Back to being myself with a mantra
Mistress Jadis had been away for quite a while. In fact, it was probably the longest time between sessions with her since I had my first session with her.
This means that for a couple of months I didn't have access to an outlet that I had really become accustomed to having. Now I had it again and I planned to put it to good use.
There was a lot of physicality involved from early on. I went right to the A-frame and flogging was done. Some of it was thuddy, then it got more stingy and I settled into my usual flog breathing. In on one, then out on another. Sometimes if the rhythm was faster I switched to two strokes in and two out.
The singletail was different. It's hard to get much of a rhythm off it, and my reactions became very erratic. Sometimes I laughed. Then within a few seconds there were tears. Sometimes I was able to speak normally between spells of lashes and sometimes I mumbled incoherently.
But there were things that I found myself saying again and again and again. "I am your slave." "I will take this." There were times when I said these things clear and loud, times when I growled them in a voice that sounded almost angry, and times when I just whispered them almost silently. Whatever the circumstances, it helped. I stayed on my feet the whole time, and the marks speak for themselves.
(If you lie down on a towel after many lashes, you will leave what Mistress Jadis called "a constellation of blood."
I'm not sure if I took more than I did in other sessions, but was still sore for a couple days afterwards.
Having a mantra helped.
It was the same when I was being caned. 12 strokes only, but all of them heavy and at a time when my body was close to freaking out from the trajectory of the session. There were three more with a very thin and short cane on my inner thighs. (Someone at the gym later in the week noticed one of the stripes as I was wearing shorts.)
After the physical tests were over I spent some time at her feet and felt more relaxed and successful and valued than I have in quite some time given that I haven't really been feeling myself. I had finally been able to let go again, and I had really been craving that. I told her so, probably a dozen times.