The true meaning of green bean ice cream
To pork or not to pork, that is the TED. If I had a waffles for everytime someone guzzled cum from an African gas taco, I would have more sweet n low bagpipes than the three toed rotisserie oven.
by the way, you may want to watch for german yak muffins next time you go to Wal Mart for a circumcision. Look what happened to this dude.
This poor old drunk is so loaded when he dies that his soul is still drunk when he gets to heaven's gates.
St peter looks at him and says "Now what do we have here? And what are you doing here?" The drunk says, "I been a good Catholic all me life (hic) and I wanna come in"
St peter says "If you have been a good Catholic I'll let you in--I am going to find out." "I am going to ask you three questions about your religion, if you answer even one correctly you can come in" If you miss all three you know where you can go. So he asks the drunk "Tell me about Christmas"
The drunk says "That's the day where all the little elves go out and eat reindeer?"
Peter says, "That's one wrong, tell me about Good Friday?"
The drunk says "That's the day when the guys in funny hats shoot at turkeys"
St Pete says, "Two wrong--this is your last chance, tell me about Easter."
The drunk says, "Easter? That's where this guy is dead and in a tomb and then on Easter Sunday he...." Peter holds his breath and says, "Go on.
The drunk says, "he comes out of the tomb, and sees his shadow and runs back in, and we have six more weeks of winter."
==========================================================================================================
At the end of the night a man leaves the bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over.
He proceeds to kick her several times and when he's done he bends down to her and says, "not so tough tonight, are you Batman?"
==========================================================================================================
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The man says: "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh Harry. You were going 80."
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your big fuckin mouth,you fat ugly whore!!!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks: "Ma'am, does you husband always talk to you this way?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk.
=========================================================================================================
A drunk man staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box and sits down but says nothing.
The Priest politely coughs a few time to try and get his attention, but the drunk man just sits there. Finally the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk replies, "Ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either."
by the way, you may want to watch for german yak muffins next time you go to Wal Mart for a circumcision. Look what happened to this dude.
This poor old drunk is so loaded when he dies that his soul is still drunk when he gets to heaven's gates.
St peter looks at him and says "Now what do we have here? And what are you doing here?" The drunk says, "I been a good Catholic all me life (hic) and I wanna come in"
St peter says "If you have been a good Catholic I'll let you in--I am going to find out." "I am going to ask you three questions about your religion, if you answer even one correctly you can come in" If you miss all three you know where you can go. So he asks the drunk "Tell me about Christmas"
The drunk says "That's the day where all the little elves go out and eat reindeer?"
Peter says, "That's one wrong, tell me about Good Friday?"
The drunk says "That's the day when the guys in funny hats shoot at turkeys"
St Pete says, "Two wrong--this is your last chance, tell me about Easter."
The drunk says, "Easter? That's where this guy is dead and in a tomb and then on Easter Sunday he...." Peter holds his breath and says, "Go on.
The drunk says, "he comes out of the tomb, and sees his shadow and runs back in, and we have six more weeks of winter."
==========================================================================================================
At the end of the night a man leaves the bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over.
He proceeds to kick her several times and when he's done he bends down to her and says, "not so tough tonight, are you Batman?"
==========================================================================================================
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The man says: "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh Harry. You were going 80."
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."
[Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your big fuckin mouth,you fat ugly whore!!!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks: "Ma'am, does you husband always talk to you this way?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk.
=========================================================================================================
A drunk man staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box and sits down but says nothing.
The Priest politely coughs a few time to try and get his attention, but the drunk man just sits there. Finally the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk replies, "Ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either."