corner.
Breathing a sigh of relief, he turned back to where Kris was waiting. Neither said a word, but Kris took the condom from his hands. It was sexy as hell to watch those hands that could make music from six strings and wood roll latex down his cock. Music that could make a man want to dance. As Kris lay back, Adam finally got it, because this moment with this man, made him want to sing.
Adam was certain that if he looked at Kris, he would wake up or if he uttered a sound he would find that the last few minutes were nothing but a fantasy he'd weaved while Kris wept in his arms.
After spreading the lube over himself, he positioned himself over Kris. He watched as his cock slowly disappeared into Kris. He quaked in pleasure that took him over as Kris's hot tightness welcomed him.
Hands pulled him forward until he covered Kris. Burying his face in the crook of Kris's neck, he inhaled the essence of the man he was fucking. This was more than he ever thought it would be, more than he ever thought he would have, and it scared the shit out of him. Adam couldn't even formulate any thought beyond this moment, enjoying this moment, losing himself in it, and forcing any thoughts of before or after away.
Adam tried to memorize every sensation that was coursing through his body, the feel of Kris's body conforming to his, his thighs squeezing his hips, the touch of calloused fingers tracing across his flesh and his hot breath drifting across his neck. Burying his face in the crook of Kris's shoulder, he panted, unable to breathe normally in this state of awe. Kris's clutched at Adam's ass, pushing up so Adam drove deeper into welcoming flesh.
Too soon, it was too late and he lost himself in an orgasm, shuddering, he allowed himself to ride the wave as long as possible before it was over. Reality hit like a sledgehammer, dragging him back to where he was and what he'd just done.
"I'll be right back," Adam stammered as he slipped out of Kris. He didn’t wait, didn't give Kris any reassurance, and didn't allow himself to come down before he was on his feet and rushing from the room. He left the downstairs bathroom to Kris. Instead he went upstairs to the bathroom off his bedroom but it wasn't far enough. Once the door closed behind him, he forced himself to take care of business and then he lost it. "Oh God, what I have done?"
Guilt rocked him as his knees buckled and he knelt before the counter. His hands gripped the edge as he leaned his head against the cool marble. His body was pulsing with the aftermath of sex while his emotions berated him for having sex with Kris when he was half-drunk and emotionally vulnerable.
"What were you thinking?" Adam asked himself.
He'd fucked Kris. It wasn't anything else than that. There had been no tenderness, no emotional connection, just two bodies getting off, and Adam had a feeling he'd gotten a hell of a lot more from it than Kris. Guilt rocked him as he remembered running from the room like a scared kid. Adam hadn't treated anyone like that. Not even a random fuck he picked up in a club.
If Kris never talked to him again, he wouldn't blame him. Using his hands to push himself up, Adam stood to stare at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed with the stain of guilt.
"You asshole," Adam muttered. "How could you do that?" He glanced at the door. "And you left him alone. God only knows what he's thinking." He wiped at his face. "And what he's feeling."
Nothing he did or said could take it back. It was done. All he could do was be a responsible adult. He had to go downstairs and face Kris like a man.
Kris was at the bar with the bottle of bourbon in one hand and a full tumbler in the other. Adam watched as he downed the glass without hesitation.
"If you keep drinking, you're not going to be able to drive home."
Eyes wide, Kris turned to him. "Are you kicking me out?" Kris asked. There was a hint of flippancy in his tone, but Adam could see the uncertainty in his eyes and the fear that Adam didn't want him either.
"No," Adam said with a little tenderness. He took a step further into the room. "You know you're welcome here, but you're not used to drinking. I just don't want you to regret it."
"Well, today seems to be a day for firsts," Kris said, adding more bourbon to the glass. "My wife left me, I'm getting drunk and I got fucked." He lifted his glass up in the air. "Here's to life changes."
This time Adam winced. "I'm sorry, Kris, I…," He took another step closer to Kris, but Kris waved him away.
"Stop it. Don’t go and get all sentimental on me. As you would say, it was just a fuck, right?"
"I don't want you to feel like you're nothing, but…," Adam hesitated, not able to choose the word that wouldn't make him out to be callous and Kris convenient.
"Oh believe me, Adam," Kris smiled. "You didn't make me out to feel like nothing. Katy managed that. I told you that I was horny. I guess I shouldn't say that to a gay man unless I want something from him, huh?" Kris filled the glass again with hands that were a little less steady than the last time. Adam saw him blink several times as if he was trying to rid himself of tears. Then he looked over at Adam and laughed. "At least you made it feel good."
"How could it?" Adam blurted. "There wasn’t any foreplay and I didn't even fucking kiss you."
"Is that why you're all touchy feely?" Kris asked, walking to Adam on wobbly feet. He patted Adam's cheek, and then his hand dropped to rest on Adam's chest. "It's okay that we didn't kiss. Wasn't there some chick flick where she said that hookers don’t kiss because it's the beginning of a romantic relationship?"
"Yeah, Pretty Woman," Adam supplied, tilting his head. He wondered if Kris had come over to him because he wanted to be kissed, but he couldn't be sure. Never again was he going to make any move on Kris. A second time would probably have him banished to a private hell for absolute assholes like him.
"Well, then that answers it," Kris said, returning to the bar stool and his drink which was promptly back in his hand.
"What answer?" Adam asked.
"You don’t want a romantic relationship with me," Kris said, nodding his head. "So, it was just getting laid. It's okay. It's sure as hell more than anything anyone else has wanted from me in a while."
"Kris," Adam took a deep breath as he tried to sort out his feelings. Except maybe Kris was right. Curiosity laced with horniness on both their parts that had led to their earlier indiscretion. Sexual awareness had been between them since they'd first met, so them indulging it the first time they were able to wasn't really too bad. He just needed to get over it. Kris seemed to be managing. The logic didn't quiet his emotions.
"Yes?" Kris giggled. "You said my name. Did you want something?"
"Just I'm sorry," Adam said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I shouldn't have made a move on you when…well, right after Katy left you."
"It's okay," Kris said. "Really."
"Okay," Adam nodded. He gave up. Kris was as determined to make Adam feel better as he was to punish himself. They were at a crossroads that Adam was willing to leave behind them.
Suddenly, Kris slammed his empty glass on the bar. "Oh god," Kris took off running with his hand over his mouth.
By the time, Adam caught up to Kris in the bathroom; Kris was on his knees in front of the toilet, emptying his stomach. Adam sat on the side of the tub. He laid his hand on Kris's back to let him know that he wasn't alone. Watching Kris being so miserable compounded Adam’s remorse at the way he’d handled the entire situation since arriving home.
“You don’t have to stay with me,” Kris said, resting his head on his arm.
“Yeah, I do,” Adam said. “I have to stay here to make sure you’re okay.”
“I guess it would be pretty horrible if I passed out and choked to death on my own vomit,” Kris said, lifting his head a fraction so he could look at Adam. “The press would have a field day with that one.”
“You, my friend, would be a legend,” Adam said, smiling. “Everyone would be talking about it and you’d hate that.”
“I’d have to haunt you for leaving me alone in here,” Kris smiled.
“You feeling better?” Adam asked.
“Don’t know,” Kris sighed. “I think I’m done puking.”
Adam reached under the sink to get a spare toothbrush which he handed to Kris who just stared at it for a second before taking it out of the package.
“Something the matter?” Adam laughed. “Don’t like the brand?”
“No,” Kris shook his head as he squeezed toothpaste onto the brush. “I was just wondering if you keep spares down here for guys you bring home.”
“Yeah, I do… and for other unexpected guests,” Adam said. “But don’t put yourself into the first category.”
“Well, unlike most of those guys I hope I’m coming back,” Kris said, then looked away as he realized what he’d said. He bent over the sink to brush his teeth while Adam rooted around in the cabinet for a washcloth. Once Kris was finished, Adam indicated for him to sit on the toilet lid.
After wetting the cloth with hot water, Adam knelt in front of Kris. Neither said anything as Adam ran the cloth over Kris’s face wiping away the sweat and hopefully any remaining tension. Next, he washed Kris’s hands, wiping the fingers individually, taking his time, admiring those hands that were always so expressive in whatever they did. Never once did he look into Kris’s eyes, but his insides were caught in a butterfly storm as he made sure Kris felt cleaner.
"You're always welcome here," Adam said, folding and laying the washcloth over the edge of the tub. "I mean if you still want to be here." He hated that he could hear the shakiness in his voice as he looked anywhere but at Kris.
"Quit beating yourself up," Kris said, cupping Adam's face, forcing Adam to look at his friend. He leaned forward so their foreheads touched. "It happened. I'm not going to hate you when I wake up tomorrow."
“Maybe you should.” Adam wrapped his hands around Kris's wrists, breathing in the cinnamon of the mouthwash Kris used. Never again in his life would he be able to inhale that spicy scent without thinking of this moment. He would picture himself kneeling on the tile between Kris’s legs while his face was held in hands that belied their strength with the gentleness they wrought. “I deserve it for taking you like you were just an easy pickup or worse.”
Kris scrunched up his face. “I could have said no. I didn’t so can we…,” Kris swayed a little. “Whoa.” He clutched at the bathroom counter.
“Are you going to be sick again?” Adam asked, standing up.
“No,” Kris shook his head and then grabbed his head. “I’m just dizzy. The room is spinning.”
“Come on,” Adam said, reaching his hands out to Kris, but his eyes were closed and didn’t see. “Kris?”
Those brown eyes popped open. “Yeah,” Kris put his hands in Adam’s. “Can I lie down somewhere?”
“Yeah,” Adam pulled him up and then slipped an arm around Kris’s waist to help him stand up.
“Remind me if I ever want to tie one on again,” Kris said, leaning heavily against Adam. “That bourbon is an epic fail for me.”
"If you're going to get drunk," Adam advised. "Go with the clear liquors. Less likely to get sick from them."
"Thanks, now you tell me," Kris muttered. "Why the hell did you give me bourbon?"
"I didn't know you were going to drink it all," Adam said. "If I'd known you were on a mission then I would have given you vodka and the cheap stuff. Not my expensive shit."
"Don't think I'm worth it?"
Kris sounded so forlorn that it made Adam want to kick himself for his stupidity.
"You are so worth it," Adam whispered, squeezing Kris a little closer to him.
At the bottom of the stairs, they both stopped at what seemed like an insurmountable obstacle to them, but then they looked at each and laughed. Together they managed to get Kris upstairs. Adam hesitated for a second, trying to decide where to take Kris.
Taking Kris to the guest bedroom might make him feel as if he wasn’t important enough to be in Adam’s room, but taking him to the master bedroom might make him feel like Adam wanted to fuck again. Which Adam did, it had been only an appetizer for something he’d wanted for a long time, but he wouldn’t presume that Kris would want a repeat.
If he hadn’t been so afraid that Kris would change his mind earlier, he wouldn't have been in such a hurry. He would have taken him upstairs, indulged in a lot of long, slow and wet kisses followed by enough attention to ensure that Kris would want Adam again. He’d screwed that up, but it was done despite the regrets that kept haunting him.
“Are you going to leave me in the hallway?” Kris smiled up at him, though he was still holding his stomach.
“No,” Adam said, and led Kris into his bedroom.
Damn it all. Adam wanted Kris in his bed and that's where Kris deserved to be. And despite Adam's uncertainty of such a decision, Kris didn’t even hesitate. He headed straight to the king-sized bed that dominated the room, and crawled onto it, lying down and nuzzling into the pillows.
“Hey, wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you got undressed?” Adam asked.
“Probably,” Kris said. He sat up to pull his t-shirt off, dropped it on the floor and reached for his pants.
“I’m going to go downstairs to lock up and get you some water and aspirin,” Adam said. “Be right back.”
There was no way he could watch Kris get undressed while lying in his bed and not react to it. The first time he’d seen Kris, he’d thought he was cute, but after being privileged to get to know the man the world didn’t get to see, Kris was so much more attractive than anyone else he’d ever met. Kris would freak if Adam let that slip right now or ended up with another boner around him. It might already be too late to save their friendship when Kris woke up in the morning.
It didn’t take long to lock up downstairs, put away the bourbon and set the dirty glasses in the kitchen sink. Trying to delay going back upstairs, Adam flipped through his mail, thought about getting something to eat, but after a glance behind him, he knew he needed to check on Kris. After grabbing the aspirin and a cold bottle of water, Adam headed back upstairs. When he got close to his room, he heard a muffled sound and quickened his footsteps, but stopped at the doorway staring at the large mass of black satin in the middle of his bed. It took a second to locate Kris under the comforter and pillows and another second to realize that Kris was crying, but was trying to keep his sobs low so Adam wouldn't hear.
His heart melted as he hurried to the bedroom. How could he be so selfish? He kept thinking about himself and what he was feeling so that he kept forgetting that Kris’s heart had been broken by the person he treasured most in the world. He’d come to Adam because he needed a friend and all Adam had done was take from him.
“Kris, baby,” Adam cooed, climbing into the bed next to Kris. He squeezed Kris’s arm. “I’m sorry.”
Kris grabbed Adam’s hand to pull it around in front of him while he scooted back toward Adam. Not able to refuse Kris what he needed, Adam closed the space between them until he was spooning Kris. It amazed Adam that it didn't feel awkward at all, but rather like they'd been doing it always.
“Thank you for being here,” Kris said. “For holding me.”
“You’re welcome,” Adam said, kissing Kris on his shoulder. He squeezed Kris tight, holding him as cried again. It took longer this time for Kris to quiet and this time Adam knew Kris was falling asleep. Adam relaxed, nuzzled his nose into Kris’s hair and let himself follow Kris into dreams.
The next thing Adam was aware of was that his alarm had chimed. Someone was coming into or out of his house. He blinked, trying to wake up. He sat up when realized the bed next to him was empty. The spot where Kris had slept beside him all night still wore the impression of his body, but the man himself was gone. Kris must be leaving.
If asked, Adam would say it was easier that way. Maybe they could forget what happened yesterday or at least that part where they'd crossed a line they shouldn't have.
Now with Kris leaving, the next time they talked, the subject wouldn't come up and when they saw each other again it might be uncomfortable, but they were good friends and it would work out. They could write it off as nothing more than a mistake in a storm of misery, and they would get through it. Adam smiled as he fell back on the bed. At least with Kris gone, they wouldn't have to face each other this morning.
Then his smile faded. Maybe it would be easier on him, but what about Kris? He would never bring it up again, but could Kris ever forgive Adam for taking advantage of his vulnerable state? Would that emotionless rutting Adam had done on top of him ever fade from Kris's mind? Could Adam ever outlive or ignore the regret of treating Kris like that when all he wanted to do was hold him forever?
"Where the fuck did that come from?" Adam asked, sitting up in his bed. He palmed his face as he finally realized why all this had been bothering him. He was in love with Kris. He always had been, but circumstances had never allowed him to admit it and now, when he could, he'd treated Kris so horribly. Now Kris was driving away and would probably never let Adam broach anything that personal again. "Oh shit," Adam said. "I've got to stop him."
Adam jumped from his bed and raced down the hallway. He took the stairs two at a time, tripped halfway down, grabbed the banister to keep from going down head first and then used the railing to vault down the last few steps. Without breaking stride, he whipped open the front door only to blink at the brightness of the morning sun. Once his vision cleared, he spotted Kris by his car, and took off running again only to slide to a halt in front of Kris.
The race to reach Kris had left him breathless. Adam panted, trying to restore oxygen to his lungs so he could talk and answer the questions on Kris's astonished face. He heard a thud, but ignored it. He had to do something so he closed the gap between them so he could press his mouth on Kris's.
At first, it was like kissing a statue, but Adam refused to give up as he teased at Kris's lips, willing them to open. Just when it seemed like Adam would have to surrender, Kris gave in, his tongue tentatively stroking Adam's before the hands planted on Adam's chest moved. One ventured upwards to cup Adam behind the neck, and the other slid around to settle on Adam's lower back while Kris's knee squeezed between Adam's legs.
This was what he should have done yesterday instead of just climbing on, but he had no clue that Kris would kiss him back. Well, he hadn't known that Kris would let Adam fuck him either, but now he did. Adam gathered Kris closer, tilting his head back so that he had full access to that warm mouth. He took all he could until eventually they had to stop.
"Don't go," Adam begged. "Please, I'm sorry about everything. I'll play it any way you want, just please don't leave."
"Adam, it's all right," Kris said, taking Adam's hands. "I'm not going anywhere."
"But you were?"
Kris gestured downward to where his gym bag lay next to his feet. The gym bag where Kris always kept a change of clothes.
"Oh crap," Adam said. "I feel stupid."
"Don't," Kris said, smiling. "I was hoping you were going to stay sleeping until after I had a chance to take a shower and cook us some breakfast. After, which, I was going to talk to you in a rational manner and hopefully convince you to take a chance on me."
Kris's words took a moment to register through Adam's desperation. He was all over the place emotionally, but when they did, Adam grinned.
"You were?"
"Yeah, I was," Kris said, with a nod. "I think it's what I wanted when I came over yesterday. I didn't say it, but one of the things I felt when Katy walked out the door was hopeful that maybe…well, that you and I had a chance. It's horrible for me to say…"
"No, it's not," Adam said. "Maybe it is, but you tried and it didn't work. It's our turn now if you want to take a chance on me."
"Well, you did kiss me," Kris grinned. "So, I guess your intentions are clear."
"You kissed me back," Adam said, grinning and poking Kris in the chest. "I guess we're even." He slung an arm around Kris's shoulders to steer him toward the house. "Now, did you say something about breakfast?"
"I think I did," Kris said, as they walked through the front door and into their future.
…the end
Word Count: 5791
Author: Mrs. Muir aka whenbuffysmiles
Fandom: American Idol RPS
Pairing: Kris Allen / Adam Lambert
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Kris's world falls apart, Adam takes care of him.
Disclaimer: This didn't happen. Kris and Adam belong only to themselves.
More than Kisses
Adam's phone rang. He glanced at the display, saw it was Kris and despite wanting to talk to his friend, put his phone on vibrate and silently reminded himself to make sure to call Kris back.
Right now, he needed decide on a direction for his next album. He already knew what he wanted to do, but the executives of 19 Entertainment were a little hesitant to allow Adam to push any more boundaries.
"Sorry," Adam said, smiling at the people surrounding him at the table. Instantly, he was back into the negotiations, but hour an later, his phone pulsated against his hip.
Once again it was Kris, but he was still talking songs and the message he should be making versus what he wanted to make. Torn between business and Kris, he leaned back in his chair with his mind on Kris and why he'd called again without leaving a message. When one of the execs made a negative comment about Adam’s last album, he was back in the game. After all, pushing the limits was the message he wanted to project.
Half an hour later, he knew what was wrong because Kris sent him a text message, Katy left.
With those two words, Adam changed priorities.
"Shit," Adam said, glancing up when he realized he'd said it aloud. "Look, we're going around in circles and we're not getting anywhere. I'm needed somewhere else so let's get together later."
"Adam, you can't just walk out," one of the record execs said. "We need to finish it."
"This has turned into how much money everybody can make instead of what I want to do, and I'm done for the day," Adam stood up, ignoring their astonished faces. They wanted to pull the strings, but some things were more important. One of which was friends. "Talk to my manager here," he put his hands on his shoulder, "And we'll meet again. Maybe we'll be more productive."
He waited as far as the elevator before he was calling Kris back. "Where are you?"
"Sitting in your driveway," Kris said.
"I'm on my way."
Adam clicked off his phone and ran to his car. Trusting the Mustang to respond to his every desire, Adam weaved through the heavy L.A. traffic, making better time than he thought he could. Slowing down to pull into his driveway, he saw Kris’s Fusion parked in the driveway. As he turned the car off, Kris climbed out of his car and stood motionless in the driveway, waiting for him. Adam jumped out and hurried over to Kris.
"How are you?" Adam asked, hugging Kris close to him. "I'm so sorry."
"It's been a long time coming," Kris whispered, clinging to Adam. He pulled back before glancing around. "Maybe we need to move this inside before someone takes pictures from the trees or something."
"Yeah." Adam kept Kris close to him as he led them into his house. They headed into the living room where Kris collapsed on the couch. Adam watched as Kris rubbed his face, but when he dropped his hands there were tears glistening on his lashes. Adam rubbed his chest as he felt an ache in the vicinity of his heart. Needing to do something to help Kris pull it together, Adam went to his bar. "Let me get you a drink."
"No, I shouldn't," Kris said, but after a moment, he gave a curt nod with a sigh. ”Oh, what the hell, yeah, I'll take one."
Now Adam was really worried about him. Kris rarely drank, and Adam had never seen him drink anything stronger than wine or beer. He hesitated, wondering if he should give Kris the bourbon he'd selected, but knowing his friend was on the verge of breaking, Adam poured him a half a tumbler of bourbon and then one for himself. Not that he intended to drink it. He wanted Kris to feel comfortable enough to indulge so maybe the liquor would take the edge off his pain.
"Here," Adam said, handing him the glass as he took a seat beside Kris on the couch. Staying on the edge of the couch, he dangled his drink between his knees.
"Thanks," Kris said. He held it up to make a toast. "Here's to the single life."
Amazingly, Kris didn't even choke on his first gulp. Adam took only a sip, but Kris drank until the glass was almost empty. "Drink up," Kris said, waving his glass toward Adam. "I don't want to be drinking alone."
"What the hell happened?" Adam asked. "Did she say anything to explain leaving?"
"Don't play dumb." Kris took another sip of his drink. "You know it's been falling apart for a long time."
"Yeah, I know it has been," Adam scooted closer to Kris so he could squeeze his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have done something to help you, but I just didn't know what to do or even what to say."
"Don't be sorry," Kris said, shrugging. He laid his head on the back of the couch. "Shit, I was there with her every day and I couldn't stop it from happening. She just kept slipping away. No matter how many times I reached for her and then today she said she couldn’t be happy with me anymore. That I couldn't make her happy." He closed his eyes as he choked back a sob. "Oh God, Adam, she's gone."
Somehow, Adam managed to get their drinks on the table before Kris was in his arms. The sobs shook Kris's body with their force. Adam held him tight; stroking his back in slow circles that he hoped gave some measure of comfort. Taking care of a friend who'd been dumped wasn't something new, but he'd never cared about one of them as much as the man currently falling apart in his arms.
Kris's tears were soaking through Adam's shirt while his fingers kneaded Adam's leg. There didn't seem to be anything Adam could do but hold Kris tight and wait out his emotional storm. Eventually Kris calmed, the shakes fading into occasional shudders, the sobs replaced with occasional sniffles.
Wondering if he was asleep, Adam ran his fingers through Kris's hair and softly asked, "You okay?"
"Embarrassed as hell," Kris said, surprising Adam with the strength of his words. Kris abruptly sat up, grabbing his glass on the way. He drained it in one swallow. "I should probably be all manly about her leaving, but I can't quite get there."
"You can only feel the way you do."
"Relieved?" Kris laughed. "No more fights over stupid stuff. Pissed off? She didn't even say she was sorry as she walked out the door. Not even good-bye. Sad? Yeah, because my marriage failed no matter what I did to try and fix it. Guilty? Because I couldn’t make her happy and it's probably more my fault than I can see right now." He exchanged his empty glass for Adam's nearly full one. "Oh yeah, and I'm horny. It's been weeks since we slept together. She wouldn't let me touch her. It made me feel like I was the most repulsive man alive."
"You're not repulsive," Adam said, with a small smile. Kris was anything but repulsive. Not only to Adam, but also a number of female and a few male fans would agree that Kris was absolutely adorable. "You tried, Kris. There wasn't anything else you could do."
"Whatever," Kris drained Adam's glass. "Katy's been sleeping in another room for a while now and I would hear her crying sometimes, but if I tried to comfort her, she told me to go away and that she didn't want me to touch her. She wouldn't even let me in the room to talk to her." He set the glass down before collapsing back on the couch. This time he scooted sideways so he was facing Adam. "Yeah, man, look at me," Kris said, wiping at his damp eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm just so sexy. Everybody wants me."
Their eyes met and Adam could swear that he felt a jolt of electricity dance off his nerve endings. It couldn't be real, not now and not here> But the world narrowed down to the two of them as he felt his body moving without him giving it an order. Shifting to his hands and knees, he crawled so that he was over Kris who had scooted so that he was lying on the couch. Adam pushed Kris's t-shirt up, exposing his hard stomach. He brushed the back of his knuckles against Kris's stomach, feeling the slight intake when Kris softly hissed, but no protest came, nothing to make Adam stop. He popped the button on Kris's jeans and hesitated as he fingered the slider, waiting for a no that never came as Adam lowered his zipper.
Kris was soft when Adam cupped his cock, fingertips following the length to expose it for his attention. Without ever looking up, without hesitation Adam took Kris into his mouth before Kris could change his mind. The only response he received from Kris was him spreading his legs a little further so Adam could settle more easily between his thighs.
It was funny and if his mouth wasn't full of cock, Adam may have laughed when the thought ran through his mind. As he took Kris deep into his mouth, all he could think of was that Kris tasted good. Clean, maybe fresh, were the only words he could think of to describe it. There wasn't any aftertaste of the soap he could smell lingering on Kris's skin. Maybe it was just the sexual purity that radiated from Kris that made him think it, but whatever it was he loved the flavor.
Adam sucked hard, loving the groan that shuddered through Kris, before he eased up. He licked the long vein underneath trying to elicit another response from Kris, and when there wasn't an outward response, Adam swirled the tip with his tongue before taking him all the way in again. He wanted Kris to feel good, to ease some of the heartache so he pulled out all the stops, using everything in his repertoire to make this the best blowjob Kris had ever had. Finally, he felt a soft trembling and he knew that Kris was ready to tumble over the edge. Adam prayed that Kris wasn't thinking of Katy.
"Oh god, Adam," Kris moaned, spilling into Adam's mouth.
Thanking God was all that Adam could think of to do as he pulled back. He couldn't look at Kris so he concentrated on the way Kris was tenderly caressing him. Adam wondered if he dared. Already he was drowning in a surreal dream that he didn’t want to end any time soon. Taking a chance, he hooked his fingers in the waistband of Kris's jeans in a silent question, but there was no response. Unable to deal with the silence anymore, he had to see what was going on with Kris.
It seemed that it was what Kris was waiting for because as their eyes met, Kris lifted his hips so Adam could pull his jeans off. Together they removed his jeans along with his shoes while exhilaration raced through Adam. Kris finally wanted him. He was there, naked and waiting as Adam undid his own jeans. It was then that he thought about lube. He had a condom in his wallet but lube wasn't something he normally kept in the living room. Except, yes, he'd left a bottle in the side table when he'd brought someone home. Hopefully it was still there.
He turned away, almost pulling the drawer completely out in his nervousness. He pushed aside the playbill for a show he didn't like, a deck of cards missing a few cards, and just as he was about to lose his mind, his fingers connected with the bottle jammed in a back corner.
Breathing a sigh of relief, he turned back to where Kris was waiting. Neither said a word, but Kris took the condom from his hands. It was sexy as hell to watch those hands that could make music from six strings and wood roll latex down his cock. Music that could make a man want to dance. As Kris lay back, Adam finally got it, because this moment with this man, made him want to sing.
Adam was certain that if he looked at Kris, he would wake up or if he uttered a sound he would find that the last few minutes were nothing but a fantasy he'd weaved while Kris wept in his arms.
After spreading the lube over himself, he positioned himself over Kris. He watched as his cock slowly disappeared into Kris. He quaked in pleasure that took him over as Kris's hot tightness welcomed him.
Hands pulled him forward until he covered Kris. Burying his face in the crook of Kris's neck, he inhaled the essence of the man he was fucking. This was more than he ever thought it would be, more than he ever thought he would have, and it scared the shit out of him. Adam couldn't even formulate any thought beyond this moment, enjoying this moment, losing himself in it, and forcing any thoughts of before or after away.
Adam tried to memorize every sensation that was coursing through his body, the feel of Kris's body conforming to his, his thighs squeezing his hips, the touch of calloused fingers tracing across his flesh and his hot breath drifting across his neck. Burying his face in the crook of Kris's shoulder, he panted, unable to breathe normally in this state of awe. Kris's clutched at Adam's ass, pushing up so Adam drove deeper into welcoming flesh.
Too soon, it was too late and he lost himself in an orgasm, shuddering, he allowed himself to ride the wave as long as possible before it was over. Reality hit like a sledgehammer, dragging him back to where he was and what he'd just done.
"I'll be right back," Adam stammered as he slipped out of Kris. He didn’t wait, didn't give Kris any reassurance, and didn't allow himself to come down before he was on his feet and rushing from the room. He left the downstairs bathroom to Kris. Instead he went upstairs to the bathroom off his bedroom but it wasn't far enough. Once the door closed behind him, he forced himself to take care of business and then he lost it. "Oh God, what I have done?"
Guilt rocked him as his knees buckled and he knelt before the counter. His hands gripped the edge as he leaned his head against the cool marble. His body was pulsing with the aftermath of sex while his emotions berated him for having sex with Kris when he was half-drunk and emotionally vulnerable.
"What were you thinking?" Adam asked himself.
He'd fucked Kris. It wasn't anything else than that. There had been no tenderness, no emotional connection, just two bodies getting off, and Adam had a feeling he'd gotten a hell of a lot more from it than Kris. Guilt rocked him as he remembered running from the room like a scared kid. Adam hadn't treated anyone like that. Not even a random fuck he picked up in a club.
If Kris never talked to him again, he wouldn't blame him. Using his hands to push himself up, Adam stood to stare at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed with the stain of guilt.
"You asshole," Adam muttered. "How could you do that?" He glanced at the door. "And you left him alone. God only knows what he's thinking." He wiped at his face. "And what he's feeling."
Nothing he did or said could take it back. It was done. All he could do was be a responsible adult. He had to go downstairs and face Kris like a man.
Kris was at the bar with the bottle of bourbon in one hand and a full tumbler in the other. Adam watched as he downed the glass without hesitation.
"If you keep drinking, you're not going to be able to drive home."
Eyes wide, Kris turned to him. "Are you kicking me out?" Kris asked. There was a hint of flippancy in his tone, but Adam could see the uncertainty in his eyes and the fear that Adam didn't want him either.
"No," Adam said with a little tenderness. He took a step further into the room. "You know you're welcome here, but you're not used to drinking. I just don't want you to regret it."
"Well, today seems to be a day for firsts," Kris said, adding more bourbon to the glass. "My wife left me, I'm getting drunk and I got fucked." He lifted his glass up in the air. "Here's to life changes."
This time Adam winced. "I'm sorry, Kris, I…," He took another step closer to Kris, but Kris waved him away.
"Stop it. Don’t go and get all sentimental on me. As you would say, it was just a fuck, right?"
"I don't want you to feel like you're nothing, but…," Adam hesitated, not able to choose the word that wouldn't make him out to be callous and Kris convenient.
"Oh believe me, Adam," Kris smiled. "You didn't make me out to feel like nothing. Katy managed that. I told you that I was horny. I guess I shouldn't say that to a gay man unless I want something from him, huh?" Kris filled the glass again with hands that were a little less steady than the last time. Adam saw him blink several times as if he was trying to rid himself of tears. Then he looked over at Adam and laughed. "At least you made it feel good."
"How could it?" Adam blurted. "There wasn’t any foreplay and I didn't even fucking kiss you."
"Is that why you're all touchy feely?" Kris asked, walking to Adam on wobbly feet. He patted Adam's cheek, and then his hand dropped to rest on Adam's chest. "It's okay that we didn't kiss. Wasn't there some chick flick where she said that hookers don’t kiss because it's the beginning of a romantic relationship?"
"Yeah, Pretty Woman," Adam supplied, tilting his head. He wondered if Kris had come over to him because he wanted to be kissed, but he couldn't be sure. Never again was he going to make any move on Kris. A second time would probably have him banished to a private hell for absolute assholes like him.
"Well, then that answers it," Kris said, returning to the bar stool and his drink which was promptly back in his hand.
"What answer?" Adam asked.
"You don’t want a romantic relationship with me," Kris said, nodding his head. "So, it was just getting laid. It's okay. It's sure as hell more than anything anyone else has wanted from me in a while."
"Kris," Adam took a deep breath as he tried to sort out his feelings. Except maybe Kris was right. Curiosity laced with horniness on both their parts that had led to their earlier indiscretion. Sexual awareness had been between them since they'd first met, so them indulging it the first time they were able to wasn't really too bad. He just needed to get over it. Kris seemed to be managing. The logic didn't quiet his emotions.
"Yes?" Kris giggled. "You said my name. Did you want something?"
"Just I'm sorry," Adam said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I shouldn't have made a move on you when…well, right after Katy left you."
"It's okay," Kris said. "Really."
"Okay," Adam nodded. He gave up. Kris was as determined to make Adam feel better as he was to punish himself. They were at a crossroads that Adam was willing to leave behind them.
Suddenly, Kris slammed his empty glass on the bar. "Oh god," Kris took off running with his hand over his mouth.
By the time, Adam caught up to Kris in the bathroom; Kris was on his knees in front of the toilet, emptying his stomach. Adam sat on the side of the tub. He laid his hand on Kris's back to let him know that he wasn't alone. Watching Kris being so miserable compounded Adam’s remorse at the way he’d handled the entire situation since arriving home.
“You don’t have to stay with me,” Kris said, resting his head on his arm.
“Yeah, I do,” Adam said. “I have to stay here to make sure you’re okay.”
“I guess it would be pretty horrible if I passed out and choked to death on my own vomit,” Kris said, lifting his head a fraction so he could look at Adam. “The press would have a field day with that one.”
“You, my friend, would be a legend,” Adam said, smiling. “Everyone would be talking about it and you’d hate that.”
“I’d have to haunt you for leaving me alone in here,” Kris smiled.
“You feeling better?” Adam asked.
“Don’t know,” Kris sighed. “I think I’m done puking.”
Adam reached under the sink to get a spare toothbrush which he handed to Kris who just stared at it for a second before taking it out of the package.
“Something the matter?” Adam laughed. “Don’t like the brand?”
“No,” Kris shook his head as he squeezed toothpaste onto the brush. “I was just wondering if you keep spares down here for guys you bring home.”
“Yeah, I do… and for other unexpected guests,” Adam said. “But don’t put yourself into the first category.”
“Well, unlike most of those guys I hope I’m coming back,” Kris said, then looked away as he realized what he’d said. He bent over the sink to brush his teeth while Adam rooted around in the cabinet for a washcloth. Once Kris was finished, Adam indicated for him to sit on the toilet lid.
After wetting the cloth with hot water, Adam knelt in front of Kris. Neither said anything as Adam ran the cloth over Kris’s face wiping away the sweat and hopefully any remaining tension. Next, he washed Kris’s hands, wiping the fingers individually, taking his time, admiring those hands that were always so expressive in whatever they did. Never once did he look into Kris’s eyes, but his insides were caught in a butterfly storm as he made sure Kris felt cleaner.
"You're always welcome here," Adam said, folding and laying the washcloth over the edge of the tub. "I mean if you still want to be here." He hated that he could hear the shakiness in his voice as he looked anywhere but at Kris.
"Quit beating yourself up," Kris said, cupping Adam's face, forcing Adam to look at his friend. He leaned forward so their foreheads touched. "It happened. I'm not going to hate you when I wake up tomorrow."
“Maybe you should.” Adam wrapped his hands around Kris's wrists, breathing in the cinnamon of the mouthwash Kris used. Never again in his life would he be able to inhale that spicy scent without thinking of this moment. He would picture himself kneeling on the tile between Kris’s legs while his face was held in hands that belied their strength with the gentleness they wrought. “I deserve it for taking you like you were just an easy pickup or worse.”
Kris scrunched up his face. “I could have said no. I didn’t so can we…,” Kris swayed a little. “Whoa.” He clutched at the bathroom counter.
“Are you going to be sick again?” Adam asked, standing up.
“No,” Kris shook his head and then grabbed his head. “I’m just dizzy. The room is spinning.”
“Come on,” Adam said, reaching his hands out to Kris, but his eyes were closed and didn’t see. “Kris?”
Those brown eyes popped open. “Yeah,” Kris put his hands in Adam’s. “Can I lie down somewhere?”
“Yeah,” Adam pulled him up and then slipped an arm around Kris’s waist to help him stand up.
“Remind me if I ever want to tie one on again,” Kris said, leaning heavily against Adam. “That bourbon is an epic fail for me.”
"If you're going to get drunk," Adam advised. "Go with the clear liquors. Less likely to get sick from them."
"Thanks, now you tell me," Kris muttered. "Why the hell did you give me bourbon?"
"I didn't know you were going to drink it all," Adam said. "If I'd known you were on a mission then I would have given you vodka and the cheap stuff. Not my expensive shit."
"Don't think I'm worth it?"
Kris sounded so forlorn that it made Adam want to kick himself for his stupidity.
"You are so worth it," Adam whispered, squeezing Kris a little closer to him.
At the bottom of the stairs, they both stopped at what seemed like an insurmountable obstacle to them, but then they looked at each and laughed. Together they managed to get Kris upstairs. Adam hesitated for a second, trying to decide where to take Kris.
Taking Kris to the guest bedroom might make him feel as if he wasn’t important enough to be in Adam’s room, but taking him to the master bedroom might make him feel like Adam wanted to fuck again. Which Adam did, it had been only an appetizer for something he’d wanted for a long time, but he wouldn’t presume that Kris would want a repeat.
If he hadn’t been so afraid that Kris would change his mind earlier, he wouldn't have been in such a hurry. He would have taken him upstairs, indulged in a lot of long, slow and wet kisses followed by enough attention to ensure that Kris would want Adam again. He’d screwed that up, but it was done despite the regrets that kept haunting him.
“Are you going to leave me in the hallway?” Kris smiled up at him, though he was still holding his stomach.
“No,” Adam said, and led Kris into his bedroom.
Damn it all. Adam wanted Kris in his bed and that's where Kris deserved to be. And despite Adam's uncertainty of such a decision, Kris didn’t even hesitate. He headed straight to the king-sized bed that dominated the room, and crawled onto it, lying down and nuzzling into the pillows.
“Hey, wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you got undressed?” Adam asked.
“Probably,” Kris said. He sat up to pull his t-shirt off, dropped it on the floor and reached for his pants.
“I’m going to go downstairs to lock up and get you some water and aspirin,” Adam said. “Be right back.”
There was no way he could watch Kris get undressed while lying in his bed and not react to it. The first time he’d seen Kris, he’d thought he was cute, but after being privileged to get to know the man the world didn’t get to see, Kris was so much more attractive than anyone else he’d ever met. Kris would freak if Adam let that slip right now or ended up with another boner around him. It might already be too late to save their friendship when Kris woke up in the morning.
It didn’t take long to lock up downstairs, put away the bourbon and set the dirty glasses in the kitchen sink. Trying to delay going back upstairs, Adam flipped through his mail, thought about getting something to eat, but after a glance behind him, he knew he needed to check on Kris. After grabbing the aspirin and a cold bottle of water, Adam headed back upstairs. When he got close to his room, he heard a muffled sound and quickened his footsteps, but stopped at the doorway staring at the large mass of black satin in the middle of his bed. It took a second to locate Kris under the comforter and pillows and another second to realize that Kris was crying, but was trying to keep his sobs low so Adam wouldn't hear.
His heart melted as he hurried to the bedroom. How could he be so selfish? He kept thinking about himself and what he was feeling so that he kept forgetting that Kris’s heart had been broken by the person he treasured most in the world. He’d come to Adam because he needed a friend and all Adam had done was take from him.
“Kris, baby,” Adam cooed, climbing into the bed next to Kris. He squeezed Kris’s arm. “I’m sorry.”
Kris grabbed Adam’s hand to pull it around in front of him while he scooted back toward Adam. Not able to refuse Kris what he needed, Adam closed the space between them until he was spooning Kris. It amazed Adam that it didn't feel awkward at all, but rather like they'd been doing it always.
“Thank you for being here,” Kris said. “For holding me.”
“You’re welcome,” Adam said, kissing Kris on his shoulder. He squeezed Kris tight, holding him as cried again. It took longer this time for Kris to quiet and this time Adam knew Kris was falling asleep. Adam relaxed, nuzzled his nose into Kris’s hair and let himself follow Kris into dreams.
The next thing Adam was aware of was that his alarm had chimed. Someone was coming into or out of his house. He blinked, trying to wake up. He sat up when realized the bed next to him was empty. The spot where Kris had slept beside him all night still wore the impression of his body, but the man himself was gone. Kris must be leaving.
If asked, Adam would say it was easier that way. Maybe they could forget what happened yesterday or at least that part where they'd crossed a line they shouldn't have.
Now with Kris leaving, the next time they talked, the subject wouldn't come up and when they saw each other again it might be uncomfortable, but they were good friends and it would work out. They could write it off as nothing more than a mistake in a storm of misery, and they would get through it. Adam smiled as he fell back on the bed. At least with Kris gone, they wouldn't have to face each other this morning.
Then his smile faded. Maybe it would be easier on him, but what about Kris? He would never bring it up again, but could Kris ever forgive Adam for taking advantage of his vulnerable state? Would that emotionless rutting Adam had done on top of him ever fade from Kris's mind? Could Adam ever outlive or ignore the regret of treating Kris like that when all he wanted to do was hold him forever?
"Where the fuck did that come from?" Adam asked, sitting up in his bed. He palmed his face as he finally realized why all this had been bothering him. He was in love with Kris. He always had been, but circumstances had never allowed him to admit it and now, when he could, he'd treated Kris so horribly. Now Kris was driving away and would probably never let Adam broach anything that personal again. "Oh shit," Adam said. "I've got to stop him."
Adam jumped from his bed and raced down the hallway. He took the stairs two at a time, tripped halfway down, grabbed the banister to keep from going down head first and then used the railing to vault down the last few steps. Without breaking stride, he whipped open the front door only to blink at the brightness of the morning sun. Once his vision cleared, he spotted Kris by his car, and took off running again only to slide to a halt in front of Kris.
The race to reach Kris had left him breathless. Adam panted, trying to restore oxygen to his lungs so he could talk and answer the questions on Kris's astonished face. He heard a thud, but ignored it. He had to do something so he closed the gap between them so he could press his mouth on Kris's.
At first, it was like kissing a statue, but Adam refused to give up as he teased at Kris's lips, willing them to open. Just when it seemed like Adam would have to surrender, Kris gave in, his tongue tentatively stroking Adam's before the hands planted on Adam's chest moved. One ventured upwards to cup Adam behind the neck, and the other slid around to settle on Adam's lower back while Kris's knee squeezed between Adam's legs.
This was what he should have done yesterday instead of just climbing on, but he had no clue that Kris would kiss him back. Well, he hadn't known that Kris would let Adam fuck him either, but now he did. Adam gathered Kris closer, tilting his head back so that he had full access to that warm mouth. He took all he could until eventually they had to stop.
"Don't go," Adam begged. "Please, I'm sorry about everything. I'll play it any way you want, just please don't leave."
"Adam, it's all right," Kris said, taking Adam's hands. "I'm not going anywhere."
"But you were?"
Kris gestured downward to where his gym bag lay next to his feet. The gym bag where Kris always kept a change of clothes.
"Oh crap," Adam said. "I feel stupid."
"Don't," Kris said, smiling. "I was hoping you were going to stay sleeping until after I had a chance to take a shower and cook us some breakfast. After, which, I was going to talk to you in a rational manner and hopefully convince you to take a chance on me."
Kris's words took a moment to register through Adam's desperation. He was all over the place emotionally, but when they did, Adam grinned.
"You were?"
"Yeah, I was," Kris said, with a nod. "I think it's what I wanted when I came over yesterday. I didn't say it, but one of the things I felt when Katy walked out the door was hopeful that maybe…well, that you and I had a chance. It's horrible for me to say…"
"No, it's not," Adam said. "Maybe it is, but you tried and it didn't work. It's our turn now if you want to take a chance on me."
"Well, you did kiss me," Kris grinned. "So, I guess your intentions are clear."
"You kissed me back," Adam said, grinning and poking Kris in the chest. "I guess we're even." He slung an arm around Kris's shoulders to steer him toward the house. "Now, did you say something about breakfast?"
"I think I did," Kris said, as they walked through the front door and into their future.
…the end