[FF] I Feel Pretty
I don't know if anyone will like this. But, I guess there's no harm in trying. >_<
I FEEL PRETTY
[ Arioka Daiki X OC ]
“I don’t find her pretty…”
Yeah. Why would I get hurt on something petty?
“Who ever said you’re pretty, by the way?” I muttered to myself.
“I don’t find her pretty…”
Just those five words struck my heart straight like knife and sliced it to bits.
Normally, I would shut off such remarks. But when it comes out from the boy you like since first grade on the night you put your hundred-percent effort to look nice, wouldn’t you want to jump off the top of the tallest building existing?
Now I’m being melodramatic.
I want to kick myself for acting so stupid, wishing he’d notice me.
I did get my wish, though. He did notice me. But not the way I expected…
“I don’t find her pretty…”
The sound of his voice bouncing within the walls of my mind, repeating those spiteful words, is pissing me off.
I shook my head twice, thrice, until I’m dizzy. I don’t want to hear it anymore. The more I think about it, the bigger possibility of me crying.
Oh, please. Not here.
Here I sat by the pond, away from people --- away from him ---, trying to get a grip of myself and scolding my reflection on the water.
Stop acting foolish. You’re not here to mope because of some remark. Are you going to let the night be ruined by that stranger? Now you know what a stupid guy he is. Stop it. Now. And don’t ever dare cry.
The school had set up for this pre-graduation ball for us seniors. The night is filled with pretty lights faintly glowing from the hall; you can hear the laughter and chatter echoing from the room.
A night to make memories, a night to have fun.
And here I am making memories, by not having fun.
Why the heck have I fallen for a boy I barely knew --- a boy from a different class, never talked with --- who just happened to be beside me that time in first grade, saw my scared reaction because a bug came flying across my face, and held my hands so tight just to calm me?
The comfort of his warm hands and the way he childishly smiled at me, how his eyes sparkled in amusement while watching my reaction, how his pure intentions to make me feel better showed clearly on his face . . . those things I will never forget.
Since then, even though I’m too young to figure out my feelings, I know that somewhere within my heart, he already has a special place.
I didn’t have the chance to thank him for what he’s done. The years passed. Fate was kind to always put us in the same school. But not kind enough to put us in the same class or let us talk, even once. I lack the courage to speak to him. Maybe he wouldn’t even remember me if I do. We were just kids after all when it happened.
We remained schoolmates passing each other along the corridors, exchanging shy glances and nods.
I haven’t considered confessing my feelings.
I know, I know. I’m a coward.
Until now.
Opportunity presented itself. The ball would be perfect. My confession will be the last thing that will probably connect us. After this night, graduation will come and we’ll be living separate lives, away from each other. He doesn’t have to respond to my feelings. All I need to do is thank him and get it all out of my system. Until then can I only say I didn’t regret anything.
From the dress I’d wear, the make-up I’d put, the donned hair, to the words I’d be saying to him. It is a feat for me to do stuff like this. I’m not the girly girl type. I don’t have time for dressing up. But I decided to keep my carefree self tonight. I have to look memorable enough in the most subtle manner. Wishing somehow, just somehow, it would get him to notice me.
Just this one last time.
Most of my classmates, as well as my friends, crowded over me, disbelieving. (So much for the subtle transformation, eh? -_________-) Pretty much not paying attention to them, I searched along the hall for that one face. There he was with his friend, Kenichi-kun, a couple of steps behind me.
A bit more time then I’ll be talking to him.
There I was, eavesdropping.
“She’s something, really,” I heard Kenichi say.
“I see,” he replied.
“I haven’t noticed her before --- she looks so ordinary that you wouldn’t bother looking at her. But now . . . Wow. She’s actually pretty.”
Err. Can I punch this guy now? “Wouldn’t bother looking at her”? That’s kind of too much to say for a not-so-good-looking-himself fellow. -______________-
Well, who told you to eavesdrop, by the way?!
I tried shutting my ears from their conversation.
Absentmindedly, I took in my friends’ compliments; I accepted the ironic ones.
Unluckily, my ears seemed to have a mind of its own. It began focusing back on the conversation I was eavesdropping. What shocked me is the five-worded statement I heard from the direction I glanced at minutes ago.
All the more dumbfounding when I looked at the one who spoke.
And found that it was him.
“I don’t find her pretty…”
I stood there, frozen. They appeared to be lost in their conversation when they noticed me. Realizing I heard them --- him, particularly --- Kenichi-kun gave an apologetic smile. He gave him a nudge, looked up. Our eyes met --- his widened in surprise. Before he could open his mouth to speak I rushed out of the hall.
Up until now, as I stare at my reflection on the pond, I feel numb. I don’t know what to feel or how to react. I stared blankly.
Something wet dropped on my hand.
Another drop. Then another, and another and another.
Then I realize I’m crying.
“Stop it,” I told myself.
But the tears wouldn’t listen to me. It fell freely.
It felt silly to be hurt over some boy who doesn’t find you pretty.
Too bad he isn’t some boy. Because he’s been the boy.
And to say something like “I don’t find her pretty…” can actually equate to “I don’t like her”.
Yes. I’ve been foolish enough to expect that he can like me, too.
I’m the one to blame.
Tears kept falling. My hands kept wiping it off.
Someone sat beside me but I ignored whoever it was.
“Leave me alone,” I said, and continued to talk to myself, “I’m so stupid. Why do I like him? I’m so stupid. And he’s a jerk. How dare he say that? It’s rude. Bad thing I caught you, huh. Bad thing I found out you’re a jerk.”
The person moved to stare at me. I didn’t bother knowing who he was. My vision was still blurry; the tears aren’t finish falling. I dropped my head on my hands.
“BAKA!” I shouted and sniffed. “You’re so mean,” I whispered.
The creature seated beside me spoke. “Aw. That’s rude, you know. You called me a jerk. And now you’re calling me baka. It’s way below the belt, ne.”
“I’m not talking to you, so shut up.” I told him off bitterly, not interested to have small talk.
“But you’re talking about me. I deserve to not shut up.”
Can’t he see I’m busy? I’m having a moment here.
“Stop messing with me.” Who are you anyway? I’m too tired to look up at him.
“You’re already a mess. And I hate seeing you like that, now that it’s my fault,” he said quietly.
I was in the middle of sniffing when his reply cut me off. I raised my head slowly, suddenly lost in thought, deciding whether to peek at the annoying human with me or to just let it go.
His fault? Whose fault? It’s Arioka Daiki’s fault --- yes, and this is the first time I’m ever going to mention the jerk’s name ---, not someone who happened to seat besi---
O__________O
“Arioka-kun?!”
He gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry for barging in. I shouldn’t be here, I know.”
I stared at him like he talked alien language.
The thought of him seeing me in a state like this --- tear-streaked face and nose almost as red as tomato --- brought me to reality. I lowered my head in embarrassment, facing the reflection on the water. In spite of the situation I’m in, I managed to speak coldly. “Why are you here?”
“About what happened earlier . . .”
What? Is he trying to apologize now?
He continued, “. . . it really pissed me off.”
What?
I just stared at the water confused, waiting for his next words.
After the things he said in the hall, shouldn’t I be the one to get angry?
“Kenichi really pissed me off.”
What?!
Now I’m really confused. “What’s with Kenichi-kun got to do with this?”
“What I said was true, you’re not pretty . . .” I KNOW THAT ALREADY. ONE MORE AND I’LL FORGET THE FACT THAT I LIKE YOU. (As if I could do it. -__________-) “. . . but when Kenichi said that you’re so ordinary no one will bother looking at you, it pissed me off.”
I don’t understand a thing. Is this some kind of riddle?
“What do you mean?”
“See, you’re not pretty . . .” Somebody stop me! I’m going to punch this guy. The nerve to say it to my face. What am I? A robot? I have feelings, for Pete’s sake. GRRR. “. . . and you’re not ordinary either,” he continued.
“Can you speak a bit more clearly? I cannot understand anything you say except for the fact that you keep insulting me.”
He chuckled. His voice began to sound embarrassed. “Kenichi’s wrong. She’s not ordinary. And she’s worth looking at --- from the way she moves to the way she smiles. She’s worth thinking about every day. She’s worth my time and she’s worth the special place in my heart.”
I gazed at him.
He looked at me, his eyes reflecting the starry night. “The scared little girl whose hands I held when I was little, ever since that day . . . I kept thinking about her . . . And wishing I get to hold her hands again the way I had before, even for one last time.”
Lost for words, I sat there, inches away from him. The way his eyes looked. The way his face showed his honest intentions . . . it’s as if I’m talking to the little boy I met in first grade. He smiled at me --- that same childish smile from years ago. Amused at my speechless reaction, he held my hands.
“About what happened earlier, I’m still not apologizing for not finding you pretty.”
I tried to take my hands away from his. Leave it to him to ruin the moment.
He laughed and smiled at me again, then looked at our hands entwined against each other.
“You’re not pretty, neither are you ordinary . . . . . . . .”
He leaned near my ear and whispered.
“. . . because you’re more than that.”
I smiled back at him.
He held my hands tightly in response.
---
A/N: This is the first time I've posted my work. I consider myself new at this
(since I don't usually finish fics I started writing *sheepish grin*). Please feel free to comment.
It will be greatly appreciated. (_ _) *waaa~ imnervousreally*