(no subject)
Soo. today is christmas eve and i basically
Sooo. i was sitting there listening to my mom talk about how she can fit into a size 6 pair if DKNY jeans and i could fit in a size 3 or 4. and it finally hit me...
-i was fat.
-losing a close friend.
-annnddd, MY MOM WAS NEARLY MY PANTS SIZE, which is not healthy!
So... i broke down. i mean literally crying my eyes out, and i had no idea wtf i was doing, its never happened before, but omg it felt amazing. and i was yelling at my mother about all of my insecurities and it finally hit me, I WAS INSANE//PSYCHOTIC. yeahh. so my dad did the gentlemenly thing and took me shopping =].
welllll. i got in the car and once again broke down. yeah, i was tired of it, and i kept telling myself to shut up because i sound like a stupid attention grasping no lifed whore. soo, i finally stopped and i told him the real reason why i was soo upset. I miss the feeling of having ONE real, close, talk-to-about-whatever- type-of-friend. I mean, i have tons of friends, like literally, and i love them all, but no one can make up for that one individual person, and it hurts that shes not there anymore.
And i realized that id been trying to be happy and tough for the past 4 weeks, and it was eating away at me. and it really hurt me, and i became nonchalant about everything, and i was awful to my parents and they didnt deserve it. and i realize that i SWEAR from now on to move on, and if i have a problem i will talk to my parents instead of letting the emotions build up inside of me because i just get hurt in the end.
PSSS...
other exciting news from xmas eve...
-Stalked by a mexican in target??? he followed me around the store until i found my father and then he mysteriously disappeared.
- went to several xmas parties with parents at which i had several apple martinis that i sneaked at proper timess.
- evre notice how when people know ur fr rhs they ask if ur in ib and immediatly thing ur a nerd?!