30+0 Dear progeny
The age old question. Where one moment I think of you as tissue (borderline viability rules persist), and of pregnancy up until perhaps this point, as a stage women go through in life that separates them from "single"/child free (I prefer the terminology free on purpose) to "not single" and there being another thing in this world whereby my existence is predicated on another beyond that of my parents or, I suppose my partners/pretty much husband except there's no paper proof.
It's a different relationship whereby, due to your lack of independence and experience the true identity of "dependent" will be borne. Such that you will be wholly dependent for me, for everything - health and education. Probably not forever. But the age at which this link ends is as grey as discussing what type of blue (or green?) the ocean is.
Dear future dependent,
my only wish is that when you grow older you will be useful to society and secure enough in yourself mentally that you can navigate the world as you wish. Aiming for financial dependence is a nice goal, but not at the expense of your health, your values or those around you. Be sensible and don't become a nuisance.
List of people who fall into this category:
drug addicts (that includes alcohol)
anti-vaxxer
body dysmorphic
morbidly obese
perpetually suicidal
someone who complains a lot about their situation (whatever it may be).
Treat those who are on the list above with pity and be mindful of their situation. It's a terrible one - and if your not that list then I'd see that as good fortune. Mental health concerns sit on both side of your genetic tree so the risk for depression/ anxiety/schizophrenia or schizo-affective disorder is defiantly there. As is diabetes, heart disease, hypertension and overweight/obesity.
Average and normal is overrated. As is balance and avoidance of extreemes (extremes of ideas, extremes of lifestyles, extremes of diet... ).
I may be old fashioned and not a creative person - so if you can escape the traps of genetics (whereby both your father and I are pretty similar in that regard)- then I would see that as a good thing. Simple and boring is best and underrated. Freedom to choose is a freedom mostly the rich can afford- and you will always be rich, in resources afforded to you by the hard work of your grandparents- and hence, the hard work of myself in ensuring those can be available to ensure that you face less hardship in that regard.
Push yourself to do the hardest thing first. Even if you think it may be beyond you, try anyways. It is always better to try and fail rather than not have tried and just decide its not for you (except in the situation of drugs... that's just asking for trouble). You may be surprised with what you can achieve, I think, I've managed to surprise myself multiple times over and at the end of the day - it'll bring you confidence that you didn't know existed.
Avoid stagnation. Put yourself first. Work will always push for their agenda - after all, they don't know your needs like you know yourself. No one will be able to put yourself first like you can. So don't expect others to think of you, if you don't stand up and advocate for yourself - then no one will. Money isn't everything and saving for that rainy day - will give you the freedom (and power) to be more flexible. I hope to pass on the frugal skills of your ancestors.
Careful who you are friends with. I'll try to provide you with a sibling but we'll see if that's possible. Family will always help you but friends always have their own families. When your an only child you tend to see friends on equal footing as family and then be hurt when you realise that they don't see it the same way. That's unavoidable. Only only-children understand this hurt and we can all see that it's natural, and unavoidable. If your not on good terms with your sibling then I can't fix that one. That'll be up to you to negotiate that path.
Education is essential and something you can't buy and can only be won with hard work, no matter how "clever" you are. If your smart, use your brains and work harder. And if your average (like me), work harder and you'll see it pay off. If your slower than most, once again. You'll have to work hard. Smart or not - education is hard work. Simple answers and just expecting things to "flow into" your brain- isn't hard work or education. It's propaganda or misinformation - don't fall into those traps. Trust those who have worked tirelessly for years to foster a result that's tried and true. Be one of those and contribute to the answer.
Other than that, if I'm being a pest, put up with that as best as you can. It only means I care enough to make a fuss or advocate on your behalf. Don't be surprised if I take advantage of any benefit you derive from your work or living situation -for example, if you move to xyz country overseas- expect me to be a frequent visitor to your country as an excuse to travel. I grew up with an Asian mother - they have no boundaries when it comes to visiting. I'll probably be no different. Your father has to put up with my mother so you can talk to him about it.
I agree that the relationship you pick up from your father and I will set up your own life long relationships with others of the opposite sex and/or your future mother/father in-law. I promise to make it as simple and easy of one to deal with. Financial stability gives a relationship one less thing to deal with, and is another reason to be careful with your money- and chose a partner who agrees more or less similarly on this point.
There isn't much to add. I hope your clever and easy-going and if your like your father then I'd see that as a good thing. My mother used to say that about me, when it seemed to be a negative attribute but I chose your father for a reason so if I ever tell you your like your father, see it as a positive.
xx