Awwww sweetie, i love you so much for what you are doing! im so proud that you want to do this, and hope you do try it but not only try it but REALLY try it!!! im so glad you spoke to Rachel about it all!! well as for your uni i agree get through this semester, but maybe it would be worth defering the rest of your uni for a while, and concentrating on your bulimia!! and it is so wonderful to hear that you do realise it is a big problem. and i know it will be hard to get back to stage 4 but if you work your arse of and REALLY try and do give up, well you will get there and be so strong!! anyway im just so proud of everthing u said, did and realised yesterday love you lots and lots!! im all ears if u wanna chat love you!
Thanks....but I still don't know whether I really am going to do this. I know that I should and after a few emails to and from my German teacher, it has really taught me a lot. I really don't want to defer my course, but part of me knows that there is no other way out. I'm just so confused! I know its a big problem....but the thing is, I don't care. I just accept it. My life is so much easier and happier....sorta...not really......when I just accept what is happening. Yes, then the bulimia gets worse, but meh! I don't care. Anyway....hope that you're all good. Love you heaps, Julz xoxo
that was like a mile long! i hope u feel better. i kno u feel like u'll never truely be over it, so why fight it - but if ur that determined to overcome it completely, u can make it happen. create ur own future.
I know...gotta love it :) I do feel better and don't. I still have so many mixed emotions that I can't physically express....as I explained to you before! Thats the thing though. I don't know if I am determined enough, motivated enough, strong enough to actually fight this....I want to create my own future, but I know that part of it is already set out for me. The screwed up eating habits, then constant self comparisson, everything.....things won't change when I get through to the other side, I will just have more control...MOST of the time. I just have the fear sometimes that even if I do get to the other side, what if I suddenly relapse again. I don't think that I can go back to stage one again. I'm here now, so I figured that to save time and energy, just stay here....problem solved. But I know that I can't do that. I'm all good though....really I am :) Much love xoxo
Hey, just came across your LJ from Thinspiration Community. Hm, I have Bulimia too and I pretty much feel the same way as you do /: To me, it's like, I know I have a fucking eating disorder but i'd rather purge than be fat, and i really don't know how to fight it. There's just this voice that keeps telling me to eat and eat and eat more, then another would tell me to purge after that. Sometimes I really want to stop all this shit, but it became sort of a routine. and i'd puke up to 3 times a day. I wish i could stop, but i can't so i just gave up and continued putting up with binge-ing and purging /: I don't know, this sounds silly but I just wanted to get this out. >
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anyway im just so proud of everthing u said, did and realised yesterday love you lots and lots!!
im all ears if u wanna chat love you!
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Anyway....hope that you're all good. Love you heaps, Julz xoxo
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love cai xoxo
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Much love xoxo
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