Tales Told Out of Turn Part 3
Title: Tales Told Out of Turn Part 3/?
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Pairing/Grouping: House/Wilson/Chase
Disclaimer: Don't own them, as we all know.
Crossover w/Stargate: Atlantis (you don't need to know much about Stargate to get this fic.)
Summary: House spent way too much time moving around the world as a child and some places had more interesting people than others. How much trouble can a childhood friend cause?
Warnings: Hurt!Chase makes an appearance, although the harm is done prior to this fic. Mentions are made, but no graphic discriptitions. (And I fix him, so it's really about the healing not the hurt.)
Beta:
(Part 2)
***
"Well, House, I see your bedside manner hasn’t improved." Cuddy stepped into the room and picked up John’s chart.
"Hasn’t gotten any worse."
"True. I hear that Mr. McKay…"
"Doctor!" said Rodney and John.
House dropped his head as he barely grinned. Cuddy blinked and frowned.
"You’ve a medical degree?"
Rodney cocked his head. "What? Oh, no, I’ve a Ph.D."
"Oh. Okay. Dr. McKay…"
"Call me Rodney."
Cuddy blinked. House ducked his head a little further.
"Okay. Rodney…"
Rodney interrupted again, speaking very quickly, "Does House still call cleavage ‘funbags’ because I always thought that was one of his…"
"McKay!" John yelled.
House bit the inside of his cheek.
Cuddy glared at House. "If I had any questions about whether he’s you in a different body, they were just cleared up."
House raised his eyebrows and plastered on an innocent expression. "How could he be me? That’s medically impossible."
Everyone turned to Rodney as he choked. He quickly cleared his throat.
"Sorry, inhaled wrong." Rodney waved his hand at them. "Go on, go on, foreplay that’s going nowhere is cute."
Cuddy’s eyes widened. John groaned. House smacked Rodney’s bed rail.
"Quit being a total ass."
"Ahhh, but it’s fun."
"I don’t care. I’ll get more clinic hours if you piss her off too much."
"You gotta admit that it’s foreplay. I mean, really…"
"Standing right here!"
Both House and Rodney turned to Cuddy and asked, "So?"
Cuddy blinked and looked at John as he gripped his chest and laughed silently. "Nuclear bombs?"
Rodney and House looked at each other before turning back to Cuddy.
"Technically they were just bombs." Rodney shrugged.
"In grade school?" Cuddy’s voice rose in pitch and volume.
"Would you rather we built them now?" Rodney’s face lit up and he turned to House. "Oh, we could actually make them nuclear. I’m sure you have a radiology department."
Cuddy squeaked.
House’s expression became sadly apologetic. "Wouldn’t work. Not enough material."
Rodney’s expression fell. "Oh." Then he brightened. "Well, you know there’s probably a nuclear sub in Norfolk right now…"
"No!" Cuddy yelled.
House and Rodney burst out laughing. John shook his head fondly.
"Ma’am, maybe you should come back later?"
Cuddy smiled at John. "They’ll probably get worse the longer they’re left together."
John smiled. "True. They are rather dangerous in combination."
"Do you think I should separate them? House does have clinic hours to do and I’m sure that Rodney could use a nap."
"Hey, lying right here!"
Cuddy and John looked at Rodney and responded with, "So?"
House’s shoulders shook in silent laughter. Rodney glared at him.
"You’re no help."
House sniffed. "I’m too good to be help."
Rodney shook his head fondly. "The crap you remember."
"What are you talking about?" asked Cuddy as she picked up Rodney’s chart.
"Oh, my mother always considered House to be too low on the social scale to be my friend." Rodney grimaced. "He’d always sniff and tell her he was too good to be the help. It got to be a big joke."
House thumped his cane on the floor hard. "Still remember how horrible you were to your maid."
Rodney glared at House. "Oh, please, she was an idiot. Plus, she used to give me hives."
"You got hives, one time, because you couldn’t tell an orange from an apple."
"It wasn’t my fault they’d food colored them for that thing, whatever it was."
"Talent show."
"Oh, yeah, right. Always hated that."
House smiled. "Thus why you were always the one who had to be bribed into doing it."
"Hey, I wasn’t the only one who had to be bribed. I remember, you got extra allowance or something."
"Extra books."
"Right. And I never did hear how you managed to convince them to let you do magic tricks."
"They didn’t think I could actually make the teacher disappear."
"I’d still like to know how you managed that."
House smiled and twirled his cane. "Magic."
Rodney made a rude noise. "Oh, please, you don’t manage to make the teacher disappear and still be onstage when she comes tearing out from the side door and runs through the crowd in her underwear screaming about the hounds of hell with magic. Really, come on, how’d you do it?"
"You offered me your telescope for this back then, what are you offering now?"
Rodney thought for a moment. "I could offer you John. He fetches a pretty price with the ladies."
"Hey!"
House leered at John for a moment before turning back to Rodney. "No, the hair is too crazy. What else you got?"
"Ahhhwa, but he’s really squishy in all the right places. You’d like."
John’s eyebrows climbed. Cuddy looked like she was trying to figure out how best to flee.
House shook his head. "I don’t even want to know how you know that. Besides, taken, remember?"
"Oh, please, it’s not like that. The brute’s thrown me down to keep me alive before. Lands hard on the people he’s trying to save too."
"Hey, this brute is going to reconsider saving you the next time if you keep it up."
Rodney turned to Cuddy, who was still gaping from the ‘taken’ comment of House’s. "You’d think he’d remember all the times I saved his ass and be grateful."
"You’d think you’d remember all the times I’ve not only saved your ass, but kept it from getting beaten to a pulp because of your mouth."
Rodney leaned to be able to see John around Cuddy. "I can’t believe you pay attention to my mouth."
"I pay attention to a lot of you, Rodney. I can’t believe you called me squishy!"
"I meant it in a good way."
John covered his eyes and shook his head. "Do you have as much trouble with Dr. House as I do with McKay?"
Cuddy looked between the innocent expressions both House and Rodney were sporting. "Oh, you have it easy."
Rodney leaned over and muttered to House loud enough for everyone to hear, "Not as easy as John could have it."
House laughed out loud. Cuddy gaped at this, this, happy person that looked like one of her department heads. John just buried his face in both hands and groaned.
They all turned to look when a throat cleared from beside the door.
"Dr. Wilson said you wanted me to come back here after lunch."
House nodded. "You sit with them. Remember what I said about letting people in the room." House stood up and tapped his cane on the floor. "Rodney, no killing my wombat."
Rodney blinked, cocked his head for a moment, and then slowly nodded. "Okay, sure, no killing."
House herded a stunned Cuddy out of the room. Just as he turned to pull the door closed, he popped his head back into the room. "Chase, no killing, maiming, or hitting. No matter how annoying he gets."
Chase waved a hand at him. "I’ve not done anything to you yet. He’ll be fine."
****
Cuddy waited until House had closed the door before latching onto his elbow and dragging him down the hall. She could see that House was tempted to hit her for going faster than he wanted. She sped up.
"What the hell was that?"
House smirked. "That was Rodney McKay. Wasn’t it fun?"
Cuddy stopped at turned to stare at House. "Fun? Fun! You and fun don’t go into the same sentence."
House snorted and started down the hall again, but at his own speed. "Oh, for fuck’s sake, Cuddy. He was the most interesting person I’d ever met up until I met Wilson. Get over it."
Cuddy pulled on her lab coat as she hurried to follow him. "You really built a nuclear bomb in grade school?"
House shook his head. "Not nuclear, just a bomb. It was cool."
"Did you blow it up?"
House grinned. "Oh, no. We just bobby-trapped it to the CIA guys’ car. Could have blown, but it didn’t. Shame, really. CIA chunks would have made really cool splatter patterns."
Cuddy stopped walking for a moment and then hurried to catch up. "I hate that you can still shock me."
House turned his head and smirked at her as he opened the door to his office. "You’re too easy."
Cuddy followed him in and watched as he eased into his office chair. "You do know that Chase is slated for ICU in four days, right?"
House nodded. "Any way to get the bastard moved by then?"
Cuddy shook her head. "No. I will make sure that there’s someone to handle him so that Chase won’t have to even be in the same room."
House frowned and began to fidget with the Game Boy on his desk. "You still going to force the psychology crap on him?"
"Luckily, no. Chase hasn’t had any problems besides the one incident with the patient that came in drunk that second week. Since everyone wanted to punch him and the man doesn’t even remember it to be able to raise a fuss, I’m not going to worry about it." Cuddy stopped House’s fidgeting hand. "He’s doing better: less jumpy, less likely to startle. I’m not going to force him into something that might not help."
House pulled his hand out from under Cuddy’s. "Wouldn’t help. He’s doing fine."
Cuddy cocked her head. "You only see him during the day, House. How would you have any idea how he really is?"
House sighed and stood up. "Come on."
Cuddy followed House down the hall and into Wilson’s office.
"House, I don’t have…Oh, hello."
Cuddy smiled. "Hi."
House sat in his usual chair. Cuddy took the chair Wilson offered her before he sat back down at his desk and looked between them expectantly.
"Well?"
House thumped his cane against the floor. "We need to tell her."
Wilson’s eyebrows rose. "I thought we’d agreed that everyone fended for themselves. And don’t you have a bet going on this?"
House grinned. "Yeah."
Wilson propped his head on his hand. "I thought Chase had Cuddy finding out first."
House’s grin grew. "Yeah."
"That’d mean you’d lose."
House nodded as his grin grew even wider. "I know."
Wilson rubbed the back of his neck. "I thought you had to give Chase…oh. Ooooh. Okay, I get it, but he’s going to say you cheated."
House batted his eyelashes. "Are you going to tattle on me, Jimmy?"
Wilson snapped up one of the stuffed animals residing on the corner of his desk and threw it at House.
Cuddy reached out and snatched the stuffed toy from House before he could throw it back. "Tell me what?"
Wilson blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, well, hum…Actually." Wilson took a deep breath. "House will tell you."
"You are such a coward." House turned to Cuddy. "Wilson, Chase, and I have been having hot monkey sex for about…eight…yeah, eight months now."
Cuddy blinked, stared, and blinked. House and Wilson exchanged glances and House reached out to wave his hand in front of Cuddy’s face. Cuddy snapped her head back and batted House’s hand away. "Oh, ha ha. Did Rodney put you up to this?"
House burst out laughing. Wilson dropped his head to his desk. Cuddy looked between the two several times before House caught his breath.
"Oh, that’s too cool. I’m so glad I’m this is getting recorded."
Wilson’s head popped up. "Recorded, did you just say recorded?"
House brushed his eyes as he nodded and chuckled. "Yeah. Isn’t spy technology fun?"
Wilson dropped his head back down with a resounding thud. "Oh, shit."
Cuddy frowned. "He’s not serious, is he?"
Wilson didn’t move as he answered, "About the camera? Maybe. About the relationship? He’s serious. No one knows why Chase and I haven’t killed him yet."
House thumped his cane on the floor. "It’s because you love me."
Wilson brought his head off the desk about an inch and dropped it down again. "Again, no one knows why."
"Not a joke?"
House turned to Cuddy. "Are you broken?"
Cuddy shook her head. "Yes. Very. What the hell were you thinking?"
House blinked. Wilson brought his head up and furrowed his eyebrows.
"What?"
Cuddy waved her hands around. "You can’t just tell someone this kind of thing without at least warning Chase that I’m about to find out."
House and Wilson exchanged a look. House leaned forward. "You think she has a reset button?"
Cuddy snatched up one of Wilson’s files and smacked House over the head. "Shut up and tell me why the hell you didn’t warn Chase before you told me."
House rubbed the top of his head as he leaned back out of range. "How exactly can I shut up and tell you anything?"
Cuddy threw up her hands. "Ugh!" She turned to Wilson. "Well?"
Wilson shrugged. "He wins the bet. Considering what he gets, I don’t think he’ll mind that House didn’t mention it beforehand."
"What’s he get?"
Wilson blinked. "Oh, uh… you really don’t want to know."
****
(Part 4)
recrudescence