Things.
Let's see.
In the past 12 hours I have had a truely massive fight with Mel which will take me the better part of a year to make up for and for which I am not going to be talking to her this week save for waking her in the morning and whenever she feels like speaking to me *totally deserved, I was a total jackass and am ashamed beyond words for yelling at her when she needed my reasurance she was safe* My parents have decided that it is alright to not bother telling anyone that there is a back portch of broken Lightglobe that hasn't been cleaned up even though they have known since they left for work and it would have been easy to walk back into the house and alert us to the danger and had Mother dearest abuse me on a voicemail message because I forgot to take my mobile off scilent after going to the movies last night.
Yeah... I'M DOING JUST FUCKING GREAT!!!
I don't know which has me worse off today. The fact that I have helped almost break the woman I love or the fact that my own parants don't even care if my brother and I step in shards of broken glass and bleed to death.
What's going on??? What's happened to me? It's like all the work I've put into my mind and personal well-being over the last year has been slowly eaten away by god knows what. I'm a mess of anger and frustration and I have no reason to be. What's worse I am taking it out on the people who least deserve it. I try to stop it, I try to stem the flow of badness before it comes out but I just can't. I really hurt Mel today and it scares me beyond anything I have ever felt before that I am still capable of such stupidity.
I don't know... Maybe I just need to take some time and work through it. I really haven't done that much lately. Been too busy trying to ignore the problems with silly things that distract my mind from the fact I am slipping backwards.