A Post About My Truest Feelings
Today I have had the most amazing feeling in the world which I cannot possibly discribe in words, but still have the overwhelming desire to shout and sing and talk and write about. The closest word I think I can possibly find is 'epiphany', but I don't think it comes anywhere near discibing how I really feel. It's not a small feeling, or something that even refers to just the here and now, but more something that I feel has been building for a long time. At first I thought it was a feeling that had been building all afternoon, then all day, then all weekend then all week and now I think its been building my entire life. And when it happened today and for the last week building up to this moment the time has felt right, like the one moment, that one exact moment in time when everything was perfect, everything was wonderful, everything is the way it was supposed to be and I felt like I truely knew myself more than I ever have done before and I began to cry the most wonderful tears of joy that I have ever had. At first I thought they were tears of sadness, but I couldn't understand it because they were triggered by a random sad episode of a DVD that was nowhere near as sad as the amount I was crying, but it got me thinking about the sad things in life in general, which have been coming into my mind a lot really, but I could not make sense of any of it, I could not work out what my true feelings really were. Now I can. It is the feeling that no matter what happens in my life, everything will be ok because I have so many people who love me, and I love them too, with all my heart.
I love the people who matter most to me, I love the people I have just met, I love the casual aquatences, I love the people who stress me out, I love the world and all the people in it. I love the good in everybody, even if I can not see it. I love the friends I haven't seen for years and the friends I see every day. I love my boyfriend, the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with, who makes my life complete. I love my brother who has been there in the hardest parts of my life and made me smile through everything. When I think of all the times me and him have spent together over the years when he has made everything seem alright just by being there I wish that now he could feel the way he has made me feel my entire life. He is the sunshine in the darkest corner of my soul, the light that chases away all of the darkness completely. I can't imagine what my life would be without him in it. I wish I could tell him this in person, but I could never find the words. He means too much to me for the words to come to me. Instead I will say this as if the whole universe was listening: I have the most wonderful brother that there could possibly be. I don't think there is more I could say than that, because I could never truely describe what he means to me. I love my parents who gave me the most amazing gift I have ever recieved of such a wonderful person in my life; My mother who has done so many things for so many years, who I have tried time and again to tell her how much she means to me and always fallen short because I feel I could never repay her for all she's done for me; and my father who I have never found myself as able to talk to, but I always felt that he's given me so much more than words, but has simply been there in a way that lets me know he's always there for me no matter what.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family, such wonderful friends and such a wonderful life despite all the bad things that have happened. I wish everyone could feel as happy and contented as I do right now. And whereas tomorrow I may not feel this quite as vividly as I do right now I will never forget this feeling and I do not worry about what the rest of the world has to say about me.
It feels right to post this on LiveJournal, even though I have not posted for so long, as this page has witnessed so many emotional lows of my life and I think that this feeling balences out them all.
I love the people who matter most to me, I love the people I have just met, I love the casual aquatences, I love the people who stress me out, I love the world and all the people in it. I love the good in everybody, even if I can not see it. I love the friends I haven't seen for years and the friends I see every day. I love my boyfriend, the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with, who makes my life complete. I love my brother who has been there in the hardest parts of my life and made me smile through everything. When I think of all the times me and him have spent together over the years when he has made everything seem alright just by being there I wish that now he could feel the way he has made me feel my entire life. He is the sunshine in the darkest corner of my soul, the light that chases away all of the darkness completely. I can't imagine what my life would be without him in it. I wish I could tell him this in person, but I could never find the words. He means too much to me for the words to come to me. Instead I will say this as if the whole universe was listening: I have the most wonderful brother that there could possibly be. I don't think there is more I could say than that, because I could never truely describe what he means to me. I love my parents who gave me the most amazing gift I have ever recieved of such a wonderful person in my life; My mother who has done so many things for so many years, who I have tried time and again to tell her how much she means to me and always fallen short because I feel I could never repay her for all she's done for me; and my father who I have never found myself as able to talk to, but I always felt that he's given me so much more than words, but has simply been there in a way that lets me know he's always there for me no matter what.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family, such wonderful friends and such a wonderful life despite all the bad things that have happened. I wish everyone could feel as happy and contented as I do right now. And whereas tomorrow I may not feel this quite as vividly as I do right now I will never forget this feeling and I do not worry about what the rest of the world has to say about me.
It feels right to post this on LiveJournal, even though I have not posted for so long, as this page has witnessed so many emotional lows of my life and I think that this feeling balences out them all.