(no subject)
So I'm looking at Apostolic / Pentecostal hairdo videos on YouTube the other day.
It started with the Outer Banks. Sam (that's the dude) would like to go to the Outer Banks in May for vacation. I like beaches, so I was like "OK, fine by me." But then I got to thinking that what I really wanted was a dress. A halter top vintage dress, for use with a crinoline. No, really. Like this. For going to dinner while at the beach. Y'know. Because that is a perfectly reasonable thing to be doing in a retro dress.
Now is not the time for stupid questions like "Where on earth would you wear that?" or "Why? Do you swing dance? No? Then... why?" or even "Aren't you a little old for playing dress-up?" Nobody asks the ladies at the ren faire what possible motivation they could have for playing princess at well past forty and well over two hundred pounds. Nobody bothers WWII reenactors with questions like Are you OK with playing the baddies?" Don't go there, okay? I need a halter top vintage dress. For use with a crinoline. (I realize that this explanation makes it sound like I have an unused crinoline sitting around the place just begging to be utilized. The sad fact is that I don't bloody well own a crinoline either, I'd have to buy that, too. And foundation garments so that I don't look lumpy.)
And then I got to thinking. (No good can ever come of that but I keep doing it anyway.) I'd need heels and pantyhose and makeup and stuff. Not a lot of makeup because I'm not, y'know, fast or anything, but definitely more than the none I currently wear. And... I would need something to do with my hair. My hair is not currently halter dress with crinoline length so I'm going to have to do something with it so that it will match my dress (that I don't own) and my crinoline (again, unowned) and my makeup (I do not own any makeup) and so forth.
Now, I don't talk about my hair much but I have long hair. It's more or less all one length, the "less" mostly minor erosion-based wear and tear about the face. I was, until yesterday, under the impression, that the length of my hair was "waist". But then I took my hair down (mostly it's up in a ponytailed braid to keep it out of power tools while I'm at work) and actually looked at it. My hair is about four inches below my waist. Okay, so there you go. I have long hair.
I went to YouTube. I searched for videos regarding updos for long hair. This was both interesting and depressing. It was interesting to see the assorted videos. I particularly liked this which is both quick and pretty (see title) and VERY clearly explained by someone who has a good future ahead of him as a hairstyle explainer and/or do-er. But when I tried it, I had a lovely knot in my sectioned piece of hair. Lovely. Looked just like the one in the video. And... ten more inches (or so) of hair, leftover. My hair is too long for most of the "long hair" hairstyle videos on YouTube. Apparently "long hair" means "around the bottom of your shoulderblades" when it comes to YouTube.
Getting a little pissed about the failure of the internets to provide for me a properly stylish and anachronistic hairdo to go with the dress and crinoline that I do not own, I re-searched YouTube for very long hair updos, hoping for something that I could use. And with the results that came up, I saw the light. The Pentecostal light.
See, the bulk of the population does not have hair as long as my hair is. Hair this long is kind of weird. (My hair is this long mostly because I like it but also because I don't have to let people touch me if I don't get my hair cut. Haircuts are an optional letting-people-touch-me activity and I opt out. Dentist visits, significantly more intrusive and a personal hell of mine, are not optional.) Further, a significant segment of the population that has hair as long or longer than mine is sort of well-known for their lack of YouTube videos and other things worldly. (That would be the Amish and the stricter Mennonite sects, who have faith-based reasons for not cutting their hair.) They also don't do a whole lot with their hair -- mostly it's kept up in a tidy (twisted, not braided) bun on the back of the head. I already know how to do that hairstyle. I don't DO it very often because it is not as suited to plumbing underneath sinks as the Indestructible Braid that is my workday hairdo, but I do know how to do it.
The largest segment of the population that styles very long hair AND uses technology is the Pentecostals. They are a more modern Christian sect than the Amish and Mennonites (drive cars, use electricity and the internet) but they still don't much go for haircuts on women. It's a matter of faith for them, too. And, honestly, if you're OK with Amish and Mennonite women not cutting their hair for religious reasons, then you kinda hafta be OK with Pentecostal women not cutting their hair for religious reasons, too, even if they put theirs up pouffy and style it with utter oceans of aerosol Aussie Instant Freeze. Anyway, the point here is that Pentecostal women have (very) long hair. They also do stuff with their hair, stuff that frequently involves hairspray and sometimes dryer sheets. And they make informative, instructional YouTube videos on the stuff they do with their hair. It looks... fun. Retro and fun.
It's like the perfect storm. Not at all helping matters is the fact that the populations doing these videos are mostly equipped with very fine, dead straight hair that is exceedingly similar to the hair enjoyed (if that's the word) by your dear author. I could get into All Kinds of trouble, here.
There's also an interesting dynamic tension between the no makeup, no jewlery, no adornments look and the hair that is rolled, pincurled, hot rolled, sprayed, and done up to within an inch of its life. Apparently the Pentecostals get these constraints from the Bible: 1 Peter 3:1-7 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; Reading carefully (Does anyone else ever get the impression that Peter was a joyless and bitter old fuck? Not getting my vote for Favorite Apostle, for realz. He might have been a rock, but def. not fun at parties.), we can see that jewelry is not OK. Plaiting is not OK. Roll curls are a go. :)
It started with the Outer Banks. Sam (that's the dude) would like to go to the Outer Banks in May for vacation. I like beaches, so I was like "OK, fine by me." But then I got to thinking that what I really wanted was a dress. A halter top vintage dress, for use with a crinoline. No, really. Like this. For going to dinner while at the beach. Y'know. Because that is a perfectly reasonable thing to be doing in a retro dress.
Now is not the time for stupid questions like "Where on earth would you wear that?" or "Why? Do you swing dance? No? Then... why?" or even "Aren't you a little old for playing dress-up?" Nobody asks the ladies at the ren faire what possible motivation they could have for playing princess at well past forty and well over two hundred pounds. Nobody bothers WWII reenactors with questions like Are you OK with playing the baddies?" Don't go there, okay? I need a halter top vintage dress. For use with a crinoline. (I realize that this explanation makes it sound like I have an unused crinoline sitting around the place just begging to be utilized. The sad fact is that I don't bloody well own a crinoline either, I'd have to buy that, too. And foundation garments so that I don't look lumpy.)
And then I got to thinking. (No good can ever come of that but I keep doing it anyway.) I'd need heels and pantyhose and makeup and stuff. Not a lot of makeup because I'm not, y'know, fast or anything, but definitely more than the none I currently wear. And... I would need something to do with my hair. My hair is not currently halter dress with crinoline length so I'm going to have to do something with it so that it will match my dress (that I don't own) and my crinoline (again, unowned) and my makeup (I do not own any makeup) and so forth.
Now, I don't talk about my hair much but I have long hair. It's more or less all one length, the "less" mostly minor erosion-based wear and tear about the face. I was, until yesterday, under the impression, that the length of my hair was "waist". But then I took my hair down (mostly it's up in a ponytailed braid to keep it out of power tools while I'm at work) and actually looked at it. My hair is about four inches below my waist. Okay, so there you go. I have long hair.
I went to YouTube. I searched for videos regarding updos for long hair. This was both interesting and depressing. It was interesting to see the assorted videos. I particularly liked this which is both quick and pretty (see title) and VERY clearly explained by someone who has a good future ahead of him as a hairstyle explainer and/or do-er. But when I tried it, I had a lovely knot in my sectioned piece of hair. Lovely. Looked just like the one in the video. And... ten more inches (or so) of hair, leftover. My hair is too long for most of the "long hair" hairstyle videos on YouTube. Apparently "long hair" means "around the bottom of your shoulderblades" when it comes to YouTube.
Getting a little pissed about the failure of the internets to provide for me a properly stylish and anachronistic hairdo to go with the dress and crinoline that I do not own, I re-searched YouTube for very long hair updos, hoping for something that I could use. And with the results that came up, I saw the light. The Pentecostal light.
See, the bulk of the population does not have hair as long as my hair is. Hair this long is kind of weird. (My hair is this long mostly because I like it but also because I don't have to let people touch me if I don't get my hair cut. Haircuts are an optional letting-people-touch-me activity and I opt out. Dentist visits, significantly more intrusive and a personal hell of mine, are not optional.) Further, a significant segment of the population that has hair as long or longer than mine is sort of well-known for their lack of YouTube videos and other things worldly. (That would be the Amish and the stricter Mennonite sects, who have faith-based reasons for not cutting their hair.) They also don't do a whole lot with their hair -- mostly it's kept up in a tidy (twisted, not braided) bun on the back of the head. I already know how to do that hairstyle. I don't DO it very often because it is not as suited to plumbing underneath sinks as the Indestructible Braid that is my workday hairdo, but I do know how to do it.
The largest segment of the population that styles very long hair AND uses technology is the Pentecostals. They are a more modern Christian sect than the Amish and Mennonites (drive cars, use electricity and the internet) but they still don't much go for haircuts on women. It's a matter of faith for them, too. And, honestly, if you're OK with Amish and Mennonite women not cutting their hair for religious reasons, then you kinda hafta be OK with Pentecostal women not cutting their hair for religious reasons, too, even if they put theirs up pouffy and style it with utter oceans of aerosol Aussie Instant Freeze. Anyway, the point here is that Pentecostal women have (very) long hair. They also do stuff with their hair, stuff that frequently involves hairspray and sometimes dryer sheets. And they make informative, instructional YouTube videos on the stuff they do with their hair. It looks... fun. Retro and fun.
It's like the perfect storm. Not at all helping matters is the fact that the populations doing these videos are mostly equipped with very fine, dead straight hair that is exceedingly similar to the hair enjoyed (if that's the word) by your dear author. I could get into All Kinds of trouble, here.
There's also an interesting dynamic tension between the no makeup, no jewlery, no adornments look and the hair that is rolled, pincurled, hot rolled, sprayed, and done up to within an inch of its life. Apparently the Pentecostals get these constraints from the Bible: 1 Peter 3:1-7 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; Reading carefully (Does anyone else ever get the impression that Peter was a joyless and bitter old fuck? Not getting my vote for Favorite Apostle, for realz. He might have been a rock, but def. not fun at parties.), we can see that jewelry is not OK. Plaiting is not OK. Roll curls are a go. :)