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[whitelikejesus]

A friend of mine at school gave me a theory on women I never before considered: she said that the reason a lot of them date asshole guys is the expectation of rough sex. Nice guys are great for dates and treating women like princesses outside of the bedroom, but when it comes down to sex they can't deliver. The reason being they won't 'slam me up

Comments

[madfishmonger]

no, women date asshole guys because they have no self-esteem. women aren't really taught or encouraged to be assertive or have a positive self-image, so it's really a very common thing. women aren't taught to know and understand what they want in a relationship, and how to assert themselves when they're not getting it. they're taught to put up with it, and try to manipulate or change the man into what they want.

and no, asshole guys and good sex do not come hand-in-hand. yes, they are more likely to be rough with you, but that tends to extend beyond the bedroom (and i do include emotional roughness here, not just physical). it is true that there aren't a lot of guys who are assertive and thoughtful and caring and rough (and good) in bed, that's true, but that's again a product of gender stereotyping. men who are kind and sweet aren't also often encouraged to also be men, which is, really, what a woman wants.

[whitelikejesus]

So women want the jar opening, lightbulb changing sink fixing type? What does it mean to be a man? To be a provider? Helpful in the kitchen?

Also, you think it's possible a woman with a high self esteem can still be attracted to an asshole, for reasons previously mentioned? I'm sure there's exceptions to everything, even just going by the varied opinions in this journal entry.

[arydne]

chicks date assholes because they have confidence. confidence is the number one most attactive quality a person can possess. nice guys are too nice. you know they will do whatever you say, be whatever you want, it's boring. an asshole is somewhat exiting. secrety chicks do want to be forced, ever read a romance novel? they connect these men to the men in those novels and see them as dangerous, exiting, something your parents would hate, rebels. that's got a hell of a lot more sex appeal then mr goody two shoes with his fucking flowers and chocolates.

just my thoughts.

[whitelikejesus]

Thanks for the thoughts, I appreciate the honesty. I guess confidence is what separates friends from friends-with-benefits. :)

I can see some people not wanting to be perceived as a whore or a slut or whatnot just because they like rough sex, even though the two don't go hand in hand by any means. It's surprising that a lot of women think this way, or at least some of the ones I've talked to. They're kind of stuck because they don't want to break off a relationship with a nice guy who treats them right due to sex...but sex is an extremely important factor.

[cakkafracle]

hmm, who 's this friend :)

[whitelikejesus]

She's taken. :(

[prizypussypants]

There are different types of assholes, and different types of nice guys. I think Ardyne and Madfishmonger are both right in some ways. Women are often attracted to men with high confidence. Some women end up in relationships with assholes because they don't have the self esteem to leave. Assholes are often very charming, but aren't pushed around in what they do or believe. Nice guys are more often easily swayed, or are nice because they (sometimes always) bend to meet what they feel or know their partners want. In the end, either side of the coin can really suck to be dating

[whitelikejesus]

Wow, I'm learning a lot here....about men and women. Thanks a bunch.

I don't really have much more to say other than what I've already said to others, but that's because I'm reading more than I want to be typing...and I don't have any questions left for now.