Somewhere With You, Chapter Twenty-five
Author’s Note: I'm still here. Ugh. I'm so sorry to have disappeared like that. I've had a very bad case of Butterfly Brain this summer and every little thing that comes along drags me along with it!! Plus, I’ve really struggled with this chapter. I’m not in love with this version, but I think it’s as close to the truth (in this story) as I can get and I’m ready to just post it and move on. Again, I'm sorry it took me so long. I will try to do better with the rest of SWY. I appreciate you guys leaving comments to let me know you were still hoping for more.
To Review… We left the story with the boys at somewhat of a stalemate. It’s Super Bowl Sunday and Heath took a detour on his way to a party to see if Jake was at the bar. He found him in the alley, giving a painful blowjob to a dude with a massive cock. When it’s finally over, Heath convinces Jake to go home with him, and then convinces himself that Jake needs a break from sex and proceeds to keep his hands to himself all night. It helps when work calls and he has to spend several hours on a case. Jake breaks out his own laptop and gets busy for a while too, but he’s in bed asleep by the time Heath gets done. That makes it a little easier for Heath to keep his promise, although he does fall asleep with Jake in his arms.
Heath awakens from a very vivid dream convinced that he’s in love with Jake. He asks Jake to move in with him and give him an exclusive relationship, but Jake doesn’t have the time, energy or financial resources to make that work. Jake does like the sex, though, and even admits that Heath’s the only one he's getting any personal satisfaction with. That’s not good enough for Heath, though, and they have an ugly fight. When Jake comes into the kitchen for his laptop, Heath tries to stay the course and go cold turkey, but faced with saying goodbye forever, he can’t resist one more time with Jake. Jake gives him what he wants, but takes off as soon as they’re done, late for something. Heath doesn’t know what and doesn’t think to ask. An email from Heath's mom kicks the last prop out from under him, and Heath's whole life turns ugly.
Somewhere With You, Chapter 25
Ethan texts Heath on Wednesday. Drinks after work?
Heath’s eating a salad and reviewing some briefs for his two o’clock appointment and texts back quickly: I’m going to the gym.
Fifteen minutes or more go by and he’s almost forgotten they’re texting when his phone vibrates again and the message says, Meet me at the Y at 6.
Heath sends back Ok and then puts his attention back on his job, the only thing that makes even a little bit of sense in his life anymore. He’s hiding from everything else and he knows that plan has a very short shelf-life, but he needs a little time to figure things out, and he’s found that sometimes not thinking about his problems is the best option. It’s the one he’s going with, at least till six.
*****
“So! How’s life?” Ethan asks across a small, ring-stained table top in a dive bar where he and Jesse play gigs sometimes. During their workout, they’d kept the conversation casual but Heath had known that was just temporary.
He takes a sip of his light beer and says the first thing that comes to mind. “My grandmother’s got Alzheimer’s.”
Ethan’s eyes go wide with surprise and he sits forward in his chair, obviously not expecting that news. “What the fuck? When did you find this out?”
“This week. I talked to my mom last night. She says they’re starting her on some drugs to slow it down but there’s really nothing they can do.”
“Christ! That’s the worst, man,” Ethan says, all sympathy and concern. “My uncle had that. It’s a heartless disease.”
“Did he live long?” The question’s like a knife in Heath’s gut, but he needs to know.
Ethan nods. “Five years. They got him into a real good place a couple years into it and the nurses took good care of him. It killed my aunt to put him there but she had no choice.” He shook his head sadly at the memory, then asked, “So what’s your plan? I know you’re close with her.”
“I don’t know.” Heath picks at the label on his bottle, getting his finger wet and gummy with condensation and glue. “I’ve got meetings in Boston next week. I’m flying up there on Sunday. Then there’s that charity ball the next weekend, which I don’t fucking want to go to but I have to anyway or the boss’ll shit a brick sideways.” Heath sighs, frustrated. “I’m gonna try to get back home soon, though. I wanna see her again while she’s still at least halfway herself, you know, and also try to brainstorm with Mom and Katie about what to do.”
“You were just down there a few weeks ago, right? How was she then?”
“She seemed ok. She was a little off, maybe, but hell, she’s almost eighty-five so I didn’t think anything about it.”
“Doesn’t she live with your mom?”
“She lives in a guest house on the property. Mom’s talking about moving her in with her for now, but she’ll probably end up having to put her in a facility later on. Like you said, it’s gonna get too hard for Mom to take care of her eventually. It might be better to go ahead and get her set up someplace now, give her a chance to get adjusted while she’s still got some sense of what’s going on." Heath sighs and shakes his head. "I’m not sure what we ought to do, to be honest.”
He’s done a lot of research on Alzheimer’s in the last couple of days and hasn’t found even one glimmer of positive news. The only thing to hope for is that something else comes along and takes her out before it gets really bad, but how can he possibly make himself hope for that? Not that it matters what he wants anyway. If that was the case she would never have gotten this in the first place.
“Damn, man, I’m so sorry," Ethan says, all sympathy, but then he cocks his head and adds, "Not such a good time to be trying to reinvent your life, huh?” He tips his beer up, eyeing Heath with curious caution down the length of the bottle.
Heath leans back in his chair. “Ha! No, not really.” He lets his gaze drift around the room, taking in the dingy décor, mostly old music posters - torn and curling at the edges but still tacked to the walls - along with a collection of even older album covers from obscure bands he’s never heard of. It’s the kind of place Ethan and Jesse love, but it doesn’t do a thing for Heath. Deep down in his soul, he's more of a Jimmy Buffet kind of guy. But to be fair, no place in the city feels right anymore. Six months ago D.C. was fine, this bar would've been fine, but lately his skin is crawling and he can barely stand any of it.
“So. Tell me about him.”
Heath doesn’t even pretend not to know who he’s talking about. “His name’s Jake. He’s young and gorgeous and not interested in settling down, so you’ll never meet him.”
“Settling down?” Ethan parrots, shocked. “What the hell are you even talking about, man? You just met him, right?”
Heath shrugs. “Couple months ago.”
“And you’re already thinking about settling down? Dude! It’s way too soon for that. Play the field!”
Heath twists his bottle, grinding the bottom into the tabletop, and shrugs again, feeling claustrophobic with the place and the conversation and his life. “I’ve been playing the field for fifteen years. I’m sick of it.”
“The wrong field, apparently...”
The waitress walks by and Ethan motions for two more. Heath’s ready to leave already but Ethan is his friend and it’s not his fault that Heath’s life is suddenly on the fast track to hell.
“Yeah, I know. I get that I’m supposed to want to make up for lost time and fuck every guy I see, but I just don’t want to. I’m tired of looking at strangers and trying to figure out if they’re gonna be somebody I like or somebody I want to push out of my car at the next traffic light. I like him and it sucks that it’s not gonna work out.”
“Huh. Guess I can kinda see your point on that. Sorry, man.” Ethan nods at the waitress as she drops off their beers and takes off with the empties. “Where’d you meet him anyway?”
“A bar.”
“Gay bar?”
“Nope.”
Ethan sighs and Heath gets that he’s not being very cooperative but he can’t help it. He doesn’t like being on this side of the questions and if Ethan digs too deep, he’s going to start lying anyway, so being brief is his best bet.
“You said he’s young?”
Heath nods. “Twenty-one.”
“Seriously?” Ethan asks, bug-eyed with surprise.
Heath nods again and Ethan laughs. “No wonder it’s not gonna work out. What can you possibly have in common with a twenty-one year old?” Heath fidgets uncomfortably and Ethan grins. “Well, other than that, obviously.”
“Shut up,” Heath mumbles, blushing as he sips his beer.
“Seriously, dude, this is like losing your virginity all over again. It’s a huge big deal and there’s no way you can be thinking straight about this guy right now.”
Heath glares at him and Ethan laughs but takes pity on him and lets that thread go. “My advice is, enjoy it while it lasts and don’t worry about it. One of these days the right guy’ll come along and it’ll work out. Till then, just be patient. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do, whether you wanna admit it or not.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil. You should get your own show. Seriously,” Heath deadpans.
“Yeah, I know,” Ethan says, looking wise and self-satisfied. “It’s a skill. Ten minutes and a couple of beers and I’ve got your love-life all figured out,” he drawls, proud.
“Huh… lucky you. I guess that explains why you’ve been practically married ever since I met you and I had no idea.”
“Hey. I said your love-life, not mine,” Ethan corrects him, pointing both his finger and his beer at Heath and Heath leans back in his chair and nods because he’s not really in the mood to argue.
“Got it. So do I have to pretend I don’t know?”
“No. I told him you were onto us. He was actually kinda surprised that you didn’t know.”
“Me too,” Heath says pointedly.
“I know. I suck. But Jesse’s gotta be so careful because of his job, and me too, I guess. Honestly, I don’t know what they’d say if they knew about me.” He purses his lips in irritation. “Anyway, we’ve just always kept it super quiet. I should’ve told you though. I’m sorry.”
Heath shrugs it off. Knowing wouldn’t have changed anything, and in the big scheme of his life at the moment, it isn’t worth worrying about. “Do your folks know?”
“Yeah. We told them when we bought the house.” Ethan slides one finger back and forth through the water ring on the table. “I’m tired of hiding but Jesse makes twice as much money as me and he works for homophobic assholes so we’re stuck for now.”
“Is that your only plan?” It sounds awful. The idea of living a secret life holds no appeal at all to Heath. Maybe it would be ok if it was the only possible way he could be with the person he truly loved, but even then he couldn’t imagine living like that long term. It makes him realize that he doesn’t want to deal with the closet at all. Now that he knows, he doesn’t care who else knows. Subterfuge has never been his strong point and he has no interest in trying to hide who he is from the people in his life.
“He’s thinking about making a career change. So who knows? Maybe this time next year everything’ll be different.” Ethan’s phone beeps and he checks the message quickly, then clicks it off again with a small smile. “Speaking of, that was him. He says he’s got pork chops ready for the grill. Wanna come eat with us?”
Heath’s hungry but he’s also tired and ready to go home. “No thanks, I need to log a couple hours when I get home, and I seriously need to get some sleep.”
They pay up and leave, then chat about basketball and the ski trip Ethan and Jesse have coming up until they part company at the Metro. Ethan gives Heath a quick hug along with orders to keep him up-to-date on what happens with his grandmother and with Jake. Heath promises he will, then moves off to wait for his train, wishing he was going home to Jake, wishing he could have that, even if it only lasted for a little while.
*****
Heath hits the gym again on Friday after work. He runs a few miles on the treadmill, then spends about forty-five minutes working his upper body, sweats and strains and tries to stay focused on his muscles and nothing else, but thoughts of Jake keep popping into his head, questions that he has no answers to, and they gnaw at him. He wants to know what Jake does all week. He said he needs his hooker job because he can make a lot of money in a short amount of time. So what does he do with himself when he’s not sucking dicks? And what’s all that money for anyway?
Heath has no idea how much Jake makes in a typical weekend. Ten blowjobs would mean six hundred bucks. He doesn’t know how much he charges to get fucked. Heath’s only gotten to do it once - which chaps him - and he named his own price, probably double what Jake would normally get. But if he does get a hundred bucks a pop and gets fucked three times over the weekend, that would bump him up to almost a thousand dollars for three days work. Not a bad haul, if you can stomach it. Jake says he hates it, but he’s not looking for an easy way out, that’s obvious. Heath’s not sure he’d be so brave if he was in Jake’s shoes. He still hasn’t got that godawful mouthfuck out of his head yet.
He does know that just keeping body and soul together are expensive in D.C., but Jake has a roommate and based on the clothes Heath’s seen, he’s not throwing money away there. His phone and his laptop aren’t ancient but they aren’t top-of-the-line either. Other people manage to support themselves doing things that are legal, even people who’ve never seen the inside of a university. They work in shops and restaurants; they deliver pizzas and flowers and packages; they change oil and sack groceries and cut grass. There are jobs out there that don’t involve swapping body fluids with strangers, but Jake said he needed the hours and the money that only this job could give him. So where’s the big expense and what else sucks up all of his time, leaving him with only a few hours free on the weekend to make a paycheck?
Heath stews on it while he lifts and pushes, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead and into his eyes, one more thing to irritate him when he’s already pushed to the limit. It’s his own fault he doesn’t know anything. He should’ve asked Jake more questions, should’ve tried to find out more about his life - should’ve asked for his goddamned phone number for sure, but it’s like he’s been in some mindless sexual stupor for the last few weeks and could never force his brains to work beyond the end of his dick.
Now suddenly he’s in love with this guy who he knows next to nothing about and how is that even possible? Aren’t you supposed to fall in love because the person you care about is irresistible, both body and soul? And while he knows enough about Jake’s body to definitely be in love with it, he knows virtually nothing about his soul, so can he really, truly be in love? Maybe it’s just lust or infatuation, or gratitude for good sex wrapped up in a red bow like a cheap gas station rose that’s only pretty until the real deal comes along, two dozen long-stemmed beauties in a gold foil box, nestled in tissue paper, tight, dewy buds just starting to open, sweet scent and baby’s breath and waxy green leaves….
Maybe what he feels for Jake is just a cheap imitation and he’s too desperate to know any better. Maybe if he gave himself a chance to meet someone else, he’d realize what an idiot he’s suddenly become.
The one thing he does know is that it’s Friday night and Jake’s probably at work, sucking some random stranger off or maybe even spread out in a bathroom stall, riding some guy’s cock. Just thinking about it makes Heath’s blood pressure shoot up, even though Jake said he doesn’t get any joy out of it and Heath believes him. He’s been around twice when Jake was on the job and neither time seemed like any fun for Jake, but it doesn’t change the fact that some other guy is touching him, putting his hands on him, staring down at the spot where his dick is pounding into Jake’s body, and the guy’s getting off on it, making sure he gets every penny of his money’s worth.
Even if Jake isn’t getting any pleasure from it, the other guy is and Heath doesn’t like it. He’s jealous and he’s pissed and he’s powerless to do anything but get over himself because Jake isn’t going to quit. That leaves Heath with two choices: deal with it or don’t. If he plays hardball, he’s going to lose everything, and while Ethan and Anne would tell him that at this stage of the game he’s better off playing fast and loose, Heath doesn’t agree. He doesn’t want to go shopping for another guy to fuck. He just wants to fuck the guy he’s already found, cheap imitation or not. But in order to do that, he has to share.
Ethan’s words keep replaying in his mind. It’s way too early to be thinking about settling down. The thinking part of his brain can actually acknowledge that even as his inner caveman wants to drag Jake back to his bed and never let him leave again. That scenario will never fly, though, and Heath’s shooting himself in the foot - or more literally, the dick - if he keeps on trying to sell it.
Dream or no dream, Jake probably isn’t his soul mate. He’s just the first guy to get Heath’s attention long enough to drag him out of a lifetime of oblivion. No matter what he does now, six months from now they will most likely be yesterday’s news. In the meantime, he can enjoy a few months’ worth of awesome sex or he can not: that’s really the only call. What with this situation with his grandmother, a new boyfriend would be more of an inconvenience than anything else anyway. He’s got nothing to offer anyone emotionally. Sex, however, would be excellent, and if he’d rather be having it with Jake than random strangers, that’s his business. It doesn’t have to mean anything long term
Heath forces himself to look at the other people at the gym anyway, just so he can say he tried, makes eye contact with a few guys he notices looking his way and tries to figure out if any of them are interested in him or if they’re just people-watching. With women, he knew the signs, but guys are a whole new animal for him as far as flirting goes and he’s pretty much clueless.
It’s a little easier in the shower afterwards, when he turns around to get his towel and catches a dude very clearly checking out his ass. The guy doesn’t look away and Heath holds his gaze for a few seconds, but while he’s nice enough to look at, he does nothing for Heath and Heath isn’t interested in faking it with some dude any more than he was interested in faking it with women. He wraps his towel around his hips and turns away and by the time he turns around again, the man is gone.
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To Review… We left the story with the boys at somewhat of a stalemate. It’s Super Bowl Sunday and Heath took a detour on his way to a party to see if Jake was at the bar. He found him in the alley, giving a painful blowjob to a dude with a massive cock. When it’s finally over, Heath convinces Jake to go home with him, and then convinces himself that Jake needs a break from sex and proceeds to keep his hands to himself all night. It helps when work calls and he has to spend several hours on a case. Jake breaks out his own laptop and gets busy for a while too, but he’s in bed asleep by the time Heath gets done. That makes it a little easier for Heath to keep his promise, although he does fall asleep with Jake in his arms.
Heath awakens from a very vivid dream convinced that he’s in love with Jake. He asks Jake to move in with him and give him an exclusive relationship, but Jake doesn’t have the time, energy or financial resources to make that work. Jake does like the sex, though, and even admits that Heath’s the only one he's getting any personal satisfaction with. That’s not good enough for Heath, though, and they have an ugly fight. When Jake comes into the kitchen for his laptop, Heath tries to stay the course and go cold turkey, but faced with saying goodbye forever, he can’t resist one more time with Jake. Jake gives him what he wants, but takes off as soon as they’re done, late for something. Heath doesn’t know what and doesn’t think to ask. An email from Heath's mom kicks the last prop out from under him, and Heath's whole life turns ugly.
Somewhere With You, Chapter 25
Ethan texts Heath on Wednesday. Drinks after work?
Heath’s eating a salad and reviewing some briefs for his two o’clock appointment and texts back quickly: I’m going to the gym.
Fifteen minutes or more go by and he’s almost forgotten they’re texting when his phone vibrates again and the message says, Meet me at the Y at 6.
Heath sends back Ok and then puts his attention back on his job, the only thing that makes even a little bit of sense in his life anymore. He’s hiding from everything else and he knows that plan has a very short shelf-life, but he needs a little time to figure things out, and he’s found that sometimes not thinking about his problems is the best option. It’s the one he’s going with, at least till six.
*****
“So! How’s life?” Ethan asks across a small, ring-stained table top in a dive bar where he and Jesse play gigs sometimes. During their workout, they’d kept the conversation casual but Heath had known that was just temporary.
He takes a sip of his light beer and says the first thing that comes to mind. “My grandmother’s got Alzheimer’s.”
Ethan’s eyes go wide with surprise and he sits forward in his chair, obviously not expecting that news. “What the fuck? When did you find this out?”
“This week. I talked to my mom last night. She says they’re starting her on some drugs to slow it down but there’s really nothing they can do.”
“Christ! That’s the worst, man,” Ethan says, all sympathy and concern. “My uncle had that. It’s a heartless disease.”
“Did he live long?” The question’s like a knife in Heath’s gut, but he needs to know.
Ethan nods. “Five years. They got him into a real good place a couple years into it and the nurses took good care of him. It killed my aunt to put him there but she had no choice.” He shook his head sadly at the memory, then asked, “So what’s your plan? I know you’re close with her.”
“I don’t know.” Heath picks at the label on his bottle, getting his finger wet and gummy with condensation and glue. “I’ve got meetings in Boston next week. I’m flying up there on Sunday. Then there’s that charity ball the next weekend, which I don’t fucking want to go to but I have to anyway or the boss’ll shit a brick sideways.” Heath sighs, frustrated. “I’m gonna try to get back home soon, though. I wanna see her again while she’s still at least halfway herself, you know, and also try to brainstorm with Mom and Katie about what to do.”
“You were just down there a few weeks ago, right? How was she then?”
“She seemed ok. She was a little off, maybe, but hell, she’s almost eighty-five so I didn’t think anything about it.”
“Doesn’t she live with your mom?”
“She lives in a guest house on the property. Mom’s talking about moving her in with her for now, but she’ll probably end up having to put her in a facility later on. Like you said, it’s gonna get too hard for Mom to take care of her eventually. It might be better to go ahead and get her set up someplace now, give her a chance to get adjusted while she’s still got some sense of what’s going on." Heath sighs and shakes his head. "I’m not sure what we ought to do, to be honest.”
He’s done a lot of research on Alzheimer’s in the last couple of days and hasn’t found even one glimmer of positive news. The only thing to hope for is that something else comes along and takes her out before it gets really bad, but how can he possibly make himself hope for that? Not that it matters what he wants anyway. If that was the case she would never have gotten this in the first place.
“Damn, man, I’m so sorry," Ethan says, all sympathy, but then he cocks his head and adds, "Not such a good time to be trying to reinvent your life, huh?” He tips his beer up, eyeing Heath with curious caution down the length of the bottle.
Heath leans back in his chair. “Ha! No, not really.” He lets his gaze drift around the room, taking in the dingy décor, mostly old music posters - torn and curling at the edges but still tacked to the walls - along with a collection of even older album covers from obscure bands he’s never heard of. It’s the kind of place Ethan and Jesse love, but it doesn’t do a thing for Heath. Deep down in his soul, he's more of a Jimmy Buffet kind of guy. But to be fair, no place in the city feels right anymore. Six months ago D.C. was fine, this bar would've been fine, but lately his skin is crawling and he can barely stand any of it.
“So. Tell me about him.”
Heath doesn’t even pretend not to know who he’s talking about. “His name’s Jake. He’s young and gorgeous and not interested in settling down, so you’ll never meet him.”
“Settling down?” Ethan parrots, shocked. “What the hell are you even talking about, man? You just met him, right?”
Heath shrugs. “Couple months ago.”
“And you’re already thinking about settling down? Dude! It’s way too soon for that. Play the field!”
Heath twists his bottle, grinding the bottom into the tabletop, and shrugs again, feeling claustrophobic with the place and the conversation and his life. “I’ve been playing the field for fifteen years. I’m sick of it.”
“The wrong field, apparently...”
The waitress walks by and Ethan motions for two more. Heath’s ready to leave already but Ethan is his friend and it’s not his fault that Heath’s life is suddenly on the fast track to hell.
“Yeah, I know. I get that I’m supposed to want to make up for lost time and fuck every guy I see, but I just don’t want to. I’m tired of looking at strangers and trying to figure out if they’re gonna be somebody I like or somebody I want to push out of my car at the next traffic light. I like him and it sucks that it’s not gonna work out.”
“Huh. Guess I can kinda see your point on that. Sorry, man.” Ethan nods at the waitress as she drops off their beers and takes off with the empties. “Where’d you meet him anyway?”
“A bar.”
“Gay bar?”
“Nope.”
Ethan sighs and Heath gets that he’s not being very cooperative but he can’t help it. He doesn’t like being on this side of the questions and if Ethan digs too deep, he’s going to start lying anyway, so being brief is his best bet.
“You said he’s young?”
Heath nods. “Twenty-one.”
“Seriously?” Ethan asks, bug-eyed with surprise.
Heath nods again and Ethan laughs. “No wonder it’s not gonna work out. What can you possibly have in common with a twenty-one year old?” Heath fidgets uncomfortably and Ethan grins. “Well, other than that, obviously.”
“Shut up,” Heath mumbles, blushing as he sips his beer.
“Seriously, dude, this is like losing your virginity all over again. It’s a huge big deal and there’s no way you can be thinking straight about this guy right now.”
Heath glares at him and Ethan laughs but takes pity on him and lets that thread go. “My advice is, enjoy it while it lasts and don’t worry about it. One of these days the right guy’ll come along and it’ll work out. Till then, just be patient. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do, whether you wanna admit it or not.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil. You should get your own show. Seriously,” Heath deadpans.
“Yeah, I know,” Ethan says, looking wise and self-satisfied. “It’s a skill. Ten minutes and a couple of beers and I’ve got your love-life all figured out,” he drawls, proud.
“Huh… lucky you. I guess that explains why you’ve been practically married ever since I met you and I had no idea.”
“Hey. I said your love-life, not mine,” Ethan corrects him, pointing both his finger and his beer at Heath and Heath leans back in his chair and nods because he’s not really in the mood to argue.
“Got it. So do I have to pretend I don’t know?”
“No. I told him you were onto us. He was actually kinda surprised that you didn’t know.”
“Me too,” Heath says pointedly.
“I know. I suck. But Jesse’s gotta be so careful because of his job, and me too, I guess. Honestly, I don’t know what they’d say if they knew about me.” He purses his lips in irritation. “Anyway, we’ve just always kept it super quiet. I should’ve told you though. I’m sorry.”
Heath shrugs it off. Knowing wouldn’t have changed anything, and in the big scheme of his life at the moment, it isn’t worth worrying about. “Do your folks know?”
“Yeah. We told them when we bought the house.” Ethan slides one finger back and forth through the water ring on the table. “I’m tired of hiding but Jesse makes twice as much money as me and he works for homophobic assholes so we’re stuck for now.”
“Is that your only plan?” It sounds awful. The idea of living a secret life holds no appeal at all to Heath. Maybe it would be ok if it was the only possible way he could be with the person he truly loved, but even then he couldn’t imagine living like that long term. It makes him realize that he doesn’t want to deal with the closet at all. Now that he knows, he doesn’t care who else knows. Subterfuge has never been his strong point and he has no interest in trying to hide who he is from the people in his life.
“He’s thinking about making a career change. So who knows? Maybe this time next year everything’ll be different.” Ethan’s phone beeps and he checks the message quickly, then clicks it off again with a small smile. “Speaking of, that was him. He says he’s got pork chops ready for the grill. Wanna come eat with us?”
Heath’s hungry but he’s also tired and ready to go home. “No thanks, I need to log a couple hours when I get home, and I seriously need to get some sleep.”
They pay up and leave, then chat about basketball and the ski trip Ethan and Jesse have coming up until they part company at the Metro. Ethan gives Heath a quick hug along with orders to keep him up-to-date on what happens with his grandmother and with Jake. Heath promises he will, then moves off to wait for his train, wishing he was going home to Jake, wishing he could have that, even if it only lasted for a little while.
*****
Heath hits the gym again on Friday after work. He runs a few miles on the treadmill, then spends about forty-five minutes working his upper body, sweats and strains and tries to stay focused on his muscles and nothing else, but thoughts of Jake keep popping into his head, questions that he has no answers to, and they gnaw at him. He wants to know what Jake does all week. He said he needs his hooker job because he can make a lot of money in a short amount of time. So what does he do with himself when he’s not sucking dicks? And what’s all that money for anyway?
Heath has no idea how much Jake makes in a typical weekend. Ten blowjobs would mean six hundred bucks. He doesn’t know how much he charges to get fucked. Heath’s only gotten to do it once - which chaps him - and he named his own price, probably double what Jake would normally get. But if he does get a hundred bucks a pop and gets fucked three times over the weekend, that would bump him up to almost a thousand dollars for three days work. Not a bad haul, if you can stomach it. Jake says he hates it, but he’s not looking for an easy way out, that’s obvious. Heath’s not sure he’d be so brave if he was in Jake’s shoes. He still hasn’t got that godawful mouthfuck out of his head yet.
He does know that just keeping body and soul together are expensive in D.C., but Jake has a roommate and based on the clothes Heath’s seen, he’s not throwing money away there. His phone and his laptop aren’t ancient but they aren’t top-of-the-line either. Other people manage to support themselves doing things that are legal, even people who’ve never seen the inside of a university. They work in shops and restaurants; they deliver pizzas and flowers and packages; they change oil and sack groceries and cut grass. There are jobs out there that don’t involve swapping body fluids with strangers, but Jake said he needed the hours and the money that only this job could give him. So where’s the big expense and what else sucks up all of his time, leaving him with only a few hours free on the weekend to make a paycheck?
Heath stews on it while he lifts and pushes, beads of sweat sliding down his forehead and into his eyes, one more thing to irritate him when he’s already pushed to the limit. It’s his own fault he doesn’t know anything. He should’ve asked Jake more questions, should’ve tried to find out more about his life - should’ve asked for his goddamned phone number for sure, but it’s like he’s been in some mindless sexual stupor for the last few weeks and could never force his brains to work beyond the end of his dick.
Now suddenly he’s in love with this guy who he knows next to nothing about and how is that even possible? Aren’t you supposed to fall in love because the person you care about is irresistible, both body and soul? And while he knows enough about Jake’s body to definitely be in love with it, he knows virtually nothing about his soul, so can he really, truly be in love? Maybe it’s just lust or infatuation, or gratitude for good sex wrapped up in a red bow like a cheap gas station rose that’s only pretty until the real deal comes along, two dozen long-stemmed beauties in a gold foil box, nestled in tissue paper, tight, dewy buds just starting to open, sweet scent and baby’s breath and waxy green leaves….
Maybe what he feels for Jake is just a cheap imitation and he’s too desperate to know any better. Maybe if he gave himself a chance to meet someone else, he’d realize what an idiot he’s suddenly become.
The one thing he does know is that it’s Friday night and Jake’s probably at work, sucking some random stranger off or maybe even spread out in a bathroom stall, riding some guy’s cock. Just thinking about it makes Heath’s blood pressure shoot up, even though Jake said he doesn’t get any joy out of it and Heath believes him. He’s been around twice when Jake was on the job and neither time seemed like any fun for Jake, but it doesn’t change the fact that some other guy is touching him, putting his hands on him, staring down at the spot where his dick is pounding into Jake’s body, and the guy’s getting off on it, making sure he gets every penny of his money’s worth.
Even if Jake isn’t getting any pleasure from it, the other guy is and Heath doesn’t like it. He’s jealous and he’s pissed and he’s powerless to do anything but get over himself because Jake isn’t going to quit. That leaves Heath with two choices: deal with it or don’t. If he plays hardball, he’s going to lose everything, and while Ethan and Anne would tell him that at this stage of the game he’s better off playing fast and loose, Heath doesn’t agree. He doesn’t want to go shopping for another guy to fuck. He just wants to fuck the guy he’s already found, cheap imitation or not. But in order to do that, he has to share.
Ethan’s words keep replaying in his mind. It’s way too early to be thinking about settling down. The thinking part of his brain can actually acknowledge that even as his inner caveman wants to drag Jake back to his bed and never let him leave again. That scenario will never fly, though, and Heath’s shooting himself in the foot - or more literally, the dick - if he keeps on trying to sell it.
Dream or no dream, Jake probably isn’t his soul mate. He’s just the first guy to get Heath’s attention long enough to drag him out of a lifetime of oblivion. No matter what he does now, six months from now they will most likely be yesterday’s news. In the meantime, he can enjoy a few months’ worth of awesome sex or he can not: that’s really the only call. What with this situation with his grandmother, a new boyfriend would be more of an inconvenience than anything else anyway. He’s got nothing to offer anyone emotionally. Sex, however, would be excellent, and if he’d rather be having it with Jake than random strangers, that’s his business. It doesn’t have to mean anything long term
Heath forces himself to look at the other people at the gym anyway, just so he can say he tried, makes eye contact with a few guys he notices looking his way and tries to figure out if any of them are interested in him or if they’re just people-watching. With women, he knew the signs, but guys are a whole new animal for him as far as flirting goes and he’s pretty much clueless.
It’s a little easier in the shower afterwards, when he turns around to get his towel and catches a dude very clearly checking out his ass. The guy doesn’t look away and Heath holds his gaze for a few seconds, but while he’s nice enough to look at, he does nothing for Heath and Heath isn’t interested in faking it with some dude any more than he was interested in faking it with women. He wraps his towel around his hips and turns away and by the time he turns around again, the man is gone.
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